Nichkhun’s POV

I stared at my phone… nothing.

     “Why isn’t she replying?” I muttered frustratingly to myself. I was in my car with my members, on my way to my dorm after a long flight.

     “Yo, Khun! Are you okay?” My members asked teasingly but I just ignored them and stayed fixed on my phone’s screen. I had texted Victoria earlier and told her how sorry I was for not contacting her for so long. I decided to ask her out to dinner tonight to make it up to her but she didn’t reply. Was she still mad?

     “Ah!” I jumped a bit when I saw a message alert popped on my screen. I quickly opened it.

I'll think about it.

  My face immediately fell the moment I read her text. It sounded cold. She must be really mad that I didn’t contact her sooner. I could understand why she’s mad but I had my reason. I lost my phone during the promo and all my contact numbers were in it. And I was too busy to buy myself a new phone. I’d just bought this phone a few days ago.

    “What’s with your face?” Taecyon asked as he snatched my phone. “Ouch.” He said apologetically as he read the text. The other members were curious as well so they all took turns reading the text. My members already knew about me and Victoria. At first they were a bit doubting but they accepted my decision without much questions.

    “She sounds really mad.” Junho stated the obvious.

    “What should I do? What if she doesn’t show?” I was a bit worried now. What if she never wants to see me again? But we just started on this relationship… wait are we in a relationship? I suddenly realized that I haven’t actually confessed my feelings towards her.

    “Did you confess to her?” My members asked as though they could hear my thoughts. I shook my head.

    “No wonder she’s mad. She probably thinks you’re only messing with her.” Junsu said.

    “You should confess to her right now.” Wooyoung suggested.

    “Yah, that’ll make her even more pissed.” Junho yelled.

    “Confessing, for some reason, is a big deal for girls. Doing it over the phone is really not ideal.” Chansung said and everyone nodded.

    “Confessing event! Tonight. Confess to her tonight Hyung.” Junho said. “She’ll probably be touched.” I thought about it and nodded in agreement. I quickly grabbed my phone back and started texting Victoria.

Victoria, I’m really sorry that we’ve lost touch with each other but I lost my phone and I was too busy to buy a new one.

Please don’t be mad >.<

My friend owns a restaurant near your company so meet me there around 8 okay?You HAVE to be there. No exceptions :D

    After I pressed sent, I quickly went online and typed ‘How to confess to a girl’ on the search bar and started doing research on how to set up a perfect romantic mood. My members were pitching in ideas as well and I was excited for tonight.

    I’ll make sure that tonight’s event will definitely, definitely make her cry. I promised.

“Hey thanks again for helping me out.” I patted my friend’s shoulder as I thanked him. He was generous enough to close his restaurant early for me to have a private date with Victoria. He even helped me decorate the whole restaurant with balloons and streamers. I couldn’t thank him enough for doing this for me.

    “Don’t worry about it. Just don’t forget to invite me to your wedding later.” He smiled teasingly and I lightly punched his shoulder, blushing with embarrassment.

    “Yah, what wedding?” I laughed and we bade goodbye to each other before he left the restaurant.

   I looked around and everything looks perfect. Candles, star-shaped balloons, rose petals, soft music playing in the background… She’s definitely going to cry. I walked towards the table in the middle of the room—the rest of the tables were pushed against the wall—and rearranged the rose petals on the table cloth.

    This reminds me of the event I made for her in Busan. I just hope the result of this event is a million times better than the one in Busan. A chuckle suddenly escaped my lips when that disastrous event played in my mind. I’m still surprised Victoria could still bear to be with me after that day. It was really embarrassing since it was my first time doing something so… corny yet at the same time it was really exciting.

    My heart suddenly stopped when I heard the door opening behind me. I could already picture Victoria wearing a gorgeous dress and looking beautiful as ever.

    “Nichkhun.” A soft voice said and I turned around only to see Tiffany. My face immediately fell with disappointment.

    “What are you doing  here?” I asked confusingly. She opened to say something but quickly tightened her lips together. She bit her lower lip as if she was contemplating on something. Her eyes were staring at her hands shoved in her coat’s pockets. I was getting impatient. I didn’t want Victoria walking in seeing me and Tiffany together. It’s bad enough that Victoria is mad at me and I don’t need Tiffany to make things worse.

    It was awkward seeing her again after what happened between us.

    “Tiffany, why are you here?” I raised my voice a bit to catch her attention and her head immediately snapped back up. Slowly she walked towards me and I took a step back when she stopped too close to me.

    I studied her face and slowly her eyes looked back up at mine. She was wearing the same expression she wore that night 10 months ago, torn. The memory suddenly played itself in my mind.

