Chapter 10: Explain

It’s Monday morning and as always Youngmin’s started perfectly! He slept really well and then did the morning checks on the students at the gates. Nothing in particular had happened and everyone was perfectly on time. As expected when Youngmin is the one controlling.

Sadly, all of these were a lie. He had a hard time falling asleep feeling wronged and at the same time bad for screaming at Kwangmin. Then this morning right before he wanted to go to the gates some of the older student council members found him and beat him up. Sometimes they think of a reason to beat him but today they were probably too lazy to think of a fake lie. They knew Youngmin would never tell about it to anyone special in particular so they never held back on bullying him. Just like that he ended up in his room, finishing the treatments of the wounds on his elbow and knee.

Youngmin  watches how two of his fingers bleed from hitting them against the wall when he was pushed on the ground. Realizing the bleeding doesn’t stop he looks for some bandages.

The moment he finds them his phone rings. He quickly takes it and freezes when he sees the name.

Kwangmin. He thinks, trying to hold back the tears that his heart wants to shed so badly. If he hadn’t screamed at Kwangmin the way he had yesterday he would’ve probably picked up the phone immediately.

I need him. I need him. I need him! He tries to push away the thought that keeps on attacking him. Just yesterday he decided to forget but already everything inside of him is screaming for Kwangmin.

But what would happen if he picks up? He will probably lose it and tell Kwangmin all of his pain. How much will Kwangmin suffer because of him?

Even though Kwangmin left him to go to Jiso high school Youngmin now knows Kwangmin cares a lot about their separation but he’s still not ready.

He doesn’t realize the text coming in, telling him he has one missed call.

~

Kwangmin fidgets with his phone. How did I end up here? He thinks as he sits in the bus full of people from all ages. Donghyun is sitting next to him. ‘Are you sure about going?’

‘Not really. I feel like he’ll hit me in the face the moment he sees me.’ Kwangmin says, smiling weakly. Donghyun doesn’t answer.

Then the bus station that the two have to get out gets called. Kwangmin can’t really get used to it. When he’s in the bus to Jiso high he sees a lot of boys and girls from his school going back after staying out for a night with their parents or friends. In Paran high school this is not allowed and it feels strange to be, aside from Donghyun, the only one getting off at a station right in front of a school.

Not long after they are inside of the dorms. Classes have already started but Donghyun lets him know Youngmin didn’t go to class. This already makes Kwangmin feel incredibly anxious. ‘Is it because of me?’ Kwangmin asks, his voice sounds incredibly lame to his own ears. He sounds like a little kid asking if “Santa really doesn’t exist” when he hears his high pitched voice. Donghyun once again doesn’t answer which makes Kwangmin feel only more anxious.

‘I’m leaving for class now. Good luck.’ Donghyun says after a minute of silence. Kwangmin can only nod before laying his hand on Donghyun’s shoulder and looking him in the eye. He doesn’t know what to say.

Thank you hyung. He’s glad to see the smile on Donghyun’s face and an encouraging nod. ‘It was my pleasure.’

Donghyun leaves and suddenly Kwangmin is alone. He takes a deep sigh. Don’t think too long. You’ve made up your mind. He encourages himself before knocking on the door.

No answer. He’s so used to the outcome of his actions. No reaction. No answer. I’m not going to take it anymore! He thinks as he pushes the door open. He wants to run towards his brother to just punch him before he gets killed himself and to tell him to listen to what he has to say but the moment he opens his mouth it immediately closes again. the room is completely dark and Youngmin is lying on his bed, on top of the sheets. Sleeping peacefully.

Kwangmin watches from the entrance of the room for a while before slowly moving over to Youngmin’s bed.

He crouches next to the bed and gasps when his face is right in front of Youngmin’s . The boy in front of him has his eyes closed and his mouth is slightly open as he softly breathes a warm breath into Kwangmin’s face, smelling like toothpaste. His body lies curled up, his hands lying down right next to his chest.

Now it all makes sense. All the purple and blue bruises on Youngmin’s arms have a reason. Kwangmin bites his lip as he slowly moves his hands and takes one of Youngmin. The other doesn’t wake up and Kwangmin slowly proceeds in taking his hand into his. Even though they are probably the smallest wounds, the bandages on Youngmin’s fingers make Kwangmin lose his composure and he can see his view fading because of the tears that are welling up in his eyes. He grabs Youngmin’s hand more tightly and then starts sobbing desperately.

~

Youngmin hears a sound he doesn’t recognize. Still half asleep he opens his eyes slowly. Is that Kwangmin? Crying? Is this a dream?

