(FLASHBACK)

YEAR 2010

Tiffany’s POV

I was roaming around the halls of MBC studios. I gave a friendly nod and a smile to everyone I passed by and kept on walking in a very slow pace. My eyes scanned each dressing room I passed and a small frown was now plastered on my lips. I sighed.

   The reason why I’m wandering around is because I was hoping to accidentally bump into Nichkhun… but unfortunately, he was nowhere to be seen. Ever since Eunhyuk told me about the infinity bracelet, I’ve been trying to contact him but never could. I called, texted, e-mailed… but he never replied to any of them.

   It was pretty dangerous for me to contact him especially if my company finds out but I really miss him and I so badly want to see him. Even though I feel stupid for circling around the same hallways right now, but if it means there’s a slight chance to see him, to see his face again, then I’ll do anything.

    The soles of my feet were getting sore from the high stilettos and my skin-tight outfit from the performance I did earlier was really uncomfortable. I looked around and the staffs were busy running to and fro around the hallway, working hard for the MBC Gayo Daejun. I was finished with my performance so I was free to wander off, but my legs were getting sore so I turned around and decided to head back towards my dressing room. My chest felt heavy because I didn’t get to see Nichkhun even though we were in the same building.

    As I walked, I spotted the members of Miss A lounging around in their dressing room. Maybe I should go and say hi to them. It’s been a while since we last talked to each other. As I walked towards their dressing room, my body froze and quickly hid myself behind the wall next to their open door when I heard their conversation.

    “Yah did you guys know we were supposed to do a performance with Nichkhun today?” I didn’t know why, but the moment I heard Fei’s voice, maybe, saying Nichkhun’s name, I just instinctively hid myself.

    “Oh really?” I heard their members said.

    “Uh-uh, our manger just told me. He said we were supposed to do a like y tango dance with him.”

    “But I didn’t hear anything about doing any performances with him.”

    “That’s because he turned it down.” I heard them laugh.

    “Really? He rejected us?” I heard them laugh again but I didn’t find that amusing. I didn’t even understand why I was hiding myself from them.

    “And you guys never guess what our manager told me about his reason for turning us down.” I didn’t realize I was holding my breath and leaning closer towards the door as I waited for her to continue.

    “Why?” I heard them asked impatiently. I heard someone snickered and the rest ushered her to go on.

    “Okay, okay.” She snickered again and I was getting a bit irritated at the suspense. “Nichkhun said he didn’t want to do a performance with us because…” She trailed on, teasing her members, and me, unknowingly.

    “Fei!” I heard them yelled in frustration. Someone snickered, Fei maybe.

    “He said he didn’t want to upset Victoria’s feelings!” She finally let out and the girls all boomed with laughter. A hand automatically placed itself on my chest and clenched the clothing covering it tight. Did I heard them right? It’s not true, right?

    “Eh, you’re lying. He didn’t say that.”

    “That can’t be his reason. You probably heard it wrong from our manager.”

    “He’s probably just joking.” I was nodding my head furiously with agreement at their statements. It’s a misunderstanding, I’m sure of it.

    “Guys! It’s the truth. Our manager said he was being really serious about it. Even Jin Young tried persuading him but he still rejected the offer.”

No… it’s not true

    “That is strange.”

No, it’s all a mistake, a misunderstanding

    “Haha Nichkhun is obviously falling for Victoria. It looks serious.”

No, he is not!

    “I know right? But they do look good together.”

No, no Nichkhun is mine!

    “Do you guys think they’re actually dating?” I was going crazy as my blood boiled with anger.

    “I asked Taecyon about them once and he said they’re just friends. He made it pretty clear though. Even the rest of the members said the same thing. Call me strange, but it sounded like they were against Nichkhun and Victoria being in a relationship.”

    “How can they be just friends? It’s obvious those two like each other.”

    “Maybe they both have feelings for each other but decided to just stay friends. I mean those things always happen between idols.”

    “Maybe it’s one-sided. I think Nichkhun likes Victoria more than she likes him.”

    “Maybe it’s because Victoria already has someone else?”

    “I don’t think so. There no news or rumours about Victoria dating anyone but maybe—” There was a short pause and I held my breath. “Nah, I don’t think so.”

    “What?” I heard them asked in unison.

    “Maybe it’s the other way around cause weren’t there a lot of rumours about Nichkhun and—” I jumped a bit when I heard a loud clap.

    “Ah! Yeah, with Tiffany. It was all over the web.”

    “Maybe Victoria likes Nichkhun but he’s already with Tiffany… that can be a reason why they stayed only friends.”

