[angst ft hunhan]

Sehun ran like he had never ran before, he didn’t care if he was in a suit and running like a madman didn’t fit his image. He didn’t care about people’s opinions now, there were other more important things at stake.

It was like a bolt out of the blue when he received the phone call from the hospital informing him that Luhan was involved in a car accident. He swore that his heart stopped and before he realised it, he was running to the hospital that Luhan was sent to.

He could feel the beads of sweat rolling down from his forehead, his lungs hurt and his legs almost gave way but he couldn’t stop not until he was beside Luhan. All those memories of Luhan flashed past his mind like how Luhan had kissed him on his lips before he left for work this morning or the times where Luhan simply place his head on his chest, letting Sehun's heartbeat lulled him to sleep. 

The unfairness of this situation made Sehun raged, they didn’t have each other long enough. He still wanted to wake up to Luhan smiling at him, he still wanted see the dreamy look on Luhan's face whenever he kissed him but most of all, he still hadn't showed Luhan just how much he meant to him.

Too short, far too short.

The day went as usual for Luhan as he ride his bicycle to his workplace but all it took was for one drunk driver to change his life forever. He heard the shout, the screaming, the screeching of the tires and as much as he willed himself to move, it was too late.

The next thing he knew, he was on the floor and his vision blurred from the smoke. There were sirens in the background and his body hurt everyway, he could feel something warm trickling down from his forehead. 

But those didn’t matter when an image of Sehun smiling at him appeared in his mind and Luhan could feel the tears rolling down from his eyes when he realised that he will never be able to see Sehun again. He will never be able to listen to Sehun’s heartbeat at night nor kissed him on his lips and it wasn’t fair.

What did he do to deserve this? Their time together was far too short and God just had to take away the best thing that ever happened to him. Slowly, he could feel himself losing consciousness and his vision grew even more unclear before darkness overtook him. 

Sorry, I am sorry for leaving first.

Arriving at the hospital, Sehun headed straight to the reception to ask for the whereabouts of Luhan. He was informed that the doctors were operating on him and before the nurse could finish her sentence, Sehun was already running to the operation theatre.

It was then when his legs finally gave way as he collapsed to the floor but his heart still hadn’t stopped pounding as the numbness spread through him at the prospect of facing his life without Luhan by his side. 

For someone who never believed in the existence of God, Sehun prayed for the first time in his life. He didn’t pray for himself but for Luhan, the man who he loved with all his heart. If his prayers were heard and God decided to have mercy on him, he was willing to give up everything. Luhan was worth everything Sehun had and more. 

Be it his wealth, his career or even his life because the thought of not having Luhan anymore made his heart sank. How was it possible to get through his life when the reason for his living wasn’t around anymore? Therefore, he prayed for God to be kind, he prayed for God to not take Luhan away and allowed Sehun to keep him a little while more.

With all of his heart, Sehun prayed and prayed until the doctors came out of the operation theatre.

Placing the blue irises that Luhan loved on his gravestone, Sehun sat down on the floor. It had been two years since he was informed by the doctors that they had tried their best. He remembered how he had raged, he remembered how he withdrew himself afterward because the pain was too much for him to bear.

He drank himself to sleep every night, he didn’t want to face anyone nor see the pity in their eyes, and it was just too much for him. In just one day, his world went through a drastic change and there was no stopping it. His prayers weren’t answered after all and Sehun had never wished so badly that that he could turn back time. If he could, he would devote himself to God and perhaps, God would take pity on him and not take Luhan away.

Eventually, he started to walk out by himself because he knew that Luhan won’t want to see himself like this. Even if Luhan wasn't by his side, he still couldn't bear to make the male sad.  He started to numb himself with work, he went out and socialise again but when night fall, he would lie awake on his bed and dropped his façade. The sadness never really go away nor the missing and the yearning as well as the regrets, Sehun just learnt how to bury it in himself. 

Otherwise, the loneliness was enough to drive him crazy and the yearning was enough to drive him to drink. Something which Luhan won't want for him. Luhan wanted him to smile and be happy, not drowned himself in sorrows and regrets. 

Swallowing past the lump in his throat, he cleaned Luhan’s photo tenderly. “How have you been? I hope that you are doing well wherever you are.”

Closing his eyes to get his emotions under control, his voice was almost a whisper when he spoke again. “It hasn’t been easy at first but I am slowly healing or as much as I can because it is impossible to not miss you. But just know this, the first thought I have in the morning is of you and my last thought before I go to sleep is of you as well.”

Standing up, Sehun dusted his pants as he stared intently at Luhan’s smiling face in the picture. “I love you, I will never regret loving you. I just wished that we have more time together.”

I'll always love you, now and forever. 

*an: this drabble comes about because of this wonderful mv which is really sad. so for those who wasn't aware yet. as per usual, more prompts please? that's all for now. all comments, subscriptions and upvotes are greatly appreciated. 

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