(FLASHBACK)

“Good job guys.” The staffs praised as me and Chansung exited the backstage back to our dressing rooms. We’d just finished our performance for MBC Gayo Daejun. I smiled back at the staffs as I thanked them.

    “Hyung, I gotta go to the bathroom.” Chansung suddenly said and darted down the hallway. I shook my head and chuckled. For a guy with a big stomach, he sure has a small bladder.

    I stretched my arms a bit as I walked down the busy hallway and I froze when I saw Tiffany not far ahead. I immediately made a sharp turn around another corner and took the long way towards my dressing room.

    That was close, I let out a sigh of relief but then my sigh turned into a frustrating one. Ever since Junho’s and Chansung’s intervention a few months ago, I’ve been really confused on what to do. It’s really complicated since Tiffany doesn’t know about my feelings for Victoria and Victoria doesn’t know anything about me and Tiffany.

    I sighed again. But these past few months, I’ve been spending a lot of time with Victoria, on and off camera because we both had to do a performance together so we met a lot during practice. It was nice seeing each other without the cameras around. We both could act freely without worrying about looking bad on tape.

    My performance with Victoria wasn’t for another 45 minutes or so. I was excited for everyone to see me and Victoria on stage together as a couple. A chuckle escaped my lips when I could almost remember how Victoria’s skin felt against mine and how red her cheeks would be when I about it.

    I entered my dressing room and then I heard the door being closed slowly behind me. I turned around expecting Chansung to be there or better yet, Victoria to come by and check on me, but it was Tiffany instead.

    “Nichkhun.” She said with a smile on her face.

    “Tiffany?” I should be happy to see her but I wasn’t. “What are—” But before I could finish my sentence, she ran forward and wrapped her arms around my waist. Locking me into her embrace.

    “I miss you.” Her voice was muffled against my chest.

    I should feel something right? Something, anything. I should be happy, or shock, or confuse… any emotion would be fine but all I could think about was Victoria. Tiffany’s arms around me weren’t right and my body was rejecting her touch. My body was yearning for someone else’s touch. For Victoria’s touch.

    And then it clicked.

    I gently placed my hands on Tiffany’s arms and slowly loosened her grip. She looked up confusingly as I pushed her back a bit but her hands were still resting on both sides of my waist.

    “Tiffany… please stop.” I said to her softly, not wanting to hurt her.

    “What are you talking about?” She asked, a smile on her face. I sighed and looked away.

    “I think we should… stop…” I trailed on, not knowing what words to say. I slowly looked back at her when she let out a shaky laugh.

    “What do you mean? Are you trying to say that…” Her voice was cracking a bit and I carefully looked at her expression before I nodded. Her eyes started to water but I could see her trying to swallow them back. “But Nichkhun—” I stopped her when her hands were starting to slide back around my waist. I pulled myself away and started pacing before looking back into her glassy eyes.

    “I don’t think I… feel the same way about you… as I did before.” I said slowly and even though it hurts, I can’t let her hold on to something that’s no longer there. She deserves better than this, better than me. “I’m sorry but—” I stopped when she held a hand up.

    “Don’t!” Her voice was raised a bit and she started to look around nervously. “Don’t say anything. I don’t want to hear it.” She almost choked.

    “But Tiff—”

    “I said don’t!” A tear rolled down her cheek as she yelled at me. “Just… don’t.” She whispered as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hands.

    All I could do was stared at her as she tried calming herself down. I hate break-ups. Even if I try to do it nicely or gently, I would still end up as the bad guy in the girl’s eyes. I sighed. I felt awful for doing this to Tiffany, after all that I had promised her, in the end I still broke her heart. I know I’m to blame but what could I do? My feelings for Victoria were no longer a harmless crush.

    My mind was suddenly flooded with pictures of Victoria. The sound of the door opening broke my chain of thought. I looked to see Tiffany walking out the door.

    “Tiff—” I stopped when she suddenly turned around and flashed me a smile.

    “I can’t wait until you finished doing WGM. Then things can finally go back to normal.” She said those words so smoothly that it made me wince.

    “Don’t do this to yourself.” I said softly and her eyes twitched a bit but her forced smile was still in place.

    She let out a giggle as if I was joking and waved goodbye before she left. I was left dumbfounded in my dressing room. I just hoped she understands what I was trying to say and move on. I sighed and plopped myself on one of the couches, my face buried in my arms.

    “Hey, something wrong Hyung?” I looked up to see Chansung and dropped my face back into my palms. I nodded.

    “I ended it… with Tiffany. It’s over.” I confessed but my voice was slightly muffled by my palms. I felt something around my shoulder.

