Reply Twenty-Two

Spring 2009

Running my fingers along the shiny surface, I noticed a smile playing on my lips. The book sitting on my lap displayed our memories in these three years of high school. The autum's festival including the talent show, the trips back in year-two and our graduation. I couldn't suppress my laughter when I saw the photo of a funny-faced Eunji in the background. Her iris had disappeared, only showing the white of the eyes. Lingering in my own memories, I flipped the pages to the talent show. 

What met our eyes first upon landing on the respective page was Busan guy dancing on the stage. It took Eunji and me back to that day when we had danced to Wonder Girl's Nobody. When I had been utterly surprised listening to Sunggyu singing. I remembered Woohyun's beautiful voice resonating in the assembly hall through the loud speakers. All these memories still lingered in my mind. It had been 2 months already. Two months of not seeing him. People like to say you only need time until all will heal. It was true. I hadn't cried anymore whenever I had thought back of those times I had still loved him and followed him around. A tinge of pain was still present but my mind hadn't been only occupied with him anymore. I had set him free. I had set me free.

Eunji and I looked at the profile pictures of the students. Myungsoo looked a bit awkward on the photo. But nevertheless, he was handsome. His picture being in the middle of the page only attracted all the attention. The students with their photos next to his were pale and dull compared to Myungsoo. Eunji and I were glad our graduation pictures weren't on the same page as his was.

The calling of my name from downstairs interrupted us. "Hana!"

I shouted back at my mom, asking her what she wanted from me. It was funny how some parents called one's name but never cared to answer when we asked them about their reason for calling. Like they demanded from us to walk to them, finding out ourselves. Eunji next to me gave me a look, asking me why I didn't go to my mother but I shrugged her off. We were looking at Howon's profile picture when someone entered my room with a soft knock.

A pastel yellow cardigan with a V-neck shirt and pants as white as his teeth, he composed himself and smiled at us. His efforts of hiding his surprise upon seeing Eunji in my room weren't unnoticed by me. I saw how his lips were about to form an O but he quickly gathered himself, emitting a warm aura. "Sorry for disturbing."

Kim Myungsoo. The handsome guy from class 3-2. The one my parents had almost killed on the road. That guy whose hobby was to take pictures of beautiful landscapes and settings. The one who had brought me to that unfamiliar place to pray for my aunt. The clumsy guy I'd had to help to fix his hair. I hadn't seen him for two months. We hadn't even talked during graduation. I had almost forgotten him if not for the yearbook and his handsome profile picture.

When Eunji stood up; when she looked at the both of us, eyes flickering from him to me, I knew she would leave me alone. I knew she would betray me. I tried my best to send her secret messages through our eyes, but she ignored all of them. She didn't read my unspoken pleas for her to stay. "I need to go for the ladies. Be right back."

With that she exited the room and left awkwardness behind. My eyes glanced shortly at Myungsoo who didn't seem to have noticed our hidden messages. Instead, he was looking at the yearbook on my lap. I couldn't count how many times I mentally slapped Eunji for her betrayal when he suddenly spoke up in the midst of our awkward silence. "I'll leave."

"No, you can stay." I bit my bottom lip, glancing elsewhere and not daring to look into his eyes. "Um... how was your graduation?"

"Good..."

"...yeah." The next series of awkward silence engulfed us, almost suffocating me. The thought of pretending to sleep crossed my mind but I quickly waved it away. This wasn't the perfect timing to use my strategy in escaping uncomfortable situations.

"It's awkward..." He cleared his throat, rubbing his hands against each other and still not looking to me. As if I dared to meet his eyes.

"It is..." I paused, letting the words sink in my head. Fighting my internal battle of asking him or not, I decided for the former. I was nervous. Maybe he noticed by the way I clasped my hands together and unclasped them again. "Let me ask you something. It's a bit... embarrassing. I-"

"You?"

"It's a really pathetic and stupid question..." I suddenly reasoned in hopes to avoid this talk, feeling his eyes on me.

