Reply Eleven

Do you guys know the movie My sister's keeper? It was released in the midst of 2009. I still remembered the day I watched it. I was 18 years old back then. And even though the situation I was in wasn't really something I actually like to be reminded of I still remembered every detail of the movie. I was seriously touched. The most touching scene was when the sister died on the hospital bed. I cried like a baby, as he held me in his arms. The lecture of this story was for me, people lied for other's sake.

It was lunch break when Eunji and I sat on the steps in front of the basketball field. It was the place we witnessed how Howon bonded with Woohyun. It was in summer when my first love started being interested to Hara. Even though, almost a month has passed, it still felt like yesterday when he crashed into the pole of the basketball loop. The image of him dropping the ball was stil strongly etched in my brain. Upon remembering, I started laughing. My lips parted, widening in process as a soft sound that resembled a laughter rang.

"What a creepy face you have right now." Eunji beside me remarked, distorting her own as she nudged my arm. "A penny for your thoughts?"

"Then I would be rich." My eyes wandered along the lines of the basketball field, swaying to a figure approaching us. With the shirt slightly open, the sleeves rolled up, I tilted my head to the side, turning my expression into a pondering one. As quickly as the wind blew through our hair, the person arrived in front of us, putting a halt on his tracks. Both of our eyes, Eunji's and mine, were fixed on his collars  that were painted with nail glitter.

"Do you guys have some nail polish remover?" Woohyun asked regretful, as he looked at Eunji first, before turning his attention to me.

I was reminded of the incident with Howon when he told me he never tried nail polish. It was during a normal school day when I brought my new nail polish to school. While he sat behind me, listening to some music he watched me applying the polish on my nails. When I saw his face, I realized how exciting it must have been to him. He was really interested, thus, I asked him whether he wanted me to paint his nails, too. Even though he was skeptical initially, he gave in in the end. I painted his nail blue. And since he didn't really like it - I mean, he is a guy - I removed the nail polish with the bottle of remover liquid. Never was I that thankful that I didn't put something unnessecary for school out of my bag. "To your luck, I do."

I asked myself why Eunji never asked me about Woohyun. She once expressed her disbelief and surprise when she noticed me greeting Myungsoo from class 3-2 but she never mentioned Woohyun. Even though she witnessed several times how I engaged myself into conversations with him. Maybe she already knew about it. And she just didn't want to talk about that thing. I wasn't sure since Eunji was sharp enough to notice. "Thank goodness."

Woohyun took a seat on the steps next to me. He first locked eyes with me until I looked away to search in my bag for the nail polish remover. I didn't know why exactly at that time but I felt really nervous under his stare until he spoke up and I felt the urge to slap him hard. "So you are the girly type? I never knew."

He let me dumbfounded. My eyes widened as I stared at his smiling face. My lips probably parted in the process. Even Eunji behind me flinched a little. I never considered myself to be a girl like those at my school. Those who only talk about fashion, boys and make-up. But if someone saw me as a boy, I was burdened, too. Especially when it came from my crush's mouth. But him asking me whether I was the girly type irked me, too. He said it in a tone that didn't believe what he just said himself. I wanted to be seen as a girl. But I didn't want to be put into the same category as the es. "I'm not. Just because I'm keeping nail polish remover. It's a normal thing to do. You don't do that?"

I mocked him a bit. It was frustrating since I regretted right after. I talked back to my crush even though I could have just nodded at him. "Besides, what happened anyways?"

That was my way to change the subject. To distract him. To make him forget what I just said. He surprisingly indeed let me distract him. "The girls in my class told me glitter suit me. Therefore, I trusted them."

For an instance, I felt a tinge of jealousy. That was the advantage of being in the same class. You were able to without looking like you actually liked him. Since you were classmates. And classmates always teased each other. I wanted to be in the same class, too but never was this privilege offered to me. Not in middle school, nor in high school. I remembered how much I have prayed to be in his class but God didn't hear my prayers. The girls in his class were able to talk to him daily without sounding suspicious. I was jealous.

"Woohyun, that's another way to say you look gay." Like always, I didn't let him or Eunji know about my jealous feelings. I pulled a cotton pad out to dip it into my nail polish remover. The last words were mumbled under my breath. "Glitter? Pft."

