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{Analysis}

There are some things that I hoped all of you managed to gain while your time reading Crush, but if you don’t think you understood everything and if you’re willing to listen, I hope I can enlighten you on these themes and why certain characters were introduced and why I wrote things in a certain way. I will be starting with more minor characters in the story before working my way up the more frequently mentioned people/more significant, but I wish for you to read everything rather than skipping straight to the end.

Taeyeon + Bora:

Bora is Tiffany’s best friend (besides of course Taeyeon) and the two never really interacted with each other but that was the whole purpose. Taeyeon and Bora represent the angel and devil on Tiffany’s shoulders per say, and thus even when around each other Taeyeon believes that they clash and would rather stay away from her. Sometimes, avoiding someone isn’t rude, but rather the smart thing to do.

Taeyeon + Seohyun/Yoona:

These two have little appearance in the course of this story, as they were only mentioned briefly during the field trip portion, but I would like to show that these two teach an important lesson. Even as a member of the orchestra (Seohyun) and a girl who was a little on the crazy side (Yoona), they were included in Taeyeon’s group of friends at the time and proved to be entertaining in their own unique way. By reading about this, I hope people will be more accepting of those who aren’t in their usual circle of friends and won’t judge others so easily based off of their group choices or by the way they present themselves.

Taeyeon + Donghae:

Just because someone is dating the love of your life doesn’t mean you have to be mean to them. Well, more like, just because a person has something you wish you had or is someone you want to be doesn’t mean that you have the right to be jealous of them. There will be times where you believe that someone has taken your spot, but even when Donghae began dating Tiffany, Taeyeon behaved in a collected and calm manner.

During this time period, Taeyeon also exhibited an excessive amount of confidence in her relationship with Tiffany even though she was in a romantic relationship with another. I believe that having confidence in something or someone can affect the outcome of your future for the better.

Taeyeon + Band Friends:

• Jonghyun: Excluding Taeyeon’s family, Jonghyun was the person that Taeyeon has known the longest (mentioned in the story). Even though the people you’ve known longer have spent more time around you, that doesn’t necessarily have to mean they’re obligated to know every detail about you. It’s normal to not be close with people you’ve known for years, but at the same time, it’s also normal that they understand you better than most of your friends. Though you may have known someone for a long while, becoming close or not is a choice, it’s not mandatory but it can be a rewarding relationship nonetheless.
• Wooyoung: Someone once told me that feelings were a burden on other people, in Wooyoung’s case, this is sadly true. Even though you might be in pain from an unrequited love, someone else might be hoping to save you from it. The entire case of Wooyoung/Taeyeon/Tiffany is that Taeyeon experiences her relationship with Tiffany from Tiffany’s point of view, being the person who forces the other into the friend-zone. Though it cannot be avoided as Taeyeon has feelings for Tiffany, putting labels on people is a task that is just as painful as getting labeled. Obvious decisions can be difficult ones but it’s important to still think of other people’s feelings when you may be struggling to handle your own.
• As a whole, the percussionists and others in Band don’t understand Taeyeon extremely well. They may not know her weaknesses or her uality, but they’re still friends. They know how to behave around her and what makes her laugh and what makes her happy. And though they don’t do everything right, like hit her in the head with snare drums, the fact that they’re still caring and reliable outweighs their flaws. I hope that despite everyone’s mistakes, people can remember that both good and bad things make up a person and not just one or the other.

Taeyeon + Cousins:

• Hyoyeon: Though not incredibly focused upon, Hyoyeon represents the light-hearted aspect of indirect family members. In the recent events of Taeyeon’s coming out, she provides a more entertaining and apparently normal reaction to the news. She proves that not everyone in a family has to be extremely concerned or analytical to be a good relative and that sometimes it’s nice to have more humor than seriousness in a time of stress. In a story where Taeyeon’s struggle is the main conflict, the inclusion of Hyoyeon was a very easy and relevant decision for me as a long piece of work shouldn’t always be depressing, in the sense that someone’s life shouldn’t always be depressing either.
• Sunny: People tend to have multiple appearances, depending on their audience. Sunny reveals some of these personalities during the story, from fragile and emotional during Yuri’s passing to comforting and mocking during Taeyeon’s coming out. We tend to feel more comfortable with the outer appearance, as that is how most people come to know us by, but the person inside of us shouldn’t be viewed only under certain circumstances. Sunny is meant to be someone who, naturally, has many personalities depending on who she’s with. Though, I’d like to encourage people to not follow Sunny’s example, and instead blend everything that you are into one person.
• Yuri: Family throws you curveballs, a lot of the time, they’re curveballs that throw you into a place that you’re not familiar in. Yuri was based off of my own cousin, who actually passed away in his senior year due to a train accident, and he completely threw me with his death. His passing was sudden and extremely unexpected, and even though at the moment I was sad, I knew that being strong was my main priority. Yes, it’s only right to respect the life that was lost and to allow yourself time to grieve, but the loss of someone you loved cannot put your own life on pause. While it feels like you’re stuck in a certain spot in your life, you’re still moving, you’re still aging, and you must keep going forward. Those who have left would not like for us to continue to dwell on how they left.