    “But that doesn’t make any sense. If Nichkhun is in a relationship with Tiffany then why is he so involved with Victoria?”

    “I agree, Nichkhun does seem to be more involve with Victoria than he should.”

    “Your right. The whole Tiffany thing doesn’t make sense. The rumour about them was probably false.” I wanted so bad to scream at them that I was his girlfriend, me.

    “Haha, this is fun. I can finally understand why the paparazzi are always harassing celebrities. This is pretty exciting.” I heard them laugh with amusement but I felt my body shaking with anger.

    “Did you guys watch Nichkhun’s WGM episode last week?”

    “Yeah, Oh my god, how cheesy can he get. He—” Before I could listen to any more of this nonsense. My feet quickly stalked off, my hands clenched into tiny balls of fist and my eyes blinded with hot tears.

    Everything they said was not true. They’re wrong. Can’t they see Nichkhun is just acting? Why? Why does everyone think Nichkhun is better off with Victoria? Why can’t anyone accept me and Nichkhun together? Even Victoria is helping me get back with Nichkhun. It’s just a show for crying out loud! They’re both just acting!

    I started to sob but covered my mouth with my hands to stop myself. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. My body was trembling as I walked further away from the busy staffs and my knees shook. I don’t think I could walk straight anymore. But I roughly wiped the tears away and tried calming myself down.

    Why should I care what anyone else thinks? I know that Nichkhun is mine and Victoria knows it too. There is no ‘Nichkhun and Victoria’. That’s only on the show. They’re both are just acting. And this is reality and Nichkhun is mine.

    A smile was spread on my lips when I saw a very familiar figure walking into a room. I looked around and ran towards him. I slowly closed the door behind me and faced Nichkhun’s strong and muscular figure. My heart was racing and I couldn’t breathe right.

    “Nichkhun.” I almost breathed. I sounded relieved and I am because I can finally see him again. He slowly turned around and my heart jumped when my eyes saw his handsome face.

     “Tiffany? What are—” Before he could finish his sentence, I lunged forward and wrapped my arms around his waist. I couldn’t hold back my longing anymore.

     “I miss you.” I murmured as I snuggled myself closer against his chest.

Victoria’s POV

Finally the day has come. In just a few short hours, I, this girl with big dreams, will be on this huge magnificent stage with Nichkhun, the prince that's always out of my reach in front of thousands of people. I could feel my palms getting sweaty.

    I already did the rehearsal with Nichkhun earlier and it was bad! I mean really bad. Everything was all wrong, my outfit, the dance steps… everything! I was starting to panic. And my anxiety got worse when I keep messing up the acrobatic routine. I started pacing around in my dressing room.

    I wished Nichkhun was here. I somehow managed to keep it together every time he’s next to me. I wanted him to comfort me again but he was now on stage for his performance with Chansung. Nichkhun has been really helpful for the past few days. He managed to guide me through all the emotional breakdowns and cleared out all my doubt about the performances.

    He didn’t do much. All he did was just be there for me. He texted me and ask if I was doing okay. He squeezed my shoulders when I messed up a dance step. He didn’t ignore the mistakes I did, he would tease me about it and help me out. They were all small gestures yet I felt a lot more confident when he just gave me that boyish smile I love so much.

    I felt a strong urge to see that smile again. I didn’t know why, but I really need him right now. It felt like he was the only one keeping me together in one piece. Frustrated, I decided to just wait for him in his dressing room. I couldn’t take the pressure anymore. It’s funny, everything should be a no big deal for an idol like me, but I felt like how I felt when I first debut; scared and nervous. And Nichkhun is the only person who can get me through this.

    “Oh, where are you going?” A WGM staff asked as I walked out of my dressing room. The staffs were all resting right now.

    “I’m just going to wait  for Nichkhun in his dressing room.” I answered. The staff looked at me confusingly for a second. I suddenly  wondered whether it was weird if I wanted to wait in his dressing room. Ugh, I didn’t care. I need to see him.

    “I think he’s done with his performance already. I saw Chansung in the bathroom a few minutes ago.” The staff said after a few seconds of silence. My smile grew and I almost ran towards his dressing room.

    I nodded at some staffs passing by me and slowed down my pace as I almost reached the corner towards his dressing room. My heart started beating really fast, making me a bit lightheaded. Was it because I was walking too fast just now or was it from the nerves?

    Or maybe it’s because of Nichkhun, my mind answered. I smiled when I knew I was right. I realized I was smiling too broadly when my cheekbones started to ache.