He immediately pulls Kwangmin on the bed wrapping his arms around him. ‘Don’t cry.’ He whispers as he squeezes Kwangmin between his arms. ‘I don’t want you to cry.’ He can feel Kwangmin shaking and hear him sobbing like a child.

‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.’

‘Please stop crying.’

‘I’m sorry I didn’t know about your wounds. About what happened in the past but I can explain so please hear me out.’ Kwangmin desperately says between countless sobs.

‘Of course.’ Youngmin says as he pats Kwangmin on the back softly.

Am I awake or dreaming? Kwangmin isn’t really here right. I must have too many expectations wanting him to come to me. But what if… no!

Not sure anymore Youngmin lets go of one arm and searches for Kwangmin’s warm hand, he intertwines their fingers. ‘Let’s talk about it when I wake up.’ He whispers before the dream ends.

~

Youngmin is awoken by a push from something against his rib. When he slowly opens his eyes he’s so shocked that he falls down from the bed.

I really thought that was a dream.

After running all his errands he comes back to the room. he’s surprised to see Kwangmin still sleeping even though it’s evening already. After calming his mind he decides he should wake Kwangmin.

He sits down on the bed and puts his hand on Kwangmin’s head. His hair feels soft and he ends up his head. The words won’t come out. He’s fascinated by the beauty in front of him. Everything about Kwangmin suddenly looks perfect. Even the drool on his lower lip looks adorable to Kwangmin.

From today on we’ll be fine right? Since when did I start looking at him like this with this much longing? Youngmin wonders.

He removes his hand and places it on Kwangmin’s shoulder. Shaking him softly. ‘Wake up sleepyhead.’ He says.

~

Kwangmin can feel everything inside his body screaming. He was already long awake and waiting for Youngmin who had suddenly disappeared from his side. He woke up a lot because he was scared Youngmin would change his mind and leave him but in the end Youngmin had left the room while he slept. When he woke up and Youngmin wasn’t right next to him he got incredibly scared and nervous. After calming down he decided he should wait.

And now, the waiting is rewarded. He never thought he would be able to lose his breath from someone just his head. The most surprising thing is the way Youngmin calls him, maybe it’s just Kwangmin’s illusion but it sounds so lovingly it makes his toes cringe. But still, he’s incredibly happy.

Composing himself, he opens his eyes slowly. If he wouldn’t look like a complete fool he would’ve screamed from happiness seeing Youngmin’s face again.

‘Aigoo… what to do with your eyes?’ Youngmin teases him. Kwangmin immediately gets up and runs towards the mirror in the bathroom, tripping over Youngmin’s bag on his way, balancing himself just in time before smashing against the wall. Youngmin’s playful laugh rings in his ears as he faces himself in the mirror. His eyes are completely red and puffy. How embarrassing! His reflection’s cheeks turn a rosy pink making him look really young.

‘Are you coming out yet?’ Youngmin’s voice says from the other room. Kwangmin tries to compose himself by slapping his cheeks a few times and shaking his head wildly, resulting in his hair becoming a mess. He quickly fixes it before going out.

‘I finished all my work.’ Youngmin says, taking his back from the floor.

Couldn’t you have done that before I tripped over that damn thing? He thinks, still embarrassed by the shock that came out of nothing. Even though it’s been a regular thing since they met again. no matter what Youngmin says of does it makes Kwangmin react slightly different than he would react to others. Youngmin doesn’t seem to notice which he is thankful for.

‘Let’s go.’ Youngmin says, pulling Kwangmin away from his thoughts.

‘What are we doing?’

‘You were going to ‘explain’ weren’t you?’ Youngmin asks. Even though his tone sounds harsh he isn’t able to compose his face and Kwangmin can see the pain and sadness in his eyes. He must’ve been like that when we were talking on the phone too. What if he got beaten up then too? I hate myself. Kwangmin thinks in a flash while nodding.

‘I’ll explain to you why I suddenly went to Jiso high school. You can forgive me if you want to.’

~

Youngmin doesn’t say anything. Kwangmin will understand just from his expression. Probably.

You better make up a good excuse because otherwise it will be way too obvious how easily I forgive you. It’s funny how every word from you can push me to hell or either pull me to heaven Jo Kwangmin. I’ll give you credit for that.

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Didn't check the spelling cause I wanted to update...

SORRYYYYY!!! MY APOLOGIES!

I'm so busy and I finished like a bit of this chap but I wanted to give more because I made you guys wait.

Still very much thanks to all new and old subscribers and for all your comments with love and advice I really appreciate all of them <3

OH! The main image is how we would see Kwangmin's sleepy face, not Youngmin >.<