With the in nail polish remover drenched cotton pad I moved my hands to his shirt collar. That was when I noticed him staring at me. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought he actually liked me. But that wasn't the case. Even though he stared at me deeply. It had another reason to it. And he told me about it when he started speaking.

"It's your first time calling me by my name."

That was why it felt so strange to let his name roll off my tongue. I always wrote his name in my scrapbook and I always called out his name in my mind but I never really spoke his name out loud.

"Then I will start calling you Hana, too." He grinned at me as if it wasn't a big deal. But it was. Because my heart started fluttering. I thought I was going to die. The tightening of my chest started hurting. The feeling of joy was comparable to winning lottery. Or even better. Just him calling my name was enough to make me fall deeper in love. Just him and his soothing voice that kept calling my name.

"Stop it." I was embarassed. When he just wouldn't stop calling my name. Even though I liked the way he let my name roll off his tongue. I couldn't help but feel burdened. I wasn't too keen in showing him my embarassment and my blushing.

"Or do you want me to call you Elizabeth or Eli like Sunggyu does?"

Upon noticing my best friend behind me flinching, I actually realized that she was there the whole time. While I talked with Woohyun, I totally forgot that I was actually enjoying my meal with my best friend until he showed up. I awkwardly waved with my hand, as I tried removing the glitter off his collars. "Please don't mention that guy's name."

He laughed heartily which made me forget the problem with Eunji again. That she didn't know about me actually having a crush on him. I couldn't believe it myself either. I was that good in hiding my feelings that even Howon sometimes forgot. Even I would have thought the same in his stead. While the image of that grandpa with the eyeliner flashed in my mind, I tried my best in rubbing the cotton pad on his shirt collar. It was actually really difficult to remove the glitter. "Here. This is the limit of my powers."

He leaned back and pulled his collar away from his face smiling because of my way of speaking, maybe, to see how much glitter I have removed. I couldn't help but stare at his beautiful features until his eyes locked with mine as he shoved his fingers in front of me. "Can your powers help me with these?"

I stared at him in disbelief. He even let the girls paint his finger nails with the glitter. As my thoughts wandered to those girls in his class who had the opportunity to have skinship with him, who touched his hands, I wondered what kind of person he actually was when he was back home. I wondered whether he inherited his features from his mom or from his dad. I wondered what was beneath that beautiful smile. I knew he was someone who was cheerful and open towards other people, even strangers. He was the opposite of me. As I still thought about those things, I took his hand in mine and rubbed the cotton pad on his nails.

"Woohyun-ah!"

Both of our eyes turned to the direction where the voice came from. My face fell upon seeing that hamster. I immediately recognized that idiot while the actual idiot next to me couldn't. He squinted his eyes while leaning a bit towards my side and whispering. "Who is that?"

"Your grandpa friend." I retorted back as I let go off his hand. "I'm done with my deal. Now go to your pet."

With a bright smile on his face he left Eunji and me by the stairs while he walked to his friend. That hanster-gyu even waved at me. I think, he actually thought I was his friend. But well, no.

It was the weekend during September when Howon asked me to accompany him to the underground dance battles. Since I was quite interested and I wanted to know what it was like, I agreed. While I was changing into casual clothes - it was already noon by the way - Eunji suddenly bursted into my room. I was glad that my best friend was a girl since I stood there with only my underwear. It was still weird, thus, I screamed at her for not knocking the door beforehand.

"Relax, Eli."

My body flinched upon hearing that nickname. Maybe it was time to talk about it. Maybe she was about to ask me about Woohyun. I embraced myself for the worst. "Where are you going?"

I didn't know whether to be glad or not. Since she changed the subject herself. Since she didn't mention Woohyun while I had to think about what to say to her now. I wasn't sure whether to tell her the truth or not. Which was why I didn't know whether her changing the subject was good or not. While she plopped onto my bed, I put the clothes I have taken out from my closet on. When I looked at my bottom, I was reminded of Myungsoo since I wore those same leggings. I remembered how nervous and embarassed I was. I couldn't help but compare the nervousness back then with the calmness right now. I didn't feel like going crazy when I tried to find something to wear. I was more relaxed when it came to Howon, since he was a close friend. When I actually thought about it, he was indeed someone I somehow trusted. Even though everything began when he and I didn't actually welcome each other. When the bag of peanuts brought us together, even though I sometimes detested him for not minding his own business, we slowly became friends. I slowly trusted him. Without us actually realizing, he became one important person to me.