"If it's pathetic and stupid, then don't ask."

A rush of blood filled my head, making me unable to think clearly. Disappointed, angry and hurt - I gave him a smile. It wasn't one of those smiles I presented Howon when he spoke out words of comfort and support, nor those when I expressed gratitude towards the shopman down the neighborhood for helping me finish my errands. Not even those smiles I occasionally gave strangers when I passed by them. It was a smile I would show my biggest enemy. A smile that wasn't genuine and didn't intend to be.

"I was kidding. Sorry." he touched the back of his neck, avoiding my eyes. "Please tell me."

I hesitated at first but in the end, I gave in. A part of me felt bad for smiling fakely at him when he had been a good friend to me back in autumn. Another part just wanted to get it over with. "Why... why haven't you replied to my message on New Year?"

"Wait, message?" His face was etched with confusion and surprise when he brought his hand to his jeans pocket and pulled out his IPhone, scanning his past text messages. A glance on his display told me Suji was the most recent one he had texted. His thumb stopped scrolling down when he held his phone in front of my face, showing me the last message I had sent him. "This one?"

I nodded, pressing my lips into a thin line. He suddenly put his free hand on his forehead, covering half of his closed eyes, and lowered his head. For a moment, I thought he was about to cry but no sound errupted from his body. I highly doubted someone like him would actually cry in front of people.

"I don't have a good reason for that..." he began, looking up and meeting my curious eyes. If looks could actually speak words, he just apologized to me ten times. "I just forgot. It was a hectic day and I did read it... But I've forgotten to reply. I'm sorry."

"It's OK." I answered curtly, casting my glance on the yearbook. It wasn't like I hated to be forgotten. Not at all. It wasn't like the feeling of being unwanted on Woohyun's birthday came right back at me. It wasn't like human beings actually had feelings.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked, sounding more apologetic than moments ago. I saw how he lifted his hand but he quickly put it back on his lap.

I thought of all the possibilties to answer him in my situation. Option A, I could forgive him because he had explained it had been a hectic day for him. I couldn't really demand from people to act according to my wishes. Option B, I could tell him to leave. But that sounded so absurd that I quickly waved it away and turned my attention back to him. "No, I'm not. It's alright. I mean, things like these happen..."

His phone suddenly vibrated in his hand, jerking my head up. I saw the caller's name and told him to go ahead. With a short nod, he exited my room to answer Suji's call. My eyes followed him all the way until he disappeared around the corner. Sitting on my bed with the yearbook on my lap, I thought back of that autumn day. When we had eaten at that kimchi restaurant and when he had suddenly taken a photo of my awkward self. Maybe I had never realized it myself or I had never admitted it, but I had been quite infatuated by him back then. It hadn't been without a reason why my heart had started beating rapidly upon him complimenting me for that photo. I was interrupted in my train of thoughts when Myungsoo came back and knelt down next to me.

"Tell me how to make it up to you."

My eyes rounded as I looked at him with confusion written across my face. "You don't need to make it up to me."

A soft and almost inaudible chuckle escaped his lips, eyes looking on my room's floor. "It's like saying, there is no way you would forgive me even if I tried everything..."

"No, it's not like that. It's not a big deal, anyways."

"It doesn't look like no big deal." He still didn't look up, making me feel bad suddenly. It was true that I couldn't forget the fact that I was less important to him than I thought. The scene back in autumn appeared before my eyes. But I really didn't want him to try anything to make it up to me. I wasn't that mad at him. I was just a bit hurt but time would heal it.

"Myung..." I spoke out, only realizing that I just called him by his nickname when his eyes widened slightly. I quickly corrected myself. "...soo."

