It's been a while since a scenario has been posted, so I apologize. Writing has been a bit hard for me lately. This request, for when Jongup falls for someone else but realizes that he still loves you, came easily to me as this is actually very much based on something that is happening in my life. That being said, some of this may not make complete sense...but when do break ups ever really make sense? Anyway, there is a little fiction thrown into this as well of course, but a  majority of this is true.

-Admin Em

Warnings: angst

(7-12-17 catch up)

You know right away when something is up.

Immediately you start to worry about if Jongup is going to leave you. You tell yourself to calm down and not overthink this, that just because Jongup hasn’t held your hand or anything during your time with your friends he’s going to leave you. You let the matter slide for the night until you text him to learn he was distracted that night. He doesn’t want to talk about it though.

You let go of the matter.

Two days later, Jongup barely texts you.

You’re starting to worry more now. You used to a good morning message of some sort, but now he hasn’t sent one in the past few days. You send him a good morning message and wait for your phone to light up with his reply. He doesn’t seem to be answering. Next thing you know you’re crying in the shower before you tune out the world.

When you regain yourself, you step out of the shower and get dressed. He tells you that he’s busy when he replies. He’s lying, but there’s nothing you can do about it. He clearly wanted space so you were going to give it to him.

You let go of the matter.

Later that night, you finally break down, and tell him how you feel. You tell him that you feel like he’s drifting away from you. He agrees. You feel your eyes begin to burn and your arm seems to tingle in reminder. You beg him to talk things through with you, but he tells you he just can’t right now.

You fight with him while crying your eyes out.

He’s slipping away from you so fast and it hurts. Everything hurts.

In the end, you realize that you have to let him go. “Can we stay friends?”

“Yeah,” he sends you, “but I don’t think getting back to how this is would be a good idea.”

You respect what he says, but deep down you have hope that he will come back to you in the end. You’d just have to see.

You let go of the matter.

The next day, you feel weak. You’re tired from all the crying, and sore from being curled up in a ball. You stretch out only to wince as pain shoots through your arm and back. You drag yourself out of bed and prepare for a day with your friends. They make you forget about the other night for the most part, but in the back of your mind you’re wondering how Jongup is doing.

You play some violent video games with your friends and take out all your anger that way. You feel better. You glance at your phone later that night to see a message from him. He’s checking to see how you’re doing because he’s been worried. You smile at your phone and tell him that you’re alright since you’re with friends, but admit that he’s been on your mind all day. Things seem almost like they were before you were dating.

You think about how you’re going to have to face him for an entire week for a trip that you’re going on with a big group. Maybe it won’t be so bad since you guys are talking. You continue to message him until he goes to bed and so you put all your attention back on the party with your friends until it’s time for you to go.

The following morning Jongup gives you your sweater back from when you left it at his place and you want to curl up and cry. It was really over. One of your friends that is going on the trip with you gives you a supportive hug and tells you it’s going to be alright before she moves to talk to her boyfriend. You tell yourself that you’re still going to have fun on this trip. Soon your group boards the bus and you settle into a spot in front of your friend and her boyfriend. Jongup settles in front of you.

You look away and tell yourself that you are going to be fine...even as some random kid sits next to you. You slip on your sweater and pull the hood over your face as soon as attendance has been taken. “Sleeping already?” a familiar voice asks.

“I wish,” you tell him while lifting the hood. He laughs and shakes his head before turning to talk to Daehyun. You put the hood back up and take in his scent as long as you can before you turn to talk to your friend until a movie is played. You try to make conversation with the stranger beside you and ignore the fact that there’s a girl hitting on Jongup.

You let the matter go.

Hours later, the kid beside you becomes more friendly...way too friendly. He cuddles up to you and holds you close and you squirm slightly. You were in absolutely no mood to be touched. You text Jongup what’s going on and he turns to look back after a minute, but finds the kid has let you go. You’re not sure, but you think that it bothers him that you’re uncomfortable.  After a while, Daehyun comes to your rescue and you thank him while letting Jongup deal with the creepy kid. Daehyun is such a great guy that he chats with you for a while until one of the girls he likes comes to lay across your laps. She takes Jongup’s pillow and the three of you snuggle. Jongup looks like he wants to join your little group.

