Reply Six

When I arrived at school, I saw Woohyun leaning against the gates. I couldn't actually believe everything started in 2005. Three years ago, when I saw him on the football field in middle school, kicking the ball into my face. Two years ago, when he had his last girlfriend, when he started dating that pretty girl from another school. One year ago, when he broke up with her. I didn't remember the details. I only knew he was single one day in summer 2007. That the girls in my class started gossiping about it. Saying he was finally single. I remembered how I almost jumped like a crazy kid when it found out that the math teacher was sick. I remembered how happy I was and how I went to feed the homeless animals after school at the station.

He put his earphones back into his bag when he saw Sunggyu approaching him. He probably waited for him. I remembered that both of them always walked together to school. But I didn't catch sight of Hara, his new girlfriend. I couldn't see her anywhere. It was strange to me. Woohyun was an 17-year-old who liked to have the presence of his girl. We weren't kids anymore. We weren't young anymore. We wouldn't be awkward whenever we started a relationship. Hell, who would act like that as a going-to-be adult? Who at our age would be shy towards their partner? If that would be the case, the couple probably didn't love each other enough in the beginning. We couldn't act like that anymore.

I mentally slapped myself or that person who greeted me with that big smile plastered on his face. He was at it again. Destroying my mood in the beginning. In the start of my day. That Sunggyu guy. I just couldn't forgive him for taking my bag of peanuts. He was walking towards my direction. I seriously asked myself why the hell he would even try to talk to me? Did he feel bad after all? Because he has stolen my bag of peanuts? I know, he hasn't actually stolen my bag of peanuts but I just hated him for that.

"Elizabet-Eh... I mean Hana." He shook his head as he put his hand on my right shoulder. I furrowed my eyesbrows at him, obviously detesting his act.

"What do you want, Grandpa?" I retorted back. How I fetched this nickname? Because I saw him playing football with Woohyun on those days without Eunji. I sat on those steps, watching them having fun. It was thanks to Howon that I was able to stare at my first love. He was asked by those two if he wanted to play along with them. Busan guy wanted to ask Hara to tag along but Woohyun stopped him from doing so. I knew exactly why. Because he didn't want her to see him sweating even though he looked really handsome. Because he wanted to win the game and he wouldn't give his best when Hara distracted him with her beauty. But back to the name, when I watched them playing football, I saw Sunggyu being lazy as he could be, always narrowing his eyes on everything. He was such a loser.

"Who are you calling Grandpa? Me?" Again, he was narrowing his eyes at me, pointing at himself with his index finger. I surpressed my laughter at his funny expression. He already had small eyes but he still squinted at me.

"Hyung, you already have small eyes. Stop that." Woohyun beside him slapped his back. I glanced shortly at him. It was unfair. Whenever I saw him in front of me, I just couldn't give up. I told myself yesterday night to give him up. To let go. Since Hara actually seemed like a nice girl. Since I kind of expected them to stay together for a long time. But when he was standing like that in front of me, smiling, I just couldn't throw all my feeling away. I couldn't burn all the memories I had of him. Those 59 seconds of falling out of love just didn't work in my case.

"Alright, we get going. Howon awaits you."

At first, I didn't quite understand Woohyun's words. Why did he say Busan guy was waiting for me? But when I turned around, I parted my lips in realization. Howon was running towards me in a fast speed. I haven't really had the time to think about my confession to him. To think about what I told him. About me being depressed because of my first love. I just wished Sunggyu actually insisted in staying and bothering me but when I actually needed his presence, he wasn't there. I sighed, already preparing myself in front of that Busan guy.

"Hana" He called out my name when he arrived in front me. His hands were placed on both of my shoulders, trying to find support. When he lifted his head, looking at me through his fringe, he spoke up again after catching for air. "I know it. I know it now."

Confusion was written across my face. I didn't quite understand why people kind of started to talk with me in a subtle way. Why they had to hide their true intention or message. "What?"

He let go of my shoulders, as he fixed his fringe by sweeping them to the side. If I wasn't that curious about his strange behaviour of telling me he knew something, I would find it cute that his bed hair stuck out to every direction. "I thought about it the whole night. I connected the pieces together. Now I know."

You urged him to continue since you weren't too sure what he meant. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Your first love... it's Woohyun, isn't it?"

