(FLASHBACK)

YEAR 2010

Nichkhun’s POV

“Yeah Mom, I’ll tell her that. Okay Mom, love you too. Bye.” I hung up and leaned back against the couch. My Mom called—again—wanting to know how my marriage with Victoria is doing. She wanted me to bring her back home again so she could teach Victoria more of her homemade recipes. A soft chuckle escaped my lips.

    Ever since I introduced Victoria to my Mom, she had been calling me constantly, asking me about her. My mom was seriously excited about having a daughter-in-law. She kept reminding me to treat Victoria well and be the perfect husband for her. My grandmother was as excited as my Mom was about it. My grandmother even went to see a fortune teller to bless my marriage with Victoria. I laughed and shook my head.

    “Was that your mom?” Wooyoung asked, his eyes glued to the TV. Me and my members were in our living room, hanging out.

    “She called again?” Junho asked in disbelief.

    “Probably asking about Victoria.” Chansung stated.

    “Your mom really likes her.” Junsu said. “It’s always ‘Victoria this’, ‘Victoria that’, whenever she calls you.”

    “Maybe you should just marry her for real.” Taecyon bluntly muttered. The guys all hit him except for me who was actually thinking about it. I mean, I’m not thinking of actually proposing to her or anything, but the life I would have if I really did marry her. Would it be as sweet as now? Or maybe better? These types of thoughts were always popping up in my mind and I liked it.

    “So, is marriage really that great?” Junsu asked sarcastically, seeing my beaming expression.

    “I don’t know guys, it’s very unexpected.” I always thought marriage was a great thing in life but at age 23, marriage isn’t something I want to think about. But after months of being a virtual husband to someone, it felt nice. “It’s really great.” I smiled but the guys all rolled their eyes at me. I laughed and we continued watching the TV.

Junho’s POV

“What’s up with him?” I asked Chansung as we walked towards the living room. Nichkhun was on the couch with an upset expression on his face.

    “Don’t know. He’s been that way ever since he got home.” Chansung answered and shrugged. It was pretty rare to see Nichkhun upset. Maybe something happened? I exchanged a glance with Chansung and he nodded.

    “Hyung, what’s with the long face?” I plopped myself next to him and put an arm around his shoulders—they were tensed.

    “You were all smiles yesterday? Did something bad happen?” Chansung asked as he took a seat on Nichkhun’s other side. Yesterday he was smiling like an idiot the whole day.

    “When a girl suddenly acts cold towards you, is that a bad thing?” He suddenly asked. I was a bit stunned at his question. I exchanged a look with Chansung.

    What did he mean by that? Was he talking about Tiffany? I looked at Chansung and he was thinking about the same thing as I did. I mean it would made sense if Tiffany suddenly started avoiding Nichkhun. I mean which girl wouldn’t get mad when her boyfriend is off with someone else, even if it is not real? I suddenly wondered, did they meet each other just now?

    “Well that is expected Hyung. I mean you should’ve seen it coming.” I stated and Chansung nodded in agreement.

    “I mean, when was the last time you called her? I can imagine why she’s upset with you.” Chansung backed me up.

    “What are you guys talking about?” Nichkhun stared at both of us with confusion. I felt my brows furrowing.

    “Wait… Who are we talking about actually?” I asked. Nichkhun raised an eyebrow at me like I just said something stupid.

    “Victoria. She was acting really cold towards me today when I saw her for WGM.” I felt my jaw dropped. Victoria? Why was he thinking about her? Now that I think about it, he’s always talking about her.

    “Why do you care?” I asked, my tone a tad annoyed.

    “Hyung, you’ve been involving yourself with her a lot lately.” Chansung agreed. “It’s just a show, you don’t have to take it so seriously.”

    “I mean the only reason you agreed on doing this was for Tiffany…” The moment I said her name, Nichkhun eyes widened as if he had remembered something. Don’t tell me… did he forget about her?

    “Hyung, don’t tell me you forgot the main reason why you’re on that show?” Chansung asked with disbelief.

    Nichkhun was silent for a moment. It looked like he was arguing with himself in his mind. His eyes wide and his eyebrows were knitted together. I was suddenly raging inside.

    “What about Tiffany? I can’t believe you actually had forgotten about her?” I snapped. “I was worried that Victoria’s the one being taken advantage of but now it’s totally the other way around.” Nichkhun hung his head low, probably knowing what I said was true. “Isn’t Tiffany the reason why you got into this show? But now you’re falling for the girl you swore you won’t get attached to? I can’t believe this.” It was no secret that Nichkhun had a crush on Victoria but this was way out of line.

    Nichkhun couldn’t look at us anymore and hung his head low. He was probably ashamed with himself. I sighed and placed an arm on his shoulder.

    This wasn’t the Nichkhun I know. He’s not someone who would play with a girl’s feelings. But the fact that the girl he was working his off to protect is out of his mind—I never felt so disappointed to see him like this.

    “Junho’s right Khun Hyung. I think everything is starting to get out of hand. You do know how hurt Tiffany will be if she knows how you feel about Victoria.” Chansung reasoned. Nichkhun nodded his head slowly.

    “When was the last time you saw or contacted Tiffany?” I asked, my voice a bit softer than before. Nichkhun slowly raised his head.

