Victoria’s POV

I looked at the clock hanging on the wall; it was almost time for the recording. I suddenly felt a lot more nervous than before. In just mere minutes I’ll be seeing Nichkhun again after for so long. I played with my fingers and felt how clammy my palms were.

    “You look a bit pale.” I looked up at Kyuhyun and threw out a laugh that sounded like I was choking on something.

    “I do?” I got up from the couch and checked my reflection in the mirror one last time. I noticed my lips were a bit dry. I dabbed another layer of lip gloss on my lips for the fourth time today and turned to face Kyuhyun again.

    “Satisfied?” He chuckled as he got up from the couch and glanced at his wristwatch. “We should get going.” I nodded and smoothed out the invisible creases on my skirt as I walked towards him.

    “Okay, do I look ready?” I asked, a bit insecure of my appearance for some reason.

    “You look nervous.” He pointed out and laughed. I crossed my arms and glared at him. “I’m kidding.” He laughed again as he pulled my arm and hooked it through his. My lips crack a smile and we both started laughing again as we walked towards the set.

    I greeted the staff and Kyuhyun left to meet up with the producers and the rest of the hosts. The assistant director showed me to my seat and I was greeted by Robert Harley. He didn’t say much after that and I couldn’t think of anything to say to him so I just sat quietly in my chair.

   I suddenly heard a loud sound of a door closing and I looked up, my heart racing as I watched Nichkhun entered the studio. His hair was a bit longer than before but besides that he looked just like how I remembered—still annoyingly handsome.

    I kept my eyes on my hands as he came closer towards the guests’ seating on set and I just listened as Harley greeted him. His voice sounded a bit different but still familiar, a bit deep yet it still has that boyish tone to it. I closed my eyes and let out a heavy sigh. Even after not seeing him for 6 month, I can still remember every detail about him so clearly.

    Nichkhun took a seat next to me and that was it. He didn’t say anything after that. I took a peek at him from the corner of my eyes and slightly turned to face him. Up close he looked a bit paler than usual and his expression was a bit distracted as he stared at his laced hands.

    “It’s been a long time.” I finally said after a long argument with myself. There’s nothing wrong if I initiated a conversation with him. I’m just trying to be friendly.

    “Yeah.” He said dully, like he’s not interested and I was a bit hurt by that.

    “Um, how are you?” I asked, my tone still friendly but his expression was blanked. He didn’t look too well.

    “Nothing much, same old, same old.” He said dryly.

    “Eii, what do you mean? I heard you were shooting a movie in Thailand.” I tried again but his reaction was still the same.

    “Yeah…” He responded and I finally gave up when he said nothing else after that. It sounded like I was being a nuisance to him and maybe I was. Maybe he wanted to avoid me. Maybe that’s why he’s acting like this. I sighed.

    I know that things were a bit complicated between us but that was months ago. I mean he can’t still be mad or hate me? He moved on, so why is he being so cold?

    The show soon started as the hosts introduced today’s guest. I was seated first and I was a bit exacerbated when Nichkhun sat next to me. Part of me hoped that Harley would seat in the middle as I felt oddly cramped with Nichkhun close by my side, our knees almost touching.

    After I introduced myself it was Nichkhun’s turn and he was slightly awkward even though he was an idol. I mean idols should be a real pro when it comes to introducing themselves. Just be confident, cheerful and charismatic but Nichkhun looked like he was lost as he stuttered a bit. He looked really uncomfortable. I t can’t be because of me, is it?

    The hosts laughed while they teased Nichkhun and I could tell he was forcing himself to laugh with them. Se-yoon asked him to introduce himself again and I was honestly shocked when he suddenly said, ‘don’t catch a cold’. One of the things that I admire about Nichkhun was that he was always so smooth and confident. I envy him each time I saw him charm the hosts and the audience in shows on TV. But Nichkhun was really off today.

    “A cold in the middle of winter?” Kyuhyun sneered and I was getting worried. 

    “It’s because I have a cold right now.” He answered. Ah, maybe that’s why he’s a bit different today. He must not be feeling too well right now. I suddenly had the urge to place a hand on his forehead to check whether he has a fever or not but I clenched my fingers tight on my lap to stop them. I looked at him warily as everyone laughed and I wondered if he could do the show smoothly today.

