Reply Fifteen

Winter 2008.

I waited for December. Only a few weeks and it would be Christmas. Add another week and it would be New Year. I was looking forward to those events. Since we always celebrated Christmas and New Year with Eunji's family. It wasn't like Chuseok where our parents would fight each other. It was Christmas, the birthdate of Jesus Christ. We weren't really religious, but we nevertheless celebrated this day, hoping we would get many gifts. My grandfather once told me that we had to think of the poor people, too. That was why, whenever it was Christmas, I would pray for them. I would sit in front of the windows and lift my head up to the sky, closing my eyes. Then, clasping my hands together, I would pray.

But we still had to write our collage entrance exams first, before we could enjoy our holidays. It was already tomorrow. How was I able to fit all the knowledge into my head? I already studied almost a month ago. I studied when my friends came over. We had that study session exactly for those college entrance exams. My parents, as strict as they could be - especially my dad - wanted me to aim for Seoul National University. They seriously wanted me to apply for this university, even though it was one of the most competitive ones. I wasn't even that good at school. 

It was an exam almost every student who wanted to attend a university next year had to take. Even the shops opened one hour later so the students wouldn't have to worry about traffic. To be honest, if I had known that South Korea was so strict regarding universities, I would have tried applying for colleges in the United States.

I think, I never saw my classmates being so hardworking. Some even stayed at school to study in groups. The pressure was indeed high. Everytime I went back home, my parents scolded me and told me to study for the exam. And yesterday, when I've gone home late because I accompanied Myungsoo, they yelled at me for lazing off. They told me I wasn't a good daughter to them. It was frustrating. I knew they wanted me to succeed in life. But school and studying wasn't life. There was more to it. Even Eunji hasn't talked to me lately. She was busy studying, too.

Since yesterday, Howon hasn't texted me either. He told me yesterday that he would send me a photo with him wearing glasses as his gift for Pepero's Day, but he didn't. I was worried and I texted him instead but he didn't answer. And when I took the bus today, I didn't see him either. Eunji and I met Hara - my best friend started liking her, too - in the bus but there was no sight of Busan guy.

Because of studying and exams, I couldn't even think so much about Woohyun anymore. Yesterday, when I went back home late, my parents wouldn't allow me to sleep just like that. They forced me to study until midnight. There was no room for Woohyun. I was stressed. I was pressured. I once even heard stories about students commiting suicide because of the pressure of that day.

Hara told us she wanted to apply for Sungshin Women's University. We were stunned that she already knew what she wanted to do in life. Eunji and I, we were still young. We couldn't imagine ourself to be working one day. But seeing the dark circles under Eunji's eyes, I knew she wasn't able to sleep either.

During class, I noticed that Busan guy haven't gone to school today. It was strange since he never skipped or missed classes. If he ever did, he would call me to notify the teacher. But he didn't and I was still worried. It was bizarre. Why wouldn't he just answer my text messages? Something must have happened. And it was depressing not to know anything about it. Maybe it was always like that. Students went crazy one day before the exam. I was pretty calm in contrast to those around me. Well, I was stressed, too but the others seemed quite weird to extent of running into walls. They haven't slept either.

During homeroom, our teacher told us to appear right at time for the exam tomorrow. He also said not to worry too much and give our best. I was glad we had a teacher who didn't pressure us like our parents already did. When tomorrow was over, I promised myself a reward. Something like eating ice cream or watching a movie. I also reminded myself to invite my friends.

When the bell rang and signaled us that it was break time, I ran out of the room to visit class 3-2. I had to ask Myungsoo to help me with my studies since I knew he was good at school. Everyone knew it. He was known as the handsome genius. I wanted to invite him to an after school study date with Eunji, Hara and Howon. Maybe Suji wanted to join, too. I couldn't invite Woohyun. His presence would only distract me. But as soon as I arrived at his class, his classmates told me he didn't come to school today. For a moment, I thought it was because of the Peperos I gave him since Howon hasn't gone to school today either. But that was too bizarre and absurd so I quickly waved it away.

On the hallway back to my classroom - I wanted to try asking Eunji to study with me - I met Sunggyu. He didn't look any better either. He seemed tired and sleepy when he walked passed me. He didn't even notice me on his way. When his state was like that, was Woohyun pressured by his family, too? I needed to find out and make sure he was okay. I couldn't bear to see him sad and stressed.

That winter day was probably one of the saddest moments in my life. I saw my friends being despressed and stressed because of the exam day tomorrow. It was so important to every student that we weren't even able to pay attention to our closest ones. We were too focused on studying that we sometimes didn't notice something that was probably more important than the exam day. And sometimes, we put that something or someone in front of everything else.

