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~Changmin~

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It's really cold. I wasn't freezing but my body was. The sound of the beeping soon faded away as I suddenly started to move. Not sideways, forward or backwards but up.

The coldness gave me chills down the spine and it felt like, I was somehow ..

I opened my eyes slowly, to find me seeing myself on a operation table, surrounded by nurses and doctor.

I was kind of swaying, in the air, as if I was flying

I looked at my hands and I looked kind of normal just that, I was wearing different clothes than I wore on that operation table..

"6:48" A doctor said

He took off his gloves and so did the others as I saw a nurse move something red in her hand to a box of glass

I put my hand where my heart was but there wasn't anything beating inside.. Nothing at all

I tried to breathe in and out but I didn't feel anything come in

I was dead..

I looked around in the operation room not knowing what I was suppose to do now and for some reason, I started to wonder why I was watching myself

Even if I didn't have a heart at the moment I could feel sadness inside of me..

Suddenly I was kind of flying down next to the table where my body was and soon i was standing up on the floor watching myself

It was.. hurtful.. to see my body like that..
I lifted my hand and tried to touch where my cheek was, but it was impossible. I couldn't feel my skin and my hand uncontrollably flew inside my face

Disgusted and shocked I fell backwards and fell down on the floor.

I was only a soul now. A ghost.. in a way. A spirit..

I started to wander why I saw myself like this, cause would the soul, be transport to heaven or something? Why am I still here on earth?

I walked towards a wall just to test my ability and slowly I put my hand on the wall and pushed it forward. Just as I had foreseen, it went through

"You're enjoying yourself?"

The voice startled me and I backed 3 steps away

I saw a woman in white clothes with long black wavery hair. She looked at me gently and smiled.

"Uhm.. Annyeong haseo.." I bowed slowly not knowing if I should be formal or not

"I guess you kind of.. already know what state you're in now right?"

I nodded slowly

"I'm Park Seon Yeong. I'm Eunmi's Great-grandmother"

I gasped as I stared at her. I stopped breathing.

Well I didn't breathe at all in fact

"Her.. great-grandmother?" I stammered

She nodded

"You.. don't look.. like.. I mean.. you're.. not old.." I stammered

She chuckled

"I died very young .. with the same heart disease as Eunmi"

If I had blood running through my body I'm pretty sure it would've stopped. I was so shocked, so surprised by everything that I didn't know what to do

"If you have any questions, you're free to ask me. I will be your Guidance for now"

"Guidance?" I asked

She nodded

"Your soul aren't ready to leave this place yet.. I was chosen to guide you" SHe said

I sighed as I started to worry

"Am i not normal cause I'm not leaving earth yet or what?" I asked

She shook her head

"You still have some unaccomplished things to do. And also, something inside of you are keeping you here.. Your soul doesn't want to leave yet" She said

Suddenly she disappeared and a stream of light appeared . Soon everything suddenly got cold and before I knew it I fell onto the floor and hit my head, But strangely it didn't hurt

"Easy now Changmin~~ssi. You will learn how to control all those things in no time.."

"I understand" I mumbled

Slowly she helped me up and when I looked around I saw where I was, at my family's home

"Why.. are we here..?" I mumbled

"Your family found out what you've done.." She said

She gestured me to walk into the livingroom.

She nodded with a gentle smile, giving me the feeling of a loving mother.

I walked slowly into the livingroom and there was my family. Everyone..

I saw mom pale white, with swollen eyes and nose and for some reason it looked like she had grown elder ..

"Omma.." I whispered

Everyone was crying and my father looked so heartbroken.

"They received the news about your decision. They're just trying to understand why it all happened so sudden and quickly. ."

I swallowed

"How .. many days has it been?" I whispered

"It's been 2 days already.."

My sisters were holding each other, hugging as they were crying in each other's embraces . Aunt and Uncle were holding their baby as they were crying and I saw gran cry as well as she was looking at my photos

I couldn't help it so I started to cry.

Seeing my family like this was even more heartbreaking than the day when we had the last meal together

I took a few steps forward and bended down onto my sisters height. They were crying so hard that they couldn't speak

I reached out for them but I wasn't able to feel them at all.

Knowing that I couldn't touch them, as well as not speaking, I thought of this being more paralyzed and this was more frustrating than being braindead..

