CHAPTER FIFTY one; leave

“So how are you feeling?” Chanyeol asked, with sympathy in his eyes. Dae-mi looks at me the same as he does. I huffed, “What do you think? It hurts everyday.”

The female holds my hand as her façade continues being blue. Silence filled the air for about 3 minutes then Chanyeol furrows his brows; words will soon come out of his mouth. I know it. But he sighs first, “Let’s tell Baekhyun.”

I glare at him. It’s already the 5th time I’ve reminded him not to tell anyone especially Baekhyun. He leans back and looks disappointed. “You know, he was really worried when you were gone.”

My eyes shift to Dae-mi, reassuring if he was telling the truth. She nods, “I sat beside him during Math time yesterday. He was doodling your name over and over again, in different fonts. He kept checking his phone just wondering if you would reply to his messages.” I was unsure of what to feel. Why is it that no matter how I try to erase him, I end up wanting to talk to him like I used to and just smile again?

“Yeah,” Chanyeol nods. “He wouldn’t play basketball with us but instead he sits on the bleachers by himself on the usual spot where you two sit and he’d stare at his phone.”

“But In-na..”

“In-na is not a threat to whatever you guys are, okay? Baekhyun even tried to reason with Kris for him to come back. In-na’s a friend to him. Don’t worry about it.” He cut me off.

I looked away, frustrated. “I don’t want to hurt him. I still won’t tell him.”

“Then start chemo.” Dae-mi talked back. She really wanted me to get treated and fast. I just sigh in reply to the both of them.

“If it worsens, deal?” I grumbled, strutting out of the clinic. Stubborn, I am being stubborn again. But would I really take the treatment if my situation gets worse? The answer would be something I’m willing to find out about.

By the time I got to the hallways, after eating a little sandwich with Dae-mi, I pass by Baekhyun who was reading a little book with his locker opened. And for the first time, I’ve seen his locker opened. The back of its door was filled with our polaroid pictures which made my heart felt heavy. That bag that was filled with our emergencies was resting down there, his books were neatly pilled vertically and some sticky notes that I used to post on his desk were also posted near the colorful films of the polaroid pictures.

Why now? I didn’t I see that before. Is it because he did that when school resumed? And for starters, he hadn’t taken it off. If he was in rage, he should’ve taken that off because it would remind him for sure. But it’s still there. My heartbeat went fast when I thought of reasons why it was still there.

No—please, not right now. Not today. Not tomorrow. I had no plans in telling him that I want him. That’s messed up and unfair.  We need space—I need space to get away from everyone especially him.

His eyes wandered his locker and then he looked to the side which made it possible for me to see his beautiful side-profile. Oh shoot. I had to hurry to the other side so he wouldn’t see him. I guess it’s not healthy seeing him. It causes heartaches that I couldn’t bear, not even a second.

I felt weird. Or maybe nervous was the word for it. My heart fast pounding fast, my hands were shaking and my tummy felt like thousands of butterflies just got out of their cocoons. While looking down, I saw limbs that are in front of me. I look up to see Luhan, looking anxious. “…you alright?”

I sighed while avoiding his eyes. I didn’t want him to worry and besides, it’s a petty thing for me to panic just because I saw Baekhyun in the hallway. “Y-yeah, I’m fine.” I observed Luhan from head to toe and he was holding this thick brown envelope. My brows narrowed at the view and he suddenly shifted the envelope from his left hand to his right.

“Hey,” I look up to him. “What was that?”

“Uhh..” he paused for a bit. “College forms. Speaking of College…” Luhan stood beside me and started to walk which made me follow him by his side.

“Where do you plan