Thank you to this story's first five subscribers: MasterOh, taengsicyoon, amSONE, ace326, & chulie08!

____

{1}

I raked my fingers through my thick and tangled hair, feeling that the heat on my cheeks wasn’t leaving. I dropped my head onto my desk in exasperation and groaned inwardly. Calculus was a droning math class where there were right and wrong answers as well as an educator who looked like they would rather die than teach hormonal teenagers. Who in their right minds liked going to school? Because of the fact I get good grades others assume I must love classes. No. If anything, I despise it more than anyone else. Forced to study hard and earn topnotch grades in order to go to a university I never really wanted to go to in the first place made me hate waking up at 6:30 even more than I should. I wished I didn’t have to. I wished I could not care about anything or that my relatives didn’t care about my grades. I wished I could do what my heart wanted to do.

I thanked God the minute the bell rang. I stuffed my papers and folders back into my 16 pound backpack before swinging it onto my aching shoulders. I took a deep breath before filing out into the unusually steamy hallway and marched outside, way back behind the school where Tiffany usually was. We never felt hungry at school. I couldn’t eat at a place that ruined me. I cautiously looked around and approached said girl who let out a gray smoke from her slightly parted lips. My presence didn’t seem to be detected yet. I frowned. “What are you doing?” I inquired sternly and the latter coughed in surprise. I never liked smoking or drugs or pills, especially when Tiffany did them. In a hurry, she threw away the cancer stick and smiled innocently at me. That bright eye smile can make me forgive her for murder.

“Hi Tae!” she chirped and I felt my heart palpitating at the very memory of her enjoying that cigarette. How can such a sweet looking girl want to be associated with those things?

“You know I hate it when you smoke,” I grumbled and she quickly wrapped her arms around me.

“I was just curious, TaeTae, don’t worry I won’t try it again. They don’t even taste good,” she insisted, pouting for me and I rolled my eyes. She says she won’t, I want to trust her but I can’t help doubt it. They’re addictive, even if they don’t taste good she can still crave them.

“I just worry about you a lot,” I said and she quickly pecked my cheek with a content smile.

“You don’t have to, I can take care of myself Mom,” she teased and I sighed. If I could stop I would.

“Who gave it to you?” I wondered.

“Tae, I don’t want anyone to get in trouble,” she gave me puppy eyes and I bit my lip to stop from succumbing to her adorableness.

“Fany-ah, who gave it to you? I know you wouldn’t dare buy it yourself and you don’t have a pack on you,” I set down my backpack and she took a deep breath.

“I just asked Bora for one…this was the last time, I swear TaeTae! Don’t blame her for it!” she hugged me again and I clenched my jaw. I wonder if I ever got into trouble, would you stand up for me like Bora? Finally, I let my anger disappear.

“Fine, I trust you,” I said gently and she kissed my cheek once more.

“Thank you Tae, you won’t catch me smoking again I promise,” she told me. Does that mean you won’t smoke anymore or will you choose better hiding spots?

“Alright, now let go, I don’t like hugs.” I wasn’t in the mood for Tiffany’s arms around me but she seemed to notice and squeezed me tightly.

“No! You know you love my hugs,” she giggled into my ear and I took a deep breath in order to calm myself. It was true, I did love her hugs for some odd reason, but my heart wasn’t in it. Though, she seemed happy enough holding me so I allowed her to keep hugging me. Her head rested in between my shoulder blades and somehow we ended up swaying from side to side. I was suddenly uncomfortable. I attempted to focus on other things; the glowing sun on my scalp, the soft breeze along my cheeks, the sound of leaves around us. Anything other than the feel of her lips or the scent of tobacco was fine.

After school I sat out on the bench and waited for Tiffany to come out so we could start walking to my house. I confess, I’m not that close to anyone besides Tiffany but it doesn’t necessarily bother me. I know where I stand for her and I don’t trust anyone else as much as I do Tiff. I my playlist in order to extract myself from my surroundings. I never liked to listen to music. I wanted to drown in it. The day was stressful enough with the usual homework and not so usual smoking. I closed my eyes and got lost in challenging lyrics and pulsating beats. My fingers vibrated with every sound that dove into my ears. I loved it. Delicate fingers plucked my right ear bud from my ear and I opened an eye just to make sure it was my girl. “2NE1 again, Taeyeon?” Tiffany sighed and I smiled softly.

“You don’t have to like it, you know. Just let me listen to Crush in peace,” I told her and she handed me back my headphone.

“Crush came out days ago and you’ve yet to listen to BTS’s mini album,” she pouted and I shrugged.

“BTS is okay, but I really like 2NE1’s album,” I smirked and paused the song before taking out my ear buds. “Come on, let’s just head to my place and eat something.”