    “I last contacted her in July before I lost my phone and got a new number. I haven’t contacted her since then.” He admitted. Wow, I can’t believe he didn’t contact her for months now. I wondered how Tiffany felt about all this.

    “I guess that made sense why you could have feelings for Victoria. You probably miss Tiffany and were confused with the whole marriage experience with Victoria.” Chansung explained.

    “He’s right. I think you’re just confused about your feelings right now.” I agreed. He was probably confused about Victoria. I mean he hasn’t seen Tiffany for a while now so it’s understandable for him to lost track about their relationship. I know that he would never do anything to hurt Tiffany.   

    “Hyung, we both love you and we hate to see you hurt someone else.” Chansung rubbed his shoulders in comfort. “Just think about what you’re doing right now.”

    With a heavy sigh, Nichkhun got up and walked towards his bedroom. I exchanged a look with Chansung and watched Nichkhun slowly walking towards his room.

    “You think he’s going to be alright?” Chansung asked. I just shrugged.

    “I don’t know. He must be blaming himself right now.” I sighed. I always knew that this whole situation was going to get messy but I never expected it to go like this.

    Hang in there bro.

Nichkhun’s POV

I closed my room’s door behind me and sat down lethargically on the floor. I just stared at the floor until my eyes started to burn.

    “What the hell am I doing?” I murmured to myself. After having that unexpected intervention from Junho and Chansung, it felt like I was suddenly being woken up from a sweet dream.

    Tiffany

    Her name suddenly echoed in my mind. I slapped the back of my head and sighed. Junho’s and Chansung’s words were shooting through my mind like a machine-gun. I winced on each and every word. I banged the back of my head against the door behind me and groaned.

    What was wrong with me? How could I forget the one person who should be the only thing on my mind right now?

    I knew the answer.

    Victoria. It was a simple answer but I knew it was wrong.

    On the first day of shooting WGM, when I found out Victoria was going to be my wife, I couldn’t lie. My tiny crush for her expanded into something more. Little by little, my feelings grew. Each time I see her smile, hear her laugh, feel her skin slightly brushing against mine… I fell deeper and deeper.

    But I swear, I never intended for any of this to happen. I never wanted to hurt Tiffany and I never, never wanted to fall in love with Victoria but I didn’t know how but suddenly, all I see is her. I never even realized since when did I started to just see her.

    At first I just behave like the gentleman I am but slowly my usual manner changed. I didn’t pay attention to her or care for her out of politeness—I did it because I wanted too. Even when the cameras weren’t rolling, I still wanted to be there for her; to compliment her when she did a great job, to hand her a water bottle when she’s thirsty, to wipe the sweat on her forehead when she’s tired… I wanted to do all those things for her. As much as I resisted at first, my desire to just be there for her grew stronger and I gave up on fighting it.

    I guess her unpredictable personality kind of caught me off guard. Everything I do for her never seemed enough, judging by her expressions of course and it was driving me mad. Without even knowing it, I started looking at her more than I should and slowly I fell for this mysterious girl who I can never understand.

    But I knew it was wrong. I knew Tiffany was supposed to be the one on my mind instead of Victoria so during the first few weeks of being on WGM I would always contact Tiffany as much as possible. And when I lost my phone and her number, I started wearing the couple items I had with Tiffany instead as a leash to keep me back in reality. I didn’t want to lose myself to this fantasy world I’d created with Victoria and hurt Tiffany’s feelings. I care for her. I love her. I promised her I would never leave her.

    But time and time again, I just lost myself to Victoria. The second I saw her, nothing else mattered. It’s like she had cast a spell on me. I wanted to believe that it was Victoria’s fault that I’m behaving like this. That maybe she had slipped something in my drink during recording to make me act like this around her. But of course I knew those were just cowardly excuses.

    “Victoria…” I breathed her name as I closed my eyes. An image of her laughing at my ridiculous jokes flashed in my head, making my heart fluttered. I also loved that she could always laugh at my bland sense of humour.

    What about Tiffany? Junho’s words from earlier screamed in my mind. I sighed again.

    “I don’t know.” I answered silently.

    I knew that this is all wrong. I was hanging onto both Tiffany and Victoria and it’s not fair. I can’t treat them like this. I need to let one of them go… But who? Tiffany was still in my heart, yet I can’t deny that I do have feelings for Victoria.

    But then again, this thing with Victoria… it’s unrequited. I don’t even know if Victoria feels the same way about me, not after how coldly she treated me earlier. Whereas with Tiffany, I know her feelings for me, she still loves me. Should I really let go of Tiffany for something that might not ever happen? Or should I just take a chance and trust these feelings I have for Victoria?

    “What the hell am I going to do?” I groaned and buried my face in my palms. Why is everything so complicated?

~~~

Hey there. So I kind of had a hard time writing this chapter since I didn't have much of an idea on how to express Nichkhun's feelings on being conflicted between two girls. So I asked one of my friends and he told me his experience on having to choose between the girl he has a crush on for years but was one-sided and the girl who confessed to him and was also his best friend. It was kind of a complicated thing for him. But thanks to him, I could finally capture Nichkhun's feelings. But I don't think it's quite perfect but I hope you guys enjoy.

P.S Thanks for the comments and motivation :) <3