Taeyeon + Parents:

• Dad: Though this seems strange, the fact that Taeyeon’s father is not completely accepting of her biuality is partly Taeyeon’s own fault. Her father has expressed his discomfort with the idea of homoual people, since he has never encountered one before, and Taeyeon never tried to steer his mind into thinking of it in a more positive way. If she had made subtle attempts in stopping her father’s behavior (such as by reprimanding his jokes or offering her opinion to light) it is possible that her father could’ve reacted better in the time of her coming out. Taeyeon’s father is greatly influenced by his ignorance and even though Taeyeon knows this, her relationship with her father is kept as stiff and burdening without teaching him about what she knows of homouality.
• Mom: Taeyeon’s mother was often labeled as a woman who didn’t care for her children’s health or wasn’t around as often as a mother should be. Many children/teenagers are actually known to be a bit more hostile towards their mother because of the fact she is the one who gave birth to them and thus decisions made by her are taken personally. In Taeyeon’s case, this is actually true. Though her father openly displays his disliking towards homoual individuals, Taeyeon’s mother tends to “neglect” Taeyeon and pushes her towards more work which causes her to gain more stress. Eventually, though, Taeyeon learns that her mother truly loves her and accepts her as a biual in love with her best friend. We sometimes think that our parents might be against us and that they only want us to do good for their own benefit, but more often than not our parents truly do love us and wish the best for us, as Taeyeon learns with her mother.

Taeyeon + Xiumin:

Taeyeon and Xiumin have a strong friendship, despite only knowing each other from an English class one year. Xiumin is random and a little different than to what Taeyeon has experienced, but she enjoys his company and they are able to know more about each other thanks to Mr. An’s class. As time goes on, Taeyeon is happily surprised to find that Xiumin is a friend who stays and even trusts him to the point of confirming Xiumin’s guess about her uality. Despite their slight attraction to each other, both of them understand that their friendship is more important and Xiumin even knows that Taeyeon’s love for Tiffany cannot be compared to the relationship he has with her. Xiumin and Taeyeon both show how a friendship can stay a friendship even into their college days.

Taeyeon + Jessica

Though their meeting is unexpected and not an ideal way to meet your cousin’s girlfriend, the two immediately bonded to the point of where Taeyeon even hugged Jessica when she cries. This shows how the death or loss of someone who is held in mutual respect by two people can bring them together. It’s also another example where someone outside of the family knows most about you, as Taeyeon tries to learn more and more about Yuri through Jessica. Though, because this is her cousin’s girlfriend, Taeyeon’s determined in caring for and nurturing Jessica in order for her to feel better after the loss of Yuri. This is slightly misinterpreted in Jessica’s case, as she begins to fall for Taeyeon due to the similarity between the cousins. Taeyeon is oblivious to this fact until after summer, when Jessica realizes she truly cannot get over Yuri, which settles their relationship.

Taeyeon + Siblings:

• Hayeon: Similar to Hyoyeon, Hayeon is a character that provides a lighter atmosphere when things get too heavy but on a more daily basis. Hayeon is a jokester and often doesn’t take things as seriously as she should, but did keep Taeyeon’s secret of her biuality and tries to steer such uncomfortable topics away when her sister is around. Taeyeon does occasionally get mad at her younger sister, but they both know it’s okay to trust each other and that they care about each other. It’s a relationship that appears to be bothersome and frustrating, but on the inside the two people understand each other in a strange sense. Hayeon being Taeyeon’s sister puts the latter at ease, even when she bugs her.
• Jiwoong: Taeyeon, in a way, idolizes her older brother a lot. He is extremely intelligent despite his hatred towards school, though he’s also intensely passionate about music as it is said he stays up for hours writing and composing tracks. Because Taeyeon has an appreciation for music as well, she looks up to Jiwoong as a true lover of music and is at times envious because of his clear passion. Jiwoong is someone who drives Taeyeon to look for her own calling, especially when he leaves for New York instead of California. He also mentions how, whether or not their family encourages him, music is something that he cannot live without. This shows how the siblings feel about careers, as Taeyeon agrees that you should do something you love. She also deeply trusts her brother as he is someone who can understand her mindset and beliefs.

Taeyeon + Grandparents:

Taeyeon’s grandparents barely make an appearance in the story and, if based on those criteria, they would most likely not have been included in this list. But Taeyeon’s grandparents play a major part in her life, even if they’re not there. Even more so than her parents, Taeyeon’s grandparents are truly controlling and attempt in dictating her life in every aspect possible. In education, they have instilled the idea where only a good education will equal a good life. In relationships, they insist that an old fashioned man with a similar job will bring happiness to their granddaughter.

Though her grandparents believe that there is a respectful relationship between them, Taeyeon feels that their connection is only based on the opportunity for them to ride on her success in the future. Eventually she realizes that she cannot be controlled by her grandparents forever, though she decides to become a doctor, Taeyeon begins to base her choices off of herself.

