I don't know why I was acting so immature. I'm just not used to seeing Taemin being all over Soojung, It was bad enough that I don't know what Soojung and I really were at this point.

She hasn't said anything like "I love you" or "I like you" ever since I confessed my feelings. I mean, sure she responds to my kisses, she doesn't hesitate to initiate skinship, but isn't it more real if it's actually coming from that we're dating?

Or are we already dating, I don't really know. I pounded my fist on the wooden board above my bed, letting the pain slowly travel up my arm. Maybe pain will make me realize why I did this.

We haven't even started yet, and we're already done. Just like that. Maybe I was dumb. Maybe I'll regret this later on, but for now....... For now I'll let her figure out her mistakes first.

I was surprised to receive a call from Kyungsoo the next day. We haven't met for the past couple of weeks, which made me completely forgot about him, and about us.

He invited me for lunch, so I took a break from work and went to our meeting place. As usual, Kyungsoo was his bubbly self, still very noisy, and he still clings onto me like a leech.

"Are you okay Jongin?" I looked up from the bowl of noodles I was slurping and made eye contact with him. He had a confused expression on his face, and it reminded me of how I was back then when I was still trying to figure out my feelings for Soojung.

"Yeah..... why?"

"Well, you're awfully quiet today. You don't scoff at my lame jokes, you don't make disgusted expressions when I do sweet stuff to you, you don't even push me away when I cling to you."

"Shouldn't you be happy that I'm finally like this towards you? That I'm finally accepting everything you're doing?"

"I should be, but....... Jongin, I know you, and this isn't like you at all."

"What makes you think you know so much about me?" I said, enraged. "Do you know anything about my family? My past? Besides liking me because I'm handsome, what else have you liked about me? What if you knew about my secrets, would you still like me?"

"Jongin, what are you sayi---"

"I'm saying you don't really love me like what you think! You just love me because I'm something that makes you happy, something that makes you feel alive."

"Isn't that what love is supposed to be?"

"No, Kyungsoo. Love...... it's not supposed to be that way. I'm not as perfect as you think I am, and I don't know why you still stick around me and pretending to care about everything about me when all you've ever liked about me is my face."

"How can you say that! You're perfect to me! You're perfect as you are!"

"See? You don't know what you're saying. Because I'm not perfect. And nobody is perfect. But we come to love, not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

I stood up and left him. I let him ponder on my words, just like how I'm pondering about everything I've said to Soojung.

Maybe, I'm like this because I'm afraid to get left behind again. Maybe being cold and mean was a defense mechanism, so that I wouldn't have to deal with the heartache when someone leaves me behind.

Maybe this is why I'm so afraid that Soojung might not return my feelings back, that's why I decided to break it off first.

But...... I shouldn't be afraid..... right? Because I trust her, just like how she trusts me. Why should I doubt her feelings, when she's not even doubting mine?

I wanted to talk to her right away, but I figured it would be a bad idea. I'd look like , and she might just slap me hard for being so bipolar.

I let the days pass. I still avoided her, and she does the same. And somehow, it's like we're strangers again. I was waiting for the right time to talk to her, but it doesn't seem to come.

Everytime I found the chance, I see her with Taemin, and it makes me hesitant to talk to her. Has he feelings for me already gone? Is Taemin the new man that's making her happy? These thoughts run in my head.

As I was walking home one night, a car stops beside me. I curiously peered to check who it was. The windows opened, and a face pops out. A face I haven't seen since the party.

"We need to talk." my father says firmly.

"I don't have time to talk to you."

"Oh yes, you do." and in an instant, two bodyguards held me by my arms and legs and forced me to ride the car.

Within minutes, I was back at the mansion. My old home, which doesn't feel like a home at all.

"What do you want?" I asked as I watched him pace in front of me, glaring at him harshly. It's like whenever I see him, all the bad memories and things that Soojung has eliminated from me comes back.

"Taemin has been neglecting his campaigns."

"So? What does that have to do with me?"