It was sad because of a few things. I wasn't able to check on Woohyun's health since the bell already rang, telling students that it was the end of break. Thus, even until today I didn't know whether he was stressed or not. Seeing my best friend being absorbed in her studies, I decided not to ask her to let me join. She was probably someone who studied alone more efficient than with a group. Myungsoo wasn't picking up his calls so I was left alone. And without Howon contacting me, I felt at a loss.

"Hana, why aren't you at home studying?"

I looked up to see my former maths teacher standing in front of me. After having had the worst school day in life because I couldn't see important people in my life, I have taken a seat on the small stone wall at the entrance of my high school. I didn't even care about the weather anymore. I was thinking about things until he appeared before my eyes.

"Seon-saeng-nim, what kind of things can happen on the day before the exam?"

He chuckled lightly upon hearing my question as he proceeded in answering with his gentle voice. "Well, couples can break up."

I pursed my lips with my eyebrows furrowed as I stared at him. "What do you mean?"

My former teacher took a seat right next to me as he put his bag onto the floor and covered his body with his coat. "Because studying is important and stressful, couples fight, saying their partner neglet them. They eventually break up because of the argument. Or some are cleverer and decide for a break in their relationship, so they can concentrate on their studies until the exam is over."

"What else can happen?" It wasn't like he was in a relationship, anyways.

"When couples break up, friendships can break, too. During this time of the year, students get really stressed and frustrated. Some even let all their anger out on their friends." I nodded slowly to show him I listened to what he explained to me. It was similar to Eunji. We haven't fought but we became more distant since the exam period. I think, I only exchanged two sentences with her today. Hara was different. She seemed pretty calm.

"Oh and students also get into arguments with their parents. Since this exam is important for their university acceptance, students get even more pressured by their parents than usual. Some even commit suicide because of all the pressure and stress." That wasn't new to me. I heard that as well. When I was younger and I didn't have to care about school as much as I had to now, I once saw the news on TV. A girl commiting suicide because of the pressure her parents put on her. 

"What happened, Hana? What brought you to ask me these things? You should study instead." I rolled my eyes at him for acting like a parent.

"Do you know Howon? Lee Howon?" I asked, after contemplating whether to tell him or not.

"The transfer student from Busan?"

I nodded as I continued to explain. "He hasn't come to school today."

"Maybe he skipped to study for the exam? Even though, it's bad to skip classes." I laughed lightly at his attempt to discipline me.

"But he hasn't picked up my calls either. He should have called me." I hung my shoulders low as I stared on the ground. I wondered when it would be covered with snow again.

"If you are worried, pay him a visit. Or else, wait until the exam day is over. They can't all pay attention only to you, Hana. They need to focus. You, as well. Concentrate on your studies, instead." He stood up, proceeding to go since it got colder. I pouted slightly as I nodded my head to his lecture. Then something came to my mind and I looked up, his eyes meeting my hopeful ones and a smile grazing my lips.

"Seon-saeng-nim, can you do me a favor and... give me my reward for succeeding the exam beforehand?"

I stepped out of the car and waved him goodbye. It wasn't strange for him to be giving me a ride since he wasn't my maths teacher anymore. On top of that, it wasn't like we crossed the line between teacher-student relationships and being actually lovers. To my luck, I was his favorite student or else he wouldn't have done me that favor. That favor of finding Howon's address.

I remembered seon-saeng-nim's words, telling me that I had to do well on the exam tomorrow or he would be disappointed. Now, I was standing in front of Howon's house in Hannam-dong. I never knew that he actually lived at the other end of the neighborhood and it was still some more minutes away from my home. I groaned upon realizing I had to go all the way back home. It was scary to what extent I would go for that Busan guy.

My heart started thumping suddenly, preparing to burst out of my chest when I heard some loud voices and yells, coming from inside. I gulped down the saliva that gathered in my mouth cavity as I rang the bell once. With every second that passed by, my heartbeat increased its pace. I was too nervous for this. That wasn't even normal anymore.

A man whose face looked really strict opened the door. I quickly stood tall and introduced myself. "Good afternoon, Sir. My name is Son Hana. I'm a friend of Howon."

He narrowed his eyes at me, before asking me to wait, and disappeared into his house as quickly as he opened the door. I spent the remaining time waiting for them to come out again by looking around their garden. It was really pretty. Even though the leafs of the tree next to their house already turned into a crimson red, it was still beautiful. I bet, in Spring and Summer, their garden would look stunning.

