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{46}

I could feel my limbs buzzing with adrenaline, refusing to hold still while my brain throbbed in heavy pain. Where am I? I couldn’t think, I was trying to think of something, but nothing came to me. My heart beat picked up. There was nothing scarier than not being in control of your own body. My vision was blurry and speckled, I couldn’t even see where I was, but there were other people around me. I could tell because voices were bouncing off of my ears and they weren’t mine. A face loomed above me and suddenly my eyes traveled upwards until I was sure I was looking at the ceiling. Something tapped my cheek, once, then twice more in a furious panic. I was too hyped up on adrenaline and confusion to comprehend what had tapped me. My entire being felt small and weightless, as figures larger than life sped around my eyes. I managed to turn my head and see the clock. It was 3:55.

I regained consciousness surrounded by the smell of clam chowder and a hint of artificial strawberries. I brought my hands to my face and groaned. What time is it? I looked around for a clock and saw I had been out for a little more than an hour. I felt my head throb and my stomach growled. I frowned. My head hurts and I’m hungry. I looked around once more to really take in my surroundings. Leather couch, small kitchen, strawberries…Tiffany’s place. “I still can’t believe you would hurt her like that!” I jumped in my own skin at the shout and bonked my head against the couch. I groaned in pain and rested my hand on my temple. “Taeyeon?” Tiffany immediately ran in, followed by about 7 other people. My best friend was obviously not in her right mind as I felt her hand shaking when she held my shoulder. “Taeyeon, is your vision okay? Can you see everything clearly?” she asked me and I nodded slowly.

“Oh…” I nodded in confusion.

“What year is it? Who is our president? Do you remember who I am?” she continued and I frowned, utterly baffled by the totally random and unmistakable questions being thrown at me.

“Are you asking me concussion questions?” I asked back.

“The fact that you don’t remember what happened is the exact reason I should be asking these questions, God, we should take you to the doctor,” she whined and touched my forehead gingerly. She pressed a spot in the middle of my eyebrows and a sharp jolt shot through my skull. I winced and pushed her hand away on instinct.

“Ow! That hurts!” I said and I paused while the pain subsided. “Why does it hurt right there?” Tiffany’s eyes squinted and she straightened out her back, glaring at the nervous crowd behind her.

“One of these douchebags hit you in the face with a drumline snare head, knocked you off your feet, and made you land back first on the floor.” The vivid image of one of those metal rimmed, bulletproof drum heads smacking me square above the eyes rushed back and I cringed as much as I could without aggravating the bruise right above my eyebrow. No wonder it hurts like a . “You guys better hurry up and leave before I smack one of you for hurting my Taeyeon. Like seriously what were you guys thinking—?!”

“Fany-ah,” I mumbled. My head was buzzing and her loud voice didn’t help. She looked at me apologetically before cooling down. “It’s fine. I’m okay. My parents shouldn’t know about this and I can answer your questions. It’s only a bruise and it’ll fade in a few days,” I insisted.

“I’m sorry about that, I should’ve realized you weren’t looking when I threw it,” Baekhyun sighed with his head lowered.

“Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have suggested that game…” Seunghyun said with a light pout.

“It’s fine, I just need to ice it.” At that instant, Tiffany stood up and briskly walked into her kitchen.

“When I turn around, all of you better be out the door,” she added without looking and my percussionist friends nearly trampled each other getting to the door without another word. Usually they were so uplifting and dorky, but then again, they’ve never nearly broken my skull before either. As the last person, Baekhyun, left with his tail tucked between his legs, Tiffany returned with a Ziploc bag of ice for my head. “Here, it doesn’t look like it’ll bruise, but this will help with that and hopefully as well as the pain,” she mumbled and rested the bag on my forehead, in between my eyebrows. I frowned at the sting.

“I really should’ve paid attention when they were throwing things,” I grumbled, partially to myself, and Tiffany sighed.

“It’s their fault. How can they just toss that thing at you when your back was facing him? You could’ve seriously gotten hurt and then what would’ve happened?” she growled and I shook my head but said nothing because she seemed really upset right now. I know it shouldn’t have but it made me feel good, she really cared a lot about me and every time it was evident I felt great. “How hard did Baekhyun throw that thing? Why are you smiling?” she frowned at me and I chuckled, shrugging my shoulders.

“You’re cute when you’re worried,” I said without thinking and her hand stiffened as it continued to hold down the bag that was slowly making my head feel numb. I watched as her cheeks slowly eased into a dark red blush and smiled.

“And you’re cute when you’re injured, now stop doing that,” she mumbled and I laughed.

“Doing what? Telling the truth? Because you’re even cuter when you’re embarrassed and blushing like that,” I added playfully and she scoffed, pushing me down forcefully as I smiled even wider. My cheeks began to hurt and I liked it.