    “Oh stop smiling!” I whined to myself as I massaged my cheeks. But my heart kept beating rapidly and my smile wouldn’t leave my face. Oh, stop smiling already! I giggled in my mind, embarrassed at my own behaviour.

    My smile finally died when I saw a slim figure walking out of Nichkhun’s dressing room. She waved cutely and I could see a huge smile on her face as she said goodbye to Nichkhun from the doorway.

    I quickly hid myself behind the wall of the corner and my eyes started to sting. I just stared at the ceiling for one long moment as the tears burned my eyes.

    “I forgot.” I stated bleakly with realization. “How could I’ve forgotten about it?” The image of Tiffany crying and begging me not to fall for Nichkhun played in my mind. I wanted to slap myself. How can I be so stupid and forget?

    I forced myself to move my numb legs and stalked back towards my dressing room, rage boiling my blood. I was supposed to be protecting Tiffany, I swore to her that I’d be but all I’m doing is hurting her instead. How could I forget that Nichkhun is not mine?!

    I was the only one to be blame. I knew what was going on but my heart was split into two. One knew that I should be letting everything go and do the right thing yet the other half wants me to stay. But the selfish part of my heart got the best of me. I felt horrible. I feel like a monster.

    Even though I knew I was wrong yet my chest was heavy with pain. I shouldn’t feel like this. Nichkhun is not mine, he never was. How stupid can I get? I keep falling for Nichkhun even though I knew that he was just acting. He’s not real. Why can’t I grasp that fact? Why? Why do I keep convincing myself that he wants me the way I want him? Why is everything so messed up? Hot tears burned my skin as they rolled down my cheeks and the sobs threatened to just explode in my chest but I furiously wiped the tears away and just back the sobs. I can’t do this anymore.

   “Oh, hey Victoria. Why the rush?” I looked up and saw manager Oppa standing in front of me. “Hey are you okay?” He placed a hand on my shoulder but I shook it off and nodded.

    “I’m fine.” I said short. I started to walk away but stopped and faced manager Oppa, my fingers clenched into tight fist by my sides. “I want out.”

    “What?” He took a few steps closer, his expression confused.

    “I want out of WGM.” I stated again. Manager Oppa stared at me with wide eyes.

    “Huh? What? You want to quit? But you’re doing so great—” I cut him off. I’m not doing great, I’m doing awful.

    “I just want out. I don’t care, I just want to stop.” I wanted to scream those words but managed to control my voice. I didn’t want  anyone to hear our conversation. Manager Oppa looked at me with a serious look.

    “You can’t just stop. Soo Man already told you can’t quit until he says you can.” Manager Oppa said, using the Soo Man card on me. I mentally rolled my eyes. I know I’d promised Soo Man I’ll stay on WGM until he says so but I just can’t anymore. “And this can’t be your last episode. Won’t the fans find that strange? To suddenly end your episode with a performance?”

    “I know what Sajangnim said but I also remembered him telling me I only had to do 30 episodes at most and we’re already past that.” I retaliated. I signed a contract that stated that I have to stay on the show until the 30^th episode and I did, so I’m free to drop out whenever I want now. “Tell the producers I agree on doing one last episode for the separation or break-up or whatever.”

    Manager Oppa massaged his temples and sighed frustratingly. “Victoria I—” He started but then stopped as he stared at my face. I knew what he saw in front of him. I could see it in his eyes as they gazed deep into mine. He saw pain, rage, sorrow, more pain, reluctance… I could tell he knew why I wanted to quit so desperately. He let out another sigh. “I, I’ll go talk with the producers.” He finally gave up.

    I mouthed the words ‘thank you’ at him as I continued walking back towards my dressing room. I was scolded by the make-up artist as she redid my face. I told her I forgot I had make-up on and  accidentally washed my face. When I was done, the cameras were rolling and the director told me to wait in front of Nichkhun’s dressing room.

    I pulled myself together and had my mind secured about the performance, distracting myself (I’m really good at distracting myself). The pain quickly left and was replaced by excitement and anxiety for the big event. I waited for Nichkhun and my whole body was super jumpy. I had about ten minutes before the performance and I couldn’t stand still.

    When Nichkhun walked out of his dressing room, he shot me a smile and I gasped. He was stunningly gorgeous and I wanted to hit myself for thinking of the words ‘stunningly gorgeous’. As we walked towards the big stage, I felt Nichkhun staring at me.