The next time someone opened the door, I relaxed a little since it was Busan guy. For some reasons, I was a bit scared of his dad. But when I took a closer look on Howon's face, I felt the urge to cry. His eyes were teary, it looked like he was about to cry but he tried to keep himself from doing so. I noticed his slightly trembling lips that were tugged downwards.

"What are you doing here?"

My heart clenched upon hearing him asking me that. Not only because of the content of his words but also and mainly because his voice was shaky, like he wanted to burst out crying on my shoulders. I softened at his voice as I tried to collect myself. As I tried to keep myself from crying. I didn't know why but when it came to other people, I easily teared up. Especially when I held them close to my heart.

"You didn't come to school today so I was worried."

I think he was slightly angry that I came to his house without annoucing it. But he didn't even read my messages. If I had sent him a text, he wouldn't have readt it anyways. He sighed slightly, still not letting his guard down. It was like he was scared.

"Go home, Hana."

Before I could even refuse he already slammed the door in front of my nose. Now I was on the verge of crying. I wanted to knock on the door and tell him to come out. I wanted him to talk with me about it. But I restrained myself. It was a family matter. I wasn't part of the family. I didn't even have the right to stick my nose into his business. Even though I was angry at him before, for meddling with my businesses, I could understand if he didn't want me to interfere. It was always different when it was about the family. I couldn't do anything.

I didn't want to go home either so I sat in front of their house's gates. I couldn't just go home with the thought that something was wrong with Howon bothering me. It didn't take long for me to find out. I heard the yells and the loud noises. I knew what was going on. It wasn't like I was stupid not to notice. And with every other sound or scream, I tried my best not to cry. I tried to concentrate on my studies instead. I was lucky to have brought my school bag with me. With this, I was able to spend my time on studying. I already texted my parents that I was at a friend's place to study for the exam. They were angry at first but they soon gave up on scolding me.

It was getting darker and the loud noises started decreasing. Around 7pm, I heard only silence. When the clock on my phone screen stated 6pm, the yells were the loudest. I even contemplated whether to call the police. But then again, it was a family matter and I couldn't just stick my nose into it. Since I knew Howon wouldn't appreciate my efforts.

I think I overheard the first time they opened the doors. It was only when the loud thud echoed in my mind that I realized they once opened the door and closed it after arguing for hours. The second noise was created rather gently and when I turned my head to their entrance, I saw him approaching me with a big sweater and loose pants - both seemingly to be the comfy clothes he wore at home.

"What are you doing?"

It wasn't a question. It was rather a statement, or an accusation. He reached the gates and stood right behind me since my back was leaned against it. With the wind passing us by his shampoo filled my nostrils. I relaxed a little.

"Studying." I pointed at my lap where my book was currently laid on as I smiled warmly at him. Maybe he needed it. Maybe this was the perfect timing to give him some warmth on this cold winter day.

"Are you an idiot? Why haven't you gone home yet?" He knelt down, his eyes meeting mine, the metal bars of the gates seperating us. I saw the moon reflecting in his eyes.

"I couldn't." I noticed the guilty look on his face when he saw my phone screen being the only source of light for me to be able to read the passages of the book.

"I'm sorry."

He gazed away on the ground and fumbled with his fingers in front of him. I shook my head, assuring him that it was nothing. "What are you saying? Don't be."

"Let me walk you home."

Even when I said it was okay for me to go alone, he insisted. I was scared his father might scold him for spending time outside the house, but Howon assured me that his father actually wanted him to take me home. We remained silent, both in our own thoughts when we walked on the path we once took when he invited me to the underground battles. For the first time since I've met Howon, I actually didn't know what to say. It was never like that. I was always comfortable with him, never nervous. But in situations like these, I just didn't know what to do. That was why I was glad when he decided to fill the silence.

"I forgot to send you the photo."

I looked up at him, chuckling softly before he proceeded in talking. "I'm actually not wearing any lenses right now."

"So you can't see at all what is in front of you?" I asked surprised and waved my hand before his eyes.

"I'm not blind." He pushed my arm gently away as he smiled shortly. After I saw him today with his eyes b with tears, I couldn't help but feel grateful that he was at least able to  smile.

After a short pause, I spoke up the question that was bothering me the whole time. I prayed to God silently that he wouldn't be mad at me for asking such a thing. "Can I see them?"

He furrowed his eyebrows before bursting into laughter, but it only lasted for some seconds. "You want to see my bruises?"