"Why am I here?" I asked as tears were falling

I didn't receive and answer, instead, The stream of light suddenly appeared again, it was cold everywhere and this time I fell down onto some kind of bed, but my body went through it

I sighed

I sat up and only my head was shown above the bed. I looked at Eunmi's Great gran as she smiled

"Can you please tell me when you decide to switch to another place?" I asked and stood up

She smiled

"You'll be able to handle it soon.." She said

"Able to handle what?"

"The transportation as well as feeling the gravity while sitting, standing and such"

I looked around in the room to recognize my bedroom

"You know where we are?" She asked

I swallowed hard

"The Dorm.."

She looked at me for a very long moment before going outside.

She opened the door and waited for me

"Why did you open the door? Why don't you just.. go through it?" I asked

She smiled

"You'll understand it all soon" She whispered

I passed her and went out to the hallway slowly

I could hear sobbing from the livingroom and I wasn't sure if I wanted to see it

"Do I have.."

She nodded

"Sooner or later you'll face it.." She said

I took a deep breath as I entered

In the livingroom JaeJoong, Yoochun, Yunho and Junsu were sitting at different places while crying. Yunho was sitting on the floor, crouched, Yoochun and Junsu on the couch and JaeJoong in a corner

"They have been crying all day and they haven't slept at all.. They received the news 2 days ago"

I inhaled a deep breath as I watched them

JaeJoong hyung was sitting and playing with some kind of bracelet as he was crying by himself in the corner.

I suddenly realized what kind of bracelet he was holding. That was my gift for him on his 20th birthday.

I looked at Yunho Hyung who was staring outside the window

"He's asking himself what you've done to go through this.. and he's wishing that he could trade his life with yours.. instead" Gran said

I looked at her

"You can read their minds?" I asked

She shrugged

"Everything's possible at the moment" She said

I looked at Junsu and Yoochun who was staring blankly with tears streaming down

"Junsu is blaming himself for not telling you about Eunmi's disease while Yoochun is trying to understand the fact that you're not here anymore"

I started to cry harder

"Junsu never did anything wrong.." I sobbed

She patted me on my shoulder

"It's normal.. "

I walked towards them. Even though I was near and close to them I still couldn't touch them, talk to them or hug them..

"Can they hear me?" I sobbed as I sat down on the couch next to Junsu

"It depends on.. how strong your hearts are linked.. but since you're new to this, it's still hard to find the connection" She said

Tears kept falling as I was watching my Hyung's crying their hearts out

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS!!"

Yunho's sudden shout made everyone jump and suddenly he went all crazy

As he was crying he started to shout while hitting the wall and I could also see him taking out all of his anger and strength on the wall

JaeJoong and Yoochun hurried to stop him but he refused to stop

When both of them got each of his arm he burst out harder into tears and fell down on the floor as he was crying. Junsu bended down and embraced him and soon all the members did

"He didn't have to .. he could've.. been here with us.. He.." Yunho sobbed

I cried even harder as I walked towards them

"He's really gone.. he really is.." Yoochun sobbed

I shook my head

"I'm right here Hyung.. right here" I cried

As I was watching them crying I couldn't stop myself from crying. This was heartbreaking and it made me feel more guilty than ever

"Come back to us Dongsaeng.. Dongsaeng.. please.." JaeJoong whispered as he cried

They hugged each other harder ..

It ached more and more.. I couldn't help it so I flew up on my two feet and hit the wall

"I HATE THIS ! I HATE THIS!!" I cried as I was punching the wall

I felt the pain running through my fists and through my arms but I didn't care. I didn't care how much it hurt cause I knew that my Hyung's and family were suffering more at the moment

"Changmin~~ssi.."

I stopped

"WHAT?!"

"Do you realize what you just did?" She asked

I looked at her a bit confused and then at the wall

I was able to punch the wall..

I looked at her and then at the wall

"There aren't any holes but you can still feel that you punched the wall right?"

"It makes you feel more like, you're alive doesn't it?" She asked

I nodded

Slowly I started to realize why she opened the door. She missed the life on earth

"They can't see it or hear it.. but it helps us in a way.." She whispered

I looked at her

"How?"

She smiled at me

"You'll see soon"

I sighed

"Why can't you just tell me everything?"

She shook her head

"Than everything doesn't have a meaning which will make my guidance useless.."

I sighed

I spun around and looked at my members

"Try touch them"

I looked at her and hesitated for a bit before I bended down right next to them.

As they were crying I didn't know what to do. Embrace them?