“You always know how to get me moving,” she grinned and we began to walk to my house which was about 10 minutes away. I liked to think as I walked, we didn’t really talk on walks home. “Tae, why don’t you like it when people smoke? Other than its bad for people?” she wondered suddenly and I chewed on my bottom lip. I wasn’t comfortable talking about it, but this was Tiffany and so I could tell her.

“All of my uncles on my dad’s side smoke, in fact, a lot of my male relatives smoke. And you know just how big my family really is. I lost two of my uncles to lung cancer…recently. It just kind of scares me, how some cigarettes can take away lives. I don’t want that to happen to you,” I mumbled and felt her soft hand slip into mine. I said nothing as we casually held hands, but I enjoyed the gesture.

“You don’t have to be worried about losing me, I’m sorry, I’ll stop,” she apologized and kissed my knuckles gently. I smiled but said nothing. No words were needed.

Once the two of us had slipped into my bedroom, after easing our hunger, Tiffany took her place on my bed while I swerved into my leather desk chair. I took a deep breath and rubbed my throbbing head. I had the sudden urge to just sleep. “If you’re tired go to sleep,” Tiffany told me and I shook my head.

“I can’t sleep, I have to study,” I insisted and heard her groan behind me.

“I don’t get how you can still care. I gave up on my grades years ago!” she said and I rolled my eyes.

“I have to, my parents will kill me if I got a B in Calculus,” I mumbled and opened up my laptop.

“But Tae I’m bored! Entertain me,” she whined and I turned around to face my complaining friend.

“What do you want from me?” I groaned and walked over to my bed, sitting down when she gestured me to.

“I wanna talk to you,” she stated simply.

“What about?” I questioned and she shrugged. I frowned at her attempt to pull me away from my work and she suddenly broke into a grin.

“You’re so cute, TaeTae,” she said and I raised an eyebrow. Cute? What?

“I’m not cute,” I opposed.

“You are so cute, though,” she pinched my cheek and my eyebrows creased. “There’s nothing wrong with being cute.”

“But what about me is cute?” I asked, honestly curious and she smiled brighter.

“Everything about you is cute. You’re adorable-looking, you’re a sweetie, and you have the cutest quirks,” she rolled along my bed happily and I blinked. What about me is cute though? “Everyone thinks you’re cute anyway…”

“What?” I rarely smiled, I rarely talked, and I was never that fond of people. What about me was cute?

“Nothing, I was just talking to myself,” she quickly said. “Your cuteness should be saved only for me. Only I can see it.”

“So possessive, woman,” I scoffed playfully and she frowned while tugging on my arm. So cute…“Well, it’s not like anyone else can see who I am…” I added and she hugged me tightly with a look of happiness over her face. Like the simplest promise of telling her I would only show myself to her was bigger than acing finals. “Are you happy now?” I chuckled as she nodded childishly.

“Very happy, because you’re mine,” she told me.

“And you got that from saying I’d only act like this with you?” I asked.

“You’re naturally cute, you’re you with me. I’m glad that we can be like this with each other and no one else, it feels nice.” Her words were like a bomb, being dropped so suddenly like that. Of course I felt the same, but I didn’t expect her to say it.

“It does, I feel like everything that I can’t say can be said to you,” I agreed and she smiled with a slight nod. “And you know you can tell me anything right?” I cupped her cheeks and she nodded again while looking into my eyes. There was something off about them, something confusing, but I decided not to pry. I gently kissed her forehead and she lay across my bed, claiming it as hers. And this was around the time where I forgot that I even had any homework.

“Tae, do you ever get curious?” she asked me while staring up at the ceiling. I lay beside her.

“Depends, what about?” I responded.

“Like…about other people. What kind of things they think about,” she clarified. I thought about it for a moment before shaking my head.

“Not really, I just know that they don’t think like I do. That’s how I want to think about it,” I said.

“I wonder what other people get worried about, what’s on their mind, who’s on their mind…” she sighed and I blinked. “I wonder if I’m the only person who thinks like this.”

“You’re not, Tiff. It’s an illness, a chemical imbalance, tons of people have it too,” I insisted, becoming worried for her mental well-being. She wouldn’t look at me, her gaze shifted downwards and I her arm.

“Tae who do you think about? If you think about anyone that is,” she rolled over so we faced each other and I blinked. Who do you always think about?

“Why are you curious? You should already know who I think about,” I reminded her.

“I just want to make sure that I get you.” And suddenly a weight pressed down on my shoulders. I thought I knew the answer but now I doubted myself. What if I gave her an answer she didn’t want to hear?

“I think about you, Hun. I worry about you, I wonder what you’re doing when I’m not there, and the only person I ever find myself thinking about is you.” Is what I wanted to say, but as I thought more and more it felt…wrong to say those words. “I stress a lot about my parents,” I mumbled and she scooted closer into my chest. One arm went around her absent mindedly and we laid in silence. My heart thumped in anxiety and I wished, for the first time, to know what she was thinking.

“That’s what I thought.”