Nichkhun’s POV

I stared at my Bvlgari ring on my left third finger. I’ve been wearing it for more than two weeks yet there weren’t any news about it. I mean there were a few netizens who spotted it but fans didn’t make much fuss about it, only a few did.

    A few days ago, Jin Young told me I can stop wearing the ring since no one made a big deal out of it. He wasn’t satisfied with little attention fans were giving to his ‘distraction’. I chuckled without humour and kept playing with my ring.

    But for some reason, I didn’t want to take it off.  Right now this ring is the only thing that connects me with Victoria. It was useless but I just didn’t want to let it go yet. I guess I was still in the phase of trying to get over her.

    Tiffany was really—surprisingly—understanding about it. I told her not to rush things since I was still confused about my feelings and she agreed as long as I stayed by her side. Even after what I did to her, she still wants me next to her.

    But at the same time, being with Tiffany felt wrong. After that night Victoria left me, I wanted to take some time before I start a relationship back with Tiffany so I can sort things out but she just wanted us to be together, no matter what. She didn’t care if I still have feelings for Victoria but she just wants me to be with her. And I just complied.

    Human’s emotions are complicated so don’t ask why I did this or that… It just happens and I’m tired of handling them.

    “Khun-ah, we’re here.” I looked up at Min Jae Hyung and then out the window. We were in front of MBC. I thanked Min Jae Hyung as I hopped out the car and walked into the big building.

    I was offered to host this year’s MBC’s Music Festival and I accepted the job without much thought. I’ve done a lot of hosting gigs before so I didn’t have much problem with it. I wondered who else is going to be hosting alongside with me.

    A staff walked me towards the waiting room where the meeting will be held.

    “The meeting won’t start for another half hour so just wait here.” The staff said as he pulled the door for me. “Please come in.”

    “Thank you.” I said and smiled at him as I entered the room but I quickly stopped when a familiar girl was standing inside the room. My eyes quickly met hers and the only thing I could hear was the rapid beating of my heart. It sounded like boulders crashing each other in my ears.

    “Please, seat down and make yourself comfortable.” The staff behind me said, breaking my sudden trance. I heard the door clicking closed. It was just the two of us now.

    I cleared my throat at the sudden awkwardness and gestured her to seat. I sat down on the far end of the couch and let my eyes explore the details of the room… it was white and—that was it. I sighed and just stared at the door, chanting, ‘Open, open’ in my mind, hoping someone to walk in and ease the tension in the room.

   I took a quick peek at her as she was ignoring me, looking at the other direction. I wonder what she’s thinking right now. Maybe irritated by the fact she has to work with me. I sighed when the night Tiffany gave Victoria’s ring back to me played in my mind. The night where I planned to tell her how much I love her. My chest tightened.

    “So…” I started, wanting to distract myself from remembering more details of that night. Victoria quickly looked at me.

    “Uh, yes?” I was suddenly mesmerized by her face, how long has it been since I last saw her? But I quickly snapped out of it and thought about what to say.

    “This is your first time hosting right?” Was the first thing that came to mind and she nodded.

    “Yeah, I’m excited.” She gave me a gentle smile and my heart pounded hard in my chest. I quickly took out my phone to distract myself. Why did my heart react to her like that? Snapped out of it. Remember, she doesn’t have feelings for you anymore, my mind yelled.

    Thank god not long later Jo Kwon and Gain came, being noisy as usual and then Eunjung, Jangwoo, Leetuk and Kang Sora arrived as well. It turns out this year’s Music Festival will be hosted by WGM couples, no wonder Victoria was a host as well.

    I started catching up with Jo Kwon since I haven’t talk to him for a while. Then Jo Kwon paid his full attention to Gain. I looked around and everyone was busy with their WGM partner. I glanced at Victoria and she looked a bit sad as she stared at Jangwoo, Eunjung, Leetuk and Kang Sora happily chatting on the opposite side of her.

    “Hey, we should move.” Gain suddenly said, breaking my stare.

    “Why?” Jo Kwon yelled and Gain looked at me for a moment, confusing me.

