Description:
Seunghyun is the love of Jiyong's life and Jiyong is the love of Seunghyun's life. But they had to beat around the bush for quite some time before finally accepting the fact that belong together.

Foreword:
“Do you think he’s worth the risk if I decide to confess and claim him as mine?”

“We can’t go on like this, Jiyong.”

Jiyong looked up at the person sitting across from him, chewing the food he just fed into his mouth. He studied the man’s expression; from the solemn look in his eyes, the clenched jaw, to the clasped hands propped on the dining table.

“It’s been wonderful for the past two, three months. But clearly, this is not what you want. Not with me, at least. You’re here. I can see that you’re physically here, but your head is somewhere else, with someone else.”

Jiyong put his utensils down, swallowing hard. “Are you accusing me of cheating on you?”

“Well aren’t you?” The other man shot back. “See, even the way you’re looking at me now is like you’re looking through me. There’s nothing there. You don’t feel anything for me.”

“I’m not cheating on you, if that's what you're getting at.” Jiyong muttered after he remained silent for a few moments, averting his eyes from the man and back to his plate.

“Not physically, you’re not.” The man leaned back in his chair. “We’re wasting our time like this, Jiyong.”

“Did you take me out to dinner tonight to break up with me?” Jiyong asked, trying to get to the point without having to lay the reality and bare his true feelings for that man to judge.

The man let out a heavy sigh and crosses his arms. “Look, Jiyong. I like you. I really, really like you. I think you’re a wonderful person; you’re talented, you’re so good at what you’re doing and I admire you so much.” He paused and leaned forward to prop his elbows back onto the table again. “But don’t kid yourself. This is not going anywhere.”

“Where exactly do you expect this to go? It’s not like we can make it public, anyway.”

The man huffed. “That’s not even the problem.”

“Then what is?”

“You.”

Jiyong shot the man with a glare.

“You jumped into this recklessly, Jiyong. You said 'yes' because you like the idea of having a boyfriend that you forgot the boyfriend was me, not the one who you wished it was.”

Jiyong’s gaze wavered away from the questioning pair in front of him.

“See, I’m right. I know I’m right.”

Jiyong didn’t have anything to say to that. They remained silent for a moment, lost in their thoughts, before Jiyong finally took in a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

The man shook his head. “Don’t be. I’m fine. But I’m worried about you.”

Jiyong looked up and was caught off guard by the concern in the eyes of the other man. They looked troubled earlier, but soft and full of care now. Jiyong felt like being swallowed by a huge wave of guilt. What have I got myself into?

“Just stop kidding yourself, Jiyong. How long are you going to pretend that that’s not what you want? Not what your heart wants?”

It’s Jiyong’s turn to huff. “It’s not that simple. It could ruin everything.”

The other man replied with a shake of his head. “Take the risk, Jiyong. If he’s worth it, take the risk. You could never have what you want if you keep letting other people interfere.”

“Yeah..” Jiyong trailed off, feeling a little awkward having this conversation with his so-called boyfriend. Or is it ex-boyfriend now?

“Are you finished?” The man asked after a while. He raised his hand towards a waiter, asking for the check after Jiyong shrugged and nodded.

“No, I’ll get that.” Jiyong pursed his lips, “It’s the least that I can do.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Jiyong nodded. “I’m staying for some drinks, anyway.”

The man paused, tapping his fingers on the table. “Okay, then..I’ll just- I’ll just take my leave now.”

Jiyong tipped his head in acknowledgement.

“Don’t I deserve a hug?” The man asked playfully.

Jiyong chuckled and stood up to embrace him with an apologetic squeeze. He’s relieved when the man hugged him back just as tight.

“So…I’ll see you around?” The man asked when they pull away.

“Of course.” Jiyong nodded with a smile.

After that man disappeared from his sight, Jiyong lowered himself into his seat, slamming his back against the back rest. He sat there quietly, frowning. He felt weird. He thought that he would be devastated over the break up, but he’s not. He’s confused.

Why am I not sad? Then what do I feel about this? I need to know. Jiyong thinks hard, trying to pin point his exact feelings.

Frustrated? No. Not really, no.