When the girl leaves, Daehyun decides to go with her to talk with some of the people on the back of the bus and the next thing you know Jongup is at your side. “You’re welcome.”

“What?”

“He was going to come back here.”

“Thanks,” you smile.

“I had to get away too. He kept putting my blanket around me and leaning on me.”

“Creepy,” you comment before looking up at the screen to watch Despicable Me 2.

“Hey, I’m really sorry about everything,” Jongup whispers after a few minutes.

“I know, don’t worry.”

“I want to...try again, do you?” He asks, leaning closer to you.

Out of habit, you lean to put your forehead against his. “Of course /i do! But only if you want to do this 100% and are sure.”

“I am.”

“Ok,” you smile before the two of you talk things over for a little bit. Jongup had left you because he felt the distance was going to be too much when he was on tours since he’d mainly been close to home your entire relationship thus far.

Eventually you lie your head on his shoulder as he takes your hand and whispers, “I really missed you yesterday.”

“I missed you too,” you whisper with tears in your eye as you shift to cover yourself in your blanket. A slight shame creeps up on you for how you’ve been acting. What would he do if he knew-no, no, you force the question from mind and simply enjoy how he’s with you once again. When he kisses you, everything melts away and you know you’re going to have a great trip...even if you are going to lay low so people can’t complain about your PDA. Of course, you do want to spend time with him a lot, but agree that it’s best not to make it a big deal.

You let go of the matter.

It’s the last day of your trip when you find your suspicions are confirmed.

Jongup has developed feelings for the girl that was hitting on him. Her name is Jieun. He didn’t think you knew, but after spending time with him, Jieun’s friend, and Jieun, you could tell. It’s on that day that you cry in front of your friend, her boyfriend, and a few other friends. You feel like crap from crying and spoiling their vacation. You tell Jongup that the two of you need to talk.

He agrees.

Until then you try to have fun.

You try to let go of the matter.

Late that night he sits beside you on the bus and waits for you to speak once attendance has been taken. “You wanted to talk?” he whispers.

You take a deep breath, not wanting your voice to shake. You just got him back and now you were losing him and this time you know he isn’t going to come back. His heart, that has belonged to you for a little over a month has moved on to someone else right before your eyes. You speak softly so that no one else on the bus overhears you, “I really didn’t want to do this on a thirty hour bus ride, but I guess that’s what it comes down to. I guess all I can say is that I saw it coming...and as much as I want to work things out, I can’t hold onto someone who isn’t sure what they want. I can’t be left wondering, ‘are you going to leave me today? Does he love me or her?’ I want you to be happy, so please do what makes you happy.”

“I’m sorry,” is all he says to you.

“I know,” your voice cracks a little before he gets up to sit with another girl and his best friend, Junhong, joins you  Junhong is a great guy and when he tells you that he’s sorry he didn’t punch Jongup you give him a look. They boy besides you explains how he found out that Jongup had developed feelings for someone else that he dragged him into his room and confronted him.

“I’ve never been so mad at him,” Junhong says, “I wanted to punch him in the face...and all he did was look at me in the eye and said, ‘Do it. I deserve it.' I couldn’t do it. He’s been my friend for so years.”

“I wouldn’t have wanted you to, I wouldn’t want to come between you guys.”

“I just feel bad since you’re both my friends and he really hurt you,” Junhong sighs.

“It’ll be okay, eventually,” you say when you’re really thinking, you have no idea how badly this hurts, as you wrap yourself in your blankets and ignore your thoughts. This works until you send Jongup a text message telling him that you’ll still be there for him when he faces a struggle in his family life like he’d been going through. You also thank him for everything. He replies with a thank you in return. After that, Junhong helps distract you until you both fall asleep.

