I lied down on my bed, lifeless. It has been three days, but I still could not believe on the turn of events that happened. What did I ever do wrong? Why does God constantly give me a lot of heartache and suffering? 

I looked around my apartment. The boring, gray walls have turned into gold, white, happy colors. Alive colors. All because she kept complaining about it. Every part of this house, it has been touched by her soul, and I slowly found myself realizing that I was changed. Because of her.

But now, I don't understand what happened. What made Soojung leave? Were my efforts not enough? Was I still too grumpy, too moody? I tried everything to make her happy, make her feel content. I changed to make her feel how much I love her, that I'm willing to change for her.

Now she tells me she's left me. No calls. No texts. I don't even think my number is still saved in her phone. Her phone that I worked hard for, so we can communicate even if we're not together.

Suddenly, I look like a fool. Why did I ever think someone would love me truly, with great intentions, with the same amount of love I give them? Besides my mom, no one will love me. Everyone will leave. Everyone will continue on with their lives, but I will stay in the same spot, clouded with the yesterdays I know I can't take back.

I grabbed my phone at the bedside table, thought hard, and started texting. This will be the last. The last of me ever opening my heart for anything or anyone.

You promised you'd never leave. Was everything a game to you? You think you can play with my feelings just because you know I'm so ing broken? You're a liar, you're a sick bastard, and I hate you. Don't you ever show your face to me, because now I can't even feel my heart beating because of what you did. My heart is a myth.

I went back to the Blue House with Taemin after 2 days. The lifelessness in my eyes still hasn't faded. I know because I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is someone whose life if a mess, a great wreck.

"I thought you'd never come back." the president said calmly when I entered his office with Taemin. There was a glint in his eyes that I've never seen before, but I ignored it. I made up my mind.

"Do whatever you want to me. Marry me off for your fame, your money, whatever. Me and my mother are play toys for you anyway." I said abruptly.

"Jongin! Don't do this!" I hear Taemin protesting beside me, but his voice seemed like it's from far away. Like I cannot hear anything clear anymore except the continuous shattering of glass. My glass heart.

The president chuckles, and he approaches me and taps me on the shoulder.

"You're doing the right thing, Jongin. You know it's for your own good."

My own good my .

"Prepare the luxury suite for Jongin! He shall be staying there from now on. Also, I'll be preparing your bank account. From now on you can buy whatever you want. You can also buy a new phone in exchange for that piece of-" he says as he almost grabs my phone.

I swiped my hand back immediately. "Don't. touch this."

He looks taken aback, but he retreats his hands.

"Well then, Taemin, your brother to his new room, and to his new life."

Taemin wouldn't stop scolding me along the hallway. All I hear were about how bad and irrational my decision was and how my life is going to be a living hell.

I'm already in hell.

~

"Mr. Kim, you have an appointment with the reporters from KBN at around 3:30, it's about the announcement of your marriage. Also at 4:35, you are scheduled to have dinner with the world leaders and with Taemin. At 6, you have suit fitting for your grand meeting with your fiance. Also, your father wants you to memorize this script, this is what you will be announcing two days from now."

I massaged my forehead and slicked back my disheveled hair. I just got out of the shower and already, Taemin's secretary is bombarding me with ty stuff I don't even give an eff about.

"Wendy, can you at least let me change my clothes. It's 5 o'clock in the morning." I said with a smile, causing her to blush. She bowed and left.

I sat at the edge of the bed, head bowed down. I felt like a robot, but one that's out of batteries. A robot that is being controlled by hands, forcing to do this and that.

It's not like I could refuse. And it's not like if I ever did refuse, something is bound to happen that would change my life.

I sighed. Why am I thinking about that again? Everytime the marriage is brought up, I always think about that. About her.

It has been 3 years. And still, it's as if the pain inflicted on me was just yesterday.

I sat up from my bed, eyebrows furrowed. No, I will not be vulnerable now. I am about to have meetings, and most importantly, I am not drunk and in the right state of mind. I must not waver.

The day went on pretty smoothly, better than I expected actually. Except for the meeting with the world leaders, I handled everything well.

"Why were you so riled up during the meeting?" Taemin asked as we rode the limo on the way home. Oh wait, President Taemin.

Yep, this little rascal has won the elections. The bruises he received from me apparently became a publicity stunt and everyone was so moved by his speech. But I knew better.