"I was invited to go to the underground battles."

I couldn't lie anymore. Especially not about Howon. I didn't want Eunji to think that I actually kept secrets with Busan guy from her. She would only think that I liked him and I didn't. Thus, there was no reason to lie.

"Then, have fun."

If I had known that I would hurt myself on the way meeting Howon, I wouldn't have tag along. What a freaking day it was for me to have so much bad luck. I seriously just wanted to go home but I promised Busan guy. I couldn't let him down. He never let me down either. I was that considerate to remember that.

How I hurt myself? I simply tripped on the stairs at the station. It wouldn't have happened if I had meet Howon at our bus stop but he texted me to come to district Gangnam. That was why I managed to trip. It was just that I was sometimes clumsy as hell. I hated my dad for that. He was the same.

With a hurting ankle I walked to that Busan guy in front of me. He was leaning on a wall while wearing his earphones to listen to hip hop music. I noticed how his whole body moved to the rhythm. While I watched him bopping his head to the music from afar, I noticed he wore casual clothes for the first time. Actually, it was the first time I met him outside from school. His body was covered with a flashy tshirt and a even more flashier jeans jacket. From his neck hung a necklace I couldn't actually see its shape. With his black jeans and the sneakers he completed his outfit. I was stunned. I never knew he could look like a Korean idol. He was handsome already, that I was sure of. When I wasn't beside him during breaks, all the girls would try to hit on him. Maybe I'm exaggerating but he indeed was popular. Now with those clothes, he could also attract fashionable Seoul women on the streets of Gangnam.

I noticed I was staring a bit too much when he turned his head to me. With smile, he was the one who approached me. "Hey."

I tried surpressing my laughter since the whole situation was kind of weird. It was like we actually met up for a date. Since it was just the two of us. But that wasn't the actual case. "Your accent is funny."

He gave me one of the biggest stare that wasn't that y and frightening at all since the ends of his lips were slightly tugged upwards. He, too, tried to surpress his smile. "I'm not going to show you the dance battles."

"Aw, Busan guy. I just want to learn satoori, too. I'm not making fun of y-" I walked some steps closer to him to slap his arm playfully, but I actually forgot that I hurt my ankle which was why I slightly tripped forward towards Howon's direction. I was able to balance myself even without Busan guy's help but I couldn't avoid him not noticing my pain.

"Are you hurt?"

I looked at his worried expression when he asked me that question I knew the answer of. For a moment, I thought it was cute and I wanted to pinch his cheeks, telling him I was fine. That was what I did then. Not pinching his cheeks but telling him I was okay.

"No, I'm not."

But his stare showed me he didn't believe me. Actually, I wouldn't have believed me either. But I needed to lie. I didn't want him to worry. I hated it the most to make people worry about me. Everything began already when Howon stuck his nose into my business with Woohyun. When he just wouldn't stop worrying about me. I had to lie for his sake. With my twisted ankle, we wouldn't be able to reach the underground battles in time. Since it was already late and I actually missed the train I initially wanted to take. Therefore, I had to ride the next one and Busan guy wasn't even mad at me for coming so late. I couldn't burden him any more.

"Are you hiding something from me again?" His stare was fixed one me while my glance lowered down to his neckline. "I told you already, don't keep secrets from me."

He suddenly knelt down in front of me to check up on my ankle. Why he knew where I was hurt was a mystery to me, too. Maybe it had something to do with his animal instincts. He knew this things I couldn't even grasp. I had to put my hands on his shoulders for support since he lifted my feet from the ground. "Howon-ah, this is awkward. Can you please stand up?"

People were already staring at us as if we were monkeys in a zoo. I was reminded of the incident with Myungsoo at the restaurant where we looked like a couple teasing each other. Here, Busan guy and I looked like a pair of idiots confessing their love to each other or even proposing. "Are you stupid? Really, look at your ankle. It's swollen."

