~Changmin~

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- First Page

"Today Changmin~~~ssi paired up with me to be his partner for the big project we're doing. I find it kind of weird though.. Of all girls he chose me.. and I start to wonder if he picked me just to get rid of the other girls.."

- Third page

"I was late and I saw him waiting for me outside. I do have a secret but sorry I cannot tell you ;) . He invited me to their dorm and it was also my first time having dinner with them. It was really nice and JaeJoong Oppa is really a nice cook..."

- Fourth page

"Today.. something terrible happened. I didn't know what I was getting myself into as I accepted Changmin's question about being his wife for this project. I got bullied and the girls started to ask me questions. FOr the first time in my life.. I've never been so scared in my life.. But somehow.. All of them rushed to my rescue.. and also .. that was the first time I found Changmin reliable..I guess.. We also received our first mission today.. Very interesting.. So today.. was the first time Changmin saved me.. "

I couldn't help but smile as I kept reading. I looked up from the reportbook and looked at her. Still sleeping like an angel..

I looked at the clock to see it was time for me to leave..

I sighed and stood up

"Oppa have to go now.." I whispered

She didn't answer

I leaned forward and kissed her on her forehead before going out with the book in my hands

"Saranghae~~"

I closed the door behind and went back to my hospitalroom and lied down to continue read her reportbook

- Page 10

"Something unexpected happened today.. When I got home from the visit at the hospital, I saw Changmin waiting for me.. and when he saw me.. he ran to me.. He really did look worried..When I later on found my cellphone I had 28 missed calls.. He had been calling.. Does he really care that much about me?.."

I shook my head

I guess I started to develop feelings for her even then.. Which was a bit awkward since I didn't know it myself

- Page 34

"The winterconcert was amazing.. And today.. Changmin .. unexpectedly.. he kissed me.. I did feel a bit awkward at first but I didn't know what to say.. I don't know what my heart are saying either. . but it was beating fast .."

I turned the pages and soon my eyes stopped at the page 45

- Page 45

"I'm so sorry.. I'm so sorry.."

What was she sorry for?

I turned the page

- Page 46

"I don't know how to tell him.. I don't.. Junsu shouldn't have found out either.. It was an accident.. Why did I have to get the attack at the party after the winter concert? Why?.. I can't tell him.. How can I look into his eyes and tell him that I'm dying?"

I stared at the page and turned to 47

- Page 47

"Otoke ? .. I need him.. I need him.. I need him next to me.. He's not suppose to find out this way.. not this way.."

A small tear fell at the corner of my eye

- Page 48

"Oppa found out.. and I can't.. describe with words.. how much that hurt.. the look in his eyes.. his expression.. the other Oppa's shocked faces.. Why did this heart disease choose me?.. I just want to live happily.. with no tears.. no harm.. no hurtful feelings.. It's terrible.. What am i going to do now?"

- Page 49

"Oppa hasn't talked to me.. I'm considering of giving up now.. Oppa.. hasn't talked to me.. for 2 days.. It's.. not fair.. I can't.. take it.. my heart can't.. But why does it hurt more that he's not here with me.. than the disease..?"

I closed the book and fell back on the pillow as I cried..

What have I done?

As I cried, I opened the book again and turned to page 50

- Page 50

"I remember.. Christmas.. I remember us.. together.. And I remember new year's eve.. If I could only turn back time.. I would still be in his arms and none of these things would have happened.. How am I suppose to express myself that I love him ? .. How can I make him understand I didn't want this.. I didn't chose this.. But it chose me.. Oppa.. please come back.."

I looked through the whole reportbook and seems like she was taking it really seriously. She had photos of me, us.. places we've been to and some small pictures that symbolized the different times we spent together..

I shook my head in frustration as I cried harder..

"I didn't want it to be this way either.." I mumbled

I turned to the last page which was the last page she had written before going out on the date with me and was right now.. in coma

- Page 60

"The last few days, Oppa has been really tired since he has been visiting me at the hospital. I'm so grateful.. He looks so tired.. and I wish he could just rest.. Right now I'm waiting for him ^o^. We're going somewhere and I don't know where but I'm looking forward to it.. Oppa, please take care of yourself..

Oppa is my shining knight. My light in the dark and my angel who always saves me.. I'm so grateful for having Oppa by my side.. Oppa, Saranghae~~<3"

I closed the book and covered my face with my hands as I cried harder

Why couldn't she just wake up so that I could hear her voice ? Hear her saying those words ?