I knew he never wanted to do those things, but his father was a controlling man. And I will not call that man my father in a million years.

"I hate speaking in different languages. I feel like they laugh at my accent or something." I said as I looked out the window. We passed by the streetlight infested Seoul, the road that lights up so much during hours like this.

"Oh Jongin, you silly thing. What were those language lessons for if you're gonna be too afraid to actually used them?"

I heard him chuckle but I continued staring outside. I just wanna go to sleep.

"So, are you ready tomorrow?" he spoke again after a while, and I sighed in return.

"Why must you remind me of things I don't wanna be reminded about?"

"Be nice. This is he first time you're seeing her, at least be discreet with the fact that you hate the arranged marriage. I already told you you'd regret this decision but-"

"I don't regret this decision. This is better. I can teach my heart to love her, as long as I know I won't get left behind again."

I feel Taemin's stare boring holes at the back of my head, but I never dared look at him. I'm afraid if I did, memories would come flooding back, and I don't wanna be vulnerable. I don't ever wanna be vulnerable.

~

"It's been a while Mr. Choi!" that man stands up as Mr. Choi approaches our table, a smile plastered on his face.

I tried my best to be civil and bowed respectfully at the man in front of me.

He looked over to me with a sly smile, then at my father.

"It really has been a while. I never thought after that party 3 years ago, here we are again, pining our son and daughter with each other." he said smugly.

"Well, it took my son 3 years to admit that he's not really into guys but is actually straight! Can you believe that! I was so confused! But oh well, he's at that stage in his life. So, where's your daughter? So we can finally discuss about things." 

I looked around, and there really is no one except the man and a few guards scattered around us. What kind of elegant girl thinks it's proper to be late? What a waste of time.

"She's coming here soon, just running a little late because she visited the hospital with her friend."

My father was surprised at this statement. "Oh? Is she alright?"

"Yeah, she's fine, it was her friend that was having health issues. Her friend was the sister of my son's girlfriend, so she's kinda part of the family at this point." Mr. Choi replied, chuckling.

Whatever excuse she had I don't care. She's wasting people's time with her actions. I was prepared to scrutinize her when she arrives.

When she did however, I caught sight of the girl that was with her. She seemed very familiar to me, but I can't really point out why.

"Jinri! Finally!" her dad said in surprise. She smiles wide and hugs him, then bows to my father and to me. When her eyes met mine, she smiles shyly while I continued on with my cold stare.

"Sorry for being late, we just got Jung's test results for her eyes. She's really getting worse by the day. I'm kinda worried." she says, gloomy.

"Oh, then where is she?" his father asked.

"She said she wanted to go home, she didn't wanna trouble us because she knows this is an important meeting." Jinri replied cheerfully.

They kinda just got into a proper conversation afterwards, but I really wasn't listening. The girl, even from afar, that was with Jinri looked oddly familiar. But it couldn't be. That girl had short, black hair. Why am I deluding my head with this? She's not coming back, Jongin. Stop these feelings.

I was brought back to reality when my father tapped me on the shoulder.

"You two seemed awkward, why don't you go walk by the garden?" he said, pointing towards a certain direction.

"Ah, yes, Choi Hotels boasts of the wildest flower gardens in all of Korea. You should check them out. Also, Jinri grows most of these flowers. She's really talented with gardening, maybe you can both be familiar with that." Mr. Choi chided in as well.

I wanted to hesitate, but Jinri was already dragging me by the hand. I it up and followed her to where she's headed. 

I wasn't disappointed though. This is a beautiful garden.

"So what kind of stuff are you interested in?" she asks lightly, trying to start a conversation.

I stayed silent and stared at the flowers around us. My eyes caught on some rare orange hydrangeas, and I found myself reacting physically.

She must've noticed because she beams at my expression.

"They're amazing right? I got that from Jung's garden in San Diego! She says her family grows those wild and rare orange ones."

I furrowed by brows. Something about San Diego screamed familiar too, but whatever it is, it's already at the back of my head.

I looked at her and straightened up. I have to be professional about this deal. I promised my father I'd work diligently for this. Since there's no point in living a life of meaning, I figured I could at least give Taemin a better life. I am older than him after all.

"Jinri, I'd love to get to know you better. How about a dinner? Tomorrow night?"

And from the looks of her eyes, it seems like she liked what I said more than I think of.