Reply Seven

It was Friday afternoon when I found myself at the playground near my neighborhood. Eunji sat next to me, the ice cream off her lips. In just a week, summer would end. Only a week to go until the weather got colder. Until the leaves turned into a crimson color. Until we couldn't go out to eat ice cream anymore. It was just a matter of time. I remembered what my father told me about autumn. That it was one of his favorite seasons. Because in autumn, he fell in love with my mother. If that was enough of a reason to like a season, I would choose Summer. Since I met Woohyun in Summer 2005. Since I fell in love during the summer holidays. I loved summer. That was why I felt disappointed that it was going to end. I felt sad that summer was already gone like the wind. That winter was approaching. 

"You and Howon... did I miss something?"

Eunji grinned at me, showing her eyesmile. I always envied her beautiful smile. She wasn't the most prettiest girl. She wasn't as pretty as Hara, nor was she anywhere near being called a beauty. But she had that striking aura. That charisma of her smile. That presence of her personality. I always envied how she never cared when other didn't find her beautiful. That she never cared. I, too, didn't care about others. But that was probably only a mask I put on. Since inwardly, I was really insecure.

"No, but if you want to be in my stead, here." I chuckled, knowing exactly where this conversation was going at. Before we went to the playground, I contemplated whether to tell her about the whole Hara thing. But then I remembered, if I did, I would have to tell her about me liking Woohyun and I wasn't ready to tell her. Hell, I wanted no one to know about it. Howon found out and Hara... I just had to tell her to explain myself. So I decided not to tell her instead.

"Nah, I'm not jealous or something like that. I haven't spoken enough with him to actually like him."

I wondered whether she told me the truth. Whether she was being honest with me. But then, I remembered how long I have known her. Eunji wasn't someone to keep secrects from me. I was like that, maybe. But she was like an open book. I was able to read her. Now that I thought about it, I was somehow like Myungsoo. I had close friends, Eunji being my best friend, but I never told them about my problems. Maybe Howon was right. I just thought I could deal with it alone. Maybe I was indeed someone who kept everything to herself. 

"We are seriously just two guys clicking with each other. I don't see him in that way." I couldn't help but surpress my laughter. I knew Eunji wasn't actually in love with him. But I also knew, she was going to fall in love. Because even I felt a bit attracted to him. But I already had someone, thus, I never saw Howon in that light. Even though, he was funny, witty and considerate, I just couldn't forget Woohyun's smile.

"He is the first guy you became close with since the incident with the magazines." She remarked. It was actually true. I couldn't trust guys anymore, I was disgusted by them until Howon stormed into our classroom one day. He was indeed different. "And Myungsoo, that guy can actually speak."

I laughed softly at her comment about Handsome boy. Of course, he spoke. He wasn't mute or anything like that. He even invited me over which was still strange to me. But since his mother would be there, too, I didn't worry much. I pondered whether to ask Eunji to tag along, but I kept it like it was. I didn't want to invite someone without Myungsoo's approval. Since it was his home and his mother. I trusted my talent to click with cool people so I wouldn't have to worry much. It was gonna be okay anyways. I was Son Hana, anyways. I had that talent to make everything alright.

Never in my life was I that nervous. Ok, let's count out those times with Woohyun right in front of me. And let's count out those times where it seemed like Son Goku was about to lose the battle. I seriously was never that nervous. How could I have been so nervous because of something petty like that? It was just visiting his mother who seemed to know my aunt - yeah, that beast. It wasn't like he introduced me to his mother as his girlfriend. We weren't like that. But I was still nervous as if I was actually his girlfriend meeting my parents-in-law. Maybe because it was strange for him to ask me. Maybe because I never went to a male's home besides my cousins who already lived independently in their own apartment. I always avoided to meet up with friends after school. I knew some classmates weren't that innocent. I bet, when school ended, they actually met up to enjoy a group date with alcohol. I knew it since one of them has told me. She was even frightened after that. She never talked to the guys anymore. I wondered what exactly happened there.

