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{38}

There it is, that amazing bell. I grinned so hard when Xiumin jumped on a desk, in glee for summer. School is finally over. I buried my face in my hands, feeling that my shoulders loosened up from months and months of harbored tension. “Taeyeon.” I looked up and saw Mr. An handing me back my yearbook. I had asked him to sign it five minutes before the bell rang. I didn’t really care about my other teachers; honestly, I just wanted to hear from him.

“Thank you,” I smiled and slipped it into my knapsack. I would read what he said later. “Xiumin! Get off from that desk and let’s go!” I slapped the latter’s leg and he jumped onto the ground. I agreed to go with some friends to go to Korean BBQ and I invited Xiumin along since I knew Tiffany was going to be there. I kind of needed the extra support plus I liked having him around.

“You’re paying right, Tae?” Jonghyun asked as we began walking off campus and I scoffed.

“I have $100, since it’s $20 per person I can pay for 5 people,” I responded and he opened up his wallet and looked through his bills. I felt a slight tug on my arm and looked to the side, smiling at Tiffany. With school over, I felt like I could totally focus on her. It brightened my world.

“Hey Babe, pay for me?” she batted her lashes and I sighed but nodded. I didn’t mind paying for half of our party, my family was on the richer side, and money never seemed to matter to my grandparents.

“I only have $40 bucks, we have 10 people, so we need $60 more,” Jonghyun told me.

“I have 20 bucks,” Taecyeon said.

“Same,” Jessica replied.

“Jiyong and I have ten,” Seunghyun finished.

“There, we have money,” I breathed and slipped my wallet into my back pocket.

“Hey, Tae, I bet the first round of ¹bulgogi that you can’t run to the restaurant faster than me,” Wooyoung pointed down two blocks, where we were all headed. I had a gambling gene, obviously many people knew, and so without saying anything I handed my bag to Tiffany. Wooyoung plays lacrosse which means he’s fit, but it also means he’s constantly looking around when he plays. It’s probably a habit by now.

“Seriously? You’re going to try and outrun a lacrosse champ?” Tiffany looked at me ludicrously and I smiled at her.

“Don’t worry, I like strip loin better anyway,” I assured and she rolled her eyes at me as I turned back to my fellow percussionist. Jiyong stood in the bike lane with his arm in the air while Wooyoung and I crouched down to the concrete. Already, I felt my nerves run on edge.

“For the meat!” Jiyong shouted and swung his arm down, as Wooyoung and I shot from our positions simultaneously. Sure, it had been a while since I was in PE, but I learned many things from when I was in track the previous year.  

“What the , Taeyeon!” I didn’t look back or say anything; it would only slow me down. I stared straight ahead and watched as the restaurant rapidly grew bigger. I could feel my heart beating in my neck and Wooyoung’s steps slightly caught onto my foot. I nearly tripped but recovered and forced myself to go faster. I closed my eyes for a minute and skidded to a stop at the front door. Once I stopped from running all of the exhaustion caught up with me, my adrenaline plummeted and I collapsed against the wall. I looked around for Wooyoung and smiled when I saw him sitting at the end of the sidewalk, looking close to death. “ you!” No he’s good; he still has the energy to flip me off.

“Come on! I’m hungry!” I shouted at him and walked into the restaurant first.

Since we had a large group we were seated at a big table with two grills. I sat in between Tiffany and Jessica, on my right and left respectively. For some reason, it felt uncomfortable in between them. I tried to push it into the back of my mind. “Nice run, Taeyeon,” Xiumin noted as he sat in front of me and I smiled.

“I can’t believe you beat me,” Wooyoung groaned and I chuckled, placing onions on the grill.

“Hey, I can run, but don’t worry. I don’t like bulgogi so much so you can eat it,” I told him and he frowned.

“That’s not any better, that makes me sound sympathized,” he said.

“That’s because you are!” Seunghyun said harshly and I rolled my eyes at them. Taecyeon, at the end of the table, ordered all of our meats from the waiter. It didn’t take long for all of the plates to arrive, surprisingly since we ordered a lot, and I quickly picked up the raw beef to place on the grill. My stomach grumbled as it sizzled and I groaned, leaning back in my chair.

“Why can’t meat cook faster?” I frowned and poked it with the metal tongs. I felt a gentle tug on my right cheek and looked over at Tiffany who was grinning at me.

“Calm down, you’ll eat in no time,” she said and now her hand cupped the back of my neck. I smiled a little but felt pressured when multiple eyes bore their way through my body.

“Yah, you two, hurry up and eat so we don’t have to throw up our own food,” Jessica mumbled and placed the piece of strip loin I wanted on my plate. I grinned happily.

“Thanks Sica,” I said softly, remembering the last time Tiffany heard that nickname, and immediately gulped the juicy morsel. “God this place is so good.”

“The meat is the best,” Xiumin agreed and I picked up another piece, holding it up for Tiffany to eat off my chopsticks. She happily did so and held my hand under the table. That way, every time I interacted with Jessica, it would result in a painful squeeze.

