Victoria's POV

From: Khunnie~

Victoria-ssi, did you get home yet? Sorry for texting you so late, I just wanted to know if you got home safe. I hope I’m not bothering you, I was just worried. I have another schedule right now. I’m so tired T.T What I give to lie down on our bed at our house, haha~ >.<

So I’ll see you later at the studio.

Good night~

    “This is a joke right?”

     I stared at my phone, my jaw hanging open. Just when I vowed to forget him, the universe starts messing with me.

    I read the text message again. It was just like how he texted me when we were married—a very cute and short text just to see if I’m safe. But we’re no longer married… so why?

I was just worried

    “Why are you worried? You don’t have to take care of me anymore, okay? Just leave me alone!” I was letting all my anger and frustration out on my phone. 

    I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. I shouldn’t get so worked up over this; I mean the text wasn’t anything special. It’s not wrong for him to worry about a friend, right?

   A friend.

    Is that what our relationship is to him? Friends?

    At least he doesn’t hate you or anything. Aren’t being friends a good thing? My mind reasoned with me and my mind’s right. It’s already lucky enough that he still wants to be acquainted with me. Who knows, maybe by being friends, my feelings can slowly change and forget him.

    A small smile was playing on my lips when I thought about it. I could still be with Nichkhun but without the complications and heartbreak. And that was good enough for me.

    I read back the text again and laughed. Poor Nichkhun, he’s always so busy.

What I give to lie down on our bed at our house

    I blushed when I read the sentence. Another memory popped in my mind, making me blush even harder.

It was the second time at our new newlywed house.

(FLASHBACK)

    After a tired morning of shopping for household items and cooking lunch together with Nichkhun, we took a quick nap on the new bed. I suddenly woke up when I heard some scrapping and clicking sound. I woke up and almost jumped when I saw two men on a ladder at the corner of the room.

    “What the…?” I said groggily while rubbing my eyes. It turns out they were the WGM staff.

    “Oh sorry, we woke you up. The room camera short-circuited so we’re going to replace it with a new one.” One of the staff said. I simply nodded, not caring, while my eyes started to close again.

    “Okay, I got it. Where’s the second camera?” The staff that was on top of the ladder asked.

    “It’s in the van. Come on, let’s go. We need to hurry.”

    “Okay, okay hold on. Relax everyone is on break.” The other staff said, annoyed. “Victoria-ssi, sorry for disturbing you.” Both of the staff apologized once more before leaving the room.

    I stretched my arms and felt a sudden pain around my waist. Aish, why didn’t I just lay down properly? I lifted my stiff legs up and plopped them on the comfy bed. I turned and my eyes widened when I saw Nichkhun’s sleeping face. Oh, I forgot that he was next to me.

    My initial intent of getting some more sleep stopped. I stared at his face with a small smile playing on my lips. We actually slept together. I giggled mentally when I thought about those misleading words. My eyes continued tracing his perfect features—wow he’s really handsome. I smiled again.

    “You must think I look really handsome right now, correct?” My eyes widened when Nichkhun surprised me with his comment. He slowly opened his eyes, a smirk on his lips. Oh god! How did he know? Nichkhun chuckled when he saw my shocked expression. I felt my face flushed and sat up quickly, looking away from him.

    “Oh, you’re awake.” I said indifferently, my face was probably burning bright like a tomato right now.

    “Hmmm… It was a nice nap.” Then a wide smile spread across his face. “Hihi… We slept together.” He chuckled. I glared at him and slapped his forearm with irritation. He just smiled widely. “Ohoho… you’re turning bright red.” I slapped him—harder—again. He laughed as he poked my cheek. Embarrassed and irritated, I started hitting him repeatedly. He caught both of my wrists and laughed as I struggled to break free from his strong grip.

    “Let go!” I yelled angrily.

    “No. You’re just going to hit me again if I do.” He shook his head and chuckled. Furious, I fought him back using all my strength to free myself but we suddenly rolled off the bed and fell on the floor. I heard a loud thump.