Shakingly I saw my hand approach Yunho Hyung's face

As I saw the tear fall I took the tear with my finger and swept it away

"Hyung.. Uljima.." I cried quietly

For a moment I thought I saw some kind of new glimpse in his eyes

As he were crying he looked at the members but no one was wiping his tears away, he then somehow looked around in the room and then his eyes kind of landed on me but was also seeing through me

"He's here" Yunho whispered

The members looked up and looked at Yunho

"What do you mean?" Yoochun asked

Yunho wiped his tears away and looked around in the room

"He's here.."

"Who is?" Junsu asked

Yunho looked at them as if they were dumbfounded

"Changmin.. Changmin.. is here"

Suddenly the familiar stream of light appeared and the familiar coldness to my skin were making me feel goosebumps and suddenly I was in a white room

But this time I could control my balance and I was standing up

"You're learning" I heard her praise me

The familiar beeping was close to me and when I spun around I saw my angel sleeping on the bed

I gasped at her Great Gran but she just smiled at me

"She will wake up in a few minutes"

I saw the doctors taking down notes while talking. I was anticipating, waiting second by second to see her eyes open

Then it all just happened. Slowly I saw her respond to the doctor's instructions and soon her eyes opened

relieved and tears of joy fell down on my face as I was crying . Her curious eyes wandered around and I couldn't help but to stare

How long has it been ever since I looked into her eyes?

Way too long..

I cried so hard as I took a few steps forward.

I couldn't describe with words how relieved I was to see her awake. I approached her to look at her more closely and never had I imagines to see her so beautiful even in this state.

I started to cry but I was shocked when she said my name

"Changmin..."

I looked at her and then at her Great Gran. She nodded

"Where is he?"

Suddenly I was pulled backwards and I fell down onto the ground

"Can you please warn me in the future?" I asked her as I stood up and dusted off the grass on my clothes

"I'm not the one who decides whether to transport you or not. It just happens" She said

"I wanted to be with her a little more!" I said

Her Great Gran sighed and pointed

"You will now"

I spun around to see Eunmi crying. The members were there as well, crying

I gasped and ran towards them and then I saw what had happened. Eunmi just realized I was gone..

I then saw the stone she was leaning onto and I stared at it

"It's.. " I choked

"You" Her great gran mumbled

I stared at the stone, the date and I couldn't really take it all in.. it.. just seems.. so unreal..

"Why didn't we attend to my funeral?" I whispered

"It is not aloud.." Her Great gran said

I bended down on my knees and looked at Eunmi who was crying

"It's not true. it's not.." She cried and leaned her forehead against it

I looked at her and then at the members

I started to cry as I saw Eunmi shaking, crying her heart out. never in my life had I imagined that it would be this difficult for my family, my members and Eunmi.

I never thought that I would hurt my family and my dear ones so much

I never.. thought of the life after

Angrily I stood up

"Let me go back to them.. I can't.. watch them like this" I cried

"Can't do" She mumbled

I faced her

"YOU SAID ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE AT THE MOMENT! TAKE ME BACK TO THEM! I CAN'T LET HER SUFFER LIKE THIS!!" I shouted as I was crying

i saw my members looking all heartbroken as they saw Eunmi cry.

"LEt me go back to them ! Let me tell them that I'm here!" I shouted

She shook her head

"You can't.. leave me this way.." Eunmi cried

I fell down onto my knees right next to her while watching her crying and crying myself

"YOU PROMISED THAT YOU NEVER LEAVE ME!!" Eunmi cried

"She's blaming herself.." Her Great Gran said

I cried harder

"LET ME GO BACK TO HER! LET ME GO BACK TO HER!" I cried

She shook her head

"Please. . I beg you.." I cried

I saw Junsu coming towards her, helped her up as she stared down at my grave. .
I stood up as well and stood right next to them

"He never left you.." JaeJoong said behind me

"What do you mean?" Eunmi whispered

"Do you know who donated that heart for you?" Yunho whispered as a silent tear fell down his cheek

I started to cry harder

I saw her stare at them and somehow her eyes widened and she put her hand right where the heart was beating.. My heart

"It's Changmin's heart.."

Everything became a blur and I was suddenly standing in a white plain room and there was just me and Great Gran there

I fell down on my knees as I was crying

My feelings were all confused

"I miss them.." I cried

Suddenly I heard sobbing as well and when i looked up, her Great gran had bended down onto my height and she was crying as well

"I know dear.. I know"

I started to cry harder

"But you saved her"

"But it doesn't matter if I saved her cause now she's going through so much pain .." I mumbled

"But she's alive.. thanks to you"

She wiped away the tears on my cheeks

"As a Great Gran I'm proud of her. I'm proud of you. I love you for saving my great Granddaughters life.. and you are really an angel yourself Changmin~~ssi. I wasn't chosen as your guide but I wanted to be your guide. I wanted to get to know the young man who fell in love with my Eunmi and the one my Eunmi fell in love with. You're the closest thing I have to my family down on earth.." She whispered as tears were falling

"It took me time to understand why life was so unfair, why everything was going against me, why I couldn't live happily. I was inspired seeing my Eunmi fight and live her life to the fullest . I love you Changmin~~ssi for giving her the things she never thought she would.."