I had a particularly numb hand by the time our eating had slowed. My fingers tingled when Tiffany let go of my hand and I gently rubbed my knuckles. Ow, dear God, ow. I let out a breath and looked back, where the others were getting ice cream to finish off their meal. It was left to Xiumin and I being the only ones not having dessert. “So, Taeyeon, mind explaining why you were only eating with your left hand?” Xiumin smirked and I pressed my lips together.

“You know why,” I said and he laughed whole heartedly.

“You guys are bursting with cheesiness, I love that,” he chuckled, finishing off the remains of the beef. I glanced behind me again, staring at Tiffany’s award winning smile as she talked with Bora and Jonghyun. It was nice to see, like my world was colliding with hers.

“It’s bittersweet,” I muttered.

“You know it’d be easier if you told her,” he insisted and I shrugged, staring at my red hand. “Best friends don’t get jealous like that.”

“I know…but just because we’re more than best friends doesn’t mean we’re what I’d like us to be,” I mumbled and took a sip of my water. “I keep telling everyone that I don’t want to be in a relationship right now, I’m afraid that she really believes it,” I leaned back and brought my hands to my face.

“Well if you don’t tell her you want a relationship with her then she will believe it,” he advised and I gulped. I rubbed my temples. “Tiff!” I sat up straight and looked behind me at the girl we were just talking about.

“Hey guys, what are you talking about?” she wondered, away at the strawberry ice cream in her waffle cone. Cute.

“Nothing much, just talking,” I said as she held out her ice cream for me, which I nibbled on for a little bit.

“Everyone is going crazy for the free ice cream, you guys should get some,” she pointed.

“Nah, not into ice cream,” Xiumin shook his head.

“I’m just waiting so we can go home,” I shrugged.

“Wanna go now?” Tiffany asked me, pointing to my bag. I glanced at Xiumin who just smirked and nodded. Oh dear.

“Sure, let’s head out,” I nodded and stood up, grabbing my knapsack and slung it on my shoulders. “Later Xiumin.”

“Bye guys,” he smirked at me but we left after saying goodbye to the others. The sun was at its highest peak since it was only 2 in the afternoon which caused me to take off my sweater and stuff it into my bag.

“Sorry about that, TaeTae,” Tiffany mumbled and kissed my hand. I smiled at the feeling it gave me.

“It’s okay, I still have my hand,” I chuckled but I sensed the air was tense and our walk remained quiet.

Once we got to Tiffany’s house I walked in I was greeted with the view of a rather red faced and upset Mr. Hwang on his laptop. This doesn’t look good. “Ignore him,” Tiffany mumbled and dragged me to her room. The last time I saw her dad was when Michelle had suggested Tiffany and I go out with each other. The idea sounds nice now. I dropped onto Tiffany’s bed and sighed.

“What’s your dad so mad about?” I asked.

“Who knows? He’s always mad about something,” she mumbled and fell beside me. “I’m just so glad school’s over…”

“Same, it feels great,” I confessed and she laughed.

“Yeah, I just want to hang out with you and not even care about anything else,” she sighed and wrapped her arms around my neck. I smiled at her.

“We still have our summer assignment to finish,” I reminded.

“Whatever, like I’ll do it,” she scoffed and I sighed. “Babe, I want a boyfriend,” she muttered and I gulped. Calm down a little bit. I knew it would come back around again sometime, the topic of relationships, but I guess I hadn’t really put much thought into it.

“I don’t understand the appeal of dating,” I muttered, feeling her fingers interlocking with mine. I don’t understand the appeal of dating yet I want to date you.

“I just want a boyfriend,” she mumbled in my neck and I ignored the feeling it gave me.

“Why? Just to say you’ve dated,” I grumbled.

“I want to cuddle and do cute stuff with a guy! There, I said it,” she said loudly into my shoulder and if it didn’t hurt me so much I would’ve laughed.

“Psh, nowadays you can cuddle with anyone, you can hold hands with anyone kiss anyone, hug anyone, and sleep beside anyone. People even say ‘I love you’ like it’s nothing,” I turned my head away from her which left an easier opening for her face to move into the crook of my neck.

“I can’t sleep with anyone…” she said and I rolled my eyes.

“You know what I mean,” I scoffed.

“Well if someone says they love me it won’t be the same because I don’t love them back. It’s like when you tell me you love me, you don’t mean it in a romantic way,” she explained and I felt my heart thumping, hurting. I didn’t say anything for a minute, afraid that my voice would crack in despair.

“At least when I say I love you I mean it. I’ve probably said I love you a million times and I could still say it a million more,” I said under my breath but I still felt her arms tightened around my neck. Oh dear, she heard that?

“Aw,” she hummed and I felt my lips curve up a little. “But isn’t there a difference between telling a close friend and someone that you love, in like, a romantic way?” she asked me and my heart thumped harder. If there is you obviously haven’t detected it.

“I don’t think so, love means you can’t live without someone, whether it be a friend or a significant other,” I told her and she hummed again.

“I guess…” she breathed but my heart still wasn’t settled. I needed to do something else.

“I want you to read something for me,” I reached into my bag and pulled out my USB drive. “It’s something I wrote for my English final.”