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{24}

The days where I felt that Tiffany was getting too close I made off with Jessica, Wooyoung, or even Xiumin from my English class.  Everyone knew now that something was wrong, I never even dared to approach the other in the halls or at lunch. But I was glad to spread myself out a bit, to talk to people other than Tiffany. I just needed a little time to collect myself and she needed some time to at least think about what I did. I couldn’t be forgiven that easily, could I? Yeah I was drunk, but a drunk man never tells a lie. Meanwhile I talked with Jessica, mostly about my cousin, in order to ease her pain. Coping with the death of someone who you felt so strongly about was still something I have yet to experience, and hope to never do so. Wooyoung was weird but he was entertaining to be around so I talked with him in the classes we had together. His randomness was, in a confusing way, healing. Xiumin and I recently began talking to since we were assigned an English project together, he had studied some form of martial art a while back, but he agreed to teach me how to use nun-chucks which I’ve always wanted to learn. I managed to cut Tiffany out for a couple weeks, but I desperately wanted the girl I loved back in my life.

After complaining to my mother for a while I was finally taken to the doctor’s office to get my body checked out. People said they were always afraid of the doctor or needles or shots but I liked going to the doctor. They were people who could tell me what was wrong with me. Plus my doctor was a woman and it made me a lot more comfortable. “Taeyeon, can you take off your shirt so I can see your back easier?” I had no problem with following through with that. “Now I want you to reach down and touch your toes,” she told me and so I began to lean down but was immediately stopped. “Oh, have you ever thought of maybe having scoliosis?”

“Yeah, Jiwoong once mentioned I might have it.” Scoliosis was basically where my spine had a curve in it when it was supposed to be straight. I thought about it, but I never expected to actually have it.

“Well, it looks like there’s a bit of a curve. Most people who have scoliosis have two curves but you only have one…” I wasn’t sure if it was relevant to my pain but I was allowed to put my shirt back on. “So the scoliosis is mild, meaning it’s there but not so bad that we would have to perform surgery. On the other hand, I need to take a blood sample to test for arthritis and inflammation,” the doctor told me. “Is that okay with your mother?”

“Taeyeon, do you think that you can give them blood?” my mom asked and I nodded.

“Yeah, I wanted to donate blood at school, Mom, but they wouldn’t let me because I’m not 110 pounds!” I reminded her and I was led out of the room into another with a chair set up with two arm rests. The nurse tested both of my arms by tying a blue band right about my elbow and prodded the fleshy underside of my arm. It didn’t faze me, I was totally fine, I even watched the needle go into my arm and draw blood! I figured that before I talked to Tiffany again I needed to visit a doctor; she was very persistent in me getting checked out. With news that I wasn’t dying, I was ready to face her.

Once my mother dropped me off at school I immediately ran over to the other girl as she stepped out of her car. “Tae?!” I couldn’t control it, I missed her so much. I wrapped my arms around her waist and picked her right off the ground. I was way too happy, but I couldn’t control my happiness. I was beyond ecstatic when I felt her arms around my neck and I set her back on the ground. She smiled brightly at me and I smiled back. “I was starting to wonder where you ran off to.”

“I would never run away from you, besides, guess who went to the doctor yesterday?” I said and her eyes sparkled.

“You finally went?” she asked and I nodded. “What’s up?”

“Scoliosis, my spine is curved. They can’t do surgery on it, I had to give some blood for tests, and my doctor wants me to go through physical therapy,” I sighed and opened the door for her once we got into the building.

“Ah, is there anything that you can do to feel better though?” she wondered.

“Yeah, I also have tight hamstrings so I’ve been stretching so it doesn’t hurt as badly,” I informed her and she hugged me.

“At least you feel better,” she sighed and I gently kissed her head. I was glad nothing changed, again, and I hoped that I could control my love-based actions easier. “Were you okay? After the whole drinking thing, did your parents notice?” I was afraid of her bringing that day up again, but I pretended I still had no recollection of the previous night.  

“No, I said I had a headache and they believed me,” I smiled. “I guess drinking isn’t on the Kim Taeyeon radar.”

“If I wasn’t there I wouldn’t have believed it myself,” Tiffany said and I scoffed, causing her to giggle. Everything is back; it’s always so easy to come back.

I walked into class feeling lighter than I have been in days. I took my seat at the back of the Band room, in between Baekhyun and Wooyoung who were shooting each other’s asses in Halo. I leaned over the younger’s shoulder and smirked. “Baek, you so badly,” I chuckled and the latter scoffed, but didn’t dare lay a hand on me. I was kind of scary to my other percussionists.

“No I don’t, Wooyoung just likes his stupid grenade launcher,” Baekhyun bit back his tongue and, in frustration, slapped his laptop as the latter made an exaggerated booming sound while throwing said grenade.