    “Just listen to me would you?” Gain yelled back as she pulled Jo Kwon to stand up. “Victoria-ssi, you should seat next to Nichkhun.” I was suddenly surprised to hear that and so was Victoria. Gain looked back at me and smiled. Don’t tell me… did she noticed I was staring at Victoria the whole time?

    Jo Kwon apologized towards Victoria as he gestured her to seat next to me. Victoria looked hesitant at first and I could almost hear screamed ‘no’ in her head. A tug was felt on my heart. But Victoria stood up and slowly sat next to me.

    My heart pounded harder in my chest when our arms were touching each other. Victoria was sitting so close that I could smell the familiar perfume she loves wearing. I looked away and started counting to one thousand.

   “Yah Khun Hyung, why are you ignoring your wife?” I stopped counting at 345 when Jo Kwon suddenly yelled at me. I was lost for a moment as everyone looked at me. What could I say? That it was awkward talking to someone who left you on the night you were going to confess? I can’t say that. Everyone would think of Victoria as the bad guy.

    “It’s fine. I told him I was not feeling well earlier so he didn’t want to bother me.” Victoria suddenly lied, making my eyes grew wide. Victoria turned and smiled at me before ignoring me again. I was really flustered and confused that I just took out my phone again to distract myself.

    I took a peek at Victoria from the corner of my eyes and she was staring down at her hand. I noticed a silver ring on her left index finger. She played with the ring for a moment before standing up and excusing herself to the bathroom. She was also wearing the Bvlgari ring but why did she wear it on her index finger? Aren’t couple rings supposed to be worn on your left third finger, on the wedding ring finger?

    Maybe that’s why no one paid much attention to the rings. Because Victoria only wore it on her index finger so fans just thought it was just an accessory.

    I excused myself and walked out the door. I needed a walk. My feelings were getting complicated again, I sighed. As I walked around I spotted Victoria in front of a vending machine. I chuckled as I walked towards her.

    “Running away?” She jumped a bit, surprised by my presence. She stared at me for a second before rolling her eyes.

    “I’m not running away. I just got bored in there.” She lied after taking a sip of her coke. She started walking and I followed her. I felt bad because it feels like it was my fault she was uncomfortable.

    “Thanks.” I finally said after a long moment of silence. “For earlier.” I explained when she looked up at me confusingly.  She then nodded and continued sipping her drink. “Um…” I started again and she looked back up at me. “I know we’ve been awkward because…”

    “It’s fine.” She cut me off before I could say anything. I opened my mouth to say something but quickly closed it. We continued walking in, what it feels like an endless hallway.

    Suddenly Victoria tripped and I was quick enough to slip my arm around her waist before she fell to the floor. I pulled her up and our faces drew close, making my heart jump furiously. But she quickly pushed me away and thanked me.

    My ears grew hot as I remembered her face being so close to mine a few minutes ago. I wanted to kiss her since the longing was still there. I didn’t know why, but…. Argh my feelings are getting complicated again.

    “So how’s Tiffany?” I stopped dead on my tracks the moment those words uttered out of Victoria’s mouth. I looked at her, shock in my eyes.

    “You knew… about…” I trailed on. How long did she knew about me and Tiffany? Victoria nodded.

   “I heard about it recently…” She admitted. So she just knew about it… but how much did she knew? Did she knew about me and Tiffany from the start? Is that why she dumped me? Because she knew everything? Victoria started walking again and I quickly grabbed her arm. She turned to look at me with a blank expression.

    “About that…” I started and thought about how to explain things. I wanted Victoria to know that everything I said and did to her in WGM were sincere and that I really do have feelings for her but Victoria slowly pulled her arm free.

    “You guys just started dating right?” 

    “Huh?” So she doesn’t know about me and Tiffany from the start. “Oh…hmm...” I nodded. If she didn’t know anything than I should keep it that way. If I tell her the truth, she might hate me even more. Then I realized that Victoria broke up with me not because she knew about Tiffany but because… she really does have no feelings for me.

    “You two look great together.” She smiled as she said those piercing words to me. Victoria continued walking but my feet were rooted to the ground.

    I wanted to drop down on my knees and cry like how you see actors do in movies. But this isn’t a movie, if it did than I would’ve had a happy ending by now. My feelings grew even more complicated that I couldn’t even understand what I was feeling actually.

