Oh God, so many new people, I apologize if I missed your name but I would like to thank all of my new subscribers: stephanstarr, Teafunny, naranta, snsd27, mmmoimoi, xxyytny, rishiuri, RainbowGeneral, lisafan2009, taetaetamtam, imbajam, taeyeon-oppa, frogbelly, stalktaer, ryzhenriette, just-this-once, taesteph2gether4ever, ochicheeo, aixywaixy, AndreaSofia, taengooyah, Lol_ur_face, Reyfanny, lovinstop, raenzz, DarkXT, garfield09, Taeyoonfany, SeeKay, yiawaah, evil-eyedkid, fanytasticbaby, totoro22, & dream12312!

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{7}

People say I look more approachable, that I look like I’m more radiant. I smile more. I’m more talkative and I’ve found a sense of humor that I never really knew existed. But the problem is that I don’t know why I’m like this. The summer was nothing special, I stayed home most of the time with Tiffany and we went out a bit. Usually it was just us but for a week I left her to go to a family reunion camping trip. Even if we didn’t do a lot I felt like it was the best summer I’ve ever had. My chest hasn’t felt so light; my mind has never been so free of school. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much in two months than I have spending time with Tiffany. As school came back around I felt like a new person. We didn’t bring up the topic of her being in love with me anymore; it was kind of like water under the bridge now. Instead, we only worked on keeping our relationship strong. I was happy. “TaeTae, we’re still on for lunch outside right?” Tiffany asked, loosening her grip on my hand as I stood outside of 1^st period, Band class.

“Of course, I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I grinned and she smiled back. “I’ll see you then.”

“Later TaeTae,” she kissed my hand briefly and we separated simply. Once I walked through the door I slipped into the back section of the room where percussionists sat. Yes, not a lot of girls could play the drums nor wanted to, but I was told I had to learn how to play an instrument. Percussion didn’t sound too boring and I stuck with it ever since.

“Oh my God am I dreaming or is Taeyeon smiling in the first week of school?” I looked up and saw one of the drummers whom I’ve known since elementary, Wooyoung. They said that last year he had a crush on me and it became awkward for a while but now he’s just a weird friend.

“I feel good, is that a crime?” I chuckled and he pulled up a chair beside me.

“This is new, usually you’re bitter and threatening to punch Jonghyun,” he said and I smirked.

“I had a pretty good summer, Wooyoung,” I insisted and he sighed.

“That’s good, I heard you’re really close with Tiffany…?” he suddenly raised an eyebrow and I nodded. “Did you hear about her?”

“Hear about what?” I asked and he leaned in, forcing me to tilt my head so he could whisper in my ear.

“Word is she’s gay,” he hissed and I froze. Oh just when we were getting over this. I leaned back in my seat and sighed. Word this correctly, word this correctly.

“And who says that?” I asked him seriously, he raised an eyebrow at my change of tone but proceeded.

“Everyone,” he simply said.

“And where’s the proof?” I questioned.

“Um, she’s always calling other girls attractive and stuff…” he muttered.

“So? In case you haven’t noticed, girls complement each other all the time unlike guys. It’s totally natural for a chick to call anyone attractive,” I told him and he bit his lip. “People just hate on her. You have to stop believing those stupid gossips Wooyoung,” I breathed deeply and he sighed.

“You sure know how to put a rumor to rest, Taeyeon,” he grinned and I shrugged. Dear lord that was close. If people knew Tiffany was remotely homoual things wouldn’t turn out well on her part.

I went throughout the day in a better mood than I would’ve last year, even with rumors about Tiffany spreading. At lunch she didn’t seem bothered by it, perhaps acknowledging that she did in fact like me meant that, in a sense, she was at least biual. I didn’t want to think about it anymore, but there are times were I can’t help but remember that oddly angry confession. We already stopped talking about it but I was still hung up on the fact she had loved me. I don’t know why, but I kinda enjoyed thinking about it sometimes. It’s something I can’t really explain; it’s just a weird yet pleasant feeling. “People came up today and talked about you,” Tiffany said, interrupting my train of thought and I raised my eyebrows.

“Really? What’d they say?” I wondered, honestly curious. I never really expected that people talked about me. It was kind of unnerving.

“They say you’re a lot brighter than last year, and asked me what I did to you over the summer,” she smiled and I smirked. “It seems like you’re noticeably less awkward.”

“I know, it’s kind of strange. I’m not used to it,” I sighed and she wrapped her arms around my neck, giving me a nice feeling.

“Don’t worry about it, Babe, this is good for you,” she mumbled and kissed my cheek.

“I know it is but I don’t want to lose all of my awkwardness, I don’t want to lose myself completely,” I told her and she smiled softly.

“Of all people, I think you’re the last person that would lose themselves in high school. Don’t worry TaeTae, I’ll look for you if you’re lost,” she offered and I smiled, feeling that warm feeling expand in my chest.

“Thank you Fany-ah,” I sighed and she kissed my cheek.

“You’d do the same for me,” she hugged me tighter and I nodded. I knew that it was kind of wrong to think this way, but Tiffany was my main priority. She was always there, someone who I wanted to be constantly thinking about. My own family came second to her, and it was wrong, but I felt like I really loved her more than my parents or grandparents. I was grateful for them, they gave birth to me and raised me, but I know that they don’t love me enough to let me do what I wanted or trust me to make my own decisions on my future. So, why should I give them love when they’ve honestly never earned it? Tiffany, on the other hand, fought hard for my love. She knew how I felt about the word and recognized that our relationship was special early on. Tiffany deserved my love.