The following morning you watch Jongup and Jieun, already basically snuggled up. You catch his gaze in the reflection of the window and all you want to do is reach out to him, but you can’t do that. So you sit with your eyes watering, staring at the reflection until he looks away and Junhong works to distract you once again. He is not pleased at all with how his best friend is treating the situation.

You tell him to let the matter go.

A week after that you see Jongup again. He tells your friend he’s been worried about you, but his phone wasn’t sending you the messages. You want to believe that but you can’t. You manage to talk to him somewhat normally, but you notice a sadness in his eyes even as he’s smiling. You want so badly to ask him about it, though you don’t. There are too many people around and maybe you just want to see that he’s not totally okay either.

You let the matter go.

The next day when you’re home, having another sleepless night, you message him, telling him you were sorry if you were around too much and that you hoped he was as happy as he seemed since you noticed a sadness in his eyes.

Hours later Jongup replies that it was fine having you around and that he had, in fact, been sad for a few reasons. You remind him that you’ll still be there to help him if you can. He doesn’t respond.

You let the matter go.

Another week later you learn that things didn’t work out for Jongup and Jieun. You almost feel bad for Jongup, because he lost you and her, but then you think that it’s payback for what he did to you. You wonder why things didn’t work out, but you aren’t about to pry in something that isn't your business,  but you do tell Jongup you're sorry to hear what happened.

He tells you he’s okay and the two of you talk somewhat normally even though he’s out bowling with Junhong and Daehyun. It’s odd that he’s choosing to text you when he’s with them...how many guys go and text their exes when they’re with their friends? Regardless you remind him that he is invited to your birthday party the following day.

Jongup is nervous about attending since he knows your friends and family hate him for what he’s done, but you assure him that you wouldn’t let them attack him...though that wasn’t going to stop any death glares. He tells you he’ll consider coming since it’d be rude of him not to come after that he stops texting you.

You let the matter go.

Jongup shows up the next day.

You don’t talk to him right away. Instead you stay with your friends and talk to them, mingling with some other guests for a while before you go by his group. “Hey, is your family as mad at me as they seem?”

Did he really expect they wouldn’t be mad to see him? Your sibling had made sure that he was truly invited, and you heard a mutter or two before you went by him. “Did someone do something?”

“No, I just keep getting a lot of death glares,” he tells you.

“I told you that there would be looks,” you tell him before he goes quiet. You go back to your other friends and talk to them for a while until Junhong and Daehyun drag you around with them. They take you and a few other friends to your room to goof off before you all head to your basement. Your other friends find you there and you mix between the room as best you can. You try not to think of all the memories that happen in this part of the basement.

You wonder if Jongup is thinking of it too. You notice him giving you a look.

You tell yourself that that’s just in your head and return to playing games with your friends.

Hours later, you all head outside and two of your cousins follow you, making you and a few of your friends have your parenting instincts kick in. You adore little kids, and so you don’t mind one but as the kids tell you that your friends are giant and scary. As your cousin sits in your lap, you notice Jongup is watching you once again.

What was he thinking?

You shake your head and try to ignore him, but it’s hard so you find yourself glancing at him every now and then as the night continues. When he leaves with his friends you give him a quick hug that he didn’t seem to expect.

You let go quickly and watch him walk away before going back to the other guests. You had to get over him, and you were...extremely slowly...but not really. 

Three days later, your phone lights up with his name. “Hey,” his text reads and although it’s such a simple message you can’t help but smile at it. The two of you get to talking and meet up with some friends a few hours later. It’s nice, but a little awkward as you expected it to be. When he leaves, your phone lights up with another message, “It was nice being with you...I miss you. I was wrong and I’m sorry.”

You look down at your phone and try to figure out what to reply. Jongup hurt you...badly. He left you feeling like you meant nothing to him when he meant everything to you.. You know it’s stupid but you do still want him in your life, but you know it wouldn’t be wise to allow him to be your boyfriend again. Your thoughts are going in circles as you bite your lower lip and look at the message, trying to decide what to do.