    “Ow!” I yelped but I didn’t feel any pain around me. I opened my closed eyes and gasped. I was lying on top of Nichkhun!  For a few seconds I just gaped at him like an idiot and snapped out of it when I remembered the loud thump sound. “A-Are you okay?” I asked, worried whether he hit his head or not.

    “Yeah, I’m fine. You?” I nodded.  He winced when he tried lifting his head up. Impulsively, I placed a hand on the back of his head to support it. I could feel the blood rushing towards my cheeks and I could see Nichkhun’s ears turning bright red. I wanted to get up but my body froze when I heard footsteps. I heard two familiar voices—the staff from earlier!

    Oh no, what am I going to do. If they finds us like this—arrggghhh, I don’t want to know what they’ll think!

    Nichkhun saw the panic in my eyes and I almost screamed when he suddenly pulled me closer.

    “Don’t move and stay low, or they’ll see us.” He whispered in my ear, a surprised tingle ran down my spine. I realized that we fell on the right side of the bed so we were practically hidden by the bedframe. I clutched on tighter to him and tried to stay as low as I could. I panicked and my face burned with embarrassment when I could feel his body against mine.

    “Oh, they’re gone?”

    “Who? Nichkhun and Victoria? Oh, yeah you’re right. Where are they?”

    “Maybe they’re downstairs.”

    “We should get them first before installing the camera.” Me and Nichkhun listened to their conversation in silence, I didn’t even dare to breathe and by how his chest wasn’t moving, I guess he didn’t either. When I could hear footsteps fading away, I quickly got up and started pacing around nervously.

    “Wow, that was… whoa.” Nichkhun was obviously staggered by the awkward situation and so was I.

    “Um… I…” I couldn’t look at him in the eyes as I tried to speak. The room seemed to grow smaller, making it hard to breathe. Without finishing my sentence, I just dashed down the stairs.

    Oh my god! was all I could hear in my mind after that.

    I pressed my lips together to keep me from smiling as I remembered that day. I wondered if his heart was beating as fast as mine at that time. I chewed on my finger as I smiled to myself. I shook my head and look at the text again.

I’ll see you later at the studio

    “Studio? … !!” I forgot that today I have to do the black room interview for WGM. I quickly dialled manager Oppa’s number and asked what time does the interview starts. Oppa said that I should be at the studio before 12.

    I look at the time and it was only 8.30 in the morning, I still had a lot of time to spare before that… Wait! Does that mean I could see Nichkhun today?

    All of the pain and sadness I felt was replaced by a feeling of joy. I ran towards my closet and started picking out my outfit to wear for the interview. It was weird. Why am I so happy? I mean shouldn’t I be feeling miserable or depressed or both? Won’t it hurt me if I see him again?

    It didn’t matter anymore. Whether if he sees me as a friend or me seeing him as something more… all I want right now was to see him, to hear his voice, to laugh at his cheesy jokes. I didn’t care about the ‘after’ part. I might be heartbroken again after seeing him but it’s okay. Right now, I’m not ready to let him go yet so let me feel all the joy and pain there is and soon… I’m going to be just fine.

    After arguing with myself on what to wear, I finally chose to wear jeans and a red long sleeve shirt, Nichkhun’s favourite colour. I took a quick shower to freshen up and slipped into the simple outfit and decided not to wear any accessories since I didn’t want to look too dolled up for him. A girl needs to act nonchalant. I did my makeup and styled my hair to more than ten different hair styles and was satisfied with a natural hair fall look.

    I looked at my phone and it reads, 9.45 a.m. I groaned. There’s still a few more hours before the interview. I lay on my bed and the incessant ticking of the wall clock was nerve-racking. I lay still since I didn’t want to ruin my hair and makeup and my back was starting to feel stiff. How long have I been laying here? I checked the clock—56 seconds. I threw my hands in the air as I got up and groaned.

    “I can’t take this anymore.” I snatched my phone and dialled manager Oppa’s number, asking him to pick me up. He was a bit hesitant and asked me why, I just told him I wanted to get out of the apartment and he said okay.

    I snatched my bag, took one long look at myself in the mirror and literally ran out of the apartment to wait for manager Oppa at the entry. After like 6 years of waiting—20 minutes actually—Oppa’s car finally arrived. I hopped in, eager to go to the studio.