I sobbed quietly while listening

"It's normal now to see the ones you love, mourn, suffer and endure pain.. but in the end.. every fairytale has an happy ending"

I looked at her confused

"What.. do you mean?"

"This is my gift for you. Use it well.. and also, she won't remember it afterwards.. Her soul will remember but her human life won't. She's right now sleeping in the dorm after she was brought back to the dorm by the members. In her dream, she will be able to meet you. Make sure she'll understand.. and that she won't mourn anymore.. That's the unaccomplished mission.. "

Suddenly she disappeared and I was thrown back.

I fell down on my back and soon I heard someone gasp near me

I opened my eyes to see I was in a white room, no furniture or anything. An empty white room

"Where am i?"

The voice instantly caught my attention and when I spun around, my eyes widened as I saw the person looking around confusingly

Wearing a long white dress with her hair loosed. Even if I wasn't breathing, she still managed to take my breathe away

"Eunmi.." I whispered

She suddenly saw me and her eyes widened

She didn't say anything but she kept staring and slowly she approached me

"Changmin?" She stuttered

her eyes were watery and I saw her shocked facial expression

A few feet away we just stared at each other

Suddenly she took off and ran into my arms and I let out all of my feelings at the same time. My teas was falling as I was hugging her tightly, inhaling every scent of her as well as saving everything I Was seeing now inside my head

She was crying as well and she was hugging me tightly, burying her face in my arms as she tried to stop cry, which just seemed impossible

"I thought you were..." Eunmi stuttered as she looked at me

I shook my head and kissed her. I felt every touch of her lips, her arms hugging me, her soft skin against me

"I am.." I said and wiped away her tears

"But. .. how?.. am I?" She stuttered

I shook my head

"This is a dream.." i whispered

She stared at me

"But.. I remember.. I was.. in your room.. and then.."

"You're sleeping.. I don't understand it either.. but I have a guiding angel with me.. This is her gift for me.."

She nodded

"I miss you so.." She cried harder and hugged me

I hugged her more tightly and cried onto her shoulder. This was harder than I thought

"How am i suppose to let you go now when I have you in my arms?" I whispered while crying

She shook her head

"I don't want to go. Let me stay with you.." She sobbed

I shook my head

"It's impossible.."

"Why did you do this.... Why" She cried and looked at me

I took her face between my hands and looked straight at her

"I couldn't be saved.. You could.." I said

She shook her head while crying

"I'd rather die than live without you. I thought you knew"

I shook my head while crying

"How can I let that happened Eunmi? How?"

"Easy.. just be selfish" She sobbed

I smiled as I shook my head

"You have the chance to live on and be with your family.. Live it.. I couldn't be saved.. I donated my heart for you and I don't regret it.,.."

She cried harder as her grip on my shirt hardened

"Why.. did you do this? She whispered while crying

"Because i love you" I said

She shook her head

I leaned forward to kiss her forehead

"The only thing I regret is the pain I'm giving you, my family, the members and your family. Mianhe~~"

"Don't.. say that" She stuttered while crying

I leaned against her forehead and was holding her hand tightly

"I love you more than anything.. and I will always be with you"

"NO.. No.." She whispered

"At least I am able to tell you this , seeing you awake.. seeing you.. kiss you.. and have you in my arms" I whispered

She shook her head

"We can still be together" She whispered

I shook my head

"Don't do anything you will regret.." I said and looked at her

"How am i suppose to live without you ?" Her voice cracked

I cried as I saw her pain . I shook my head while crying

"I'm so sorry for causing you pain"

"No.. I'm so sorry for bringing this into our lives" She whispered

I kissed her

"I love you.. I love you" I whispered

"I love you too.." She cried

We embraced each other again, holding onto each other tightly, afraid that we were soon going to be separated

"You won't remember anything of this when you wake up from your dream.." I said

She stared at me

"Wae?"