"Dude, stand up. People are watching." I raised my voice a little for him to actually hear me. He actually noticed the situation when he looked around to find people staring at him kneeling down in front of me. It was embarassing. He must have felt the same since he quickly stood up, his ears turning red.

"Can you go?" He asked me in a soft voice, pointing at my ankle.

"I managed to came here, didn't I? I will be able to walk to the dance battles, Busan boy." I showed him my smile as he put one of my arms around his neck for support. At first, I struggled from his grab, wanting him to let go but he didn't back off and I found out in the end that it was actually comfortable to lean on him. Therefore, I just allowed myself to accept his help this time for comfort.

Was it cliché for him to be helping me? Oh yeah, it was. I couldn't help but find the scene similar to those in mangas. It would have been even more cliché, if that person supporting me with his shoulders had been my first love instead of my going-to-be male best friend. Thus, it wasn't as cliché as it might sounded. He would sometimes let go off my arm to tease me. I guess, mangas wouldn't show these scenes, would they? In mangas, the so-called princes weren't like Howon. When I almost tripped the second time because he let go off my arm, I gave him the biggest stare I had in store and he stopped the teasing.

It became even weirder when he told me to get on his back. He complained to me that it was too difficult to walk like that, so he wanted to piggy-back me. I refused to but he told me that I was already carried by him that way and I shouldn't feel shy suddenly. He said to me that I was the one who made everything awkward so I needed to stop worrying. He told me he saw me as a guy anyways so it didn't mean anything to piggy-back me. He even added he wouldn't be able to tell the girl he liked to get on his back. He was able to do it in front of me because we were only friends. Since his way of argumenting was kind of convincing, I gave in.

I remembered the scene back on the first days of school when he carried me to the infirmary because I coughed and almost threw up. Howon and I sat on the ground in front of the cinema, leaning against the wall while our ice cream. He told me we wouldn't make it to the battles so he suggested to watch a movie instead but the movies we wanted to watch were either sold out or already starting. I felt bad for hindering him to participate in the battles so I bought us ice creams. He returned my compensation with a smile, saying it was okay.

"Let's imagine our own movie."

I stared at him in amusement for suggesting something as childish as this. "Yeah? Then, please begin."

"Once upon a time, there was a boy whose crush was that girl his best friend also liked."

I looked up at him, noticing his animal-like profile. To be honest, Howon wasn't the best looking guy but for some reasons, I found him attractive whenever he smiled. He really was handsome when he showed me his pearly whites. "Why so much drama?"

"Because they are the best." He turned to face me, a smile creeping on his lips. "Your turn."

"Mhm..." I placed a finger on my chin to think of how to continue. There were so many ways to proceed in this kind of a story. I didn't know which one to take. I actually first expected him to start a dance movie like Step Up but instead, he began with a tragic love-friendship story. "That boy never told his friend, but instead kept it to himself, admired that girl from afar."

Howon raised an eyebrow at me. "Why so cliché?"

Upon seeing his laughing face I couldn't help but feel my lips tugging upwards, too. "Because you started off with something so cliché. Now, your turn, Sir."

"His friend was the type to persude his love. So he made a move on that girl and eventually started dating her." Busan guy faced me again, urging me to continue.

"That boy could only watch them being all cheesy, wishing them the best even though he didn't mean it." I saw Howon next to me distorting his facial expression and wiping an imaginary tear away.

"And when his best friend suddenly died in a car accident..."

"Wait, what? Already this kind of turn?" I looked at Howon in disbelief that someone as fierce as him could actually think of those tragic turns. He never looked like someone who was able to cry to me. When he just shrugged it off, gaining a chuckle from me, I finished his sentence. "That girl approached him, wanting to date him."

"And he did. They started dating until the face of his best friend appeared in his dreams. Until he regretted."

"Until he realized his best friend was still his best friend and he couldn't betray him." I myself wasn't able to grasp the fact that Howon and I just created our own tragic movie. Even though there might be already stories like that since most of the people prefer watching these cliché ones, I still couldn't help but actually feeling touched by this story. I suddenly imagined the whole scene in front of me. How that boy lied to his friend, saying he never liked that girl. How he suffered because of them being a couple. I was glad that Eunji and I weren't in love with the same guy. I was glad that she didn't like Woohyun or else, I wouldn't have known how to deal with it. And what kind of role I would be in my story. The best friend who started dating the girl or the boy who watched from afar, hurting.

