Description:
in·se·cu·ri·ty (insiˈkyo͝oriti)

noun: insecurity; plural noun: insecurities
   ~ uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence.

Foreword:
"If by ‘other people’ you meant virtual people on the internet, then I couldn't care less."

Seunghyun walks into his home singing a cheerful tone; happy to be home after a long day. He called out for Jiyong because he knows that his boyfriend is already there. Seunghyun, still smiling and singing cheerfully, strode to the kitchen after a soft reply came from that direction.

But everything dropped to dead silence when he was greeted with a view of Jiyong perched on a kitchen stool at the counter with a bottle of wine cradled in his hands. There was no wine glass on the counter, which means Jiyong has been drinking straight from the bottle. This could only mean trouble. O-oh.

Jiyong turned towards him with a look. Seunghyun knows and loathes that look. He had come across that look before, too many times in fact. He hates it because it makes Jiyong seems vulnerable, insecure and it makes him seems less of a confident man that he always is. And without Jiyong saying a word, Seunghyun knew what it was all about and he prepares himself for another fiery fight because that's how it usually starts.

"Jiyong," Seunghyun slowly approaches, "look, you know that it was-"

"-just a photoshoot." Jiyong interjects, causing Seunghyun to stop in his track. "Yeah, I know. I'm aware of that. And I'm completely fine with it too." He continued and took a sip of wine from the bottle.

"But..?"

"But?" Jiyong raised his eyebrows and continued, trying to sound as confident as he can. "There is no but."

"Yeah, right. I've known you for years and this is not the first time you gave me that look. And I know what follows after that. So, spill. Tell me what the ‘but’ is."

Jiyong sighed. Who was he kidding? Of course he can't win this one; Seunghyun can read him like an open book.

"The photos got me thinking," Jiyong pulled his gaze away from Seunghyun and dropped them back onto the half-emptied bottle of wine in his hand.

"About what?" Seunghyun is getting anxious. He draped his coat on the back of the stool next to Jiyong and took the seat.

Jiyong sighed yet again. He's actually contemplating whether to tell Seunghyun what was really on his mind or just make up a lame story as a cover up. But looking at how concerned Seunghyun looks at the moment, Jiyong didn't have the heart to keep him in the dark.

"Come on, tell me what is it?" Seunghyun reached a hand out and touched Jiyong forearm, taking Jiyong out of his thoughts.

"You look good together," Jiyong begins, causing Seunghyun to retract his hand from Jiyong and propped his head with both hands on the counter, running his fingers through his hair to the back of his head.

"Other people agree too." Jiyong continues, still looking down

"Jiyong, please, not again." Seunghyun looked up and turned to face Jiyong. "If by ‘other people’ you meant virtual people on the internet, then I couldn't care less."

The room goes silent. Jiyong keeps staring down at the bottle of wine, scraping his blunt nail at the corner of its label.

"You can't always be jealous like this every time I have to work with a girl. I could always do the same about you too, you know. Although I know that sometimes you do it on purpose to mock me or just to piss me off, but I trust you."

Jiyong pulled a faint smile, an embarrassed smile actually. He admitted to that accusation because he enjoyed seeing Seunghyun being jealous and his heart would just bloom when Seunghyun would sulk after seeing photos or videos of his works.

"But I'm not jealous this time," Jiyong shook his head, "I'm surprised myself. I thought I would be, but I'm not."

Seunghyun frowned at the confession. "Then what is it? Why are you being like this?"

Jiyong drew a deep breath and turned to face Seunghyun. "Have you ever thought that someday, out of the blue, you would maybe umm..turn back?"

"What on earth are you talking about?" This is new. But somehow, Seunghyun had a hunch on what Jiyong was hinting on.

"Maybe you would wake up one morning and feel like 'this is not right, what am I doing with a guy?'"

"How many of those have you had? 'Cause all I'm hearing now are nonsense." Seunghyun is getting slightly annoyed.

"Maybe you'd realize that you're wasting your time with me. Or you would suddenly feel nothing towards me.."

"Listen to me," Seunghyun's tone of voice is now stern. He grabbed Jiyong's arm and swiveled the man towards him, a little too harshly as it almost knocked Jiyong off the stool. "It won't happen, alright?" Seunghyun pronounce, looking straight into Jiyong's eyes. He didn't let his eyes waver so that Jiyong would know that he meant what he said.

"How sure are you that it won't happen?" Jiyong questioned and tears started to pool in his eyes as he looks back into Seunghyun’s. "How would you know?"

"I don't know about the future, Jiyong. Hell, I don't know about a lot of things. Often times I need people to spoon feed me, guide me, and tell me about things." Seunghyun clasps his hands on Jiyong's shoulders, giving them a firm squeeze. His eyes never left Jiyong insecure ones.

"But not this. This is the only thing that I have full control of. No one can tell me what to do and how to do it. I know this. I want this.” Seunghyun said firmly. He paused for a moment before muttering under his breath, “And I want you."

“But what if one morning you’d freak out waking up next to me and feel like it was a mistake? What if you suddenly feel disgust-”

“Just shut up.” Seunghyun slid off of the stool, closing the gap between them, and cut Jiyong off with a kiss. He pulled Jiyong off the stool and kept him close with one arm wrapped around the slender waist and the other hand firmly clasping the nape. The kiss wasn’t just to shut Jiyong up, but also to snap him out of his crazy, nonsensical thoughts. Seunghyun needs to convince Jiyong that he meant what he said. Jiyong shouldn’t be doubtful of his promises.

Seunghyun brought his hands up to cup Jiyong’s face as he pulls away from the kiss. “Stop thinking,” he whispered, ghosting the words against Jiyong’s lips, while his thumbs catch the tears falling from the corner of Jiyong’s eyes. Wrapping his arms around the frail shoulders, Seunghyun pulls Jiyong into an embrace; one hand carding through the man’s hair, cooing softly, offering comfort.

“I’m just scared..” Jiyong murmured; voice muffled against Seunghyun’s sturdy chest, closing his eyes when Seunghyun runs a hand along his back, soothing his anxiety.

“Don’t be. There’s nothing to be scared about.” Seunghyun tightens the embrace. "I don't want you to feel like this. Don't question about this again, Jiyong. It won't happen. Trust me. It will never happen."

Jiyong nods, pressing his ear against Seunghyun’s chest, taking in the beats of the man’s heart. Tightening his arms around Seunghyun, Jiyong couldn’t help but let his tears fall.

Tears of relief.

==========