    “Where do you want to go?” Oppa asked.

    “Studio.” I answered short.

    “Heh? Why? It’s still early for the interview.”

    “I know.” Oppa waited for me to explain further but I kept staring out the window until he gave a defeated sigh.

    “Okay, fine.” He surrendered, I beamed with triumph.

    “Oh Vic, I almost forgot.” Oppa said once we arrived at the studio. He said something about picking my stuff bla bla bla… I didn’t really listen. I quickly hopped off the car after saying thanks to Oppa and power-walked towards the big building.

    Once I reached the studio where the interview was supposed to be held, I was shocked to see it being occupied. The studio was already set up for the black room interview.

    That’s weird, I thought to myself. It was still early but why are they ready for shooting? Usually they won’t set up the whole thing until I arrived. I warily walked further into the studio. The director saw me and waved.

    “Victoria? You’re here early. Ah, if that’s the case then we can start your interview now.” The director said and seated me in front of the cameras. 

    “Huh?” The hairstylist and make up artist suddenly came towards me and did some touch-ups on me. I was puzzled for a moment. Did manager Oppa got the time wrong? Was I supposed to come by at this time? I was about to ask those questions but the director cut me off by yelling, ‘Camera rolling!’

    The director started asking questions about how I felt when I got the last mission letter, what was I thinking back then, how was it at the party Nichkhun threw for me, the feeling of saying goodbye… I started to tear up during the interview as I recalled those last moments we spent, but I held them back in, my whole body trembling as I fought with my tears. All I could think about was how mean the director is for asking me those painful questions. I tried answering without bursting into tears.

   I let out a sigh of relief when the interview ended. My heart was racing and I could feel the sweat trickling down my back—only god knows how nervous I was during the interview.

    “That was great Victoria. Perfect!” The director thanked me for my hard work and gave me two thumbs up. I just smiled. “Okay everyone, that’s a wrap! Let’s get everything out of here!” The director yelled at the staff. Huh?

    “That’s it? What about Nichkhun—” The director interrupted before I could finish my sentence.

    “Nichkhun? Oh, he already did his interview.”

    “Excuse me?” My face was in a twist of surprised and confused.

    “He did it this morning, that’s why we set up early. Didn’t you know? He’s leaving Korea to do a promo all over Asia for a few weeks. I think he’s leaving…” The director looked at his watch. Please, please don’t say ‘now’. “Now if I’m not mistaken, yeah.” Damn.

    All I could say was, “Oh, haha is that so? Okay then.” I fellt a sharp pain in my chest. Nichkhun... left?

    “Are you okay?” The director asked. I wondered what my expression was like right now. All I could feel at the moment was nothing; numb.

    “I’m fine.” I smiled brightly and then added, “Just feels weird that it’s all over now.”

    “Are you upset because Nichkhun left?” The director’s question caught me off guard. I quickly shook my head and laughed nervously, saying that I was okay. But I don’t think I've fooled him. “He’s only gone for a few weeks, not forever.” I figured the director only said that to make me feel better but it didn’t because I knew that doing promos can extend from weeks to months and since 2PM is raging in the entertainment business… huh, I guess I won’t be seeing him for a few months.

    The director excused himself and I bowed at him. After thanking the staff and saying goodbye, I searched for manager Oppa but I couldn’t find him. I even searched the parking lot for the car but he was definitely gone. Ah! Didn’t he tell me he had errands to run earlier? Something about picking up my things… I guess he’s not done yet.

    I started to pace around at the entry of the building and I didn’t care that people were starting to stare. I couldn’t stand still or my mind will drown in the sea of thoughts about him. My eyes started to sting and my throat felt like there’s something stuck in it, I ran out the glass door when I saw a vacant taxi cab across the road.

    “Annyeonghaseyo—” I cut the cab driver off.

    “SM Entertainment headquarters.” I said short as I got in. “Fast, please.” I felt guilty for being rude like that to him but I needed to distract myself, to forget about everything.

    When we reached in front of my company, I smiled apologetically at the cab driver as I said sorry for my rude behaviour and paid him.

