Missing You
That's So Random!A/N:
- This was actually written before June-1, hence no mention of the scandal whatsoever (not that it's a happy subject to talk about)
- This was not beta-ed; all mistakes are mine so be nice hehehe
Jiyong stepped out to the balcony with a mug of warm tea in his hand. He cradled the mug in his hands, resting his wrists against the top of the glass railing at the edge of the balcony. The apartment was their temporary accommodation for the duration of his stay at this tour stop. It was a nice apartment; great location, beautiful view. There were five bedrooms, four and a half baths, two Jacuzzis, a spacious kitchen, an extensive wine collection, a state-of-the-art media center, and huge paintings adorning the walls in the hallway, in the dining room, in the great room, even atop of the headboard of his bed. The apartment was warm and cozy and comfortable. He liked it.
But it's not home. His heart sulked and he felt it tightened like a vice. Jiyong sighed and his breath blew along the steam from his cup.
The apartment was twenty-two stories above the ground. Saved for the faint sound of the bustling traffic down below, the night was otherwise quiet. He closed his eyes, tilting his chin skyward, letting the soft wind seep through his hair, caressing his skin. He let his thoughts wander off to the one person he couldn't seem to stop thinking about. Not that he wanted to, but sometimes, it drove him mad. Seunghyun was so involved in his life that sometimes Jiyong did not know how to function without him anymore. Even with things that he knew he could do on his own. Simple things, like during his recent concert rehearsals, when the stage director asked him if the lights for the followspot were too bright, and if he wanted to tone down to warmer lights a little bit, instinctively he turned to his left, ready to ask for opinions, only to find the spot next to him empty. He knew what to say. He knew exactly how he wanted the lights to be; brighter or dimmer. But when he turned and realized Seunghyun was not next to him, was nowhere near him, Jiyong felt lost. There were hundreds of people in that arena working around him, but at that moment, he felt so alone.
The first fan event after Seunghyun enlisted was even worse. Jiyong thought he would be fine. They had been through this before. They had had fan events without Seunghyun before and everything went well. He could do this. He was sure he could survive another series of fan events without Seunghyun. Besides, Youngbae, Daesung and Seungri would also be there with him. He kept telling himself that everything would be okay. But oh boy, was he wrong? At the first fan event after Seunghyun enlisted, the first time being on stage without Seunghyun after two years of touring around the world for the album, after getting so used to having Seunghyun on stage with him, Jiyong had to constantly tell himself to hold it together. There were things and games that they played during the event that he knew exactly how Seunghyun would react if Seunghyun were there. Jiyong found himself subconsciously looking around the stage for Seunghyun when that happened and mentally slapped himself when he realized that Seunghyun was just not there. Jiyong was dead tired from traveling and frustrated from Seunghyun's absence and also anxious about his upcoming album that he felt like crying a few times during the event. He was thankful, though, for Youngbae, Daesung and Seungri, who seemed to understand his situation, for keeping the event lively as per usual and for sparing him during some of the talk times. He did his best to cooperate and he participated in all the games. He performed with all his heart, but he knew he could give more but he just felt so out of it. He felt sorry towards the crowd, he really did, but he just wanted the event to end sooner than later, and then hop on a plane and fly home.
But home, which was supposed to be his safe haven, ironically, was even crueler; every nook and corner reminded him of Seunghyun. When the front door closed behind him after his manager left, he felt his shoulders slumped, like the weight of the world was just dumped onto them and Jiyong crumbled. He didn't want to cry, he hated crying, but this was just too much. When his pet cat greeted him by the door, curling its tail around his calf, he leaned down to scratch the feline's head and noticed his silent tears falling onto the marble floor. He ditched shower altogether and just stripped down to his boxers and dove into bed, although sleep eluded him. He played with his phone for a while and sent a lengthy text to Seunghyun, telling him about everything, his frustrations included, which he knew would worry Seunghyun when he saw it, but Jiyong didn't care. The sulking, childish part of his brain told him that Seunghyun deserved it for leaving him by himself like this, voluntarily or not. He posted one or two photos on Instagram before finally forcing himself to get some sleep.
Seunghyun called him some time during the next day and made everything okay again and Jiyong felt silly for panicking. Although the fact that Seunghyun could turn his mood around just by a phone call drove Jiyong mad too, but for like two seconds. Because Seunghyun's laughter when he complained about it to Seunghyun was music to his ears.
A loud honk from the traffic brought Jiyong back to the present day, back to the balcony. Moving to sit on the couch, Jiyong inhaled deeply, secretly hoping to catch the familiar scent of burned tobacco to envelope him, to comfort him, or maybe warm arms to wrap around him. God, he missed Seunghyun so much.
"You okay?"
Jiyong turned around at the sound of his mother's voice. He pressed his lips into a smile which turned into a pout when he saw the sad look in his mother's eyes. He looked away, to the tea in his mug, when she reached a hand out and carded her fingers through his hair as she sat next to him. It felt heavenly and comforting.
It was pointless to hide anything from his mother. He knew his mother knew he was far from okay. She could read him like an open book.
"I miss him, Ma."
She huffed a smile. "I know." Jiyong let himself being pulled into his mother's arms. They sat like that for a while, in comfortable silence.
"Jiyong, remember when I told you about all the sacrifices you would have to make when you told me about you and Seunghyun?" Jiyong nodded quietly. "This is one of them."
"I know," Jiyong let out a heavy sigh. "I know, but sometimes, I really miss him and I wish that he's here with me." Jiyong swallowed the lump he felt forming in his throat. "This tour is so important to me I just want him to be here."
"You know he would want to be here too. He wouldn't miss this for the world."
Jiyong hummed behind a sad smile.
"He spoils you too much." His mother accused playfully. Jiyong laughed, pulling away from his mother's embrace. "I need to talk to him."
Jiyong laughed some more and he could see relief settled onto his mother's shoulders, and the worries in her eyes disappeared.
He smiled and closed his eyes when his mother smoothed his hair away from his face and pulled him for a kiss on his forehead. "Son, you're gonna be just fine." She looked at Jiyong straight into his eyes. "And he's going to be fine too. Trust me."
Jiyong just smiled.
Yes, we are all going to be fine.
Comments