Later that night, I decided to go back to Eunmi to give back her book.

As I was walking her words from the last page kept echoing inside my head and I was trying to imagine everything she was saying.. But it just didn't feel real..

When i reached the corridor where Eunmi was lying I saw the door was opening and people were shouting from the room

I hurried to the room and entered

"WHAT HAPPENED?!" I shouted

"TAKE HIM OUT!" Her doctor shouted

Nurses forced me to go out as I started to get frustrated

"WHAT HAPPENED?!" I shouted

The nurse shook her head

I stared at her and then at the room

"NO!"

The nurse spun around and looked at the doctors and nurses that were inside, trying to help her

"EUNMI!!!!!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs

I started to cry harder

"This isn't happening.. It's not happening.. not now!" I shouted and fell down onto the floor and cried harder

The nurses bended down onto my height and comforted me

After a few minutes, one of the doctors stepped outside, told one of the nurses to come to him and she did as she was told

The other nurse helped me to stand up and I was waiting for her doctor to tell me the news..

After 5 minutes which felt like a lifetime to me, She finally walked towards me

I stared at the doctor while waiting

She sighed

"Eunmi's not dead.. Dear.. but it's just a matter of time.. Her heart.. isn't strong.."

I sobbed and felt how the heart inside of my started to break into pieces

"Her heart had another heartattack.. and we managed to save her.. although.. it's just a matter of time now dear.. just a matter of time.." The doctor said

After telling me the news, the doctor walked away and the nurse helped me back to my room.

I was quieten and didn't utter a word and I couldn't stop think about Eunmi and her heart..

So this means.. that I would never see her smile again ?

I grabbed the phone on the left and dialed the number to my Hyungs.

"Yoboseyo?" JaeJoong said

"Hyung?"

"Changmin?"

"Oh.."

"Did something happen? gwenchana?" JaeJoong asked as he started to panic

"Hyung.. do you .. guys.. mind coming to the hospital.. just to have some jjajjangmyun with me?" I whispered while crying

JAeJoong didn't answer at first

"TEll me what happened.."

I stayed silent

"Changmin ah~~"

I sighed

"Eunmi.. had another heartattack.. and they think she'll .."

I quieten

"We'll be there"

I hung up and sighed heavily. I needed my members right now.. I needed their love for me.. and I needed to see them..

Soon they arrived with 2 bags full of jjajjangmyun. They even brought a movie just to cheer me up but deep inside I knew that they did know that it wasn't going to work but yet they still tried which made me grateful..

I smiled and tried to enjoy my time with them and just to hang out with them.

Yoochun Hyung and Junsu told me about their fights which I've missed watching and Jaejoong hyung had even made me some cookies with Yunho hyung . They were actually going to bring it for me in the morning but they thought it would be better if I tried them now

Slowly I chewed the cookie as I was thinking of my life, Eunmi, my family and the members

I put down the cookie and looked at them as they were laughing..

But in a few minutes all of them noticed that I was quiet so they quieten as well and looked at me

"Changmin ah~~.. Gwenchana?" Yunho asked

I looked up with tears in my eyes

"Hyung.." I said loudly and looked at all of them

"I.. I.. I'm glad I met you.." I said and watched them

They didn't say anything but I saw tears being formed in their eyes

A tear fell

"I'm.. glad.. and grateful that you always took care of me .. as your dongsaeng.. as a real brother" I said

"Changmin.. don't.." Yoochun started but I shook my head to interrupt him

"I need to say this Hyung.." I said truthfully

I saw tears falling from Junsu's eyes and also from JaeJoong's

"I'm happy that I've created so many memories with you.. and If I've ever been a bad dongsaeng.. to you.. I'm really sorry for that.." I sobbed

I could hear all of them sobbing

"I will always see you as my rael brothers, my real hyungs.. and I'm grateful for all of the times we've spent together"

"There's gonna be more wonderful times together" Yunho cried

I shook my head

"We don't know that.." I whispered

Yoochun cried harder

"Hyung.. I'm blessed with having Hyung's like you .. Chincha.."

We all cried together and for a minute it was silent..

I swallowed and looked at them

"Saranghae~~"

All of them approached me and we all gave each other a group hug as we cried together

"We love you too" JaeJoong sobbed

"We could never ask for a better dongsaeng.." Junsu cried

"We love you.." Yunho said

"We love you.. we do.." Yoochun cried

I burst out into tears and cried harder as they were hugging me and all of them were crying with me..

The band of brothers will never be broken..

Never ..