Before I knocked on the door of Myungsoo's home, I remembered the phone call with Howon. Eunji was apparently too busy to pick up my calls so I had to ask Busan guy instead. I had to ask him what to wear. He teased me by questioning whether I indeed liked Woohyun when I bothered myself with another guy. I, of course, argued with him, saying he didn't have the right to tell me that. Because he knew I was someone who got along with guys better than with girls. Because girls in my school were always fancying clothes, guys and makeup. I was au natural, I just didn't fit with them. That was why Eunji was my best friend. That was why I hung out with Howon. In the end, he told me to wear something casual. But what the hell meant casual?

So with my black leggings - back then they were considered a fashion-no-go to wear as pants, but I did it anyways - and a plain white tshirt, I knocked on the door twice. My mother once told me that you needed to knock twice. When you only did it once, people wouldn't hear it. If you knocked on the door for three times, it looked desperate and impatient. So I followed her advice and knocked the door twice, waiting for someone to open. I was immediately greeted with Myungsoo's eyesmile after only some seconds. He was probably waiting for me. I had to gulp down when I saw him in casual clothes. Even when I met him on the road where my parents almost hit him, he wore his uniform. Thus, I felt intimidated by his looks now. Because he looked even better without the uniform. Because that dark grey cardigan over the striped tshirt fitted him well. For a moment, I even forgot Woohyun's red tshirt. That one item I saw him wearing when we both crossed the streets. "Hey."

It was Saturday morning when he texted me the time and place. Yes, I had his number ever since he asked me to come to his house. We assured each other, we wouldn't be awkward because of the whole visiting thing. Therefore, we occasionally chatted via phone to get to know each other better. "Hey."

But it was awkward. It was awkward to meet people outside the school. I even waved awkwardly at him when he invited me in. I never thought I would feel uncomfortable in someone's presence besides Woohyun's. But I did anyways. Because I never met up with a guy alone after school, without Eunji. Maybe the whole Let's-not-make-it-awkward-thing just wouldn't work out after all.

I had to open my jaw wide when I entered the living room. He was probably rich. The whole room was bigger than my house. Ok, I exaggerated but still. It was so beautiful. The white cosy sofas fitted the whole atmosphere in the living room. It smelled like vanilla. To be honest, it smelled like Myungsoo. I never was that close to him to let my nose be filled with his smell but I kind of recognized that scent. Whenever he walked passed me on the school's hallway, I smelled this scent. It was really pleasant. I sounded like a creep.

"Want something to drink?" He asked me. For some reasons, he didn't look awkward at all. For the first time, our roles changed. I became the one being awkward around him. I slowly nodded as he offered me to sit down on the cosy sofa.

His mother was really sweet. I have imagined her to be like my aunt, thus, I was scared of my relationship with Myungsoo. I was scared that his mother might destroy my whole positive perception of that Handsome boy. But she didn't. She even showed me some of his childhood photos. I had to giggle like an idiot since he looked so cute. He had those chubby cheeks and he was even handsome before he hit puberty. I even secretly took a photo with my phone. I just had to keep a memory of that. His mother made some awesome kimchi stew that we ate together. I noticed that his father wasn't at home. But family photos of him and - he apparently had a sibling - his brother with their parents were hung on the walls. I compared both their looks and I had to admit, Myungsoo looked better. Well, he was the older one and people always said the older one looked better.

It was already noon when I exited the Kim's household and when his mother told me she wanted to see me again and that I was always welcomed to visit. Myungsoo awkwardly hugged me to bid goodbye. But in the end, we weren't awkward anymore. We casually waved at each other before I went off. I noticed how his mother not even once talked about my aunt. But I was glad about that. Since I wasn't too keen in talking about that monster.