Did I ever mention that I hated Hoya for being such a sharp person? He always knew when something was wrong. Even now in year 2013, he knew right away when something happened. It was his speciality. His talent. He was the first one to notice when I felt depressed because of my work. He sometimes knew things faster than I did myself. He knew I had my period even before I noticed that blood cam- well, you know how it works. I sometimes ask myself whether he is my stalker since he knew me better than I did. Like I said, he was like Eunji. A male version of her. Just with the difference that he was even sharper than she was.

We both skipped the first classes. It wouldn't bother anyone. Especially since Eunji told me this morning that she had to run some errands for her parents. So we sat alone on the roof, watching the sky change its color. We let the wind blow through our hair. Howon found out in just a few weeks of knowing me. He knew who I liked. Well, I gave him a hint by telling him that I was sad because of lovesickness. I never gave Eunji that hint. But still, Howon was sharp enough to put the pieces together. I felt regretful but glad, too. I worried because I actually didn't want anyone to find out. And I was glad since I didn't have to hide anymore. Since I had someone to talk with now. But was Howon someone I could trust?

"I don't think it's a petty reason for you to cry."

I let out a small and short laugh. "It's hopeless. I'm hopeless."

"Just because he confessed? You can't be sure that they are really dating." Howon stared at me. I noticed in my peripheral view.

"Like you said, she is a nice girl. Of course, he will eventually fall deeply in love with her."

There was a silence where we both didn't talk. We just sat there next to each other without uttering a word. It was comfortable. It was fine to be with Howon. He was quiet when I needed him to be. Even though I have hated it when he bothered me yesterday about me being different or unusual, I was still glad in the end that he was persistent. He understood me somehow. No, we both understood each other without much words.

"Argh, damn. I even tried to set him up with her." Howon ran his fingers through his hair, almost ripping some out due to frustration.

"When you told me you wanted to help Woohyun, I felt the urge to strangle you for the first time." I chuckled at remembering my thoughts back then.

He looked at me, not uttering a word. This time it irked me. Like I always said, I hated it when people stared at one without saying anything but looking like they were about to do so. I liked how Busan guy and I were able to stay in silence without being awkward with each other. It kind of implied that we were friends. That it didn't matter when we didn't know anything to talk about. That it was okay to enjoy the silence. But it really disturbed me how he stared at me without saying anything. I wasn't a friend of people staring at me. And when I was about to explode and ask him what the hell wrong was with his eyes, he stood up with determination across his face.

"Don't give up yet." He said it with so much confidence while smiling at me. I noticed how his eyes sparkled when he stared down. His pearly whites were showing through his smile. And then, with an even better feeling, he told me. "I support you."

I scoffed at his response. Even though I wanted to slap him at first for acting like a superhero now. Like he actually liked me more than Woohyun. To be honest, Howon and I were much closer than he was with Woohyun. First, because Busan guy and I were in the same class, we always walked home together when Eunji didn't attend school. Second, we hung out much more than Howon did with the guys. I didn't know why he seemed to like me more but I just blamed it on our similarity. Third, Woohyun always talked about girls whereas Howon didn't actually seem interested in anything else besides dancing and music. Like I always mentioned, I seriously started asking myself if he even had a life besides dancing. 

I was entering the cafeteria when I saw Hara sitting alone at the place next to the flower pots. She looked pretty as usual but this time, I couldn't help but feel feisty towards her. She just sat there like the world belonged to her. Like everything she touched or smiled at would become hers. She stole my first love in just some weeks. I've known that freaking Woohyun since I was 14 years old. I've known him for 3 freaking years but he never noticed me. Howon told me not to give up. I was sure of that fact even before he told me. Giving up a 3-year-old love wasn't my cup of tea. I wasn't like that. It wasn't typical of me to do so. When I noticed how other girls stared at her just like I did, I softened. I was actually like those monsters, those girls who thought they actually ruled the world. Like those who thought guys' attention were the most important thing in their life. Compared to them, Hara was seriously nothing. She never did anything wrong. She never insulted anyone, bullied the nerds. She never harmed anyone and yet, she was the one who got all the nasty bashing. I was in a dilemma. 

