Reply Twenty-Four

"...and then he ate it without knowing a thing and almost threw up. I should've taken a photo. Then I could've showed you." he finished narrating. With my eyes threatening to shut close, I faked a smile at him, feeling the urge to shoot myself. Waking up on a Wednesday early in the morning and rushing to get the train, I really hadn't expected to meet someone I knew. I thought the normal people would still sleep at this hour besides those who needed to work. But this giraffe here was super hyper even in the morning. I thought we had nothing in common, and we weren't friends but he had suddenly decided to approach me when he had spotted me from afar. Sitting next to each other, that Sungyeol had told me about a banana prank, played on his little brother. 

"And where are you going?" he asked, checking his phone in the meanwhile. Why asking me if he wasn't genuinely interested anyways? 

"Meeting a friend." I answered curtly. Now that I thought about it, I should have taken the train two hours earlier with Howon who had gone to work. It would have been a lot easier for me. I could've saved myself from headaches. 

"Oh, here. Myungsoo greets you." Giraffe boy showed me his phone with Myungsoo's text displaying. He had indeed written to say hi to me. Made me wonder why in the world Giraffe boy had told him that I was with him. "Oh and this."

Myungsoo had texted Giraffe boy that I should take a look at my phone, and before I had even finished reading the message on that display, my own phone vibrated. I gave Sungyeol his back and took mine out. Myungsoo had sent me a photo. When I opened the text, a slight fluttering entered my body. It was the photo he had taken of me back on that autumn day. That photo where we had eaten at that kimchi restaurant. He remembered. And I, too. 

"Does almost killing someone on the road help you in getting closer?" Giraffe boy asked curiously. I gave him a glare, furrowing my eyebrows at him. 

"Can you guys please stop connecting me with the incident? My father was the one driving." I retorted back. But after giving it a thought, I added: "But yeah, it does help, I guess?"

Crossing my fingers in hopes of them having solved the smell problem, I entered the convenience store at the gas station where Busan guy was working at. And voilà, my prayers were heard. The store smelled like any other store in Seoul. Comparable to Seven Eleven or even Lotte Mart, my ex part-time job place. Scanning my eyes around the store and that older guy with the strangely puckered lips at the counter greeting me with a knowing smile, I found no traces of Howon. Walking a bit further into the shop, I glanced at that convenience store clerk who pointed his finger at the shelf next to me, nodding his head. I wanted to make sure that he meant the same thing as me, that being Howon working behind that respective shelf. That he just gave me the hint of Busan guy being behind it to allow me to scare or surprise him. He nodded again smoothly as I gave him an OK sign with my index finger and thumb. Walking a bit closer while hiding my body, I counted from 3 down to mentally prepare myself. When my inner countdown reached 1, I jumped out of my hideout and almost tripped because I saw someone else instead. He wasn't Busan guy, nor was he that Miyoung girl. He was that dude whom I hadn't seen for ages. I had almost forgotten him if not for his sudden appearance here. Kim Sunggyu.

That convenience store clerk laughed his off while Sunggyu looked rather confused and shocked to have met me here. Wasn't it kind of cliché? Having worked with him a while ago at a supermarket and meeting him again at a convenience store. I couldn't believe my own eyes when I had seen him. 

Though my attention was averted to the two who walked out from the same door, leading to the staff room. Howon was smiling, holding keys in his hands, and that Miyoung girl looked pretty as ever with her hair braided to the side. They both looked startled upon seeing us staring at them. With a shy smile, she scooted away and left to put products into the shelves. Busan guy met my eyes and smiled warmly.

"You are here again?"

Then I realized what bothered me alot upon seeing him. Not that he was smiling to himself when he exited the staff room with her. Not that Miyoung looked really shy after we had caught them being together. It didn't bother me. I was rather disturbed by the fact that Howon hadn't told me that Sunggyu was working at the same place as him. If I had known, would I have avoided seeing Howon here?

"What are you thinking?" his tender voice entered my mind, jerking me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see him standing in front of me, my peripheral view telling me that Sunggyu went back to work. This was just so weird and I definitely would ask him about it. 

"When is your break?"

"In half an hour. Do you want to wait?"

I nodded, seeing the older guy at the counter still slightly laughing. With my hands grabbing Howon's arm, I asked: "What's with that guy? Is he your boss?"

"No, he is the owner's son. And he is always like that."