It walked passed the fruit market when the lady greeted me with her bright smile. She asked me whether my family was feeling well. I couldn't help but think of myself as a woman who was already married and had two children. I imagined myself in Woohyun's arms as our two sons, Johyun and Sonhyun - twins, looking like daddy - played football at the playground near my neighborhood. How wonderful that dream was. Before I daydreamed even extremer, I bid goodbye with that fruit lady and continued walking. I saw a basketball field on the right side of the streets, seperated from it with a fence. There was only one guy playing with the ball. I narrowed my eyes to see who it was since the figure seemed familiar. I almost choked on my own saliva when I recognized the person to be Woohyun. My heart started beating faster. I couldn't understand why he played alone. It reminded me of him being alone at the playground a year ago. 

Without me actually noticing it, I already crossed the streets to reach the basketball field. Without me realizing, I stared at him the whole time. Only when he turned his head to my direction with a sudden appearing smile on his face, did I notice my fixed stare. "What are you doing here?"

I was right in front of the fence, my face only centimeters aways, as he approached me with the ball in his hands. The smile never left his face. I noticed - since he was so close to me now, only the metal of the fence seperating us - sweat trickling down his temples. I noticed his exhausted, yet satisfied expression written across his face. I noticed he smelled a bit like sweat but his usual scent still sticking out. Compared to Myungsoo, I kind of felt more attracted to his scent. "Shouldn't you be hanging out with friends? Since it's Saturday."

"Right back at you." I retorted back. Like always, it was my sharp tongue that slipped out. He chuckled at my remark, as he wiped away the sweat on his face with his tshirt by pulling it a bit up. I had to restrain myself from looking down. I was too shy to actually look at his exposed skin. 

"Yeah, I'm such a loser." He still smiled at me as if it was the only thing he was able to do. I couldn't grasp the fact that I stood right in front of my first love without fainting. That he stood before me with a smile plastered on his lips. That we actually talked without the awkward atmosphere. Without him glancing at Hara. I remembered what she told me. What actually happened outside the windows. What I interpreted as a confession. And then, I smiled upon remembering. I smiled since it was one of the reasons why I fell in love with that guy in front of me in the first place. "You are smiling. Why?'

I tilted my head to the side, furrowing my eyebrows. I wasn't sure why he even asked me such a thing. He smiled at me first, like he always did. I just returned his kindness. I just wanted to return his beautiful smile. Since he noticed my confusion, he spoke up again after chuckling lightly. "It's your first time smiling in front of me. You always smile and laugh with Howon. I wondered whether you hated me or something like that since I have readt your letter and hit you with the bag of chips."

I mentally slapped myself for being such a weird girl. Why was I the only girl who acted like a retard in front of her crush? Why did I smile to other guys but never to my first love? I never actually noticed that before until Woohyun just told me. But something in me started changing. The whole anger that was directed to myself for being so stupid changed into happiness. His words were like music for my ears. They were a melody. "Girls are the most beautiful when they smile."

Was it a compliment? Was he indirectly saying my smile was beautiful? I remembered Eunji telling me I had a bright smile. That I looked cute whenever I smiled. My father liked my smile the most, while my mother picked my eyes as her favorite feature in my face. My aunt said I looked ugly in ever angle. But back to Woohyun, I wasn't someone who jumped to conclusions. Well, not when it implied something that might make me happy. When something bad happened, I always jumped on conclusions. I guess, that was how the brain worked. Since I've noticed I haven't spoken much to him since we met here, I decided to finally talk. "Want me to join you playing?"

He nodded, as we both walked side by side along the fence to the entrance of the basketball field. It was some meters away from our current position and even though the fence seperated us, I felt awfully close to him. I couldn't even calm my heart down. He occasionally dribbled the ball while he asked me things. "So you didn't answer my question earlier."

I remembered him asking me what I was doing here. "I just went to Myungsoo's house to meet his mother."

Woohyun averted his attention from the ball to me, eyebrows furrowed. "You are dating him?"

I shook my head with widened eyes. "Hell, no. He is just a friend."

"That's what they always say." He turned to look at the faraway situated trees in front of him. "But in the end, they fall in love."