When she noticed me, she was about to smile and greet me, but I did something I regretted in the end. I feigned ignorance. I pretended not to have seen her. I acted like I never have spoken to her and instead, walked to Myungsoo who was sitting with his friends next to the exit. I was a back then. It wasn't like me at all to act like that but the image of Woohyun and her together triggered me.

"Hey." Myungsoo's eyesmile greeted me. "I was about to ask you over."

"Is she the girl who almost hit you with the car?" The guy beside him uttered. I raised an eyebrow quizzically. He was much taller than me. Hell, he was taller than Myungsoo and that handsome guy wasn't even small. Handsome boy was taller than average, if you counted Woohyun as average. And that friend of Handsome boy was even taller. I immediately compared him with a giraffe.

Myungsoo chuckled lowly, turning his attention back to me. "Sungyeol has asked me since when I greeted girls. That's why I told him about our fateful encounter."

I nodded slowly in understandment, when that other friend who seemed a bit feminine spoke up right next to me. "But you are so average. I thought, Myungsoo's standards were higher."

I slowly felt rage in me boiling up. That femine guy, who, to be honest, looked better than many other girls, just insulted me indirectly. I couldn't help but remember my aunt's and my usual conversations. Those where we always insulted each other like we couldn't care less if the other might be harmed. I had to retort back. I couldn't let that Femme insult me like that. "Aw, just because only ugly girls not even the average ones talk to you?"

"Ha, she just dissed you." That giraffe boy hollered right at my left ear which triggered me to lean away from him. I think, he even almost spat on me. With his body so close to mine, I couldn't help but shuffle a bit away from him. That Femme guy's eyes never left mine.

"Alright. Don't fight." Myungsoo interfered right after Sungjong pushed his chest out to get ready for that giraffe boy. I think, they were about to fight or something like that but Handsome guy had to in. He just had to push them away from each other. But with that action, he was closer than ever, his arms crossed in front of his chest, looking down at me. "My mom told me to invite you over."

I blinked my eyes a few times, pondering whether I've heard wrong. When his lips didn't tug upwards, when his face didn't show any sign of joking, I realized he indeed asked me to meet his mother. I think, because my expression on my face looked a bit scared, he explained himself. "I'm sorry. Don't misunderstand. Look, it's just that... She seems to know your aunt or something like that. When I told her your name, she immediately wanted me to invite you for dinner."

I saw his honesty when he touched the nape of his neck. I bet, it was embarrassing for him to be asking something like that. It wasn't like he asked me for a date but he still felt ashamed. Especially in front of his friends. The feminine one even widened his eyes whereas the other one only started grinning like an idiot. "Eh..."

"I can tell her you don't have time. I guess, it is awkward. Since we aren't that close either." He mumbled the last sentence to himself. I think, it wasn't meant for other ear's, but we heard it anyways. With we, I meant that Femme boy and that giraffe.

I shook my head. I didn't want him to feel awkward or embarrassed because of that. I was famous for making other feel comfortable in my presence. Eunji once told me that it was my speciality. Even my parents agreed to that point. My aunt denied my talent while my grandparents praised me for that. Howon said we both weren't awkward to each other because of his credit but like usual, I scoffed and argued with him. At the end, we decided to agree on both of us having the talent to make people feel comfortable around us. "No, it's okay. I'm looking forward to it. But, please. Let's not make our relationship awkward."

He chuckled lightly, feeling relieved. Even though we have known each other for only a week - which I'm not so sure about - we kind of clicked with each other. We kind of fitted. Not in that Howon-and-me kind of way. Busan guy and I were totally similar. We both understood each other without much words but Myungsoo and I, we got along because he was reserved and a very, very friendly person. I found out - but that was much later in September 2008 - that he cared for people he didn't even know like his family. He never betrayed his friends, he never talked behind their backs. He was loyal. What he told me about being unsure about his relationship with his current buddies back when we just met in the hospital, it was only a fact he stated to a stranger. People say you can entrust your problems and worries easier to a stranger than to a friend. Because you will never meet that person and you put the weight away from your shoulders. No one actually knew that we would become such good friends. But besides, our personality matching in a strange way, it was also my speciality to get to know new friends easily. Since I was - that was what my male classmates told me - a tomboy. A girl, who acted like a boy. I never understood what they meant. Since I never liked my male classmates, ever since they readt in the breaks. But even Howon once told me in late 2008 that I was tomboyish. Or what he said at the beginning of our friendship, I was bold. Because I wasn't like those girls who batted their eyeslashes for the guys to notice. It always made me throw up seeing this behaviour in girls. Didn't they have any pride or dignity? But just because I was tomboyish didn't mean I never liked Barbie or fairytales. I actually loved them.