He was as surprised as I was when I had called out his name so suddenly. But like always, he composed himself faster than I could finish my sentence. With his head hanging low, he explained: "I'm sorry, Hana. I'm just not good in dealing with girls. Or with people in general. I know it's not an excuse-"

"OK, Myungsoo. Now you are exaggerating. You are talking like a boyfriend apologizing for his mistake." I started laughing heartily, patting his shoulder gently. "It's alright. I'm fine. I'm not angry. No big deal, OK? Seriously, let's stop this act and go downstairs."

The moment I stood up, he follwed me suite. "I doubt Eunji was in the toilet the whole time. Unless she has diarrhea."

And then, for the first time after a while, I saw a genuine smile grazing his nicely shaped lips. Not those you would fake to a friend who had cracked a joke in regards not to hurt them. Especially not those you would show your enemy. It was a smile that mirrored his inner feelings. A smile that told me he hadn't been happy for the past weeks but now, he was.

After graduating I had quit my job in Lotte Matte because I had really hated taking the bus at night. I had hated the occasional encounters with drunken people whenever I'd had the night shift. I had hated the long walk back home with scary silence surrounding me. And Eunji had already left to work at her parents' shop. I couldn't keep on doing that anymore. But if I had known that my parents would actually call me to buy chicken for them at this hour, I wouldn't have had to quit my part-time job. Because now I had to walk back home alone and during happy hour for drunktards - yet again. I had sacrificed my chance to earn money and buy nice things for myself.

I entered the Two Two Fried Chicken restaurant in Myeongdong, laughing shortly at its logo with the O's forming the eyes of a chicken. This part of Myeongdong was always a bit scary to me, including the darkened restaurant. I really prefered shops like Baskin Robbins that were always lit up with bright and colorful lights. Checking the room of its suspicious customers, I lined up in front of the counter. I pulled my phone out, blaming my parents for not buying me an IPhone 3G like Myungsoo's, and proceeded in calling Howon. Without really knowing the reason as to why I did what I had done, I waited for him to pick up. But the moment he answered my call, the person in front of me left and it became my turn to order something. Hearing Howon's warm voice at the other line, I met eyes with Woohyun.

I told Busan guy I would get in touch with him later and ended his call. Eyes fixed on his endearing smile with his dimple showing, I awkwardly waved at him for whatever stupid reason.

"Hey."

I couldn't stop my heart from fluttering a little. But who could blame me? No matter how many times I had told myself to let go and move on, he had still occupied a big part in my life. Those three years weren't a waste. To me, Nam Woohyun would always stay my first love. Through him, I matured a lot. "Hey..."

"You caught me." He put his hands up in surrender, laughing at his own joke. I had to admit he looked quite ridiculous with the uniform of the shop. But for some reasons, it still suited him.

"You are working here?" I asked clumsily. Mentally kicking my own for asking such an obvious question, I told myself to keep cool. Hana, pull yourself together.

"Yeah." He laughed, his eyes turning into crescents. I stared at him a bit too long when he cleared his throat and asked me something I couldn't quite make out.

"Huh?"

"What's your order?" he repeated, still smiling at me. I slapped my hand on my forehead, feeling so stupid suddenly, and pulled out the piece of paper with my parents' orders sloppily written on it. Woohyun turned around to serve my order as I let out a long breath. I was embarrassed to hell. Him seeing me order a whole bunch of chicken drum sticks ashamed me enough. But to my misfortune, I had even stammered in front of him. After not seeing him for two months, this was definitely a surprise. Like God wanted to play a joke on me. I was so occupied with my own thoughts that I almost forgot to answer him when he has asked me what kind of drink I wanted to have. Behind me, an old man was already urging Woohyun to hurry up. I was about to turn around to glare at that ruthless man but my phone vibrated and Howon's name was displayed on the screen.

"What was that? Calling so suddenly, then abruptly hanging up on me. Not cool..."

I chuckled lightly. "Sorry..."

At that moment, Woohyun turned back around and held my order in front of my nose, looking at me without uttering a word. I looked back in confusion when that old man behind me spoke up. "Just give him the money. Aish, I don't have all the time in the world."

