Sooyeon helps me drink some water after our crying session. It had been 30 minutes of us just crying our eyes out, not saying a word with each other. I was tired, and I could tell she was too.

"Sooyeon." my voice was hoarse after being silent for a long time. "When did you get here?"

"Yesterday night. I brought Donghae with me. We were supposed to surprise you, and check up on your condition."

"Does mom and dad know? That you know where I am?" I asked worriedly.

"They didn't, but I'll tell them later. I really think we should tell them everything, Soojung, it's not right to keep all of this from them, especially now."

"Now? Why?"

I could feel the tension in the air. I didn't like this one bit. I couldn't see anything, but it's like it's getting darker.

"The glaucoma. It has spreaded entirely, Soojung. You.... you won't be able to......" Sooyeon replied, finding it hard to speak.

The breaking of the news to me made me speechless. Speechless, but not surprised. I expected this already. I was ready whenever it will come.

Still, it feels like I'm physically in pain from the sudden news. It happened so fast, who knew my blindness would come this early to get me?

I hear Sooyeon sobbing again and I tried finding her hand, gripping into air. I felt her holding me and I gently squeezed it.

"Don't cry anymore, Sooyeon. This was always bound to happen. I have learned to accept it."

"No, this wouldn't happen if you just listened to us and continued with your treatment!"

"That's gonna cost you time and effort and money, and I don't wanna risk it. What if you've put in all that effort and I end up dead anyway?"

"We will still hold on to that 1% chance, Soojung. You know we would."

I shook my head and smiled. "It's okay, Sooyeon. I guess I've done my part in this world when I could still see. My job is done, so it's time for me to be blind."

"Don't be ridiculous Soojung....."

I squeezed her hand again and signalled her to just let it go. I do not regret my decision. Even if it wasn't best for me, it was best for everyone.

I heard the door opening, and a bunch of voices talking simultaneously.

"Soojung! You're awake!" a man's voice, which I assume is Kyungsoo shrieks, and I get tackled into a hug. I fell back in my bed, and laughed heartily.

"Kyungsoo, be careful of Soojung!" a girl spoke this time. That must be Jinri.

"How are you feeling?" another man speaks.

"Donghae oppa?" I asked, wide eyed. I hear him chuckle and I spread out my arms so he can give me a hug. He obliged.

"I missed you Soojung." he says into our hug.

When he lets go, I took a deep breath. I tried to imagine all of the surrounding me, looking at me worriedly.

"I'm fine guys! Don't look so worried! This isn't the best place to celebrate a reunion, but I'm glad we can get to see each other again!" 

I hear Sooyeon sniffling again, and fought back the urge to cry.

"Can we at least not be somber? I don't wanna be more sad than I already am. What's important is I'm still here, in front of you, laughing and crying and talking and making silly monologues with you guys!"

"Our Soojung, always so optimistic." I hear Donghae say, and for once, I felt confident about myself.

Kyungsoo and Jinri brought us food, and Sooyeon helped me eat, while we talk about what has been happening to me and what we've all been up to.

"So I heard Jinri's getting married." Sooyeon speaks. I felt a sour taste in my mouth, and the tension was high in the room again.

"Sooyeon unnie, you know it's already cancelled." Jinri replies.

I hastily sat up from my reclined position and faced Jinri, wherever Jinri is.

"Jinri no, please. You don't need to do this. Please, continue the wedding."

"No Soojung, not when you're like this. Fix what you and Jongin broke, and be selfless enough to accept what you deserve." Jinri replied.

"Is there something that I need to know?" Sooyeon asks warily.

Oh . She must've been unaware of these things.

"Taemin kinda told me most of it. I could tell it to you, but I'm in no position so maybe it's better if it came from Soojung. How about we all just stay outside for awhile while the two of you talk?" Donghae said. 

I hear shuffling of feet, and suddenly the room was quiet again, except for the faint hum of the airconditioner.

"So? Care to explain Jung Soojung?"

I rubbed my forehead and tried to explain everything from the start.