    Then Harley introduced himself but I wasn’t paying any attention well not until he said that he felt like a pastor officiating a wedding on the show with me and Nichkhun. I almost choked and blushed at the thought of it.

    “Nichkhun-ssi said that he feels nervous from meeting Victoria-ssi for the first time in a while.” Kyuhyun read his script and my face felt a bit hot at the idea. I turned to look at Nichkhun and our eyes met, making me blush deeper. “Are you just pretending that you haven’t met her in a while?” Kyuhyun teased but I noticed Nichkhun hands were clenched tight together, his knuckles turning white. Was he bothered by the question?

    “No, no, it’s really been a long time.” He denied and I slowly nodded in agreement, a bit curious at what was actually going on in his head. Was he mad that Kyuhyun tried to make the impression that we were both dating or something? Or maybe because he didn’t feel too well right now?  My chest tightened a bit.

    “Long time… as in a day or two?” I jumped a bit when I saw Nichkhun clenched his jaw tight and his hands were still in fists. I widened my eyes at Kyuhyun to stop asking those types of questions but he only smiled like he was enjoying it.

    Worried, I opened my mouth to clear things out but Nichkhun suddenly jumped in. He explained that we were both had been busy working on our acting career overseas and I only nodded. There was somewhat a hostile vibe between Nichkhun and Kyuhyun and the others seemed to notice it as well.

    As the conversation continued on, I noticed Kyuhyun kept shooting glares at Nichkhun now and then and Nichkhun had his arms crossed tight. I sighed mentally. Kyuhyun had always been like a brother to me and I know that he’s only trying to protect me but it seems childish of him to aggravate Nichkhun here, during a show. I knew he had his problems with Nichkhun because of me but I wish he hadn’t. I already accepted what had happened and I wished Kyuhyun would let it go too.

    “Did Victoria take care of her looks today to meet Nichkhun?” Se-yoon asked and I wanted to use this chance to cheer Nichkhun up.

    Fighting the embarrassment, I turned and faced Nichkhun, a shy smile on my face. “I dyed my hair…” I giggled as I felt my cheeks getting hotter and my smile widened when I noticed a smile forming on Nichkhun’s face.

    “But isn’t it part of Electric Shock’s concept?” Jong-shin asked and like what Kyuhyun had expected, no one noticed the difference. I could tell Kyuhyun was supressing back his laughter and gave me an I-told-you-so look. I wanted to tell them I dyed my hair vanilla blonde but was afraid they wouldn’t understand the difference between butterscotch blonde, vanilla blonde and yellow. But just in case this would happened, I asked the hairstylist to add in a special braid for plan B. “Just for today… I asked them to do this.”

    Nichkhun looked a bit pleased and I was satisfied that I managed to cheer him up. But that didn’t last long as the conversation continue. The whole time Kyuhyun kept aggravating him and I noticed Nichkhun’s arm turning bright red since he kept clenching it tight, supressing back anger no doubt. And Nichkhun stayed quiet, only laugh when he needed to and only listened which is extremely odd.

    I didn’t know why but I wanted to hold his hand and squeezed it tight, to comfort him from whatever he was dealing with. I remembered back when we were married, when we were asked to throw the first ball for an opening baseball game. Nichkhun was excited because it was really a big chance given even though we were foreigners and I knew how disappointed he was when he didn’t managed to hit the ball I threw.

    I felt really bad inside because I knew how upset he was but I didn’t know what to do. I was never good with words nor do I show my emotions much so I took his hand and just squeezed it tight the whole time. It was my way of cheering him up and even though it didn’t show, I knew he was grateful for my small effort to ease him.

    And right now, I want to hold his hand and just squeezed it tight. Whatever it is that was making him down, whether it was because of me, or because of that childish Kyuhyun, or because of his cold or whatever, I’m here to cheer him up.

    I held my breath as the hosts were now talking about Nichkhun’s ex-girlfriend. I wanted to block my ears but I knew I couldn’t so I kept shifting uncomfortably in my seat, my fingernails digging in my arms as I clenched them tight. I knew I shouldn’t care but it still made me uneasy. Regardless that today was the first time I saw him in months or that we both had moved on, the uneasiness was still there.

    The conversation now was about my first days in SM.

    “Nichkhun, Kyuhyun. Choose.” I was startled that the conversation could lead to that question. I let out a nervous laugh.