"My point!" he screams, rushing up to me and gripping my collar. I gulped, truth be told, I'm scared of him. "My point is I need to know what's been keeping him so busy!"

Now that I see it, Taemin and Soojung have been inseparable these past few days. I looked over to my father, and you could tell by his expression that he knows that I know something.

"So..... Who is it?" he asks as he lets go of my collar, tidying it up again. He smiles sarcastically and waits for my answer.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're avoiding my gaze, that means you know something. Is it...... the girl?"

"Do not touch her or I swear to god---!"

"Hey hey, don't worry, I won't do anything to her." he says gently as he walks over to the minibar. He grabs a glass and pours some whiskey on it. "I just wanna know who she is."

"So what? So you can threaten her so she can leave? So you can scare her off like what you did to me and to my mother? No, I won't let you do that again."

"Why are you so protective of her. Do you perhaps...... like her?"

I stayed silent. Until now, my father knows I'm together with Kyungsoo, and if he finds out I like Soojung, he's gonna make me marry some lame rich girl again.

"No. I like Kyungsoo. A lot. But that girl, she's my friend. She's our friend, so don't you dare lay a finger on her or I will make your life a living hell."

He drinks the whickey in one go and with one swift move, he throws the glass at me. It almost hit my head, if I didn't shield it with my arms. He briskly walks toward me and starts punching me, letting me fall on the floor.

I let him do whatever he wants. As long as Soojung is safe, I don't care if I'm the one in pain.

I arrived at the apartment really late. My whole body was aching, due to my father pouring all his anger on me. I stumbled inside the elevator and although I don't have the energy, I tried to press the button to my floor.

I was having such a hard time that I didn't make it in front of my door. I collapsed in the hallway just when I was near my room. I layed there, silent, looking half dead. Unconsciousness doesn't hit me, and it made me angry because I was in so much pain. I just wanna die right then and there.

I hear a front door opening and felt embarrassed, I don't want any of my neighbors seeing me in this state. I trid my best to stand up, but I was out of energy.

"Oh my god, Jongin?" I hear a familiar voice, and looked up to see Soojung, a worried and pained expression in her face. She runs hurriedly to me and helped me stand up.

She lies me down in the sofa and disappears, reappearing with that familiar first aid kit after a few seconds. I remembered the last time she nursed me, I was out there looking for her barefoot.

I always save her, even if I always end up the one getting hurt. Maybe I do love her, and this isn't just some simple infatuation.

I hear her sniffing and although my vision is blurry because of my swelling eye, I could tell she was crying.

"Why?" I croaked out, getting surprised at how my voice sounded.

"You're hurt, how do you expect me to react?" she says and begins putting bandaids on the blisters on my arms.

"Soojung, I'm sorry. For always making you cry, for hurting you, just......" I couldn't help saying. I know it was her fault, because she couldn't figure out the real score between the two of us, and I was hurt because of that.

But when she's crying, I know it's already my fault. I can't take seeing her cry.

"Oh Jongin." she says all of a sudden as she drops the ointment in her hands, wrapping her arms around my neck. I was surprised of her actions, but I let her hug me. I missed her warmth.

"I was just afraid...... that I'd lose you as well. I was afraid you like Taemin more than me, and that I'd look like an idiot in the end. You know my issues, you know me too well because you can read me even before I can tell you what's wrong. You should know how I felt when I saw you and Taemin together."

"Jongin, Taemin and I are just friends. I like it that I'm so comfortable around him, that's why I'm always with him. But you shouldn't misunderstand that. You know my feelings."

"Then why don't you say it? Why won't you tell me you like me back?"

Soojung lets go of me and looks down, staying silent. I don't know what that silence meant, but for now I'll let it pass. I just hate seeing her cry.

I pulled her close again, and although I got bruised lips and broken bones, I placed a light kiss on her forehead.

A kiss to let her know I never really left, and that she'll always be important to me.

a/n: ayyyyyyy what am I doing hahahahahaha am I playing with your feelings why do I make then fight then make them make up then make them fight again lmao I'm sorry but thanks for reading!