"I don't know.. but even though you won't remember, I'm still happy to have you here right now. I couldn't ask for more" I said

She cried as she looked at me

"Seeing you, seeing you looking at me, holding you in my arms and just being able to kiss you and saying that I love you.. and hear you say that you love me too.. I will go on happily.." I whispered

She looked down as she started to cry harder

"Eunmi~~ah.. Go on and live happily.. For the sake of both of us. Don't regret anything.. seeing you happy makes me happy.. and I do not regret anything . . You're my angel" I whispered

She looked up and planted a kiss on my lips as she wiped away the tears from my cheeks

"You're my angel. You saved me.." She choked

I leaned forward and kissed her

I pulled away and rested my forehead on hers

"I love you.. don't ever forget that. Always.." I whispered

"I love you too.. "

"Go on and live happily.. make sure the members are well, take care of our families.." I said

I wiped away her tears

"I'll always be with you.. Finish living your life on earth and I will be waiting for you"

She nodded. I leaned forwards and kissed her again before pulling away

"No matter where I am. . No matter how far away.. I'll always be there, saving you.. making you feel safe.." I said

Just like that, She disappeared and I stayed at the same position just like I was a minute ago, holding her in my arms

Inside of me, the whole chest was aching of pain.

Suddenly I was thrown back and this time I felt wind blowing. I was standing on the bridge, Above Han River

"She woke up this morning, more settled and calm and not torned up like she was yesterday. She doesn't remember it but her soul and her heart are more calm now.. at ease" her Great Gran said

I nodded

"Somehow underneath her conscious she became determined.." Her Great Gran said

I nodded as I wiped away my tears. Soon, I felt a bit more relieved, at ease. I inhaled a deep breath and closed my eyes to let the wind blow and pass me with the feeling of freshness and freedom

"You're ready" She said

I faced her

"Ready?" I asked

"You still don't know what your unaccomplished mission was?" She asked

I shook my head

"Your hear had only one wish and that was seeing her alive, seeing her awake and that you could kiss her and tell her one last time that you loved her.. Even though you wrote it in all those letters for her, the gifts you prepared in her collegeroom.. But your innermost wish was to tell her that you loved her and that you never regretted anything. . Now when you've said it.. her soul and her unconscious will remember it even though her human sense and her human thinking can't. . "

She then patted me on the shoulder and looked to the right. At that moment I saw Eunmi holding the box of ashes. I saw her holding it in her hands and closed her eyes

A tear slightly fell down on my cheek as I watched her and the members. .

"We will always love you" Yunho said

"Forever" JaeJoong sobbed

"For eternity" Junsu choked

"For a lifetime" Yoochun said

"I will always love you. Thank you for everything.." I whispered while crying

She opened her eyes and looked at the big River

The wind was blowing hard making their clothes and hair blow everywhere

"You will always be here.. Within Me" Eunmi whispered

She opened her fists and as the strong wind came, The ashes flew away and every single corn of the ashes disappeared from her hands

"For an eternity.. For a lifetime.. Forever in here" Eunmi whispered and put the hand on her heart.. my heart

I felt the comfortable tapping of her Great Gran on my shoulder as I looked at all of them

"Finish living your life here on earth.. I'll be waiting on the other side" I whispered as a tear fell down

I inhaled a deep breath even though i couldn't feel it and soon If elt something weird inside of me. I saw her great Gran suddenly walk out through the fence on the bridge and she was just standing out there in the middle of the air, reaching out her hand to me. She was kind of flying..
After I had finished staring at her I looked at the member and Eunmi

"I'll be waiting" I whispered

When I finally pulled my gaze away from the people whom I love, I looked at her Great Gran who was waiting smilingly

"It's safe dear" She whispered

Suddenly it felt like everything was echoing and I felt a new fresh feeling inside of me
When I looked down on my body I saw myself wearing white clothes this time . I looked at my bracelet which had been given by Eunmi and I saw it was still there..

I slowly passed Eunmi and the members and my soul, my spirit walked right through the fence of the bridge and out in the air

When i wassured myself that Iw asn't going to fall down into the river since I was up in the air I looked at her Great Gran. Ahead of us I saw a light, a portal .

I looked at her as she nodded

I sighed and spun around

"I love you" I whispered

I put my hand where the heart used to be

"Always Within Me" I whispered

I took my eyes off my members and Eunmi and looked forward. Suddenly, I was flying my way to the portal. Her Great Gran stepped inside of it first and after looking around I closed my eyes and took a step inside the Portal
But as I was walking on this road of light I heard Eunmi's echoing whispering voice

"Forever Within Me"