I found out about three things. One, that owner's son who had played a prank on me was called Seo Inguk. He had always liked annoying his workmates or friends. Even strangers. And for some reasons, I was scared of that guy. Two, Sunggyu had started working only since yesterday. He had left his job at Lotte Mart weeks ago, making me wonder whether he had done so because of me. Because we both had been so strange and awkward to each other, working in silence. And Howon hadn't let me into that fact because he never thought it was important to let me know. Seriously, why did I care? Three, Miyoung had a thing for my best friend. She never said it but I had that strange assumption. Whenever he talked to her or asked her for help, she smiled shyly. She always fixed her braid when Howon passed by. Maybe I was over-analyzing but she did exactly the same things I had done before when I had still chased after Woohyun. 

Nam Woohyun. No matter how many times I had told myself I was over him, I had found myself looking at his reminders at home. Eunji had suggested me to just throw them away, but they were too precious to throw into trash or even set in fire. I might never be important in his life like he had been to me, but I wanted to remember once in a while. I still wanted to have this fluttering feeling when I imagined him smiling at me. I still wanted to keep that warm feeling of that day back in summer when we had talked casually on that basketball field. Sometimes it still hurt but Howon and Eunji made it less painful. And Myungsoo crept into my heart sneakingly, making me forgive and forget. About Sunggyu, I wasn't quite sure about him. 

He was irritating me. He managed to make me feel uncomfortable. Was it his new hair that was styled upwards, displaying his forehead? Was it the uniform of a gas station attendant? Or maybe it was the months I hadn't seen him. I wished someone could just tell me. 

"So, you are Hana, his best friend." That Inguk pointed at Busan guy before continuing. "And you know her, too, because you guys went to the same high school." Sunggyu, sitting next to him, nodded. "That makes us," he began, locking eyes with Miyoung, "the outsiders here."

"Hyung, can we please eat our noodles now?" Howon asked, pushing Inguk's hands away from his shoulders. After half an hour of awkwardly standing next to the counter and having suffered that Inguk's stupid remarks, the employees finally had a break. Sunggyu and Miyoung had prepared the ramyun for the five of us, the cups now placed on the desk in the staff room. But before we had managed to start eating, that Inguk had created an uncomfortable atmosphere with his stupid revelations. 

"Of course, of course. Have a nice meal." he said, leaning back. I looked to Howon next to me who shrugged before digging his chopsticks into the soup. Sunggyu silently ate his cup of noodles while Miyoung checked her phone shortly before facing the meal. Inguk caught my eyes with a mischievous grin. His mouth formed the words Bon appetite as I scoffed at him, and looked away. 

After a while, we had finished the food, and Inguk had decided to let Howon leave work earlier. He had given me another knowing smile which I couldn't really point out what he had wanted to tell me. On the other hand, I wasn't interested. 

I quickly pulled Howon's arm to leave that place and that strange guy with the strange lips, refusing to stay any minute longer. Outside the convernience store, we were greeted by the blowing wind, brushing through our hair. I pulled my cardigan together as we both walked side by side. My brain was occupied with tonight's meal when Busan guy suddenly spoke up.

"Hana, can you keep a secret?"

"Am I your best friend or not?" I looked into his eyes, feeling my inside churning by my own mention of the word best friend. We actually never announced we were best friends, nor did we signed a contract to trust each other. I heard in some countries people did that. Busan guy and I eventually became close friends. Whether we were indeed called best friends was unknown to me, and secrectly hoped for.

"Yeah, you are." He chuckled, the sound resonating in my ears. "I can trust you, then?"

"Oh my god, Hoya. Just spit it out." I rolled my eyes, watching a stray cat walking along the pavement at the other end of the streets.

"You are calling me Hoya again. Not that I mind though."

I stopped in my tracks, and looked past him when I saw two familiar figures walking on the pavement where the cat had been a while ago. Myungsoo along with Suji, him smiling at something she had said. The memory of him sending me a text a few hours ago entered my mind as I wondered about my aunt's and Moonsoo's words.

"Are you listening?" Howon's face appeared in front of me, jerking my attention away from the two figures walking away.

"Sorry, it's just funny how I always spot Myungsoo." I explalined, feeling a bit bad for not paying attention to Busan guy as I remembered the day when my cousin, Dongwoo, and I had decided to visit Woohyun's working place. Just like now, I had spotted Myungsoo with her roaming around Myeongdong.

"Huh? Where is he?" Hoya turned around, eyes scanning the whole place.

I waved the matter away, chuckling at his funny face. "Anways, tell me the secret."

"Ah right, I wanted to tell you thatㅡ" he stopped, biting his bottom lip like he was having an internal fight. My eyes traced his lips for a short moment before looking into his eyes and urging him to continue. "Maybe I shouldn't tell you. It's not even a secret. And I have the feeling you will hate me after telling you."