"Never. Never in my freaking life." I still shook my head, not satisfied at all. Woohyun was the only one whom I could imagined to be with. No one except of him.

"Come on. He is good-looking." Woohyun chuckled at my exaggerated behavior. "Be glad I didn't mention Sunggyu."

I widened my eyes even more, staring at my first love. "Hell, double no."

"You seem to hate him even though he is a good boy and he likes you."

"You are speaking of him as if he is your dog." I remarked, narrowing my eyes at him. I guess the awkward and silence act of me in the beginning disappeared. Of course, I liked him. My heart still beated crazily. But I was calm from the outside. He wouldn't notice my feelings for him. I didn't want him to notice. Not yet. Not when he didn't see me as a girl he would date. Thus, I talked with him casually.

"Well, I have a dog. I should have called him Sunggyu." He laughed heartily. It reminded me of his laugh in the ice parlor. When I just couldn't forget him for the whole day. I shook my head at him, smiling. It was refreshing to talk to him. I never thought I would feel so at ease with him. Even though my heart was still thumping madly, pressing against my chest, I still felt calm for some reasons.

When I finally entered the basketball field, he threw the ball to me, urging me to go on. Even though I wasn't sportive - hell, I wasn't good at any sports at all - I still had the courage to play with someone as athletic as him. Because I wanted to spend some time with him. I wanted to make up the time I spent on being awkward and silent. I wanted to show my true self. Since it was finally time for me to pursue him. To chase him. I've waited for too long. This summer I never felt closer.

I wasn't that bad at all, actually. I thought I was bad at it, but I didn't fail to pass or to bring that ball through the basket. We continued playing until even the sun slowly set. He showed me some moves and tricks. I tried, too but failed this time. Woohyun always laughed whenever the ball jumped away from me. That was why I laughed even harder when he didn't manage to shoot hoops. It was almost dark when we stopped playing and both sat down on the ground. I was seriously exhausted. I couldn't even understand how I managed to stay alive in his presence. Maybe because he had that talent, too. That talent to make people feel comfortable around him. Even though back then, I was shy as hell whenever he stood right in front of me, I was somehow able now to talk with him like I would talk with Howon. Maybe we were slowly becoming friends. 

"Here." He shoved the bottle of water he just drank from in front of my face. I couldn't help but stare at it before looking into his eyes. "If you don't want to have an indirect kiss with me, do it like that."

He lifted his hand that was grabbing the bottle and placed the opening a bit further away from his lips, not touching them before the water poured down into his mouth. My eyes were fixed on his lips, then on his neck. I noticed how his Adam's apple moved whenever he gulped down. He was really good-looking. The light from the floor lamps showed off his features. Even though he was sweating, even though he looked exhausted, he still looked handsome. I couldn't help but fall even deeper upon seeing him next to me. My heart just wouldn't stop beating faster anymore. For a moment, I thought I couldn't speak anymore. He assured me with his presence that I indeed liked him.

"Drink something." He gave me the bottle, before turning his attention back to the view in front of him. I didn't know exactly how to act. Since it was awkward just to drink from the bottle. Like he said, it was like an indirect kiss. Not that I complained though. I just didn't want to look like I indeed wanted one. But I actually really wanted one. Just the thought made my heart flutter. Since I couldn't decide, I chose to let the bottle stay between my hands.

"It's so different to play with a girl."

I looked at him, furrowing my eyebrows, as he followed with an explaination. "I always play with Sunggyu, but he told me before you appeared that he had to go to somewhere so he dumped me."

I stared at his slightly puckered lips. He was pouting. Inwardly, I was giggling like a kid being offered a lollipop. He chuckled lightly, before proceeding in talking. "You are different than what I have imagined."

"What does that mean?" I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering why he even started this talk.

"When we first met, you were kind of quiet. You didn't talk much. But when I saw you with Howon, I seriously asked myself whether you just hated me." He laughed, supporting his arms on his bent legs. "Then I remembered what you said. My charme lost its magic."