When I sat on the bench outside during lunch break with Myungsoo and his two friends, being called Sungyeol - for me, the giraffe boy - and Sungjong - the Femme - I noticed Hara through the windows walking down the hallway alone. I felt bad for ignoring her, but when Woohyun popped into my mind, I quickly forgot all the remorses. She was dating him. She wasn't alone at all.

"That new girl, damn. She is so hot." Sungyeol next to me hollered. I seriously wondered why I didn't bring any tape with me. I could have closed his mouth with it.

"I heard she has ants waist." It was Sungjong who spoke up, looking to Myungsoo's direction but occasionally glancing at me. "Hyung, she would be in your league."

I rolled my eyes. I knew exactly he was trying to annoy me but I didn't even understand why he made the effort. Since I wasn't even interested in Myungsoo. He was good-looking and friendly but someone else already caught my eyes. As I wondered why I haven't seen Howon since the last classes, even though I usually spent my lunch break with him, Busan guy actually appeared running towards me. Since the last days, he has only been running.

"Hana!" I giggled at his messed-up hair when he arrived at our seat. He noticed right away at what I was staring, as he tried fixing the strands that stuck to every direction. Even Myungsoo, Sungyeol and that feminine guy stared at him. Probably because they found it funny, too. Because Howon looked really funny. But his expression was rather serious. He looked like he was about to tell me something important.

How many times did people regret something they did in the past? How many times did people do something they never meant in the first place? Just yesterday, I released all my frustration about my work on my co-workers. I was in a bad mood because my chef pressured me. But instead of calming myself down, I just acted feisty towards my mates. Or when I was younger, around 14 years old, when my father stepped into my room, just wanting to tell me that dinner was ready but noticed the mess, he immediately started yelling and scolding me. And I just yelled back, said arrogant things. In the end, I admitted, it was my fault. But I never apologized. That was why, I wanted to do better now. Why I wanted to be a better person, even in summer 2008.

While I ran like a crazy woman, passing by the students who were still enjoying the break, Howon's words repeated themselves in my head. How he told me that all the worries and frustrations I had were unneccessary. That I didn't need to act like that. That I never had a reason to cry. How he told me that Woohyun and Hara never started dating. That no one ever confessed to the other person. That I only misunderstood the scene. I saw Howon's image flashing in my mind as I remembered his words. "They aren't dating. Woohyun isn't interested, nor is Hara."

59 seconds. Woohyun only needed 59 seconds to fall out of love. Well, no one ever said it was love. It was probably only a crush or an infatuation. He fell in love with her beauty. But after those important 59 seconds - or maybe, even 60 seconds - he realized, they weren't meant to be. She was his ideal type - cute and beautiful, 20 seconds. He thought she might be interested, too but as I knew Woohyun, he never cared if the opposite gender showed any interest or not, he would make them interested in him, 10 seconds. He knew his heart beated crazily when she was near him, 4 seconds. He knew he wanted to get to know her, 10 seconds. At first, he thought the remaining 15 seconds of being able to imagine a relationship with her were achieved. But that 1 second made him realize, he couldn't. That last second assured him that she was a nice girl but not girlfriend material. It didn't mean that she wasn't attractive or someone to fall in love with. It only meant that she didn't suit him and his personality. Maybe it already began when he hasn't wanted her to see his bad sides.

She widened her eyes when I stood right in front of her. Her hair was swept to the side. Some strands from the right were tugged behind her ear. With her big orbs, she stared at me without uttering a word. Her surprise was written all over her face. When I calmed myself down, gasped for enough air, I proceeded in talking. "Hara-sshi, I'm sorry."

She tilted her head to the side, showing me a quizzically expression on her face. Even with eyebrows furrowed, she looked pretty. As a girl, I had to admit, she was really beautiful. I sighed, regretting what I did. Regretting the things I thought about her. Regretting everything bad I did towards her. "I... I hated you for no reason."