    “You shouldn’t let your stress ruin yourself.” The cab driver advised and smiled before I closed the door. I simply nodded.

    After changing into my dance attire in the locker room, I went straight to the practice room. It was empty. I stretched and did some warm-ups before turning the music on the stereo up to the max.

    I watched my reflection in the mirror as I danced.

    I made sure my body was graceful.

    I kept my toes pointed when I kicked or twirled.

    I kept my arms extended and not crooked.

    I checked my expression, never to wince even if I was hurting.

    I kept my back straight and not slouched.

    I repeated the dance routine again if I caught myself making a mistake—no matter how small.

    It’s been 6 hours now since I started practicing my dance moves. Dancing according to the song that was playing, I had dance to more than 100 songs. I was drenched in sweat and my whole body was sore but I didn’t stop. I didn’t want to.

    As I dance, my eyes never left my reflection.

Look at you, working so hard.

Remember how hard it was for you to dance for a full hour without panting when you first started?

Now you’re stronger, better. Perfect.

Nothing can stop you.

You can do anything.

Stop thinking about useless things.

You had your break and now is the time for you to reach for the stars.

Common Victoria, look at yourself.

You’re almost there.

Let’s forget about everything else.

Just see ‘you’.

Just forget.

Forget about Nichkhun—

    The moment I said his name, I didn’t land properly when I was doing a jeté (a ballet move) and slipped. Luckily I wasn’t hurt badly, just a slight twist around my ankle maybe but I got up and brushed my hands together. I took a deep breath.

    “It’s okay.” I breathed. I restarted the dance routine and slipped again. I got up and tried again. I slipped. I did the jeté over and over again but I couldn’t get it right. How could I mess that up? It was supposed to be the easiest move for me.

    Maybe it’s because I haven’t dance ballet for a long time; I’m just a little bit rusty, that’s all. I took a deep breath and dance one of the ballet routines I’d learned back in the academy. I slipped and fell numerous times. Frustrated, I dance it again yet I failed to dance it properly. I danced another routine and also failed. But I didn’t stop; I kept on dancing and also kept on slipping up. The whole time images of Nichkhun were flashing in my mind.

Why did you text me?

You should’ve just let me be.

You should’ve just let the final episode be our final goodbye.

Being friends is as painful as being strangers.

I shouldn’t have been excited to see you.

Why did you leave so soon?

Didn’t you think of seeing me before you go?

You shouldn’t have hugged me back then on our last day together.

You shouldn’t have touched me so casually during recording.

You shouldn’t have made me laugh when I was down.

You shouldn’t have said that you like me.

You… you…

You shouldn’t have made me fall in love with you.

    I fell again and this time I didn’t bother to get up. All the pain I've been avoiding and holding in since this morning were exploding inside of my chest. I wanted to see him so bad. I was so happy when he sent that insignificant text. But he left, disappeared. Just like how it should've been in the first place. Like a dream, he should vanish.

    “Victoria!” I heard a voice behind me but I didn’t bother to look up to know that it was manager Oppa’s. I was sobbing and tears were running down my cheeks. “Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?” Oppa searched for any cuts or wounds around me and gasped. “Look at your ankles, they’re badly bruised. Let’s go to the infirmary.” Oppa grabbed my arm and pulled me up but I shook it off and stood up on my own.

    “I’m fine.” I started to dance again. Dancing was actually helping me to face my feelings. I was battling with my emotions when I dance and it's not over yet. Oppa tugged on my arm, yelling for me to stop.

    “That’s enough! I’ve been searching for you at the studio all morning but you were already gone. Do you know how worried I was? I kept calling you but you didn’t pick up. I even called the girls and they were worried when I told them I couldn’t find you!” My head hung low as Oppa continued scolding me. “All along you were practicing here and someone told me you had been dancing since this morning non-stop. Are you trying to hurt yourself?” Oppa looked at my ankles again and sighed. “Common, you need to be treated.”

    “I’m sorry I had caused you trouble, I really am but I can’t stop Oppa.” I apologized as I freed myself from his grip.

    “What are you talking about? You’re in no condition to dance.”

