Victoria’s POV

When Tiffany had disappeared completely from my sight, I started walking and accidentally bumped into Seohyun.

    “Oh Unnie, where’s Tiffany Unnie?” She asked me as she looked around. I shook my head at her.

    “She told me to tell you that you should just go on without her.” I answered her a little bit bleakly. Seohyun raised an eyebrow at me.

    “Where did she go?”

     “She has an unexpected date with… someone.” I wanted to say ‘with Nichkhun’ but I was worried I would burst into tears at the sound of his name. I suddenly felt a sob rising in my chest and quickly excused myself from Seohyun. She just stared at me quizzically as I walked passed her.

    Unknowingly I find myself in one of the wardrobe rooms where the company keeps all the artists’ stage outfits. I sat down behind some clothing racks and buried my face in my knees. I let the tears fall out and stain my dress as I poured out all the pain I’ve been holding back.

    Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why? Why did I think everything would be okay? It’s not okay. Every decision I make is not okay. When I chose Nichkhun instead of Tiffany, Tiffany became the victim of my own selfishness. But now—even though it’s a bit late—I wanted to redeem myself and clear my conscience so this time, I chose Tiffany instead but now I was the victim of my own selflessness.

    Every turn I take, someone is going to face the consequences.

    But at least Tiffany’s happy now, my mind soothed. An image of Tiffany’s face lighting up popped in my head and it comforted me. I was always the type to care about people more than I should care about myself. I guess I rather get myself hurt to prevent someone else be in pain. Why am I so nice? Ugh.

    “Oh my god!” A voice suddenly screamed and I joined in. I looked around, startled. “Victoria…? Victoria! You scared me!” I sighed with relief when I realized it was just Eunhee Unnie. She’s one of the stylists working in the company. I wiped the tears on my face with the back of my hand and smiled sheepishly at her.

    “Sorry.” I apologized and a shaky laugh escaped my lips. I saw her brows furrowing as she squatted down to be on the same eye-level with me.

    “Hey, what’s wrong?” She asked, her voice strained with concern. I just shook my head at her.

    “It’s nothing.” She snorted and raised an eyebrow at me.

    “Okay, so you’re wearing a gorgeous dress, your face is covered with tears and you’re sitting all alone in the dark. I’m no genius but this is not ‘nothing’.” I giggled and a soft smile grew on her lips. She scooted next to me and sat in a more comfortable position. “Tell me what’s wrong.” I wrapped my arms tightly around my knees and rested my cheek on them as I looked at Eunhee.

    Eunhee mostly works as F(x)’s stylist so I knew her quite well but I was contemplating whether I could share my personal problems with her. Eunhee saw me hesitating and gave me an encouraging smile. I sighed, I really do need to get it all off my chest.

    “Unnie,” I started. She gave me her undivided attention and squeezed my shoulder comfortingly. I tried holding back the tears. “I think I made a mistake even though it’s the right thing to do.”

    “What happened?” She asked me softly. I could tell she was really sincere in helping me instead of just trying to find some gossip but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. I just buried my face back in my knees and shook my head.

    I heard her sigh as she gently my back.

    “Okay, come on.” She suddenly said. I looked up as she pulled myself to stand up. “You’re coming with me.” I looked at her confusingly. I sniffed and wiped my face with the sleeve of my coat.

    “Where are we going?” I asked her quizzically as she rummaged through her handbag. She pulled out a packet of tissue and started wiping the edges around my eyes. I suddenly wondered how awful I must look right now. I smiled at her sheepishly as she fixed my make-up.

    “We’re going out.” She said as she rummaged through her bag again and took out a small make-up kit. She suddenly transformed into a make-up artist as she redid my face. “I was actually on my way to get some drinks with a couple of friends. You should come along, get some alcohol in your system to loosen you up.”

    I wanted to decline her offer since I never solve my problems by drinking but for some reason, I just went along with it. A few glasses won’t hurt right? And some alcohol in my system could ease me a bit. I slowly nodded my head as she dabbed a bit of lip gloss on my lips.

    “Okay!” She exclaimed and clasped her hands together. She then linked her arm with mine. “Common, let’s have fun and forget our names tonight.” She laughed and I just smiled. It would be nice if I can just forget everything in the past one year and a half and let it be a blank part of my life.

    Eunhee was clearly excited for tonight. It turns out she was facing problems of her own thus why she was excited to consume a lot of alcohol tonight. I was actually a bit stunned to know that Eunhee was the type to drink her problems away but I’m not going to judge since I’m pretty much going to do the same thing anyway.

    We entered a small diner in a secluded area not far from the company. A couple of women around Eunhee’s age waved at us in one of the booths next to the big window. Eunhee gestured me to slide into the booth first and I just complied. The moment Eunhee was settled in her seat next to me she yelled, “Ahjumma, can you give us 4 bottles of soju?”

    The Ahjumma placed four bottles of soju and four small shot-glasses on our table. “Please enjoy.” She smiled sweetly at us before she left. Without a word or any introduction, the three of them started chugging down their bottle. I felt my jaw slightly dropped as I watched them drink the whole bottle in one go. The three of them then slammed the empty green bottle against the table.