I grabbed his arms, turning him to face me, and with eyes as sharp as knives I said through gritted teeth. "Damn it, just tell me."

He gulped down, but not in fear. He swallowed his own saliva for another reason - something I couldn't pinpoint. He wasn't scared of my threatening words because for some reasons, he saw me as a weak girl, especially since he had seen me crying before. His eyes were showing different emotions. Anxiety, and maybe worry?

"I don't think Woohyun is dating her."

You know what's really annoying? Repetitive shows on the TV, never caring to sub new episodes, therefore, always letting the old ones run. Here I am talking about stuff like Vampire Diaries or other American shows. I'm not sure why I even watch these things but it irks me whenever they show the same episodes all over again. Or I hate how some Korean variety shows always have the need to repeat a scene millions of times just in different angles. Some manage to keep a good balance while others are plain stupid. Howon always said I should stop getting worked up because of that. But some things are so repetitive that I get annoyed. 

What Howon had told me bothered me alot. Like my life consisted of a repetitive pattern. My first love falling in love with another girl. Me thinking they were dating. Then him falling out of love. Me having my hopes up. The exact same thing happened to me twice. Wasn't it Howon as well who had told me that Woohyun and Hara weren't dating back in summer? Wasn't it getting tiring?

I, for sure, hadn't known how to respond other than asking Busan guy from whom he had got that information. That was when I had finally understood what he had meant with hating him after telling me. He had asked Sunggyu. 

​Of course, my dear best friend hadn't told my awkward companion and used-to-be workmate about me having had a crush on Woohyun. Or else, I would have never talked to him again. It was just that Howon had asked Sunggyu about Woohyun. How life was and stuff like that. And things had lead to another and BAM, they were already talking about that Hyuna girl. As far as I was concerned, Woohyun had never dated her. 

Even days after Howon's so-called secret I had been speechless and numb. What was I supposed to feel? Because right now, I was feeling nothing. Because right now, I didn't know what to think of it. I doubted though it had something to do with me getting over Woohyun. Cause life wasn't that easy. I, for sure, still had feelings for him. It was just that there was no trace of happiness when Busan guy had told me that. Maybe because it was surreal. Maybe because I had really given up. 

"That's fine, isn't it? You can go look for other guys now." Eunji remarked, scooping a spoonful ice cream before shoving the small amount into . Not being sure how to speak with Howon about my confusion - who, by the way, still seemed to support me and Woohyun - I had turned to Eunji. 

"But don't you think it's strange? I should be happy, and chase after him. Writing love letters again. Imagining him as my husband. Looking at the reminders." I muttered, my arm occasionally brushing hers. 

"You did that?" she asked with an eyebrow raised as I nodded. "Well, maybe you are just tired of chasing him. I don't know about you, but I would be weary of it, especially after 3 years. I already give up after a month without progress."

I nodded again, looking at the night sky in the long distance. Seoul was a city, lacking of beautiful stars. Occasionally, some would appear through the thick atmosphere while some wouldn't. Just like some feelings always showed themselves while others were well-hidden in the core of one's heart. Looking at a starry sky indeed brought one's inner Shakespeare out. 

"And besides, I don't think you loved him because of him as a person. As far as I can remember, the first time you talked to him was last year. Of course, if we count out the first meeting with the soccer ball." she said, pausing for awhile, "I'm not doubting your love for him. I do think you really liked him, considering the litres of tears you shed for that guy. But have you ever wondered what it would be like to actually date him?" She shook her head suddenly. "What am I saying? Of course, you have."

I chuckled, nodding my head. Hell, I had even thought of our babies' names. Johyun and Sonhyun. Remembering little things such as that, I could only feel the nostalgia surrounding me.

Eunji continued with a smile. "Maybe he isn't like what you are imagining him to be. Maybe he is a total in a relationship. Maybe he never calls his girlfriends. Or maybe he always calls them, every minute. You never know. But in my opinion, I think he is too far to reach now. Unless you manage to get his number, and finally get out of your comfort zone. I know you, Hana. You are a shy person when it comes to the one you like."

Eunji's words were like a big, fat slap across my face. Not those you would get for stealing someone's boyfriend. Not even those from accidentally movements of clumsy people. Her slap was something I needed all along. I was sure I had liked Woohyun. I was sure of my feelings. How else could I explain the butterflies in my stomache upon seeing him - just to sound a bit cliché, don't mind me. But maybe I was too blinded by his outer appearance that I had actually forgotten he had flaws, too. All this time, I had treated him like a god that I had sincerly forgotten to treat myself better. Didn't people always say you need to love yourself first? Imagine being in a relationship with someone you put above you. Would I have been happy? He was human, too. He wasn't better than me. When I had realized it, I started crying. 