    “You think it’s a mistake.” It wasn’t a question but I shook my head but then shrugged, not knowing the answer. I let out a deep sigh after removing my palms from my face.

    “What if it is? What if this is all a huge mistake?” The words suddenly blurted themselves out of my mouth. I knew it was the right thing to do, but I couldn’t help but feel like this.

    “So it’s a mistake for you to fall for Victoria.” He stated and I shook my head.

    “That’s not a mistake.” I said rather harshly. Chansung raised any eyebrow at me. “I don’t regret falling for her but what if she doesn’t feel the same way? At least with Tiffany, I know that she has feelings for me but with Victoria, I don’t know if we have a future with each other.”

    “So in conclusion, you’re scared that you’ll get rejected by Victoria and would much rather play it safe with Tiffany?” He said smoothly yet harsh at the same time. But I nodded anyways, admitting it. “If you rather play it safe then why choose Victoria? You could’ve just continued on with whatever it is you did before.”

    “That’s not fair and weren’t you the one who said that I shouldn’t be holding onto both of them?” Chansung raised both his hands up, surrendering. But then he placed a hand on my shoulder.

    “Hyung,” Chansung said with a smile on his face but then his expression abruptly turned serious. “Grow a pair and man up. You dealt with a lot of worse things than rejection.”

    “But what if she does reject me?”

    “And how would you know?” Chansung retorted. “Just take the chance Hyung.” He squeezed my shoulder in comfort and I smiled at him.

    “Thanks.” I smiled, a bit widely than before. Why was I worrying so much? I know the outcome is still undetermined, but there’s still a chance for a good one.

    “You’re welcome and don’t forget to thank me in your wedding speech.” Chansung laughed and I punched his shoulder and he punched me back. The door suddenly swung opened, causing us to stop punching each other.

    Min Jae Hyung came in, his eyes focusing on something else as his brows were furrowed. There were lines creased between his brows.

    “Hyung, you look tensed.” Chansung said and I nodded as I pulled Min Jae Hyung’s arm towards the empty spot on the couch next to me. “Did something happen?” Min Jae Hyung pulled himself away from his thoughts and looked straight at me.

    “I just talked with one of WGM’s producers just now…” He paused as he looked at me warily. I didn’t know why but it felt like something bad had happened. “It’s Victoria, she decided to quit WGM. This may be the last episode or the second-last at most.” I stand corrected; it’s much, much worse.

    “W-w-wh­—”

    “What?” Chansung yelled before I could do so. “She quit? But why?” Chansung turned to look at me but I was frozen with shock.

    “I don’t know. Her manager just informed the producers about her decision not long ago.”

    “Hyung, you got to do something about this.” Chansung shook my shoulder but I was still unresponsive.

    Victoria… she’s leaving me? No, not me, the show. She’s leaving the show, which technically is the same thing. But why all of a sudden… Don’t tell me, maybe she knows how I feel about her and got freaked out by it! She’s leaving because she doesn’t want anything to do with me!

    It would make sense why she would freak out. She doesn’t deserve me, she deserves better. I’m not good enough for her. How could I be? My intentions from the beginning were to use her for my own sake. And then I developed feelings for her when I was supposed to be with Tiffany. If she knows about this, she wouldn’t just freak out; she would hate me, possibly for the rest of my life.

    “Yah, yah, whatever you’re thinking right now, stop it.” Chansung was shaking my shoulders and I willed myself to get a grip. “You don’t know why she wants to quit, so don’t blame yourself for it.”

    “He’s right Khun-ah, it may be because her schedule’s too packed. So don’t worry about it.” I nodded as I looked at Min Jae Hyung and then at Chansung. I wanted to see Victoria and ask her about it. Maybe I can persuade her to change her mind. “Khun-ah, you should change. Your performance is going to start soon.”

    I realized how late it had gotten and tried to change as fast as I could. Maybe I would have some left-over time to talk to Victoria in private if I hurry up but as I was putting on my tank top, I could hear Victoria’s voice calling me from the other side of the door. I scrambled to put on the leather vest on and walked out the door. The cameras were already rolling so I tried to pretend that the last hour had never happened.

   As we walked towards the stage, Victoria was awfully cheery and enthusiastic. I didn’t know if it was from the performance or the fact that today might be the last time she’ll see me.

   “What?” She almost hissed and I didn’t realize I was staring at her the whole time. I shook my head and tried to laugh it off. Victoria turned to look at me and… I was going to miss those eyes. I felt myself drowning in them and I can’t believe this might be the last time. I laced my fingers with hers and my chest tightened when her hand jumped a bit at my touch. But I ignored it and held her hand tight.