    “Ahhh that really hits the spot. Ahjumma, another 4,” Eunhee turned to look at me but I shook my head at her. “Make that another 3 bottles.” The Ahjumma served another 3 bottles and they started chugging them down again.

    “Eunhee-ah, do you think he still loves me?” One of her friends cried after she finished her second bottle.

    “Yah, that guy is an !” Eunhee answered, throwing her arms up in the air.

    “A giant one.” The other one agreed as she swayed side by side. Okay, they’re completely drunk. The three of them started pouring out all their problems on each other as they continued drinking another bottle.

    “Yah… Victoria…” Eunhee leaned closer towards me; her breath was heavy with alcohol that I had an urge to cough. “Why aren’t you drinking?” She picked up my unopened bottle and shook it in front of me. “Drink!” She ordered as she opened the cap and slammed it against the table.

    I looked at the bottle, hesitating. Sure at first it didn’t seem like a bad idea to have a few drinks but after seeing how drunk and sloshed the three of them were and how they kept arguing over their problems one minute and crying over them the next. I don’t think drinking could help me at all but I just sighed and poured some into my shot-glass. I took a sip and the tangy taste burned my throat but it felt nice. I threw the whole thing in my mouth and poured myself another glass.

    I wonder what they’re doing right now, I quickly shook my head. Why am I thinking about them? Wasn’t the whole purpose of me drinking was to forget them? I poured myself another glass and took another shot.

    But I still couldn’t help but think about them. Like, what are they doing right now? Are they fighting or maybe making up? I also wondered how Nichkhun reacted when he saw Tiffany instead of me in the restaurant tonight. Would he be relieved? Happy? Mad? I liked the last one. Maybe he’s mad that I’m not there with him. If he’s mad then he should come and confront me, right? Or maybe he wouldn’t even care since he knows that we were a mistake from the very beginning. My eyes started to sting.

    I sighed, drinking isn’t helping at all. I placed down the glass in my hand and almost gasped when I saw three empty bottles of soju in front of me. I must’ve had drank them absentmindedly while I was lost in my own thoughts. I turned and Eunhee and her friends were having another bottle. Wow they can really drink. I shook my head at them but immediately regretted doing so as my ears rang.

    “Ow.” I winced as I massaged my temple, the alcohol finally taking effect on me. I leaned my body towards the window and rested my cheek against the cool glass. It felt nice. My eyes slowly closed.

     After a few minutes of deep breathing, the ringing in my ears started to ease but my head was still pounding. Ugh maybe I should drink some more until I pass out so I can stop this throbbing in my brain, but then again I’m just going to have a massive hangover when I woke up tomorrow. I sighed and opened my eyes.

    I looked out the window, at the vacant streets. There was another line of restaurants and diner on the other side that was brightly lit up and full of people drinking as well. Maybe they’re having a bad day too. I smiled at the thought that I wasn’t the only with problems.

    My eyes were now fixed on the building opposite of the diner on the other side of the street. It was a restaurant I think since it looked somewhat familiar but I couldn’t tell because the place was dark. Even the signboards were turned off and the blinds were closed. I squinted my eyes a bit and I slowly read the faint letters on the signboard.

    “Ah!” I exclaimed as I clasped my hand together. “That-that… place, I know!” I slurred and I was shocked to hear my drunken voice. I quickly placed both my hands on my mouth to shut myself up. The alcohol was already playing with my system right now.

    I slumped back in my seat as I stared at the building. I just stared at it, trying to detect any movement inside but it was really dark and also because my vision was a little bit blurry than before.

    “I wonder if they already left…” I murmured as my eyes stayed fixed at the restaurant.

    “Vic! Victoria!” Eunhee called but I didn’t bother to look at her. “Do you want to drink some more?” She asked in a garbled tone but I didn’t respond and just continuing staring. “Ahjumma, 3 more bottles! Please!”

    I let out a deep sigh. How can they still drink so much? I let out another sigh when they started mumbling their problems out again. Maybe I should just go home. This is not making me feel less miserable than before.

    Just as I was about to stand up and leave, my eyes spotted a shadow moving. I stared back at the building and stifled a gasp as the front door slowly opened. I could hear my heart pounding and my ears ringing when two figures walked out of the door, their arms around each other.

    My eyes were glued to the two as they disappeared around the corner at the end of the street. When they were finally out of my sight, a heavy sigh escaped my lips as I slumped myself back on my seat and hung my head low.

   “Ahjumma! Make that 4 more bottles instead.” I yelled. Maybe passing out won’t be such a bad idea after all.

I looked up at the tall building, my apartment.

    “Thank you Ahjussi and please make sure they get home safely.” I thanked the taxi driver and giggled as I looked at Eunhee and her friends, passed out in the back seat.

    “Don’t worry. I’ll take good care of them.” The taxi driver smiled at me before driving off. I slowly walked inside the building, taking my time.