“I would hit you, but you have a bump on your pretty little head, so I’ll just pray for a bruise,” she pouted, sitting on my stomach as I just stared at her. I couldn’t feel my headache or my bruise; I was literally so caught up in how beautiful she is. I strained my neck to look at her eyes, I always thought that her best feature were her eyes. The way she could express her happiness in a pair of crescent moons to masking her heartache in a stoic gaze captivated me immensely. I could never get enough of the way she looked at me.

“How am I ever going to live without those eyes staring at me the way you do?” I wondered quietly, but she easily caught it. Tiffany laid down on top of me, her light weight not bothering me as much as the close proximity of her face was. I closed my eyes and focused on the slight buzz in my head, because lately it’s been harder to control myself. It’s difficult to keep my mind on track when all I want to do is hold and kiss her until she leaves me all one my own.

“What will you do when I leave?” it was not an option for her to stay. It was her passion; she wanted to go into that industry so badly. Even I couldn’t stop her and I didn’t want to.

“Study, think of you, graduate high school, think of you, go to California, think of you, study some more, and think of you,” I nodded and she sighed, cupping my face and caressing my cheek with her soft thumb.

“I almost have enough money, I’ve been saving up a lot so I have around half of the amount needed,” she whispered and I nodded, taking her hand away from my cheek. “I’ll miss you so badly…” the move would be hard on her especially, not only me. In a sense she would probably have an even harder time, training is not easy work and it takes a lot for Tiffany to open up about the things she does with me. She needed me for support and other emotional issues more than I ever needed.

“You can message me whenever you want, you don’t have to know our time difference whenever you need me. It could be at two in the freaking morning over here, I’ll answer,” I reminded her and she nodded gently, playing with my collar. I adjusted my ice pack and exhaled deeply.

“Who’ll take care of you when those douchebags hit you in the head again?” she mumbled and I cracked a smile, looking back at her.

“I can always get dragged to Jessica’s place,” I said nonchalantly.

“Those percussionists don’t want a death wish that badly,” Tiffany smirked and I felt my heart flutter at her possessive qualities.

“I told you that Jessica doesn’t like me,” I combed my fingers through her hair and she placed her head on my chest, so when my heart beat, her upper body moved with it.

“She doesn’t like you anymore,” my best friend pointed out. “Feelings can always come back, especially if you’re still close to that person,” she crossed her arms angrily and I rolled my eyes. If only I could tell you that she was in love with my cousin, then you wouldn’t be like this. But I didn’t want to share that with anyone, I only wanted it to be a secret safe between Jessica and I.

“Does that mean you can still have feelings for Nichkhun?” I mumbled and she nudged my ribs.

“That’s different. He’s a brat. I don’t even want to be his friend anymore,” she spat and I hummed, slightly content. “I was going to ask you a question…but I decided against it.”

“What is it?” I wondered, curious since our topic of conversation was a little strange.

“But it makes me sound really selfish,” she gave a nervous chuckle against my chest and I held her against me with one arm.

“Hun, I know you’re a hopelessly selfish person at times. You can ask me anything, now that you know I’m in love with you,” I slipped in with a small smile and she looked at me, staring into my eyes. I felt myself burning all over again. God I want to kiss you.

“When I leave…will you still be in love with me until I come back?”

I tilted my head to the side, still lying down with Tiffany’s agonizingly fast paced heart beat thumping against mine. It was something I really needed to think about for a long time to say, to be completely sure. But I didn’t have any time right now. Tiffany was looking at me, waiting for an answer, and a part of me wanted her to take back the question. Perhaps her selfishness was seriously overcoming her, the closer she got to leaving me. I tried to think from her perspective, but when her arm moved and brushed against the length of my right side I felt the sparks flare up inside of me. My breath stopped short and my heart began to pound in a matter of seconds. “Are you okay?” she asked softly.

“No, I’m not.” The words started falling out of me before I even knew what I was saying. “I’m lovesick, damn you.” She snorted.

“You’re such an idiot,” she mumbled, gently brushing my forehead. I smiled up at her.

“I think I’ll love you for the longest time, just because we’ll be apart for a few thousand miles won’t change anything I feel for you,” I acknowledged and she smiled warmly. Maybe I just overthought the concept of love too much. Maybe I just overthought everything way too much. “I will love you despite the distance, the loneliness, the scandals, and the haters. You are so beautiful, I want you to go and share that with everyone else in the world,” I sighed and she grinned, the overflowing happiness oozing out of her smile.

“Ugh, God, you make my heart pound,” she gushed and buried her head in the crook of my shoulder. I felt my body buzzing again when I heard her say that. “I will make sure to remember you, and I will go find you in California, and we’ll spend a week together doing totally normal things,” she whispered and I rubbed her back, despite me being the injured one. My heart fluttered all of a sudden, as if I was relapsing into the early stages of being in love. It made me feel better; I was able to enjoy the feeling more instead of trying to hide it.

“I’ll look forward to it.”