Kyungmi's POV

The knock at the door startles me as soon as I set my things down and turn the TV on. For a minute, I stand in the hallway and just look ahead hoping that the knocking will go away but after a brief pause it starts back up again. I sigh and walk the rest of the way over, forgoing the peep hole to unlock the door. 

"Who is it?-"

Seunghoon looks up, his face clearly surprised that I even opened the door before he composes himself again and coughs slightly. "C-Can I come in and talk to you?"

A part of me wants to shut the door in his face and I actually contemplate doing that as my hand grabs a hold of the doorknob; but I end up nodding anyway and opening the door wider while stepping to the side. He takes his shoes off and puts his things down against the wall before walking further inside while I shut the door.

The air is so awkward that it seems almost suffocating as he takes a seat on the further end of the couch. For a while we don't even say anything to each other and part of me is afraid to even make eye contact with him after everything. My hands itch in my lap after I sit down and part of me wishes that I wouldn't have invitied him inside but the other part of me knows it was inevitable.

The Return of Superman is just ending as the credits roll out and the theme music plays, my eyes shift up and I can almost hear the whiring of the fan when Seunghoon finally speaks up.

"How have you been? It's-It's been awhile," he says quietly.

From my peripheal he's looking down in his lap and fidgeting with his hands just as I am and I don't think I can ever recall us being this awkward around each other.

"I've been okay," I hummed. "How about you?"

 "Same,"

We fall back into a brief moment of silence and look away before my gaze travels back and I clear my throat. "How's your back? Have you been taking your medication?"

"Yeah I have, we've mostly been doing fan signs so it's not a lot of pressure on me,"

When I nod, he looks over at me briefly and swallows loudly. "School?"

"The usual,"

I leave out the part on Sihoo, not ready to deal with his reaction on what he would think about all of this and instead mess with the side of my pants. The silence feels like it's thickening and I want to run away, I want to leave and get as far away as possible but so many things are different now and I can't keep running from things.

I don't know how many minutes pass when we don't say anything to each other but eventually Seunghoon gets up from his spot on the couch and walks over until he's standing in front of me and kneels down by my legs.

"I'm sorry Kyungmi-"

"What are you doing?" I sit up. "Get off the floor-"

"No Seunghoon listen-"

"NO you listen to me, " he stresses. "Just hear me out for what I have to say,"

I try to grab his arms to haul him up but his hands grasp onto the back of my legs and clutch the material of my jeans tightly to make sure I don't move. 

"Stop," 

Seunghoon shakes his head and looks down before lifting his head back up with this sullen look in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm infinitely sorry, eternally sorry for what I did. I know that all I've been doing is apologizing to you and saying how this is all my fault and I deserve this and I do- but believe me when I say how much this hurts,"

His voice is thick, laced with sincerity and discomfort and I don't know why but my chest is beginning to hurt and I lock my jaw in place as I blink my eyes. 

"I swear, I swear to you Lee Kyungmi that it wasn't anything. That girl- I never kissed her, I never pursued her, I didn't do anything I don't even like her! She came over to my apartment because I invited her over so I could apologize and she came onto me! She kissed me but I pushed her away and I've been avoiding her since. I didn't tell you because it was nothing, it didn't mean anything to me and I didn't want to worry you. But I was stupid because I let it get out of hand and I should have let you known from the beginning. Of all of it,"

He stares back at me, his adams apple bobbing and I want to slap him. I want to hit him so hard and punch him and make him miserable and I want him to hurt as I much as I did but of all the things I could have done- I shake my head and bring my hands up to cover my eyes. 

"Feel so ing stupid," I mutter. "I feel like an idiot,"

My voice cracks and I don't mean to but I start crying and I try to blink the moisture away from my eyes but it keeps coming. The water slips through the cracks of my fingers and I feel Seunghoon shift until he's pulling my hands away and I twist out of his grasp so he won't see me. 

"Don't cry, stop crying please. I don't want you to cry over me anymore, don't do that anymore,"

"I just hate this," I sob. I try to rub at my face and wipe away at the water on my face, but breathing is becoming hard and I can't stop my shoulders from shaking as I continue crying. 

"I hate how this happened- I hate how you didn't tell me anything and you let this go on. I hate you and I hate her," I whimper. I pull my hands away and start hitting his chest, my punches painless and useless but I keep hitting him and I keep crying until I can't anymore. Until my eyes are burning and I don't have anymore energy but to slump against him.

"Punk!"

"You !"

I keep hitting him with my cries growing louder until he grabs a hold of my wrists and pulls me forward. I struggle against him until he wraps my arms around his neck and pulls me closer in order to hold me. His fingers dig into my sides and it hurts but it's comforting because it's Seunghoon holding me.

It's Seunghoon's hands, it's him I smell and it's his body and everything is rushing back so fast and so hard that it's becoming difficult for me to keep up.

"Stop crying, don't cry over me anymore,"

I shake my head against the side of his neck and I feel him shift back until he's looking down at me and puts a finger underneath my chin to lift it up. "Hey," he whsipers. "Look at me,"

I refuse to cast my eyes upward and he wipes away the water on my face and uses the sleeve of his shirt to dry my nose before lowering himself down to look at me.