"Hana," her soft voice called out, "I didn't mean to hurt you. Don't cry, don't cry."

She wrapped her arms around me carefully not to stain my tshirt with her ice cream and softly patted my back. With a soft chuckle - because me crying in this situation was that ridiculous - she tried calming me down. I pulled away soon after to wipe away my tears, laughing at my own pathetic self. "I'm not supposed to cry. I'm not even sad."

I just realized how I had been treating myself the whole time. I really felt bad for my body and my heart. Crying endlessly. Hoping for something impossible. Waiting for years. I didn't blame Woohyun because he never knew my feelings. I blamed myself for thinking I was useless. It was never Woohyun who had hurt me. It was always me and my own negative thoughts. Looking at a worried Eunji, I smiled genuinely happy. I should have told her years ago about my feelings. She knew what to say and what to do. As helpful as Howon had been the whole time, a girl best friend always knew better. "I realized I'm so much worth."

"That means?" She shoved another spoonful of ice cream into , looking at me with curious eyes. 

"Next time I fall in love, he will be the one chasing me."

When Eunji and I had walked to our bus station, my eyes had met a really familiar person in a bar. I had asked Eunji to confirm my assumption, and it had been indeed Kim Sunggyu who had been the one singing in there. I had been so shocked that I hadn't quite known what to do. I had stood there for awhile before Eunji had asked whether I wanted to go in. But I had told her that we were still minors, and they wouldn't have let us in. As far as I could remember, Sunggyu was already 19. 

I had wanted to call Howon and ask him about it. But then again, why did I care? It was just Sunggyu who was apparently working at a bar with drunk people. Eunji had also asked me why I cared. I didn't care. I didn't. 

Feeling safe in my own home and comfortable in my pyjama pants, I plopped down on the couch in the living room. My father, already sitting on it, glanced my way but focussed back on the TV. Mum was preparing fruit in the kitchen. 

"Are grandfather and grandmother sleeping?"

"Hm." my father answered, not really paying attention. I mentally cursed at him for being too absorbed in the show running as I placed my laptop on my thighs, and searched for Big Bang's live performances. My phone next to me vibrated, surprising me a little. Not letting my suddenly curious dad peeking on my screen, I saw Myungsoo's name displayed on it. A sudden smile crept on my face as I opened the text. This is a text from Coco. Please do not delete or ignore me. I will patiently wait for a reply. And at the end, there was a picture of a Korean Jindo puppy in black, looking at me with adorable orbs. 

I chuckled, feeling piercing warmth entering my body like sunshine in a summer morning. Although it was kinda cheesy, the effect he had wanted to achieve worked. I smiled as I replied. You are using a cute puppy to gain my attention?

I put my phone back on the space next to me, still having a smile on my face when my father asked me who had sent me the text to which I was grinning stupidly. I was about to answer when the door rang. Both my dad and me, we called for mum. 

Upon opening the door, she let out a surprised tone, jerking our attention to the nightly visitor. Only when she called my name, did I place my laptop on the coffee table, stand up and walk to the doors. Inching closer to my mum's side, I managed to caught glimpses of the visitor. Just like her, surprise was written across my face. But not because he suddenly appeared at this hour. Maybe my surprise could be translated to worry instead, and you would understand why I felt this way. Because Howon's expression told me something was wrong. Because his swollen eyes and the bag around his shoulders told me I should worry. As pitiful as life was, some things were meant to be repetitive. 

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Your favorite (ehem) author's lesson of the day:

Love yourself first before loving others. And I'm not talking about being a narcissist. I'm talking about realizing you are at least as worth as other people. Your crush/idol isn't better than you. They have flaws and imperfections, too. 

Oh, and turn off the TV when repetitive shows are on. They are just annoying. 

By the way, here's the poll I've been talking about for awhile. Please vote. Here's the chance for those who don't usually comment to have a voice, and share their shipping :D Please, please vote. No need to comment but vote. I really want to know your opinion.

PS: Oh, and those are the official names of the ships now... (let's imagine them as real ships, OK? That's why no HoHa or MyungHa)

Reply H credits goes to s_rahbear LOL

And if you ship Hana with someone else, which I kinda doubt, please comment and tell me :D

And no trolls or spams.