That night I went home with a heavy feeling and my heart still aching. For the first time, I decided to look at my phone. It was already past midnight and there were like a hundred missed calls. A lot was from YoonA, some were from my mom, noona and Hara. There were even voicemails. I opened those only from my sister and mom. From the sound of their voices, they were quite worried and angry at the same time, especially my mom. 

YoonA temporarily was erased from my mind, since I felt a bit worried about the scolding I was going to get from my mom. I opened the door, and I wasn't surprised to see my mom sitting on the couch looking angry. I wanted to ease the tension, so I apologized first. 

She stood up. "Where have you been? Didn't you know how worried we were? Its the dead of the night, and you didn't even bother looking at your phone." She said furiously. Mom rarely got mad, but sometimes. when we make her so worried or mad about something, she takes action. 

I looked at her and said, "Umma, forgive me. I should've looked at my phone."

But instead of getting furious, her face went softer. She may have saw something that made her switch from her commando mode into a more understanding one. "Aww, Tae Min.." She said, suddenly coming to my side and giving me a hug. 

I stood there like a wooden plank, not responding to her arms wraped around me. My mom's hugged made me feel a little lighter. Like her hugs was one of the cures I was looking for.

"Oh Tae Min.." She said sadly, patting my back. 

"It hurts so bad mom." I said, burring my head on her neck. "It's too much umma." I said, close to crying again. Hugs are my weakness. Whenever I get emotional, hugs are the ones used on me to help me take it all out. To tell all the feelings bottling up inside me. 

"I know Minnie. Darling, always remember, love isn't always about the good side. Pain always comes along with it." She said warmly, hugging me tighter. 

I cried harder. We stood there for a while, until she was certain I was looking more okay. She stayed with me, calming me down, making me feel okay. When I was a bit composed, I told her I wanted to get some rest and retired to my room. As soon as I opened the door, I collapsed myself on the bed, and covered my eyes. I was trying to escape this nightmare and actually wanting to wake up from all this pain. 

I woke up, and looked at my clock. It was already two in the afternoon. Last night was a nightmare, and it turned out, I was back in reality again. The aching in my heart may have subsided a little, but once I think of YoonA, it all crawls back to me. 

I wanted to stay a bit more, but since my stomach grumbled, I lazy stood up and went downstairs. There was no one downstairs. I was a bit surprised, since it was weekends and they were nowhere in sight. As I entered the kitchen, I saw my sister's back sitting on the garden. I didn't feel like talking, so I decided to just go straight up to my room after I'm done. 

I fetched myself some food. I mechanically shoved down a spoonful, not even caring if it was took cold for my liking. Who knew heartbreak can even affect your taste in food? 

I didn't here the door from the garden open, so I was surprise to see my sister standing in front of me. "Ne, Minnie, why not join me out there?" She asked. 

I didn't look at her, I didn't feel like talking, let alone be around someone else. 

"Come on you grump." She said, pulling my arm, dragging me to the garden. She pushed me towards the chair next to her. I scratching my head, looking at her with my anooyed expression.

But she only giggled, and said, "Merong!" while stucking her tongue out. I might have laughed if it weren't for the current situation I was in. She may be older, but sometimes, she also be childish. 

"Aissh!" I said, irritated. 

"Seriously? Your type of mourning is not changing for a week?" She said, looking digusted. 

At first, I didn't understand what she said, until I looked at my clothes. I was still wearing the uniform I had last night. Great, another memoir for the awesome events last night.

I didn't answer, instead I pursed my lips and stared out of nowhere.

"Tae Min.. Are you okay?" She said awkwardly, that was masked with a lot of concern.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know." I said, nonchalantly. 

"Tae Min, you know-" I knew she was starting with her pity speech that they usually give at times like this. 

I wasn't ready for any of it yet, so I stood up. 

"No wait." She said, putting her hand on mine. "Just hear me out okay? This is awkward for me too." She said grudgingly. 

I slowly sat back on my chair. She still eyed me intently, trying to catch me if ever I have plans of leaving.

"I won't leave." I said coldly.

She still raised her eyebrow, but then she relaxed. She took a deep breath, looking like she was going to give a speech about her candidacy as best sister. 

"Okay, just hear me out.. Even if you're my only sibling, I admit we were never really that close." She started. I didn't know where she was going. So I just sat there on my back, trying to look bored. She started talking again, "Whenever you want to talk someone, or share your problems with, you always run to your friends, or umma. I never really cared at first, until you entered middle." Then she her voice started to cracked, I knew she was close to crying. Even when I'm not looking at her I can easily guess when she starts to sound emotional.

"Ever since that day, I got scared. I prayed to God every day to at least give me a chance to be a better sister to you. Weeks later, he granted my prayers. I started hanging out with you. I took every chance I had to do things with you. Our relationship improved." She paused for a moment, to wipe her tears. I felt guilty seeing her like that. I never expected to hear things like this from her. I wanted to apologize, but I didn't know how to start.

"But when work began, our relationship went back to the way it was." She continued. "It seemed like, it was my fault since I was neglecting you because of work. I'm sorry Minnie." She said, then she covered her face with both of her hands, quietly sobbing.

I don't know how to say sorry. I didn't even know how to start. It seemed awkward for me, but then again hearing her crying near me is much more devastating. "It's not your fault noona." I started quietly. "Work was something that we both can't blame, I understand that you also have to lessen your time hanging out with me and.." I paused, took and deep breath, "I feel like it's also my fault why it turned out like this, I seemed like I also neglected you. So I'm sorry." I said, looking at her, trying to take her hands away from her face.

"Stop crying noona.. or else everyone will see that ugly crying face of yours." I said cheerfully, trying to ease her mind. 

She glared at me, and punched my chest. "Pabo!" She wiped her face and composed herself again. "I'm sorry. From now on, I'd hang out with you more."

"Yah! You don't need to that. You need to also help our parents.. and yourself." 

"But-"

"No buts noona." I cut her. "Besides, talking once in a while, is okay too."

"Then would you talk about YoonA?"

Why did she even have to be so damn direct? I shook my head. "Right now, I feel bad.. terrible.. like every reason of your living was washed away in just a clicked. I also want to let it all out, but I'm just not ready yet." I said honestly. 

She nodded. "Then talk to me when you're ready, yes?"

I nodded. "So are you going to face her tomorrow?" 

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm planning on hiding behind the bushes the whole day." 

She flicked my forehead and laughed. "Good luck on that."