    When we were on the stage in our positions, I felt awfully nervous but not because of the performance, but because this is it. This will be the last time I’ll be with her. After the performance is over, I won’t be Nichkhun, Victoria’s husband anymore. I loved that title too much to let tonight be the last time. I wanted so bad to just pull her away from the stage and talk to her. I just wanted to know her reasons for quitting WGM—though I’m a hundred per cent sure it’s because of me.

    The host played the trailer I made and I couldn’t help but smile. All I could think about now was the Christmas event I did for Victoria. Even though it was one of my many event failures but my favourite part about that day was when Victoria wrote ‘I like Nichkhun’ on a foggy window. For a moment, I thought she was actually being honest with me. Maybe she was, who knows but the whole virtual-reality show is really confusing. I can never tell if she really have feelings for me. It looked like she does yet if she did, then she won’t be leaving the show.

    But who was I to stop her? So what if I have feelings for her? I can’t just force her to do something she doesn’t want to do. If she wants to quit the show then I should just let her, right? I sighed mentally. I guess this really is the last time we’ll be together.

    The song started playing and I tried my hardest to push back all my thoughts and focused on the performance. I succeeded in forgetting all about my worries, but not because I was so focused on the dance, but because I was lost the moment Victoria touched me. It was different. Each time she touched me, a fire was ignited and was burning my skin throughout the whole performance.

    And I didn’t hold myself back either. I wasn’t being a gentleman at all when I danced with her and just let myself go. But I managed to slap myself back to reality when the song slowly indicated the kiss scene. Before I could take advantage of the situation, I turned Victoria around and turned my head away but I froze when Victoria squeezed the back of my neck. My heart pounded hard in my chest when my eyes found themselves deep in Victoria’s, our faces were so close that I couldn’t see the rest of her face except for her hypnotic eyes.

    But her eyes looked almost upset, as though she was thinking the same thing as I did; that we hated this to be our last time together. I wanted to tell her that she can just stay. No matter what her reasons were for quitting the show, she can just deal with them while still being by my side. I wanted to kiss her but she gently pushed me back and I realized the song had changed.

    I shuddered a bit when I felt Victoria slowly traced the back of my neck with her fingers before letting me go. I couldn’t help but smile when she beamed at me and I knew that we still had a long way to go together. There were still a lot that we needed to do together, to experience together, to feel together… It wasn’t the time for us to end yet, even if it’s just a show, I won’t let go until I had felt everything with her.

    When the song slowly dies down, Victoria slid her hand through my arm and we walked towards the elevator set.  I slowly loosened my arm and slid my hand down to wrap my fingers around hers. We stood in the dark of the backstage and my chest tightened when she quickly pulled her hand away. It was dark but I could clearly see her. She was smiling but it didn’t reach her eyes. She was forcing it.

    Without any time to think about it, I gripped her arms firmly and pulled her towards my chest. I held her tight and I didn’t care when she gasped and jumped a bit. I didn’t want her to leave. I rested my head against her shoulder and it felt nice.

    “Stay.” I absent-mindedly whispered and my heart stopped when I could feel her body froze. After a long second, I could feel her head nestling comfortably on my chest and my smile grew wider when I felt her nod in my arms.

(END FLASHBACK)

A small smile was on my lips when I though back about that night. That was the moment I realized that I wanted Victoria. I was so afraid to take a chance back then that it’s laughable now. I should’ve realized that Victoria would never hurt me and how much she cares for me.

    The thought of her made me want to see her so much right now. I missed her. I wanted to see her beautiful face again, to wrap my arms around her warm figure, to kiss her sweet lips that I’ve been longing for weeks now…

    “Nichkhun…” My eyes snapped back at Tiffany, still standing in front of me. I almost forgot she was there. I looked behind her, at the door, wondering where Victoria was. Was she close? I didn’t want Tiffany here when she came in.

    “Tiffany, can you please tell me why you’re here?” She stood silently and it was quite irritating to be honest. She bit her lower lip and just stared at her hands in her coat’s pocket. I couldn’t take this anymore. “Tif—” I stopped when she drew back her left hand and I could see her holding a familiar silver ring.

    She just stared at it at first but before she could say anything, I snatched the ring right out of her grasp. I looked at the ring confusingly, it was familiar. The silver band, with small diamonds embedded around a bigger one. I knew that I recognized the ring but deep inside, I wish I didn’t.

   “This, this ring… Why is it with you?” I asked as I looked at her and then back at the ring. Tiffany just stood silent. Furious, I held the ring up to her face and almost screamed the words at her. “Tiffany, answer me. Why do you have this ring with you?”

