I couldn't stop crying. I somehow knew the person holding my hand wasn't Kyungsoo anymore at some point. 

I just didn't expected it would be Jongin.

"I'm sorry Jongin, I'm sorry for everything." I said while sobbing, my voice getting louder and louder.

The guilt that I felt, lying to him about my feelings, about my illness, did nothing to the both of us but pain.

I didn't realize how hard I was crying until I felt Jongin's arms enveloped around me, hushing me while his chest vibrates. I could tell he was crying just as hard, but I can't stop. The hurt that I've kept all this time was finally coming out, and face to face with the man I hurt, even if I can't see him, I imagine his face and it breaks my heart what I can see in my head.

"It's okay now, Soojung. Everything's okay now. You will always be safe, as long as I'm here."

I catch my breaths, but I was heaving so hard. I found it hard to breathe, like I'm on the verge of a panic attack.

Jongin must've noticed this, because he wraps his arms around me tighter, kissing the top of my head gently. He whispers into my hair a familiar statement.

"When you're scared, or you feel lost, when you're hurt, and you're finding it hard to breathe, just count from 1 to 10."

"You already said that before." I chuckled and tried breathing slowly.

"It's different this time. Just count to 10, and know that as soon as you reach the end, I will right here, comforting you with my embrace."

I buried my face in his chest and felt his warmth, as I started counting slowly, breathing in and out until my heart finally calmed down.

The rest of the afternoon was filled with us just catching up on each other.

"After the party, I never heard from you again. What happened? Where is Taemin these days? And what was that about an arrest?"

Jongin was silent for a while, but I heard him take a deep breath.

"Our father is in jail. Taemin put him there."

"What?! Why?"

"A lot of things happened, after the mishap during the party. I knew it in myself if I made a scandal out of all those press, I'd receive dire consequences from my father. I guess at that time, I never really cared about that....... I knew no matter how cold I seem, and how much I try to hide what I feel. my heart would still choose you."

I was silent for a while, trying to understand what he was saying. I remembered when he talked about his father when we went back to his old house. It scared me that he may have been hurt because of his father because of me, and I can't even confirm it because I can't see his face.

"Do you mean to tell me....?"

I heard him chuckle a little, and he holds my hand tighter.

"I'm okay now. It was a long time in the hospital, but I'm better now. Little did I know, you were also there. If I knew about that, I'd probably make a scene there even with cuts and bruises on my entire body."

I can't even afford to laugh at his joke right now. My hand finds its way to his face, and I gently it, each and every corner, trying to feel for any cuts and bumps. I feel his smile when my hand reached his lips, and he gently kisses my fingers.

"Because of me, you..... oh my god Jongin, how can you still joke about this?"

"Soojung, remember when I was dragged away by guards? At our old apartment?"

I tried to think of that time. I remembered that that was also the time when Taemin brought me to the hospital because I suddenly lost my vision for the first time. I remembered the ruckus outside, but I didn't actually knew what was happening because I never saw anything.

"Was that when you were gone for a long time?"

"My dad locked me in a room inside the blue house. He wouldn't let me go back. He wouldn't let me see you. It didn't help that I saw Taemin there, telling me he's gonna take you to the hospital."

I wanted to cry again hearing that. I've been so mad at him for not coming back for me, for overthinking he wouldn't want to love me after finding out I wouldn't be able to see again that's why he abandoned me.

"I tried to do everything to get out of there, to get to you. I received a good beating from that place too. I knew that time you were confused why I had connections with Taemin and his father, I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was his half brother. I just wanted to live a normal life as possible."

"Do you really think that would make me angry at you? I'm more angry at myself, that I didn't know you were going through so much."

"I wanted to tell you. I was ready to tell you everything, who I really am, because I knew I wanted to love you for the rest of my life. But you were gone..... and I let my emotions get the best of me. I got hurt, and I got angry at you, because I thought you don't want me anymore. Because of the letter......"

"I'm sorry I had to do that. It's the only way you'll let me go...."

"But I didn't, Soojung. I still tried to find you, for months on end. But I..... I was so confused. I willed myself to stop. To believe what you wrote was true, that you did lie to me when you told me you love me. But I..... I can't."

"You're the only person who's wise enough to know I will never be that kind of a heartless person. Especially to you. I know, how our story started was tragic. But after I became blind, I suddenly realized that our story doesn't have to end tragic as well. But I was too scared to face you..... like this......"

"I know.... I understand everything better now."

It was suddenly silent, but it was comforting for the both of us.

This time, we were determined to fix everything. Together.

"I can't fix all your problems, but I promise you that you won't have to go through it alone anymore." I told him gently.

I feel him kissing me in reply, and I kissed him back. I missed this a lot.

He calls Kyungsoo over, who is sniffling when he sat beside me and hugged me.

"Yes, I witnessed and heard everything, yes I am happy for the both of you. I wish it would always be like this. I miss this feeling of just being with you guys." he says in a shaky voice.

"Don't cry again, Kyungsoo!" Jongin laughs. "If it wasn't for you, this would've never happened. So thank you."

"I'm sorry I told him about you without your consent. I hated seeing you sad anymore. I know that you've been a biggest threat to me back then, but knowing both of your histories, your doubts and fears about yourselves, I knew it wasn't me that Jongin needed. It was always you, Soojung."

I smiled at him and hugged him. Kyungsoo may be one of my most hated people back then, but he showed me what a true friend can be, without judgements. He showed me how I shouldn't be so afraid of the world.

"I'll always be grateful to you, Kyungsoo. Always remember that." I replied.

"Hey, how about..... we go on a trip? For old times sake?" Jongin suggested.

"Would that be okay for your schedules?" I asked.

"Well I can adjust, I've been restless as well and maybe I need a break, and this will be good for Jongin too, since the doctor advised him to be in a calm environment so he can rest his body better."

I'm so glad everything was finally falling back into place. We planned a trip back to the campsite where we went once, and I invited Jinri to come along, while Jongin tries to contact Taemin, whom I haven't seen for the longest time since I got discharged. We need to catch up on things.

As I layed in bed that night, I thought about what happened. How easy it is being with Jongin, and letting out my feelings, sharing my pain with someone I can rely on. I was glad he was also opening up more to me now. I'm glad he sees me as someone he can trust.

And I hoped it would always be like this for once in my life. That we'd always be happy, that Jongin wouldn't leave, that good friends like Taemin, Kyungsoo and Jinri would stay in my life for the longest time.

Yes, my sight may have been taken away from me. I used to think how unfair life was, because I was a good person, I did not deserve this suffering.

But it was only me who thought I was suffering. Realizing how lucky I am, to still be alive, to have good people around me, guiding me, making me laugh, making me feel good about myself. I guess I have everything I needed all along.

~

I updated finally!!!!! Tbh the net's been working pretty fine during the past 2 weeks already, I just had a bad case of writer's block and couldn't figure out what to do with the next scenario lmao (and bc monsta x had a comeback and I was a busy mombebe) I wanted to angst it up again but after almost over 25 chapters of just them going back and forth with each other I guess they all deserve some happiness for once. But there's still one final twist before this ends!!!! It's near!!!!! Thank you for reading this until this point, I hope you can be with Jongin and Soojung until the end! Kaistal will always live on. ❤