   “What?” I hissed, annoyed by his stares. He just chuckled but it sounded weak. I looked up to face him. He gazed deep into my eyes and I could’ve sworn his eyes looked darker than usual, almost pained. I gasped when he intertwined our fingers and locked them tight.

    As we got ourselves in position on the stage, I couldn’t help but wonder about Nichkhun’s expression just now. I looked up and he was smiling broadly at me. He looked fine, I probably just imagined it. He averted his eyes away from mine and stared out towards the vast amount of people seated but my eyes were still on him.

   My eyes trailed to his bare muscular arms that fit perfectly around my waist up to his broad and muscular chest where my head is perfectly comfortable at up to his lips where I had imagined countless times where my lips could landed on them up to his eyes that always sends warmth throughout my whole body and finally my eyes rested on his angelic face.

    Today is probably our last day together before we separate. I won’t see him again except on the last episode but I had a feeling the last day of filming for WGM won’t be sweet as always. I suddenly wondered if I’m doing the right thing here. Of course it is, for Tiffany’s sake but what about mine? Is this the right thing for me?

    The hosts suddenly played the small trailer me and Nichkhun did. I blushed and quickly looked down on the ground. I remembered how much fun I had doing the trailer with him. A memory popped in my mind—the Christmas event. I remembered his voice singing Narsha’s I’m In Love. I loved that event the most because in a way I thought he was confessing his feelings towards me through that song. And later that night, I told him I liked him as well in the coffee shop we went to. I love that moment so much. He went through so much to sing his confession for me.

    Hah, what confession? It was just your imagination. He probably sang that song to promote his singing skills on TV or whatever. It wasn’t sincere, my mind snapped. I knew he wasn’t actually confessing but the thought of him really did make me happy. He makes me happy. And I can’t believe I’m going to let him go.

    As soon the song started, all the nerves and anxiety I had vanished as I danced with Nichkhun. My body reacted freely and I let myself get lost by Nichkhun’s touch. We both danced a bit sultrily than how we’d practiced but I didn’t mind. I loved that he was holding me tight and my skin burned from his touch.

    The song slowed down a bit, indicating the ‘kiss scene’. Slowly Nichkhun turned me around and leaned forward. He started to face his head away from me but I tightened my hold on the back of his neck, forcing him to lean towards me instead of away. His eyes were wide as they stared into mine but slowly they softened. I pulled him closer, our breaths mixing together. I gazed deep into his eyes and pushed him back when the song shifted into a new number.

    I tried suppressing my smile and focused on the performance. Since the second song was more upbeat, I often glanced at him and smiled at him. We even teased each other with our eyes and laughed. I wondered if the audience saw us playing with each other during the dance or maybe they thought it was part of the performance.

    And as practiced, I slid my arm through his and walked together towards the elevator setting of the stage as the song dies down. When we were at the back of the stage, it was dark but my eyes could perfectly see Nichkhun. He was panting a bit and so was I.

    I gazed deep into his eyes and him as well except his features were twisted in some sort of an ache. I smiled at him but he didn’t smile back. Suddenly his hands strongly gripped both sides of my arms. His eyes were still deep in mine but they were softer now. Slowly he pulled me in his embrace. I gasped as my head landed on his chest. I wondered if it was his rapid heartbeat I was hearing or was it just the speakers around us.

    “Stay.” He breathed as his head nestled against my shoulder. I was still in shocked but my face softened as I took a deep breath of Nichkhun’s scent.

    Is it okay for me to stay? I asked mentally.

    I wanted to speak out the words but I was afraid he might realize that this is a mistake and decided to let me leave. I didn’t want that. I want him. I didn’t know what to do but he was holding me tight in his arms at this very moment. I know I will regret this later but, he’s here… that’s all that matters.

    Half of my heart wants to let everything go and do the right thing yet the other half wants me to stay. But in the end, both sides were beating for Nichkhun.

~~~

Hello everyone. I’m sorry I haven’t updated in a while. The truth is I was actually planning to ditch this story but a really great friend of mine told me to keep it up. Thanks to her I’m finally motivated to write this fanfic again. To be honest, this is the first time I wrote a story this long. I usually tend to give up halfway on my stories. But I’m trying hard to keep on going.

I was inspired by John Mayer's Half of My Heart for this chapter. I kept listening to that song all day as I wrote this. I think this is the final flashback. The next chapter will continue from where I left off in chapter 8. I love drama and I know this story doesn't seem so bright for Nichkhun and Victoria but that's me. I love seeing my characters in pain before giving them a happy ending. I'm a twisted kind of person. I like playing around with my characters and with my readers.

Enjoy~