English was probably my best subject. I enjoyed the discussions we had in class, since they offered a deeper level of thinking that I was naturally used to. Writing wasn’t a problem because of this. A couple weeks into the school year and 6^th period already felt like a family. I wasn’t awkward; in fact, I was told I was kind of a dork inside of the classroom. I enjoyed it so much. Our teacher, Mr. An, is on the younger side having received his Master’s degree in Literature only last year and so he understood teenagers a lot better. Maybe that’s why he was so awesome. “Taeyeon? Zoning out again?” I blinked and blushed slightly as Mr. An quirked a playful eyebrow. I couldn’t even remember what I was thinking about.

“Sorry Mr. An,” I mumbled and he smiled softly before returning his attention back to the class.

“As I was saying, I wanted you guys to get into the habit of writing. So, this week, I’ll be assigning you to write a vignette.” Everyone groaned in response, but I was fairly excited for the writing assignment. Since I never voiced my feelings often, I found solace in typing it out. “It’ll be fun, there are only a few things you have to follow. The vignette must be in MLA format, the whole double space thing and stuff, you have to use up to four literary elements, and the topic will be things that have changed your life,” our teacher wrote these three things up on the board and I straightened up even more, hearing the topic that we would be using for our short story.

“When you say things that changed your life, what does that mean?”

“Like events or situations that were major life changes.” I had really no life changing events, my life was quite bland. Maybe this project will be a little harder than I expected. “It just has to be something that has greatly impacted your life. You could use people, even.” And then I smiled at the person who immediately entered my mind. Now, life changing people was an easy thing to write about.

Once school had ended I packed my backpack and walked out of the room, immediately greeted by Tiffany’s bear hug. I grinned, loving her embrace more and more every day, and squeezed her back. “Hey TaeTae, how was class?” she wondered and we began walking hand in hand.

“Good, Mr. An was cool as usual,” I smirked at her pouting face.

“Damn, I wish I had cool teachers. Why do I get all the lame ones?” she frowned.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said and bit my lip softly. “Um, Fany-ah, is it okay if I go home alone today?” she forced me to stop in the middle of the hallway which made me stumble a bit. I looked at her expression and widened my eyes at her suddenly depressed face.

“Why…?” she muttered and I dragged her over to the side of the hallway so we wouldn’t get in other people’s way. Besides, no one should get to see anything that could be tease worthy.

“Hey, hey, don’t be like this. I just have an assignment that I really have to pay attention to this time around, okay? Yah, yah, yah, are you crying?” I pulled her chin up and noticed the few tears sliding down her face. I immediately laid her head on my chest and glanced around, so that no one could see she was actually tearing up.

“I just got scared, I’m sorry TaeTae,” she breathed against my shirt and I kissed the top of her head. Whenever she cried I always wanted to put my arms around her, it helped both of us.

“It’s just an assignment; I’ll probably get it down tonight so we can hang out tomorrow. Don’t be so scared of things like that, I will never ditch you,” I rubbed her back and she held me tightly. Tiffany nodded her head but refused to look up from my t-shirt. I didn’t mind, I just continued to rub circles on her back in order to comfort her. Once the hallways were cleared out, which took around 5 minutes, Tiff finally wiped her eyes and I held her hand as we walked out of the school. I didn’t think it was such a big deal, but Tiffany seemed to be particularly afraid of us growing apart. “Now go, you’ll be late for your bus,” I pecked her cheek and she smiled.

“Alright, do well on your assignment,” she kissed my hand before letting go and we began our separate walks home.

I was lost. I stared at the empty white document on my screen, feeling defeated as no words besides my heading occupied the space. This is harder than I thought. Why couldn’t I say anything? It’s been like this since I opened up my laptop, my mind was suddenly empty of every memory we shared. All that was left were the feelings I experienced and I wasn’t very good at explaining my feelings. I wasn’t sure how much was too much information, knowing this would only be between me and my English teacher, but I felt myself closing up to everyone all over again. I sighed deeply and tilted the screen before getting up from the couch. “Hayeon, don’t touch my computer.”

“Why would I? There’s nothing to read since you’ve been just zoning out for the past hour,” she insisted and I scoffed while taking out a water bottle from the fridge.

“I can’t think. I can’t write this one, nothing is inspiring me,” I groaned and shut the fridge door a little too hard which rattled some glasses inside.

“Don’t get angry, we all know what you do when you get angry. Not pretty,” Jiwoong commented and I sighed. “Just…tap into what you know. Don’t try to over think things, because you tend to that a lot. Just because this is a school assignment doesn’t mean it can’t come from your heart, Taeng,” Jiwoong told me and I blinked. From my heart? Of course! This was Tiffany I was writing about! I just had to think about how my heart felt.  

I cried twice while writing. I had to stop each time, in order to calm myself down. Hayeon and Jiwoong like to tease me about it, because I cry so much and so easily, but they don’t know why I cry. They don’t really know a lot of the stuff that goes on in my head. As I delved into my heart, I felt it really hurt. All of our memories, all of the rage, all of the loneliness, all of the love just overwhelmed me so much it was hard to contain. But I was somehow writing what my heart told me to write. I had so much to say about Tiffany without realizing it. I wasn’t really thinking anymore, I wrote what came to mind and what my heart wanted to divulge. It was like I was holding everything back and this paper was the first thing to know what I was saying. I couldn’t explain the gratitude and affection I had for Tiffany, until my heart showed me what I meant. My fingers already pressed down on the certain keys, but my eyes widened and my heart pounded. I deleted the sentence before anyone else could see what I wrote.

“I think I’m in love with Tiffany.”