Taeyeon + Tiffany:

Taeyeon and Tiffany began their friendship, according to Tiffany, during a time when both of them had bouts of depression. This caused them to be vulnerable to each other, being especially open to new solutions for their sadness. After learning to trust each other and after divulging many of their hardships to each other, their friendship became solid as they continued to attend school together. Even with little time of knowing each other they find that they trust and care for no one else more than each other. During the early times of their friendship, Tiffany fell for Taeyeon due to the latter showering the former in care and affection. This is only made apparent to Taeyeon, however, after about two years of being friends with Tiffany. This causes their already strange friendship to become even more complicated which brings both Taeyeon and Tiffany many burdens.

Emotions can only not be returned, they can also be burdens. Immediately Taeyeon is burdened with the revelation and isn’t sure how to handle such a situation. While she attempts to learn how to comprehend the fact that Tiffany’s in love with her and makes up with her best friend, she begins thinking about how or why she doesn’t feel the same. Though, this kind of backfires as she realizes that she really does love Tiffany in a romantic way but is unsure if Tiffany has gotten over her or will accept her late decision. This turn of events shows how someone can introduce a new way of thinking to you and you can suddenly think of the world as an entirely different place.

While Taeyeon struggles with keeping her secret inside, Tiffany also struggles to get over her best friend. It is questioned whether the girl truly has gotten over Taeyeon and liked Nichkhun, but I would rather leave this up to interpretation. Either way, Taeyeon believed that Tiffany doesn’t have any feelings for her anymore and begins to get a deeper understanding of how the latter felt. Though this is a rather harsh “stepping into someone else’s shoes” example, Taeyeon does know how painful and difficult it is to hold everything inside especially when helping Tiffany with her Nichkhun problems. Tiffany is also shown as someone who is comfortable with physical contact which bothers her best friend in ways that it didn’t use to but also delights her in ways that didn’t use to.

Tiffany is also shown to have curiosity or interest in drugs and other illegal substances (as they are underage) which, frankly, pisses Taeyeon off. The two are polar opposites though there is a point where Taeyeon finds her friend completely stupid and that is the time when she notices Tiffany interacting with these things, even with cigarettes. Taeyeon has a family history of lung cancer and thus her own friend smoking makes her feel anxious, though Tiffany is a bit of a believer in “teenage invincibility” where she thinks that these side effects won’t happen to her or she won’t get addicted.

The main reason Taeyeon is so confused about her relationship is because of Tiffany’s possessiveness. It has always been a major part of their relationship, but with romantic feelings being/have been involved, the jealousy is confusing to both parties. Though it is revealed that Tiffany is naturally a jealous and possessive person, she still holds Taeyeon to a higher standard than other things or people, as seen when Jessica and Xiumin come into the mix. Because of this, both teens have the feeling of being desired by the other, which is comforting in the sense of a strong relationship but is questionable in the sense of what relationship they’re in.

Some people don’t understand the reason for Tiffany’s hesitation when accepting Taeyeon’s feelings for her. As previously stated, Tiffany and Taeyeon are complete opposites, which causes Tiffany to question about what ends they stand on the spectrum when it concerns relationships. Because of the fact that Taeyeon is someone who thinks of relationships very seriously and passionately, Tiffany is afraid that she is the person who won’t be able to have a long-lasting relationship no matter how great she believes her love is. When saying that she’d rather have time to experience having a partner before being with Taeyeon, the break was rather for Taeyeon to find someone else to love as Tiffany wasn’t confident in her ability to stand in a long-term relationship.

In Taeyeon’s college days, it’s shown that Tiffany has already debuted and made it into the Korean entertainment industry. This hints at the fact that the letter Tiffany received the night Taeyeon came out was an acceptance letter from a company. Because of this it’s obvious that the two don’t have a lot of time to see each other in person, but actively use messaging and calling to stay in touch. As they’re older, Taeyeon appears more assertive and forward, while Tiffany is a bit more cautious and hesitant. It’s most likely because of the absences from each other, as they instill a bit of the other’s personality into themselves just so they can remember how it feels, but it can also be due to their career choices. Tiffany does show a lot of growth near the end of this story as she thinks about not only her future, but her future with Taeyeon and how that might affect her job. Taeyeon also exhibits a lot of growth as she is shown being more confident in her emotions and the fact that she misses and still loves Tiffany despite being a busy student. Despite their clashing careers and personalities, their relationship of over 8 years trumps everything else as Tiffany allows herself to become absorbed in a relationship with Taeyeon.

What the main idea I tried to gain from Taeyeon and Tiffany (besides using my own personal experience) was that opposites attract. The two of them met with different beliefs, ideas, personalities, dreams, interests, and other contradictions and yet they still ended up trusting each other more than anyone else. They still ended up falling for each other, albeit at first in different periods of time. They still supported a good friendship that lasted many years. I believe that people deserve a “better half” but in order for someone to have a better half, they have to fit in order to create something better, and I will explain this using Tiffany’s seesaw method. If you go down the person across from you can’t also go down, you have to push up for them to go down and vice versa. Any kind of relationship is like that, if someone goes down you cannot sink with them, you have to cheer them up so they can help when you go down.