Howon stopped in his tracks and looked into my eyes. Then, he slowy pulled his sweater up - to his luck, it was dark so even if a passenger saw him, they wouldn't mind him wearing his home clothes. We were exactly under the street lantern so I was able to see the purplish and bluish spots on his arm. To be honest, I was taken aback. I didn't assume it to look as bad as it did. I thought his arms were only covered with some bruises but it seemed like almost his whole body was coated with those spots. I saw my hands lifting up from its former postion next to my waist and carefully taking his hand to have a better look at the bruises on his arm. I found myself on the verge of crying.

"I'm sorry."

I looked up and furrowed my eyebrows, not quite understanding why he even apologized. His eyes met mine when he continued. "You've waited in the cold for a long time."

I saw the goosebumps appearing on his skin when I looked down onto his arm. That was when I realized that my hands were freezing cold because I couldn't warm them while studying. I let go off him, as I smiled. "Howon, apologize one more time and you will have to treat me to ice cream."

He chuckled upon hearing my response when we both started walking again. We soon arrived at my home as I turned around in front of my door, facing Busan guy again.

"Will I be able to see your face tomorrow?"

"Do I have another choice?" He asked rhetorically with a bittersweet smile on his lips. With that, we both bid goodbye, wishing the other one a good night as I my heels and walked into my home.

"When you do well on the test, I will tell you everything. Or... when you pass, you will get one step closer to Woohyun."

That was what he told me before the exam started. That was what Howon promised me before we had to focus on our piece of paper in front of us for 9 freaking hours. It was only a multiple choice test. It could't actually be that difficult, could it? I was calmed down at least when I saw my hoobaes¹ cheering me on before I entered the school building. They wrote my names on some of the posters and I couldn't help but feel grateful. At least, I was popular with some nice female students - not that Femme boy who hated my guts. Howon's name was written on both gender's banners since he was the athelethic sportsman at our school. And ever since they saw him during the talent show, people started admiring him.

Woohyun, of course, received much love from the hoobaes. I even readt a love confession on one of them. I couldn't help but glare at the girl until I noticed that it was a boy. Well, nevermind then. Myungsoo's popularity was somehow scary. The girls screamed like crazy when he walked passed them. They yelled into his ear, wishing him good luck. Sunggyu knew some of the juniors, too and like I hadn't assumed it already, the males made posters for Hara.

Soon, the 9 hours passed by and we were able to relax. After all that hard work and studying, I couldn't help but sigh in relief. It was like a huge burden was lifted up from my shoulders. The first thing I did after the teacher collected the tests was to turn around and check on Howon. He smiled back in response like nothing ever happened. Like yesterday never happened.

On the hallway, the students jumped out of joy, hugged their friends and talked about going to noraebang - a karaoke room - or to watch a movie. We all just wanted to relax before we had to return home and wait for the news to tell us the answers of the test. I didn't even want to go home to see my expectant parents. They even prayed yesterday for me to pass the exam.

"Hana, how was it?"

I chuckled upon seeing my former maths teacher appearing out of nowhere. It was funny how he always found me whenever he wanted to. And everytime I met him and we talked, I felt regretful for not having him as my teacher anymore. When I graduated, I would miss him the most. "It was alright. I just wanna relax now."

"True." He nodded. In my peripheral view, I noticed Suji and Myungsoo exiting their classroom. She noticed me first and glanced my way. "Do you guys need a ride home?"

I looked at Howon, then back to my teacher. That was when I noticed that Eunji wasn't here anymore. I couldn't even remember that she just exited the classroom in the spur of moment without telling me. But I shrugged it away and answered him. "No, thank you, seon-saeng-nim."

He bid goodbye with us as we watched him walking away and occasionally greeting students. He was probably the most popular teacher. Not only because he looked good with his eyesmile. He was also friendly and a funny person. If he had been younger, probably a student at my school, I would have fallen in love with him. Not to mention if I had never known Woohyun. Because no one could compare to him in my opinion.

"Let's eat some ice cream. It's my treat."

______________________________________________________________

● ○

¹ hoobae (korean) - junior, a senior addressing his junior

Hello!!

And yeah I'm sorry... I let my Hobaby suffer...

Here I want to say, I don't support abusive parenting at all. I really hate it. It breaks my heart to know that there are parents who do this.

And Howon's family aren't like that at all. Please don't go around saying Howon's father is abusive. We don't know. 

Since we don't know them personally.

But since this is slice of life as well - I couldn't add it to the tags, unfortunately - I needed to talk about topics that young people experience.

But other than that, I like this development.

I bet s_rahbear likes this chapter  :DDD She is such a hardcore Hana and Hoya shipper :DDD

We are slowly getting to the chapter I've been waiting for :DD

- tofudimsum

P.S: Check out the Foreword. I posted a Trailer.