    “What is this?” Kyuhyun said frustratingly and I managed to throw a worried look at him and he slightly nodded.

    “Kyuhyun is a sunbae that I’m closest to.” I said as an attempt to distract them from the question. “After becoming friends with him, he introduced me to a lot of his friends. To be honest, my life in Korea was a bit lonely but thanks to him I gained a lot of friends.” I looked at Kyuhyun and he gave me a good-job look. I was getting pretty good at dodging questions now. Being an idol is not easy, we have to be smart in certain areas. Like this, for example. One mistake could ruin the entire career.

    “In SM, is Kyuhyun the closest to you?” Jong-shin asked and I nodded. We were close because our birthdays were only a day apart so we bonded a lot because of that.

    “Choose one from visuals. Your type.” Se-yoon said, still trying to push me to choose between them. I sighed in my head.

    “Kyuhyun, Nichkhun. Which one is more your style?” I hesitated at first but then realized that this is a great opportunity to cheer Nichkhun up. But if I choose him then scandals and rumours would probably build up in the media and I didn’t want to cause him trouble. Not again. But if I choose Kyuhyun to play it safe, then Nichkhun might become more upset. Not that he should but I don’t know. I had a feeling that Nichkhun was quite hostile towards Kyuhyun.

    I looked at Kyuhyun for help but he only shrugged. Aish, he must be curious about my answer as well. “What should I do?” I finally decided on answering the question with a question. The basic way to dodge a question. Kyuhyun understood and helped me out.

    “Whatever you want.” He said lightly but I wished he would’ve said something to stop the conversation all together. Not bring up more questions.

    “Why is she getting permission from Kyuhyun?” Se-yoon asked surprisingly. I shot Kyuhyun a look as the hosts started speculating on my relationship with Kyuhyun.

    “It’s because I’m her sunbae.” Kyuhyun explained, ending the topic all together. I smiled at him for ending the sensitive subject. I took a nervous glance at Nichkhun and regretted it when I saw how tensed his face was.

    “My style…” I started and I could feel Kyuhyun giving me a what-are-you-doing look but I ignored him and continued. “I like people with big eyes.” I slightly hinted, hoping Nichkhun would understand who I’d choose. I laughed when Nichkhun widened his already big eyes and felt relieved to see him relaxed again.

    After that, his mood seemed to lighten a bit as he was laughing and talking a bit more than before. And it was easier for me to casually look at him without being nervous anymore as he smiled at me. But even though I was glad he was in a better mood now, I on the other hand was a bit more tensed than before.

    It felt like electricity running through my system every time his knees or elbow grazed mine and it was quite distracting actually. My palms were back into being clammy and my heart was a few beats faster than it should. I didn’t know if it was coincidence or just a habit but whenever me and Nichkhun laughed, we would subconsciously lean towards each other. I didn’t hate it but I shouldn’t like it either.

    I guess I just miss the closeness we used to have. I always thought it was nice that we were comfortable towards each other even though awkwardness still lingers in between. It has always been like that for us. Even when we first met, it was awkward but we were still surprisingly comfortable. Or when we first met after I… I broke up with him, for MBC’s Music Festival, I thought we would be awkward with one another but instead he helped through the hard times like he always would.

    No matter what, there’s this weird connection between us that makes us comfortable with one another. It’s a curse I tell you, a terrible one or not? I guess that is still a mystery.

The recording finally ended and by then it was already afternoon so the producers wanted to treat all the hosts and guests for lunch. We were now walking towards the conference room to have our lunch there. As we walked, my eyes were kept on Nichkhun’s figure walking in front of me, chatting with Harley. I felt someone nudged me.

    “Why did you do that?” I looked at Kyuhyun who was walking next to me.

    “What?” I asked, my eyes still on Nichkhun’s back.

    “‘I like guys with big eyes.’” He suddenly quoted in a girlish voice. I shot a look at him.

    “Well what about you? Between you and…” I tilted my head towards Nichkhun in front of us and he just shrugged.

    “What? What did I do?” He asked innocently. I snickered when he pouted his lips at me. A grown-up woman acting cute is normal but when a grown-up man acts cute, that’s hilarious. I lightly slapped his shoulder.

    “I’m being serious. You were practically begging him to jump off his seat and punch you. You kept aggravating him.” I said as I slapped his shoulder one more time. I was really worried about Nichkhun being off from the start and Kyuhyun didn’t help eased the situation at all. “It felt like you two were having a fight telepathically. Nichkhun kept glaring at you.”