"Kyungmi,"

"Don't-"

"I'm so sorry I let all of this happen. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about all of this but I swear, " he grabs the side of my face and stares into my eyes. "I swear that's what happened and she meant nothing absolutely NOTHING to me,"

He wipes my cheeks gently and I sniffle quietly before blinking the moisture out of my eyes. "I'm sorry too- for- for blowing things out of proportion,"

"You didn't blow anything out of proportion, I didn't tell you the truth,"

"I know but still, I should have let you explain everything but I was so mad at you-"

"I know, you don't have to say anymore,"

"Okay," I nod my head.

He smiles slightly and somehow my chest doesn't feel so tight anymore and my heart doesn't hurt as bad as it did earlier. When I exhale, Seunghoon leans close enough that our foreheads are touching and he closes his eyes as the silence grows comfortable between us.

"Can I please please kiss you Kyungmi?" he whispers.

"Since when have you ever had to ask me?"

One of his eyes open and he furrows an eyebrow at me until I stare pointedly at him and nudge the tips of our noses together. "Okay," he smiles breathly.

His nose runs along the plane of my cheek and it doesn't stop until I feel the brush of his eyelids against mine and his breath fan across my lips. Almost instinctively my eyelids flutter shut and I wait, my heart thundering inside my chest and I'm embarassed because he should be able to hear it and I want to say something but that all completely goes away when his lips touch mine.

It's so soft, so gentle at first that I think that he's waiting for me- waiting for what my reaction will be but I respond. I kiss him back with vigor and I pull him forward until my back is sinking into the couch and his body is looming over mine. Our lips don't leave each others and our hands find one another's through the tangling and fumbling. 

He kneels on the couch at an awkward angle and we both laugh momentarily before I'm tugging him back down. It feels good. It feels so good to be kissing him again and my brain practically sings out for him when he opens his mouth and pushes his tongue against mine for entrance. 

Only a few more presses and a little whining on his part before I finally give in and welcome it as we battle for dominance with me eventually succumbing. I tug on the ends of his hair and pull him closer, closer than possible and his hands find purchase on my waist, while he starts rubbing circles into my skin. 

Eventually his lips move to my eyes where he kisses my eyelids, then my nose, my forehead and finally my neck. "I," kiss underneath my ear. "Love," a kiss to the base of my throat. "You," he breathes against my pulse. 

Seunghoon pulls back and I open my eyes to stare back at him, our eyes unmoving but our smiles wide enough to blind one another. I want to clutch my heart through my shirt and I think I may need medical attention in the future because everything hurts but in a good way. A really good way.

"I love you too," I whisper. 

His eyes turn into crescents and I blush before he's leaning down and scooping me into his arms and putting me over his shoulder like a sack of rice. 

"Hoon!" I shriek. "Put me down,"

His laugh vibrates through his entire body until he's carrying me down the hallway to my bedroom and I hit his back and tug on the back of his shirt but he only pushes the door to my room open and tosses me down on the bed as I bounce up and down.

"Sorry," he chuckles when I glare his way.

When he climbs onto the bed, the mattress dips with his weight and he crawls over until he's on top of me and rests his arms on either side of my head while I grab a hold of his shoulders.

The only light in the room comes from the lamp next to my bed and it's faint so only parts of his face are bathed in light and the rest shadowed by the darkness, leaving my hands to map out everything else. Down his arms, across his chest, up the sides of his neck and down the trail of his back as he makes a deep noise in his throat and presses his lips to mine.

"Don't break up with me again," he breathes lightly.

My eyelids flutter and his hand caresses the side of my cheek as I lean into it. "Don't ever hurt me again,"

"I promise,"

He kisses me softly and I nibble on his bottom lip gently until he pulls away and rests his head back on my chest. I try to calm my heartbeat down and lift my hands up to through his hair in the darkness. We lay in complete silence for awhile, until eventually I feel myself nodding off and it isn't until he starts shifting underneath my hands that his weight changes and suddenly his lips are at my neck again.

I hum softly as his lips travel gently across my skin until he's kissing my hairline and both of my eyelids. When I open my eyes, he smiles down warmly at me and I feel my face go red as he chuckles and kisses me again. His fingers skim down the front of my shirt until he's tugging gently at the hem and looks up at me for permission. 

"May I?"

I nod and then gather my voice, sitting up on my elbows a little. "Yeah- Yeah it's okay,"

He pulls the shirt off of me slowly and I take my arms out of the holes before tossing it down on the floor and he stares at me for a long time until I shove his shoulder and he laughs. 

"Sorry, I'll take mine off too okay?"

"Okay," I whisper. 

He slips out of his shirt and has to tug his head through the opening until it pops out and his hair is everywhere and both of us laugh loudly as he ruffles his locks and gets rid of his shirt too. His body is just like the last time I remembered it if not better and I my bottom lip before pulling him closer to kiss him. 

Seunghoon moans in the back of his throat and he wastes no time mapping out everything he can reach with his hands. My back, my stomach, my chest but he's gentle and not pressuring and I feel my toes curl at how much I want more. 

"P-Please. Please c-can we?" I stutter when I pull away. 

"Can we what?"

I blush and avoid his eyes until he kisses my temple and lifts my chin up. "Tell me so I know, don't be embarrassed."

I my lips nervously and my heart is beating so loud that I think he can hear it again and I don't know why I said that but I mean it and I don't care anymore because there's only one thing I want. That I need right now.

"I wa-want you," I mutter. "I want you to make love to me,"

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