Something in her expression changed. It was like she understood me. Like she already noticed how I behaved in front of her. Like she knew this feeling too well. It kind of hurt me to see her like that. Me being the reason why she felt like that. I continue speaking to explain myself. "I hated you because..."

I wasn't too sure if I should tell her. Since we weren't close. That Howon knew of my feelings for Woohyun was unintended. But to explain and apologize, I had to tell her. "Because Woohyun started liking you."

Hara opened her eyes wide, being totally surprise about my confession. Even without me telling her explicitely, she knew. She wasn't dense, nor stupid. She knew which reasons triggered girls to hate other girls. Either, because they might see you as a threat, because they hated themselves or because they wanted to be you. I obviously hated her because of the former. Because I had the feeling, she has stolen my first love. "Woohyun and I, we aren't like that. I'm not interested in him that way. And he isn't either."

I remembered what Howon told me. When he arrived in front of the place where Myungsoo, his friends and me took seats to enjoy our lunch, he explained why he disappeared right after the bell rang. Busan guy told me, he hung out with Woohyun and that Sunggyu guy. That he asked Woohyun if he progressed with Hara. That Woohyun told him that he wasn't interested in her anymore and when Howon questioned his change of attitude, my first love replied. "We don't suit each other. She is really nice but she deserves someone kinder than me."

"I know. Howon told me. That's why you can slap me for being so mean to you. For ignoring you and acting like a , even though you did nothing wrong." I closed my eyes, preparing myself with the worst. Even though she looked like a weak girl, you never knew. Maybe a huge amount of power was stored in her petite body. Maybe her outer appearance was only an illusion.

For some seconds, I didn't feel anything so I opened my eyes again just to see Hara's eyes b with tears before she almost knocked me out. She lunged out before slapping my right cheek. It wasn't really strong. It didn't hurt much, it was only the surprise that pushed me into slapping her, too. It was my reflex. 

"What the? I'm sorry, Hara-sshi. I told you to slap me but I slapped you back. Sorry, that was my reflex, I swear." I immediately apologized for my behaviour. I never thought I would hit someone. When she faced me, still with tears in her eyes, I wondered whether she hated me now. Whether I just destroyed everthing. But then, she smiled at me genuinely.

"No one ever slapped me, nor did I slapped someone. It's refreshing."

I looked at her as if she has gone mad because of my slap. I couldn't understand why she wasn't angry at me. "You okay?"

She nodded, wiping her tears away. "Sorry for slapping you. I just thought, I would try it since you already offered that to me."

"You cheek is red and sore." I mumbled, feeling bad for having put more power into that slap.

"Yours, too." We both started laughing like idiots. When we entered the bathroom, our laughs even increased in volume. We couldn't calm ourselves down anymore, when we saw our swollen cheeks in the mirror. We couldn't even grasp the fact that we just slapped each other without ill intentions. When I asked her why she cried before using her palm on my face, she told me she was glad that I changed my attitude towards her. She cried out of joy because she was lonely. Girls hated her. Boys always wanted to be her boyfriend. That was why she was happy that Howon kind of tried bringing us together as friends. That I was probably the only girl who talked to her. I was an emotional person, thus, I cried upon hearing her confession. She cried. We both cried. Hugging each other tightly and crying on the shoulders, that was what we did. Even though we were just strangers actually, we soon became friends. It wasn't difficult to be close with her. Hara was a sweet girl who was able to slap hard. And because it was usual to like someone even more when having started off with enemies - in our case, I was the only one who saw her as an enemy - we got along well. Because we both cried, showed ourselves in the most vulnerable position ever, our hearts connected at that moment. Later in early 2009 Hara told me that she knew exactly that feeling of starting to loose someone important. She understood my worries about Woohyun. Later that same day in August 2008 when we both walked home together with Howon who greatly appreciated our new created friendship she told me what happened during that time I saw them together which has looked likea confession to me. She told me because she didn't want me to misunderstand her anymore. She wanted to be close friends. I, of course, as bold as I was, welcomed her with opened arms. And then she told me. Hara explained me what actually happened. What almost turned me into a beast full of jealousy and hatred. What - if it haven't happened - wouldn't have brought us together. She told me something that made me fall in love with him even harder.

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