    It was all a blur… but it still hurts.

Victoria’s POV

A week has passed and my mind is all tangled up into a ball.

    A couple of days after the meeting in MBC, I received the official script for the MBC Music’s Festival. So I spent most of my free time memorising the script for the programme and also the script for my new drama ‘When Love Walked In’ and I’m starting to get confused on which line belonged to which script.

    Tomorrow is the script rehearsals in MBC and I still haven’t memorized my lines. I mean I did memorized them but when I recite them back, I would unconsciously get mixed up with the scripts and recite lines from my drama instead. I looked at the clock on my nightstand and it was almost 12 midnight and I still have half of the script to go! I pulled myself together and started memorising my lines but it was really hard to focus when the lines are so… cheesy. It was so cheesy that it was even embarrassing for me to say the words out loud. Now I have another thing to worry about.

    “Argh!!!”

“Vic Unnie…Unnie…Vic!!!” I woke up with a jolt and felt a sudden pain around my waist. I realized that I fell asleep in a sitting position on my bed.

    “What time is it?” I mumbled as I rubbed my eyes together. Sulli was sitting on the edge of my bed, her face serious.

    “It’s almost 10 in the morning.” My eyes grew wide. “And manager Oppa is on his way here to pick you up.” Sulli said and I quickly scrambled myself out of bed.

    “Why didn’t you wake me up sooner?” I yelled at her as I pulled out random clothes to wear for the meeting in MBC today and threw them on the bed. “I’m going to be late!” I snatched my towel and hopped into the shower.

    I brushed my teeth as I shampooed my hair and when I was done, I almost tripped on the bathroom floor as I struggled to wrap the towel around my body. I wondered what time is it. The meeting starts at 10.30 and it takes about 20 minutes to get to MBC. Really professional, Victoria. How can you overslept!

    I ran towards my room and gaped at my bed for a moment.

    “What is this?” I asked Sulli who was still sitting on my bed. I looked at the clothes that, probably Sulli, had laid out neatly on my bed. A blue coloured sweater with a white skirt.

    “It’s better than the clothes you’ve chosen and they’re easier to slip on.” I just shook my head and quickly put on the clothes. Sulli helped dry my hair as I fixed my make-up. I grabbed my bag and before I left my room, I snatched my script on the bed and stuffed it in my bag. It’s a good thing I didn’t forget about it.

    “Good luck Unnie!” Sulli yelled as I ran out the door and went downstairs. Manager Oppa was already waiting for at the entrance and I quickly hopped into the car.

    “You’re late.” Oppa stated the obvious.

    “Sorry Oppa. Let’s go, go, go!” I yelled as I pulled out a comb from bag and fixed my hair.

    “Okay we’re here. You better hurry, you’re already late.” I quickly scrambled out the car but before I hopped out, I turned to look at manager Oppa.

    “Oppa… how do I look?”

    “Just go!” Oppa yelled and I immediately got off and started running into the MBC building.

    A staff guided me towards the conference room where the script rehearsals was held and opened the door for me. I peered around the doorway and everyone was already present and was sitting around the long oval table in the middle of the room.

    “Ah, Victoria-ssi. Nice of you to join us.” One of the directors, I think, said and I immediately blushed with embarrassment.

    “I’m very, very sorry.” I apologized as I bowed at everyone. The director shook his head and gestured for me to seat on an open chair next to Nichkhun. Great.

    I seated myself on the seat and Nichkhun suddenly leaned towards me. “You’re late.” He whispered.

    “I can see that.” I hissed back at him and looked at everyone apologetically.

    “Okay, now that everyone is here,” The director stopped to look at me for a moment and I almost hiccupped from shock and he continued, “Let’s start from the beginning. Say the lines as though you were really hosting the programme today.” The director said.

    I pulled my script out of my bag and flipped it open to the first page. I gaped at the page for a moment and blink my eyes a couple of times. This… the… the words… the words are in Chinese! I flipped back to the cover page and it was the wrong script! I brought the drama script instead. How careless can I get!