I quickly gave him the money, not before shooting a glare at that old man. With Howon at the other end of the phone, I thought of something to say to Woohyun. Congratulating him for his graduation or telling him I was happy for him and that girl. But I didn't and I left the shop without turning back around.

"What happened?" Busan guy asked after a while. I listened to his soft breathing, looking at the different lights of speeding cars and advertisements. Myeongdong was the most beautiful at night. With all the colorful lights and the chilly air.

"I just met Woohyun."

The sound of someone shifting in his bed could be heard on the phone as he asked me: "Where?"

"At Two Two Fried Chicken."

"With that girl?"

I paused, my feet dragging me to the bus station. "No, alone. He is working there. And hey, stop doing that. I already gave up on him. I'm not going back on my words. I'm fine."

"It's good then." Howon as well accepted the fact that I had started to move on. Even he had seen the fact that it would be better for me to keep those strong feelings for Woohyun in a box, shut closed and placed somewhere in my heart. Especially now that he had a girlfriend.

"I need to hang up. The bus is arriving."

"Why are you out at this hour?" he suddenly asked me when the bus put a halt on its tracks and opened the doors.

"Well, sorry that I was visiting my aunt." I retorted back at his overprotective tone, chuckling lightly. Feeling a rush of relief streaming down my body upon seeing no sign of drunken men, I took a seat at the very back, looking outside the windows. Howon hung up as I followed a little dog wandering around on the streets. Whenever I had taken the bus to high school, I had been too busy talking with my friends that I hadn't had the chance to enjoy the view outside. I almost fell asleep when the speakers announced my stop. Bringing the strap of my bag on my shoulders, I walked to the doors of the bus, waiting for my stop. A glance at the scenery outside told me that I was already in Hannam. When the bus stopped and opened its doors, I exited the vehicle. Looking up from my feet, my eyes grew a size bigger.

"You are kidding, right?" I chuckled, arms akimbo.

"I had nothing else to do." He shrugged, grinning. Busan guy was full of surprises. Appearing so suddenly in front of me with his slippers and his comfortable baggy pants. His hair freshly washed and his eyes covered with his glasses. I couldn't get over the fact that he was wearing a purple T-shirt even thought the night was chilly.

"Oh, Howon." I pushed him to the side, walking off and still chuckling at his stupid get-up. It was actually my first time seeing him in glasses and for some reasons, he looked really funny. I couldn't suppress my laughter anymore.

"What? The station is quite close to my house." he reasoned, catching up with me. He, now, stood next to me, still a grin plastered on his lips.

"If you continue doing these things, I'mma fall in love with you."

He stopped in his tracks and narrowed his eyes at me. Then, with a weird hand gesture, he said: "OK, I'll leave."

We had started laughing suddenly, pushing each other. I had asked him whether he had wanted to join me and my parents in eating fried chicken but he had declined politely, saying he'd already had his dinner. I had quickly taken a photo of him wearing his glasses and we had both bid goodbye. It wasn't that bad after all. People say after graduation all will be over. Friends will split. Memories will be forgotten. But that wasn't the case with me. After graduation, I still kept in touch with Eunji and Howon. I even had the luxury to meet my first love in Myeongdong. I was allowed to clear up my misunderstanding with Myungsoo. I can't deny how much I miss my school days. The pranks, the laughter and the tears. But everything had happened for a reason. Because the future - no matter how unsure and scary it is - will always hold something better ready for us.

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First of all, I'd like to greet all the new subscribers and commenters for supporting my story.

It means a lot to me and I will reply to them all, promise.

Thank you all for your lovely comments and I'm touched that you guys can relate to the characters.

I know Hana's high school time ended now but will you guys continue walking with her?

Will you all continue tearing up, laughing and smiling with her?

I think it's a bit too early to say that in our relationship, but

I love you guys!

And thank you, again :D

PS: I realized how much support I get from you guys when I answered all the comments...

I'm truly touched... Thank you again...