    “I just can’t. I keep slipping up and I won’t stop until I can dance perfectly.” I tried reasoning with him. Oppa looked at me with a frustrated look on his face; the circles under his eyes were darker than usual.

    “Okay, fine.” He sighed and left the practice room without another word. Guilt suddenly washed over me. I understood how worried he must be right now but I just can’t stop. I’m sorry, Oppa but this is for my own good. I needed to solve my feelings before it gets worse.

    After another hour, my dancing was gradually getting back to normal. I didn’t slip up as much. Manager Oppa came back earlier and bought some cooling patches for my ankles and also some food. My ankles didn’t hurt as much after sticking on the patches but I didn’t have any appetite to eat even though my stomach was practically empty. I just drank the tea he bought and continued on dancing.

    It was a good thing that I didn’t have any schedules and how lucky was I that no one wanted to use the practice room today which is extremely rare. Usually the practice room would be occupied for the whole today. I guess everyone’s busy.

   While I danced again, I realized how tensed I looked in the mirror. I inhaled and exhaled before starting but I still couldn't concentrate and fell again. I tried remembering what my teachers use to say.

   Dancing is life, is to express who you are. Your emotions are your guides, trust them and follow.

    I closed my eyes but all I could see was Nichkhun and I could feel was something piercing in my chest. How can I follow my emotions? All I feel is this! This sick pain! Why am I feeling like this? I remembered how sweet it felt when I was with him during all those times. My mind was now filled with our memories together as a couple and as if a huge weight has been lifted, I felt lighter. A small smile was on my lips.

    “I did it!” I squealed to myself when I did the dance routines perfectly. I let out a sigh of relief. Maybe I should've just accept reality and embraced it. The sweet memories are still there, they won't disappear. If I feel pain, just think back at how it was before. Remember the little world we used to live in. I laughed, it felt like I haven't laugh for years. I felt good, no not good but bittersweet? I mean things are still unresolved, but I don't need to think about that now. Maybe when I see him again after a few months, we'll talk things through.

    Yes, the only reason why things are so tangled up was because I was scared to talk to Nichkhun about us. The possibility of him having zero feelings for me was terrifying. But by the time he gets back I won't be scared to face him. I want this crazy phase to be over so I have to take chances, risks even if it will only break me.  I smiled at this little realization. It'll be fine.

    I winced at the sudden wave of pain crashing down on me. My whole body was sore and stiff. I glanced at the wall clock and my eyes widened; it was already 3 in the morning. Oh, wow!

    I looked around and was surprised to see manager Oppa lying on the floor, fast asleep. I tiptoed towards him and covered him up with his jacket. I wanted to wake him up and go home but he looks awfully tired so I decided to just let him sleep.

    “Sweet dreams Oppa.” I whispered as I closed the lights and closed the door of the practice room. The halls were dimly lit and vacant. I wondered what should I do while waiting for manager Oppa to wake up.

     Bored, I decided to get some fresh air. I’ve been in that room for too long and my brain needs to consume some oxygen. I exited through the front door and the streets were empty. I started walking aimlessly, commenting on anything I saw in my mind like, that bush looks like toast and that dog would look cute wearing a blue sweater, just to entertain myself.

    The air was cool and I started to shiver. I pulled my hooded sweater tighter around my body. Since there was no one around, I don’t have to hide my face like I would whenever I’m in a public place. I giggled, I somehow felt normal. It’s nice to have a walk without someone following you around or having to constantly cover up your face.

    I continued on walking, staring at the velvet sky. The world seems different to me right now. Everything looks new to me. Is this what they call… closure? I don’t know, but I felt different than before. I feel refreshed even though my whole body was in pain.

    I’m alright. I laughed, perhaps a bit too loud, but who cares? There’s no one around.

    “I’m alright!” I yelled at the sky.

~~~

Uwaaa T.T I feel so stupid after reading this chapter. Actually this is not the real chapter 3 that I had planned. It turns out my original chapter 3 was too long so I have to cut it in half. So this is only the first half. I'll continue on with the second half and try to update soon. P.S Thanks guys for the very motivating comments! <3 I'll work hard! Fighting!