    “You mean he was pissed?” I nodded and a triumphant smile dominated his face. “Assa!” He pumped his fist as though he succeeded in something. And then it hit me.

    “You wanted him to be mad!” I accused him and he smiled sheepishly. “Why did you do that?” I slapped his shoulder again, this time a bit harder and he yelped.

    “Why can’t I?” He retorted.

    “It’s quite obvious he’s dealing with something right now. And you’re not helping him at all. You’re only making things worse for him.” I hissed quietly, not wanting the others to hear. Kyuhyun let out a frustrating groan.

    “Why do you always give in when it comes to him?” He stabbed a finger at Nichkhun’s figure. “Did you not forget what he did to you?” I winced a bit at his words.

    “Forget? Do you think I could ever forget considering I was the one who had to face everything?” I asked frustratingly and his face turned apologetic.

    “I’m sorry but I just don’t want you to keep holding on to him—” I immediately cut him off.

    “I’m not holding on to him.” I corrected.

    “Then why are you so concern with him? Why do you even care?” Kyuhyun was getting frustrated and I can understand why but I don’t expect him to take care of my problems for me.

    “Because he’s a friend of mine. And friends don’t let their ‘childish Oppa’ exasperate one another.” I reasoned and he was only silent.

    “You’re too nice.” Kyuhyun finally muttered.

    “And that’s bad?” Kyuhyun nodded as if it was obvious.

    “In your case, yeah.” He stated and then breathed out a sigh. “I mean after everything, how can you consider that,” He shot a glare towards Nichkhun and continued, “a friend? I mean seriously. If it were me, I would’ve hire thugs to throw him in the ocean or something.” He crossed his arms together as he shoots more laser beams towards Nichkhun with his eyes.

    “Then it’s a good thing I’m not you.” I joked but Kyuhyun’s face showed no sign of humour. I sighed. “I don’t expect you to understand but that has helped me a lot in ways that may seem insignificant. But just because things had happened between us doesn’t mean I should ignore the fact that he has been there for me when I needed him. And I owe him for that.” 

    Call me weird or strange or whatever but I honestly do consider Nichkhun as a friend because to me, a friend is someone who looks out for you. Earlier during the show, Kyuhyun had asked what Nichkhun was to me and my answer was truly sincere.

    “He’s a comrade and a friend in Korea.”

     He helped me a lot back when we were in WGM and also after like during MBC’s Music Festival and I can’t be grateful enough to him. He has helped me in my career in more ways than anyone else had and that gesture will always be remained inside of me. So no matter how much I hate him, he still deserved to be called a friend of mine.

    Kyuhyun finally sighed in defeat and nodded.

    “Fine but that still doesn’t change things. To me he’s still a—” I pinched his cheeks before he could start swearing and he yelped in pain.

    Se-yoon, who was walking at the front suddenly called Kyuhyun. He turned to look at me and I nodded. Kyuhyun purposely slid himself in between Nichkhun and Harley to get to Se-yoon and I only shook my head.

    I was walking alone in the back now and I kept staring at Nichkhun as he laughed with Harley.

    Even though Nichkhun to me is a friend, I don’t think it’s the same for him. But I wish he would consider me as a friend. I really don’t want us to be on bad-terms because honestly, I don’t care about the past anymore. I just want to start over with him.

    I sighed. Somehow it felt like starting over was going to be a bit difficult.

~~~

Hi, wow I can’t believe this is my 27^th chapter. Honestly I didn’t think it would take so long to finish up this story. Seriously, when I wrote the draft for this fanfic, it didn’t seem like it would take a lot since I have a clear story-line. Maybe it’s because I keep doing different POV’s and keep adding new ideas to my story. Anyway I’m sorry if it’s a bit long and I know you guys are dying for the Khuntoria part, but I swear to you, this isn’t half of my story yet. There’s still a lot more, really.

So that’s why I’m letting you guys decide. Should I update one chapter at a time or just update the whole thing when I’m finished, though it might take a long time. I know it must be killing you guys to wait for me to update every week or month and I really want to please you guys.

Okay then, that’s all I guess. Ah! I forgot to thank you guys for supporting me and spare your time for reading this silly story of mine. Anyways, fighting!

Please comment&sub~