Jinri was exceptionally happy when she entered the house tonight. I took note of the slight blush of her cheeks and realized her fiancee probably took her home.

"So how was the date today?" I asked her as she walks towards the kitchen.

"Oh, it was so wonderful! I thought we were drifting apart these last few weeks, but tonight seemed like we became more open with each other about ourselves. I guess it's true that you really are in your truest form when you're in a place where you're comfortable." I heard plates and spoons while she recites her monologue and within minutes, she was beside me, a bowl in her hand.

"Taste this! He made this for me! I mean I should be making it but you know I and he's sick so I'm supposed to take care of him but he cooked instead and I felt bad so I kinda cried because you know how I am but then he told me really positive things and he complimented my gardening and he was so happy with the hydrangea seeds so thank you Soojung!" she said in one breath as I tasted the food she gave.

I blinked. This tasted..... familiar for some reason.

"Wow." I said out loud without thinking.

"Did you like it?" Jinri looks at me with hopeful eyes.

"Yeah, it just...... reminded me of a comforting feeling, I don't know why." and within minutes, I inhaled the soup in one go. It was so satisfying.

"Anyway, as I was saying, I told him about you and suggested he come to the flower shop soon so you can help him with growing the flowers. I can tell he's really fond of them."

I gulped. "Me? Why? Can't Junmyeon do it? I don't think I'm ready to meet your fiancee, let alone get involved in all of this things with rich people."

Jinri pouts at me.

"Jung, you're already a part of our family. Think of it as you meeting your sister's future husband, and your in-law. Isn't that exciting?"

"Jinri, you also know I shouldn't be working so much already. You know there's not much time left."

"Nonsense!" she snapped. "Besides, flowers help with your eyes. Or at least tell me how to properly grow them. But then again, it's like these hydrangeas only listen to you."

I have to laugh at that. I did notice none of the hydrangeas Chanyeol or Sehun or Luhan grew were growing as well as mine. Maybe I am this talented after all.

This will be the first time Jinri and I ever talked about her fiancee. She has been busy with her endeavors, with the wedding preparations and stuff with the flower shop, and I have been constantly visiting the hospital, getting eye training and such. Just basically getting ready for a life without sight.

I've been texting with Taemin a lot these days too. Work has been hard for him, he's been meeting with world leaders in different parts of Asia and America, and he really has no time to rest. It's like he's an idol on a world tour.

I wouldn't complain. He's been doing so well with running South Korea so far, and nobody has been in protest on how he runs things around here, probably except the older generation who still can't believe a person as young as him won the elections.

Taemin is a really intelligent man, so that's no suprise to me anymore.

I lay in bed that night, letting drowsiness take over me. My mind keeps thinking of the day when my vision will be gone. I tried to think of that one time I lost my eyesight temporarily and the panic it caused me.

Will I be like that again? I wonder. I have to at least be ready emotionally, if not physically and mentally. I chose this for myself. I have to endure this.

As I was getting ready to go to the hospital the next morning, finding the book I usually loved to read while I'm waiting for time to pass, something fell off the shelf.

I looked at it and had a bittersweet feeling in my mouth. It's a little red notebook, looking tattered and overused. But I know what holds its pages.

Maybe I've been neglecting this. Maybe I should continue writing in it somehow. So I did.

I made it a point go bring it with me during my hospital visits. I found comfort in writing again. I didn't even realize I was almost using up all the pages.

I stared at my red notebook and sky blue notebook one night. Two notebooks worth of stories. The first half, finding perfection in someone, and the second, realizing that perfection is a myth, but loving someone despite imperfections is what makes life special.

What a beautiful way to end my story. Maybe when it's finished, I can ask Taemin or Kyungsoo to give it to him. Or maybe one day, when I'm brave enough to face him, maybe I'll give it to him. Maybe by that time I'll be blind, and I doubt he'll accept this, but.....

I realized I've been risking it all ever since I came to South Korea. I've been positive despite this illness. And despite my annoying personality, he loved me. Loved. So why should I be scared?

I was surprised that I was crying. Heaving, even. How much I miss him. How much I wanna hold him again and tell him I love him, that I still love him.

I was wrong Jongin. I can't promise to make it all right again. But I promise that wherever you are, you have my heart with you. And I don't think that will ever change.

"Soojung, are you okay?" I hear Sehun saying.

I immediately wiped my tears and closed the notebook on the desk. I forgot Jinri was gonna bring his fiancee in here today after informing it to me 2 weeks ago. I can't believe I look like a mess right now.

I hear Sehun sighing beside me. Then I felt two strong arms embracing me. I looked up at Sehun and saw his flustered expression.

"Don't cry anymore, noona. I'm not usually like this, but I hate seeing girla cry. It doesn't feel good."

I smiled at his remark. Sure, Sehun was young and innocent, maybe chic too, but he's the nicest boy I've ever seen. He always worries about others' feelings, although it doesn't seem like that sometimes.