    My blood was boiling and my body started to tremble with anger. Tiffany took a small step back and stared at me with wide eyes. I was getting impatient as all sorts of thoughts were swirling in my head. My ears started to rang, making me dizzy. “Tiffany!” I yelled when she was still silent.

   “She gave it to me!” She yelped and my face immediately fell. “Victoria told me to give the ring back to you.” It took me not more than a second to process her words. It was clear to me what she meant. I took a few steps back and my arms were limp by my sides.

    Why, I wanted to say it out loud but I couldn’t find my voice. There was something jammed in my throat and I couldn’t breathe right. The anger and irritation from earlier had evaporated and was replaced by an agonizing pain in my chest.

    “Nichkhun…” Tiffany said slowly. I slowly looked back up at her as I soaked up the situation and her eyes were soft as they gazed into mine. My eyes stung and the lump in my throat grew bigger. It felt as though I could collapse at any second now but Tiffany suddenly ran forward and wrapped her arms tight around my waist, as though she knew I needed the support.

    Before, the sense of Tiffany’s touch was wrong against my skin but now, at this moment, her touch was the only thing keeping me in one piece. It felt familiar to have her arms around my waist, like how it felt before all the rumours about us started. I felt safe whenever she held me like this. Memories of me and Tiffany back when we were happily in love played in my mind. We were so happy back then. What happened to us? Tiffany used to be the closest person in my heart. How did we become so estranged to each other?

    I knew the reason. It was my fault that we drifted apart. I fell in love with someone else, with someone who understands me, who cares and protects me, who made me feel safe… but she’s not here. And yet I still felt safe even though I was in someone else’s arms.

    I stared at the ring in my palm. Victoria… she had given up on us. She couldn’t hold on to what little we have and deep down I had always knew we were a mistake from the very beginning but I was too scared to admit it. I do love her but I guess her feelings for me were just not enough.

    I clenched my hand into a fist; the diamonds on the ring were pricking the surface of my palm. She had let go of me and a part of me wanted to run to her and just prove to her that we still had a long way to go. We shouldn’t just give up on something that was just about to start. I didn’t even tell her how I really felt yet. But she still let go of me. For some reason, she let go of me. Tears were b around my eyes now.

    I didn’t exactly know what I was supposed to do now. I could feel myself crumbling into a million pieces as I pictured Victoria in my mind. But Tiffany squeezed me a bit, attempting to not let me break and it worked.

    If Tiffany wasn’t here, I’d probably be shattered by now. But she was there for me. She had always been there for me. Even when I broke her heart, for some reason, she’s still here.

    Slowly, my hands rose from my sides and wrapped themselves around Tiffany. I hugged her back as tight as I could and rested my head on top of hers. Tiffany had come and saved me, again. Somehow, she has always been saving me, like the time when I was freaking out about my debut and also, right now. She was always there when I needed a hand and this time, I will never let go.

~~~

Before you say anything,

SOORY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY!!!

Yeah… you must really hate me right now. Forgive me but I did warn you that you guys won’t like this chapter much. But don’t worry; this story still has a long way to go. I promise you, there’s a happy ending to this.

Okay then, so please comment&sub and don’t forget to upvote <3

P.S. I wrote another Khuntoria fanfic, Everything Has Changed.

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/476246/everything-has-changed-khuntoria-victoriafx-nichkhun2pm

Please read it and tell me what you think. Enjoy~

~~~

I don’t know why but I just wanted to set things straight cause there’s a lot of misunderstanding. Maybe it’s because I didn’t write Nichkhun’s feelings too clearly but let me explain. And also because my friend thought it would be better if I explained it all out.

Humans are very protective when it comes to their emotions, right? So it’s not that Nichkhun was weak but it’s because he didn’t want to get hurt. Like in the flashback, he was a bit unsure if breaking up with Tiffany was the right choice because he was afraid of getting rejected by Vic. He wanted to play it safe but he took the risk and still chose Vic.

And then when in the restaurant, when Tiffany gave Nichkhun Vic’s ring, Nichkhun thought Vic had dump him and felt rejected and insecure so he coiled back to what he knows was the safest thing for his heart and emotions, so that’s why he went back to Tiffany.

You know, human’s emotions are like rubber bands. We can stretch it out into different shapes and such, but in the end they coiled back into their original shape. What I’m trying to say is that he went back to what he was familiar with.

So do you guys understand?

Sorry, I'm kind of a psycological type of person. I enjoy studying emotions so maybe you guys don't quite get it. But it's fine, I just hope you guys keep supporting me.