I pressed my lips together to surpress the laughter that was about to errupt from my throat. I almost forgot about that. I remembered every detail. What he has worn, what he has said to me but I forgot what I have said to him. Just some weeks ago, I blurted stupid things out. Just some weeks ago, we didn't go farther than the usual Good mornings. Now, I was sitting next to him, talking and having played basketball with him.

When we lingered in that silence that engulfed us, I remembered what I wanted to ask him about. "Did it loose its magic in front of Hara, too?"

He turned his head to me, giving me full of his attention. "How did you know that about Hara?"

I shrugged, leaving him in his confusion. "Who wouldn't know?"

"Ah, right. Was I too obvious?" The reason why I didn't feel jealous or hurt was simply because Hara assured me there was nothing going on between them. Since she already told me what actually happened. He chuckled lightly before replying. "I thought I would like her, or at least feel attracted. But I guess, we just don't match."

I remembered those words that Howon told me. Even though I already knew, I felt like I wanted to know from Woohyun. He continued after a short pause. "She is a nice girl, don't misunderstand. And she is pretty. But... I guess, to fall in love... it just requires much more."

I nodded slowly, understanding every little bit he said, until he asked me. "Do you know that feeling? I mean, being in love?"

There were two options. Two options to choose from. Either, I confessed at that right moment, risking him to distance himself because he didn't feel like that - and that, I was sure of - or telling him I never felt that way. I decided to lie. Because I didn't want him to even ask me who it was, if I told him that I indeed felt that emotion. Cause I knew he was someone who was curious about that. "No."

"Then, you won't know." He smiled, fixing his glance on the ground. He seemed to be deep in his thoughts as he didn't continue. I wondered whether he thought of his ex now. Whether her image was flashing through his mind. Whether he actually missed her. For some reasons, I realized, I was still not even close in approaching him. He didn't see me like that. But that was okay since love wouldn't develop this fast or else it wouldn't be called love. Since it was even good enough that he didn't see me as the girl he kicked the ball to or the girl who wrote stupid letters to Johnny with her pseudo name Elizabeth. Even though, it might take long for him to notice me, it was okay. Since just being with him was more than enough. Since his solely presence made my heart flutter.

"But hey, if you fall in love someday, tell me about it." He said, smiling to me. Back then, I never imagined it to have a hidden message attached to it. "Cause aren't we friends now?"

Woohyun couldn't even imagine what his words caused in me. That my heart couldn't be calmed down anymore. Even not when I returned home. That his words caused my insides to turn, but in a beautiful and comfortable way. I know, it sounds strange but it was the truth. Just his eyesmile, his throaty laugh, his scent mixed with a bit sweat. I remembered every detail. Because on that day when we played basketball, we actually became closer. We actually talked like real friends. Because it was the beginning. The letter marked the start of our occasionally conversations while this one indicated the first step to our friendship. I remembered what Hara told me, when silence engulfed us both. When Woohyun looked like he was thinking about something funny, I remembered what she told me on that day. How Woohyun accidentally eavesdropped on her phone conversation with her boyfriend - I know, totally unexpected. How both of them started apologizing, even though Hara didn't have a reason to say sorry for. How embarrassed she was that Woohyun heard her boyfriend asking her to finally sleep with him, not in a pressuring way. He just asked her, but Hara wasn't ready and Woohyun managed to notice. Thus, he told her: "Please, wait for this. Don't rush and throw your purity ring away. Because that's not the only way to express your love." How he talked to her almost like a dad teaching a lesson. How he got awkward, too because of the whole topic. That was why they looked shy and embarrassed. That was why I fell in love with him even deeper. Because he had those values. Because he wasn't like those other guys, always thinking of dirty things. It made him so precious in front of my eyes. I just couldn't help but smile at remembrance. On that Summer day in 2008, I couldn't turn away anymore. I couldn't fall out of love anymore. On that Summer day in 2008, I fell in love with that guy next to me even deeper. My summer ended with that beautiful memory.

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"Because it’s summer and the memories are just waiting to happen."