Chanyeol enters the shop and sees us in the front desk. His eyes grew ten times bigger as he stares at us.

"Sehun you idiot, why'd you make her cry?!" he said as he rushes towards us, prying Sehun's arms off me. "Are you okay, Soojung? What did he do?"

"Ridiculous! Why is it always my fault!" Sehun screams back at him. I brace myself for another argument rising.

"Well maybe if you weren't such a baby and a little brat!"

"I'm not!"

"Yeah, and I also don't have big ears!"

"Well your ears look stupid!"

"Well your lisp sounds stupid!"

Suddenly my vision blurs and I hold on to the table. But I was too late and I felt myself collapsing on the floor, unable to move.

It's happening again. I let it consume me and closed my eyes tightly. When I opened them again slowly, I was faced with darkness.

I hear Chanyeol and Sehun panicking.

"Soojung what's wrong!" I hear Chanyeol.

Somebody stands me up and I felt two sets of arms on either side of me.

"Chanyeol, you're hyperventilating again." I said calmly, holding onto him. I glided my hands up and down his back to calm him, not letting him see that I'm panicking myself.

I hear him sobbing even more and felt bad. I always seem to give Chanyeol panic attacks when I'm in this state and I feel so sorry because it's also something that's out of my control.

"Chanyeol...... don't cry please."

"Soojung, you're holding onto Sehun, not me." he says in between sniffles.

I kinda figured out that he knew I wasn't okay and started crying myself.

"It's okay noona, we'll take you to the hospital now." Sehun says as he pulls me to walk.

I got out of their grasp. "But what about Jinri's fiancee?"

"That stupid boy can wait, why can't you think of yourself first before others?" Sehun replies, irritated.

I had no choice but to listen to them. I was prepared to go blind after all. But what they said was right. I should put myself first this time.

My vision came back after a few hours. I looked over to Sehun trying to calm Chanyeol down and I smiled a little.

"What would you do if I can't see anymore? Would you miss me in the shop?" I told them.

"Heck no!" Sehun retorts. Chanyeol hits him in tje head.

"You're so rude to Soojung you know that!" 

Sehun rubs his aching head and glares at Chanyeol.

"You didn't let me finish, you stupid bobblehead! I meant I won't miss her because she will still be coming to the shop, blind or not. And I'll be there to tell you everyday on what the garden looks like. I'll tell you all the flowers that started blooming, those that withered, and those that are new to the family. Got it?" he says like he's scolding me.

I chuckled as I looked into his eyes. Sehun, my sweet boy. Chic, but has a beautiful heart.

"Does that mean we won't see the orange hydrangeas bloom again once you go blind? No one takes care of them better than you, and everybody loves those." Chanyeol said with a pout.

"Silly Chanyeol, of course you'll still see it bloom. I'm gonna teach Jinri's fiancee remember? I hope he also got that special power I have, he's gonna take over the shop once he marries our Jinri after all."

"To be honest, I don't like him. I feel like he's gonna be too arrogant." Sehun said.

"But we shouldn't judge someone without knowing them first. There's this quote I always say. We come to love, not by finding a perfect person, but learning to love an imperfect person perfectly. And I guess, that's what you should do too."

When we arrived back at the shop, Jinri ran up to me and hugged me tightly.

"It happened again, hasn't it?" she asked warily. I nodded, and she hugs me tighter. "Oh, Soojung."

"So where is he? Sorry for keeping you waiting." I said, trying to change the mood.

"Well, a lot has happened while you were gone. When we arrived, there was no one here. So I called Sehun and he said you were in the hospital. I freaked out and told him, well I did not tell him everything, just that you have problems with your eyes. And then he sees the notebook on the counter, and I told him it must be from one of you, maybe Junmyeon's, and he suddenly says he has to leave. I'm so confused but I just said okay."

"He read my journal?!" I exclaimed. Well that was embarrassing. What are the odds that a random person would read about your bad writing skills out of nowhere. Thank god he didn't know it was me.

"Listen Soojung, I know you need a lot of rest for your eyes, but I really need a favor from you. Please?" Jinri suddenly says.

I gulped. I feel like I don't like where this is going.

"There's this party......"

"Oh no no no no no Jinri. You know I've have a bad experience with rich people parties, I can't go through all that again."

"Please? This is different! You have me, and I didn't know what the hell happened in that party but this is different! You're not gonna trip and fall and be an embarrassment. I just need some moral support."

"But Jinri...." I pleaded. I really do not want to get involved with the rich and famous ever again.

"This is an important day for me. It's actually my engagement party, and on saturday, we get to announce to the whole world that we're getting married. It's a really big event for me, and I need you there. Please, be with me as sister."

I couldn't help but look into her pleading eyes. She was begging.

"How could I say no?" I say weakly, as Jinri hugs me in delight.

I laughed. When did I ever think of myself before others? Ridiculous.