    I was still a bit drunk and how I envy Eunhee and her friends. I drank a lot of the soju straight out from the bottle but my stubborn mind just won’t shut down and paralysed me for a moment. Maybe my tolerance for alcohol is higher than I thought.

    When I finally reached my dorm, I inserted my key and unlocked the door. I slowly walked in, not wanting to lose my balance and fall. Even though my mind was a bit sober, my body was still a bit garbled.

    “Unnie!” My members cheered from the living room but then their expression quickly changed. “Unnie?!” They all came running towards me at the front door.

    “Unnie, are you drunk?” Luna asked. My knees were a bit wobbly so I stumbled a bit as I took off my heels.

    “Yup.” I answered cheerfully, my body was still drunk.

    “How much did you drink?” Amber asked as she struggled to keep me standing. My mind screamed at myself to just walk off towards my room but my body was no longer in my mind’s control right now.

    “I don’t know… 6 or was it 7… 7 bottles?” I laughed and my mind really wants to slap myself right now.

    “Unnie, are you serious?”

    “But Unnie, you rarely drink.”

    “Unnie did something happened?”

    “Unnie, why were you drinking so much?”

    I was annoyed by their questions now. Is it so wrong for me to drink once in a while? I can’t always be the perfect cheerful F(x) leader that everyone loves and adores. I can’t always smile like how I usually would do and lie to myself, saying everything will be okay. Look where that brought me?

    I felt a stab in my chest when I recalled the two figures coming out of the restaurant earlier. I drank so much yet that image was still vivid in my mind. Everything was still vivid. My head was throbbing for nothing! I want to forget… I just want to forget how awful I am. I want to forget how I betrayed Tiffany, how I fell for Nichkhun even though I knew it was wrong, how I chose Nichkhun instead and forgot all about Tiffany, how I decided to do the right thing and let Nichkhun go for Tiffany… all of it. I just want to forget. Is that so hard?

    I didn’t realize I was sobbing now.

    “Unnie!” My members yelled. “What’s wrong?” I looked at their worried faces and finally collapsed on the floor, crying. Everything that had happened in the past year flowed out of my mouth like a waterfall. I didn’t want to tell them but I guess I was too tipsy to hold them in any longer.

    By the time I finished, Sulli and Luna were crying along, their arms around me protectively. I could see Krystal and Amber holding back their tears, trying to be strong for me as they started cursing at the situation. I felt awful as they tried comforting me. I never wanted them to get involved in this mess but I just couldn’t stand on my own anymore.

    No matter how strong I try to be, I still have a heart and you just can’t be strong with a ripped heart. So I continued crying as I played back everything that has happened for the past one year and a half.

I slowly opened my eyes and it was still dark. I waited a few seconds to pass by as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I finally realized I was in the living room. I recalled back what had happened earlier and smiled as I looked at my sleeping members.

    I was currently sitting on the floor, my back against the couch and my legs stretched out. Sulli was asleep on my left side, her head was rested against my shoulder and her feet were stretched out as well. Luna was asleep on my right shoulder. Krystal was asleep on Luna’s lap and Amber was probably the most comfortable; she was lying on the couch behind me.

    I wonder how long have I been asleep. It was still dark, but it looked like it would almost be dusk. I shifted my body a bit because my back was a bit stiff but tried not to wake up my members.

    Sulli squirmed a bit beside me but then nestled her head comfortably against my neck.

    “Unnie… are you awake?” She asked sleepily, her eyes still close. “Did you have a nightmare?” She asked again. A nightmare? I sighed and shook my head.

    “No, it was a sweet dream.” I smiled again, it was a sweet dream. But the fact that it was only a dream made it into a nightmare. Everything I’d felt and experienced for the past year was nothing but a dream everyone created and now I finally realized that I need to wake up and be back in reality.

    “Then go back to sleep Unnie. Continue your sweet dream.” Sulli murmured. I shook my head.

    I wish I could. I want to so bad, to just continue living in my dream but I can’t. It was never a sweet dream to begin with, but Nichkhun made it so. He managed to blind me with his words and smiles and even though I don’t know whether they were sincere or not, I’m still thankful and happy. But now things are unravelling and everything is now clear in my eyes. Like a cloud, even though it’s protecting me from the sun’s heat, but when it’s gone, the day seems brighter.

    “I don’t think I can continue that sweet dream.” I answered. “I’m wide awake now.” I could tell that Sulli didn’t understand me so I gently patted her head again as I cooed her back to sleep.

    Like a dream, once you wake up, you can never have the same dream again. And everything that had happen, sweet and bitter, it was a dream and now I’m wide awake and ready to be back in reality.

~~~

Hi! I updated another chapter again. Haha, I guess I wanted to hurry up on the story so I can move on to the good stuff. So, I kept listening to Katy Perry’s Wide Awake when I wrote this. I think that song really relates to Vic’s feelings. I love Katy Perry <3

Please comment&sub~

P.S. If this chapter pissed you off than I warn you, the next chapter will make you smash your computer screen. Haha, that’s a bit too much but still… the point is, you guys will not like it :P Cheerio!!!