Humiliated? It was a clean break up. It wasn't because either of us was caught cheating or anything. We didn’t create any scene. We weren’t shouting at each other or anything like that. Or was it because we were in a public place? Nonononono, we’re better than that.

Mad? Hmm..I think I’m not. But why am I not? Why am I not feeling anything? What am I feeling, really?

Jiyong cards his hands through his hair. He can’t not feel nothing at all. Jiyong needs this answer. Jiyong needs it so that he would know what to do next. So that he would know if it’s worth trying.

Relieved? What?

“Hey,” Seunghyun greeted him when he walked through the door, “you’re back already?” He’s sitting at the table in the middle of the room, scribbling stuff on a piece of paper or probably writing new materials. He glanced at the wall clock in the studio. “It’s still early, though.”

Jiyong hummed in response, taking the seat across from Seunghyun.

“I thought you had a dinner date,” Seunghyun teased, mocking at the words dinner date, still scribbling on the paper. “Usually, the earliest we get to see you after dinner dates is the next afternoon.”

Jiyong huffed, causing Seunghyun to pause and look up.

“Did something happen?”

“We broke up.”

Seunghyun froze. “Are you okay?” He asked after a few moments of awkward silence.

Jiyong shrugged. “I guess..”

“Well..” Seunghyun darted his eyes between Jiyong’s, “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be ‘cause I’m not.” Jiyong challenged Seunghyun’s gaze head on.

Seunghyun fidgeted in his seat, looking away. He knows where this is going. “Jiyong-”

“I’m not sorry, I’m not mad and I’m not even sad.” Jiyong cut Seunghyun off, eyes still locked on Seunghyun. “I didn’t understand why I didn’t feel those things, why I didn’t feel what people normally feel after a break up. So I did some thinking in the car ride here, trying to find what I actually feel.”

Seunghyun kept his eyes on the piece of paper, trying to continue writing whatever he was writing earlier.

“I don’t love him. I don’t want to be with him.” Jiyong muttered in almost a whisper.

Seunghyun glanced up, looking back into Jiyong’s eyes.

“I’m in love with someone else.” Jiyong confessed, eyes never leaving Seunghyun’s. “I’ve been in love with him since forever. I wanna be with him. Just him. Not with anyone else.”

“Jiyong..”

“I’m done denying my heart. He’s worth the risk, so worth the risk I don’t even care anymore.” Jiyong’s heart is beating like crazy. He’s been telling himself that he might be confusing love with just a friendship. Maybe they are so used to being around each other that Jiyong feels safe around him and thought it was love. But when he asks his heart, it never skipped a beat and screamed the same name over and over again, no matter how many times or under what circumstances.

Seunghyun heaved a sigh, trying to steady his breath.

“But, I’m only willing to take the risk if he’s in love with me as much as I’m in love with him. I mean, I know that the attraction is mutual. I can feel this undescribeable tension whenever we're around each other. But maybe we were too afraid to say anything?” Jiyong leaned back and crossed his arms. He tilted his head before asking, “Do you think he’s in love with me? As much as I’m in love with him?”

Seunghyun didn’t know what to say.

“Do you think he wants to be with me?”

Seunghyun feels trapped.

“Do you think he’s worth the risk if I decide to confess and claim him as mine?”

Seunghyun is now glaring back. He doesn’t like the feeling of being cornered. What was he supposed to say? Yes, I’m in love with you as much as you’re in love with me? Is Jiyong even talking about me? What if Jiyong meant someone else and I dumbly confess to him? I would jump off one of those bridges crossing Han River.

“Do you think he knows how to talk?”

“YES, HE KNOWS HOW TO TALK!” But Seunghyun didn’t care anymore and poured his heart out. “Yes, he loves you as much as you love him. Yes, he wants to be with you. Yes, he’s worth the risk so just go ahead and claim him.”

Jiyong pursed his lips, hiding the blissful grin on his face, and leaned over the table to reach Seunghyun.

“Jiyong-”

Jiyong shut him up with a soft press of his lips at the corner or his mouth. “He should’ve confessed earlier, don’t you think?” Jiyong muttered, ghosting over Seunghyun’s lips. “He could’ve saved us a lot of time.”

“But it’s worth the wait,” Seunghyun couldn’t contain himself anymore and captured Jiyong’s lips fully.

“So worth the wait.”

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