The night got colder as I walked side by side next to Howon. He wanted to accompany back home since it was pretty late and it was his fault for forgetting the time. We initially wanted to take the bus 2 hours ago but we missed it since Howon didn't keep an eye on his watch and I haven't worn mine today. Our arms occasionally brushed against each other as we walked further down the road near my neighborhood. I almost jumped out of fear when a cat sprang out of the bush. Busan guy laughed at me for being so easy to scare as I slapped his back several times until he shouted at me to stop.

As silence engulfed us and the only sound we heard was the wind brushing against the leaves of the tree. He was the first one to speak up.

"What was your first impression of me?"

That caught my attention. My eyes locked with his as we both stopped in our tracks. For some reasons the whole scene seemed like confession to me. When he noticed my blank face, he chuckled, calming my anxiety down. "I'm just wondering. I have asked Sunggyu and he told me I seemed like the type to get many girls. I wanted to know your opinion." The next thing he added got my heart jumping a little. "Bestie."

"Well" I began, followed by a long pause to build suspense as he waited for my next words. "I thought you were quite different. Jumping into the building through the door. Catching everyone's eye by bursting into the classroom. And then there is your Busan accent. You were different from the very beginning, Busan guy."

He nodded slowly in understanding, puckering his lips little. "And when I helped you, Angelina-Jolie-lips?"

He recently started this habbit of his. To call me Angelina-Jolie-lips. Ever since we once remembered the scene with the peanuts and ever since he just couldn't stop laughing upon remembering my lips back then, he started teasing me. "I thought 'That guy must be a nice person.'"

He raised an eyebrow at me, narrowing his eyes. "That simple?"

"Then what about you, dude? I bet your first impression of me was really simple and stupid."

"I thought you were scary."

I began to slap his back again, feeling the urge to struggle him, too. There was no use in talking with him about these kind of things since he was a direct person who always told the truth. Thus, you never got anything nice out of his mouth. "Why don't you try to lie a bit? No need to tell me the truth, idiot."

We both started laughing. Even though we bickered, even though we argued daily, it was the friendly kind of fighting. We never meant it. We were those kind of friends who insulted each other without harsh feelings. I never held a grudge against him for calling me or Mr. Bean. He never minded me giving him names like Busan guy or idiot. We were those kind of friends.

"Oh my, Hana is back." We heard a voice calling from the opened door next to us. "And her boyfriend brought her home."

We were too busy to argue that we didn't notice we actually arrived at my house already. Well, I did notice and I was about to tell him until he started the whole first-impression-thing. That was when I totally forgot about it. "Grandma, I told you hundred of times already, Howon is just a friend."

"Hana, don't talk like that to your grandmother." My mom appeared behind the door as she pushed it wider open. "Howon-ah, nice to see you here. Thank you for walking our daughter back home."

Busan guy next to me bowed slightly, smiling at my family. "No need to. It was too dangerous to let her walk alone."

I stared at him in disgust. He acted like a gentleman in front of my parents while he just said I scared him. As I mumbled incoherent words under my breath, I noticed how my grandmother motioned Howon to walk to her. "Can that handsome boy give his grandmother-to-be kiss?"

"Grandma?!" I yelled at her, stomping towards my entrance door while feeling disgusted even more. I noticed how even Howon felt awkward in the situation as he started laughing weirdly. "Stop that. Howon, you can go home. Thank you for today."

I tried to rush him to go away since I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. Even I felt embarassed about the whole thing. I knew he did, too. When he bowed politely before walking off, I sighed in relief. That whole day was strange enough for me. When I looked at the ground, I saw patches placed on my ankle.

Maybe I should add that nail polish remover to my Woohyun reminders. So I could think of that moment with him as I actually touched his hands. As I tried rubbing the glitter off. I just hoped that I could get closer to him. That one day, he would be able to understand my feelings. That he would accept them. I just hoped that that day would come soon. But it didn't. There were still so many things that happened before Woohyun would notice me. But I still waited patiently for that day to come as I closed my eyes and drifted into sleep.

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