So dinner went unusually well. Though the whole time, I could hear Tae Min's sudden snickering, probably still preoocupied by the whole cat/girlfriend fiasco, and I avoided his gaze, by having a staring contest with my food. Most of the time I felt so embarrassed by my assumption, but at some point, I felt joyful since the awkwardness was replaced by something more. 

After that, I offered to clean the dishes, as a thank you for a good meal, but Tae Min vehemently disagreed, explaining that I was a guest here. It went on into a 10 minute agruement, ending it suddenly, when he pulled me close, and he whispered to my ear, "You're still stubborn aren't you?" Making my heart beat a little faster and freezing then and there. He smirked at me, taking the opportunity to shut me up and went to doing the dishes. 

I sighed, even after months of not seeing him, I still feel weak and flustered within his touches. 

Feeling a little defeated, I held the cup of coffee with my two hands, trying to all the warmth exuding from the coffee. I was having happy time, but the time immediately ruined my bubble. It was getting late already, and by the looks of it, he'll send me home, giving on end an this fantastic date. Finishing it with the remark of uncertainty to our future. I was lucky enough to have this chance, all I have to do now is to man up and try to talk to him. I want to explain things to him, but I know deep inside, I was scared, frustrated by the big possibility that within just a minute of talking about our past, he'll immediately dismiss me and might even chase me out faster than a bullet. But at the balk of my head, that little courage I had gave me a push.. 

It was Taecyeon's voice.. He only got weeks left.

That deep gentle voice I had in my memory, when we talked over the phone, clouded my head. It was like a booster, giving me some confidence. I remembered something else, that day when I went to this office, basically begging him to help me. I know it seemed unlikely and impossible for him to agree to it, but he eventually went on with it. Taecyeon gave me a chance. Even without voicing it out, I knew he also wanted to fix things with Tae Min. I thank him a whole lot. I'm not going to waste this chance Taecyeon.

I in a deep breath, ..here it goes.

"I'm sorry.." I said feebly. I held my cup a little tighter, nervously waiting for his answer. But after minutes, only the clinging sound of the dishes were the only thing that can be heard. I took it as an oppotunity to continue. "I'm sorry for what I did months ago. I sorry for all the lying and deception.. I wanted to.." I paused for a while. I could feel my body shaking by all the nervousness his silence gave me. I sighed, wanting to continue even if my voice is already starting to tremble, "Before.. before we started, I already wanted to tell you.. about Taecyeon, but I got fearful, thinking that you'd avoid me and such. That day.. when you saw Taecyeon, my assumption was right. So I decided not to tell you yet. But when we got serious.. I got more frustrated.. and Hara's threats only made it worse. My nights went by with so much stress, assuming that maybe the next day you'll be avoiding me. Believe me.. I wanted to tell you. I wanted to at least plan it smoothly, without you getting hurt.. or worse, breaking us up."

The silence was getting more defeaning, I stared down on my coffee, waiting for him to speak. A lump was already forming at my throat, and I was keeping my tears in check. I needed to at least hold on to this more, I didn't want to end up bursting into tears, clumsily telling him about all my feelings. I didn't want him to make a decision out of pity. 

"No matter how much you plan it out.. either ways we're still going to end up being hurt.." he's tone cold like ice, sending me chills down my spine, "..but I already forgave you noona.. long time ago." He said trying to sound more gentle, but his voice sounded more force. 

"If you.. if you did, then why did you left?" Feeling a little hesistant, I decided to continue my question, "Why didn't you contact me even once? Why Tae Min?" After everything took a wrong turn, and it came to a end where we left me here, this question still bothered after all this time. Every night, I ponder why he left me, what reasons did he have in leaving me, "Why Tae Min?" I pushed my seat and stood up. 

"Eveyday images of you fill my mind.." I stepped closer to the sink. 

"..thinking of places you've been," I said, as I took another step. 

"..the people you've met," I took slow and quick steps, closing the distance between us. 

"..I ached to ask you why leave me Tae Min? Why? When we could've make it work between us." 

I was now standing close to him, facing his back. I could see the little movements his broad back made as we continued doing the dishes. I can feel the warmth emanating from his body. I wanted to touch him, my body ached so badly for wanting to feel him again.. and now, common sense has left me. 

"Because I had to." He answered calmly. 

"Why?" My voice shaking. The tears I continuously battled with, betrayed me, as it fell down and touch my cheeks. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled myself closer to him. I felt his body tensed up with my sudden action, but he didn't do anything, fortunately, he didn't pulled himself off of me. Pushing my luck more, I buried my face on his back, hiding myself as I continued to stain his shirt with my tears. 

"You deserve someone better noona." He said gently, putting his big wam hands on mine. 

"Pabo! You can't decide on that, I'm already in love with you." I retort to his feelings, and I felt his body shook because of his chuckle. Well it was unfair, how could he just leave me, without even talking about how I feel. "Besides, I know that isn't the reason." I already know the answer, the contents of the letter suddenly going on replay inside my head, giving me another set of tears. I hugged him tighter. 

"That's the only reason noona." He said coolly, though he got stiffer, sending me signals that he was obviously lying. 

"You're lying." I saig angrily. "I know-"

"You read the letter didn't you?" He asked. 

"Ne." I said weakly. 

"That night.. when I left that letter, I was still feeling a little hesistant. I was quite convinced that as soon as I look at you, my feelings would come rushing in, and I might not leave anymore. But that night, when I saw you sleeping, your face flushed, and tear stains dry on your cheeks, I knew my decision was right. Leaving you was the better decision noona."

"You're wrong." I said stubbornly. 

"Wrong?! How can I be wrong?" He said furiously, his tone made my answer seem to absurd. "I could only give you a lifetime of tears YoonA! I can't be here anymore, I cant be the one who'll wipe your tears."

"I won't regret anything Tae Min, as long as I can be here with you.. til the end." The last three words felt like acid burning inside my throat, making my heart squeezed out of pain. "Stay with me darling, I'm begging you.." I said desperately.