Sooyeon understood well. I never doubted that she wouldn't. She has always been understanding of me and my feelings ever since I could remember.

"Jinri is right, Soojung. I don't see anything wrong with it. I don't see the need why you need to leave. Taemin said so himself, and even Jinri couldn't deny it, so why? Why do you keep pushing him away?"

"He doesn't have a problem. He may be cold, and annoying, and a brat, but he's..... He's amazing. And there's no one that wouldn't love him. despite his exterior peesonality. But...... it's me. I am the problem."

I took a deep breath. Somehow I felt like crying again, just thinking about it.

"Maybe I won't admit it, but I feel so insecure. I know Jongin could find someone better than me, someone who isn't broken like me. So I always thought it's better that he finds someone else, and just let this whole relationship with him be. Maybe I'm too afraid to admit that I know he'll leave once he gets tired. Of taking care of a sick girl like me. I don't wanna trouble him, and I don't wanna end up with a broken heart. What if everything goes wrong?"

"Well, what if it doesn't?" Sooyeon retorts. I wasn't buying it. "Soojung, you're so positive and open minded when it comes to the people around you, but you close yourself of the happiness you deserve when you're dealing with yours. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

I know that, Sooyeon. I know......

I slowly got used to being blind. I tried not to fight it off and not get frustrated when things I wanna do don't go as planned. It was all a learning process. I never thought I'd even do this, but I told myself I accepted this condition, and this life from here on forward.

The doctor told me I had to stay for a few more days, and then I could go back home.

A lot of people came to visit, and I tried to take off their somber mood whenever they see me. Jinri's parents, Suho, Luhan, Sehun, and Chanyeol, who was sobbing so hard, all came to visit me. Sehun had to him out of the room for his riot.

Everyday, Jinri, brought me orange hydrangeas. Sooyeon helped her with it while I'm here in the hospital, and I could tell she was enjoying the experience.

Taemin hasn't visited yet, although I know he probably doesn't know what happened yet. He has been busy for the past 2 days, cleaning up his family's name in the press, and getting involved with a police arrest with his father? I never understood what goes on in the news, and Jinri or Kyungsoo never bothered explaining them to me because according to me, they were irrelevant.

I also kept thinking about how Jongin is. What happened after the party. What happened with the press. How he tried to do damage control, although that scene was too big of an event to be able to save himself from the fierce hawk eyes of reporters.

It was quiet. Too quiet. Like something this big died down too fast. It involved a lot of prominent people, and even Jinri and her family sound like they're fine after the mishap Jongin caused. Or technically, what I caused.

I was able to leave the hospital after almost a week of tests. They said I still have to be careful, and that I never lose hope that tomorrow, or the next, I'll be okay again.

I was thankful to everyone, for the help that they gave despite me being a huge burden. I felt bad they had to take care of me instead of doing more important stuff.

"Don't worry about it, Soojung. It's not like we're forced to do this. We love you, and we want you to live as comfortably as you can." Jinri said. I hugged her in reply. I could never thank her enough for the help she gave me.

Sooyeon and I decided to tell my parents what happened. They were, to say the least, very hurt. My mom was crying on the phone, and I fought back tears that were threatening to fall.

"Come back home, Krys. We miss you. You don't have to hide anymore. This was what you want, right? You got it, so please, just...... let me take care of you." my mother sobbed on the other end.

I wanted to come back to San Diego too. God knows how much I miss my mom and dad, and the beach, and the backyard full of orange hydrangeas, and little snoopy who loves to cuddle with me when I'm in the sofa. I miss my old life. But...... that means leaving my life here behind.

Maybe I don't wanna go back to my old life. Maybe someone's stopping me from leaving.

I was taken aback one Saturday afternoon when Kyungsoo decided he wanted to go out with me.

"Come on, I'll take you to a nice park so you can soak up on some warm autumn sun. It's so rare the sun's out these days. And then after that, we'll go to my favorite cafe. I know you miss the smell of freshky roasted coffee."