“You should play, Taeyeon, you’d be totally badass,” Wooyoung suggested and I sighed.

“Nah, I kick in real life,” I smirked and the two of them jumped into another seat.

“You’re in a good mood, and I saw you talking to Tiffany this morning,” Jonghyun walked over with a teasing grin and pulled up a chair in front of the three of us.

“Oh, you guys are talking again? So suddenly?” Wooyoung raised an eyebrow at me and I nodded.

“You guys have a weird relationship, usually it’s the guys that fight and make up,” Baekhyun noted and I sighed. You guys have no idea.

“We’re fine, we’ve just been going through some kinks lately,” I shrugged and felt Wooyoung come back to the seat next to me. Another person would’ve dismissed it as a random action, but I felt our arms touch and his foot rested right next to mine. I held back the instinct to stiffen up.

“You going back to being outside with Tiffany during lunch then?” Wooyoung asked me meekly and I shrugged again.

“Probably, but I’ll sit with you guys some days; I’m not ditching you or anything,” I insisted but the three of them just shuffled uncomfortably. “What?”

“Well, these past like couple weeks is probably the most time you’ve ever spent with us…ever. We like having you around,” Jonghyun confessed and furrowed my eyebrows. Is that really the case? I’ve known these guys longer than I’ve known Tiffany, far longer, but at the same time I didn’t know them as well as I know Tiffany. It was kind of sad and it made me feel a little guilty.

“You’re so close with Tiffany, it’s kinda hard,” Wooyoung muttered and I sighed.

“I’m sorry guys, don’t worry, I’ll try to keep my mind open,” I slung an arm around Baekhyun and Wooyoung’s necks. I cared about my percussionist friends…but it was quite hard to ignore the fact that Wooyoung’s hand was dangerously close to my waist.

I admit it’s hard to think that a close friend of yours may have feelings for you. Wooyoung and I were always buddies, I was always another guy when I was with the other drummers, how do I even become a girl in their radar? I notice things; I noticed his subtle body contact and unusual clingy nature. It was uncomfortable in the least. I wanted to be friends with him because he’s funny and he was a good person, but I wasn’t interested in anything more or less. I feel bad for putting someone in the friend-zone, especially since I know just how painful it can be, but it was inevitable. I didn’t look at him that way and I was in love with Tiffany.

I know that Tiffany is the center of my universe, I know I probably don’t notice as many things as I used to. It’s a guilty feeling, but it’s also a helpless feeling. There’s nothing to stop thinking about her but I don’t even want to stop. My mind being clouded with Tiffany was a bittersweet paradise. “Tae, why don’t you ever eat lunch?” Tiffany asked me and I looked over at her, shrugging.

“I’m not that hungry, why would I get food when there are others that need it more than I do?” I replied and she sighed, leaning her head against my shoulder and I smiled.

“Do you have to be such a pushover all of the time?” she wondered sarcastically.

“I prefer of thinking it as being noble,” I said back and she scoffed, making me chuckle.

“Cute as always, TaeTae,” she wrapped her arms around my waist and I gently leaned my head on hers. Such ease in our relationship, why do I have to make things so complicated? “So, when did you and Jessica start talking?” I bit my bottom lip. I was afraid of that happening.

“We just found something in common,” I answered and Tiffany shifted around. Also known as my deceased cousin who she wanted to one day marry.

“Was she the girl…in the bathroom that day?” she asked weakly and I took a deep breath. Please don’t be upset with either of us.

“It was a rough day, I’m sorry neither of us told you we were hanging out,” I mumbled and she sighed again. Even if I trusted Tiffany, I didn’t want to tell her that Jessica was involved in a relationship with my cousin and was the one who unintentionally caused her death. We were both still sensitive about Yuri and I didn’t want to say anything without consulting her.

“It’s fine, as long as she doesn’t replace me,” Tiffany smiled up at me and I grinned back. The days when she was protective of me were one of the best days.

“Of course, no one can replace you, Fany-ah,” I gently kissed her head and she laid across my lap. I leaned against the brick wall and relaxed myself.

“Do you mean it?” she mumbled and I hummed.

“I mean it.” No one can ever replace you in my heart, Tiffany. Romantically or not I loved Tiffany, I really love her. I can’t imagine my life without her, I may possibly not have been alive this long if it wasn’t for her. It’s weird, how one person could’ve changed your whole world and you wouldn’t even know it. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said back, without any pause or hesitation and my heart fluttered. I thought that maybe that would change, but I was happy it really hadn’t. “Wake me up before 4^th period?”

“Sure thing, Hun,” I mumbled and on instinct I took off my jacket to drape over her curled up figure. She gently smiled as she snuggled her head on my thigh and I leaned back once more, enjoying the moment.

“Give Jessica your jacket again and I swear to God you’re dead.” Way to kill a moment Tiffany.

“Yes, Fany-ah…”