    Everyone must think I’m really incompetent right now. I wanted to cry. But suddenly Nichkhun pushed his script towards me. I looked up at him, tears threatened to fall at the corner of my eyes.

    “Victoria-ssi, it’s your turn.” I looked up at the director.

    “Huh? Oh!” I read my line and before I could give the script back to Nichkhun, he recited his line so smoothly as though there was an invisible script tacked in front of him. I looked at him wide eyed when he finished reading his line. We continued on with the rehearsal.

    “Okay, great job everyone but there’s still a few faults here and there but I’m sure you guys will do great.” The director said and then the producers started distributing a few sheets of paper to each of us.

     “These are a few additional lines for the scripts.” One of the producers said and I groaned frustratingly in my mind as I stared at the new lines. Everyone was now on break and I stifled a yawn. I guess I’m still a bit tired since I fell asleep around 5 in the morning.

    “You’re doing a drama?” I looked to my left and Nichkhun had his chair facing me. He was reading the script for my drama. My eyes grew wide.

    “Hey!” I leaned forward to snatch back my script but he held it up high in the air resultantly making me fall forward on his lap. I propped myself up with my forearm on his lap and glared up at him. “Give it back. You can’t read it.” But he ignored me and continued flipping through the pages. I slapped his right thigh as I sat up properly and he yelped as I fixed my hair.

    “When are you going to start filming?” He asked as he gave me back my script.

    “Maybe in the first or the second week of January.” I said as I flipped through the pages and then placed it back into my bag. “Ah!” I saw Nichkhun’s script in front of me and pushed it back towards him. “Thanks again, you saved me.”

    “No problem.” He smiled at me.

    “I can’t believe how you can memorize everything on the script so well. Wah, you’re really amazing.” I complimented and I snickered when I saw his ears turning bright red. He looked at me from the corner of his eyes and we both looked away, embarrassed.

    “Argh, I hate my ears.” Nichkhun complained as he rubbed his ears with his fingers.

    “Why? I think they’re cute.” I said casually as I fanned his ears. Nichkhun chuckled as he continued cooling down his ears. Suddenly his phone rang. He pulled his phone out from his jacket’s pocket and I spotted Tiffany’s name on the screen. He was hesitant at first but excused himself as he stepped out of the conference room to answer the call.

    I lay my head on the table and sighed. What did I do just now? I was supposed to hate him but all I felt earlier was not hatred but something warm and nice. Like a bubble bath. I felt relaxed and comfortable around him… but now, as if on cue, the pain was starting to creep in when I recalled back Tiffany’s name on his screen.

    Just one more week until the Music Festival then I won’t have to see him ever again. I can stitch the loose ends back up on my heart and I’m going to be fine. Victoria fighting!

    I sighed again, not totally buying my optimism.

    I’ve been through so much that it feels like I’ve been riding a roller coaster over and over again. But after a while you get used to the fast ups and downs and the loops and that’s how I feel right now. I’m just used to the mixed emotions by now that it’s easier to just ignore them but the pain was still there. You can’t really run away from them no matter what you do.

    “Sorry about that, Tiffany called.” Nichkhun said as he sat back on his chair. Did he need to tell me that?

    “How is she?” I asked, my cheek still pressed against the cool table.

    “She’s doing great. She was on break from her schedule so she wanted to know how the script rehearsal was doing.” I nodded as he looked at his phone.

    “Tell her that it’s hard being a host and that I never want to do it again.” Nichkhun laughed as he glanced at me.

    “I’ll tell her that.” He laughed again as he continued looking at his phone. I sighed mentally. What am I doing right now? I can’t believe we just talked about his girlfriend so casually as though nothing was off. But then again, Nichkhun was still oblivious to the fact that I knew everything about them from the start and it was me who sort of broke up with him without much said. I guess he moved on and only think of me as a friend now. That’s good, I guess.

    Here I go again on the roller coaster ride of emotions.

~~~

Tada! Another update! This is the part where the feelings were between the ‘I hate you’ and the ‘Don’t leave me’, like my title. Btw I just love the poster for this chapter. It gave me goose bumps. Haha, (self-complimenting)

Okay, so enjoy. I might update again tomorrow but we’ll see. 

comment&sub <3