I chuckled at him. Kyungsoo already knew me so well, it's like he's my third sibling. I am grateful for him, making time for me when he should be taking a rest because he's out of schedules since his comeback just ended, and never making me feel like I'm anyone less than I was before I got blind.

Kyungsoo described every droplet, ever fallen leaf, every rosebud, every ray of light as if it was poetry. He was good at that, describing things. When I'm with him, it's like my vision never disappeared. He was like magic to me, and my imaginations ran wild along with his descriptions.

The sunlight was warming my face. I never felt this at ease in the longest time. It's been 5 weeks since I lost my vision, but throughout those weeks Kyungsoo has been nothing but great help to me. Being a songwriter really must have its perks.

We arrived at the cafe, and the smell of fresh beans enveloped me, their scent sending me into euphoria. Nothing calms me down more than the smell of coffee.

Kyungsoo guided me in one of the chairs, and helped with my walking stick as I bumped into random things, and probably people too because I hear him muttering apologies.

As I was sitting in that cafe, that warm Saturdsy afternoon, there's somewhat this feeling of calmness after a long time. It was like I never had that breath of fresh air in such a long time. It made me wonder why. The feeling of contentment was there, and I was so afraid it might go away. But it never did.

I was so confused with my feelings, I kind of panicked. I felt around for Kyungsoo, telling him about it, but I can't seem to find him anywhere.

My hands roam the table in front of me. I felt a pair of hands resting on the side opposite from me and sighed in relief.

"Oh Kyungsoo, I was wondering where you were!" I said in surprise.

I held his hand tight, and he clasped both of his in mine. He was it gently, which made me feel more at ease.

"You know, I feel different today." I tell him. "I feel..... happier. Content. Like all my worries dissipated into thin air. Today, right at this moment, in this little coffee shop where you took me in god knows where, as you hold my hand like this, makes me feel at ease. I've never felt this calm in the past few weeks. How do you have that power, Kyungsoo?"

Kyungsoo stayed silent, continuing to my hand. I figured he must've been silently crying, and I somehow feel his stare at me. I didn't wanna imagine him crying because it might make me cry, so I took a deep breath and smiled.

"It's moments like this, when I think to myself; what would have happened if I didn't run away? From people, from my feelings. From myself. If I admitted that I was afraid this time would come, and let people help me. What would've happened? Would I be more at ease right now? Would I be happier?"

I bowed my head and chuckled. It is true you realize things when it's too late. I regret how much of a liar I was to others, but most of all to myself. I was this jolly, optimistic girl who has glaucoma and I thought everything was fine and dandy all the time. I never thought one day my illness would take my sight away from me, and I refused to think about it. And I diverted my attention elsewhere, hoping I wouldn't have to think about it. But then, it started creeping up on me, nipping at my neck, making me remember that yes, I am happy, I am loved, but I am sick. And one day, everything I know and everyone I love will all be nothing but a memory inside my head. And I didn't wanna imagine a life without seeing these people, that I care for, that I love, so I pushed them away. 

"I used to think I was brave for doing what I did, you know. Pushing everyone away, leaving to wallow by myself with the impending doom that was my glaucoma taking my sight away. I thought I did the right thing. It was better to be hurt alone, I said to myself. No one should get involved with my misery. I didn't want to pull anyone down with me. But boy, I was wrong with that one. I never thought, that people would stay, and that they'd keep loving me, and caring for me despite everything. And now all I ever regret is pushing people away, and wondering how I will face them now. Like this." I said.

I was already crying at this point, and I realized I wasn't just speaking my mimd out now, I was talking about one particular person. I chuckled through my tears. You never leave my head, don't you.

I felt Kyungsoo's grip on my hand loosen, and he wiped my tears away. I felt him standing up, and just when my guard is down, I felt a pair of lips on my forehead. A chaste kiss, but with a different feeling. A feeling of warmth...... of home.

And I wonder if it was just me, or it didn't feel like I'm with Kyungsoo anymore.