Reply Ten

Sometimes things just don't work the way you want them to. Sometimes, you are so happy, so excited, you have that fluttering feeling, but one event can destroy everything. Sometimes, you think the world is perfect and you could die happily. But then, you encounter some mishaps, some failures and you need to build your happiness anew. Back in Autumn 2008, I thought my life couldn't have been better. I thought Woohyun serenading in front of me because I asked him to was enough to keep me happy until year 2009. The whole time he kept eyecontact like it was the most natural thing in life. He stared deeply into my eyes that I even had to look away. I had to pretend to listen to him singing with closed eyes. The only reason as to why I closed my eyes was because I got nervous under his stare. But because happiness was something instable, I wished I had enjoyed the moment with him for some seconds longer. I never knew the next time I was that close with him wasn't in the near future.

My mom woke me up this Saturday morning with a sad tone. I didn't understand why she even shook me awake in the middle of the night. It was still 4am when I opened my eyes, groaning. It was the weekend. I wanted to sleep longer, dream longer about Woohyun. But the tone my mother used told me it was something important.

When I changed into casual clothes, my parents already waited for me downstairs. My grandparents were still sleeping, when we exited the house without making much noises. They still didn't explain why I had to wake up early this morning. But since the atmosphere kind of forbade me to speak up and pose a question, I pulled my hoodie up and tried sleeping in the car. Ever since the talent show when Woohyun sang that song by Kim Hyunsik, I immediately asked my parents whether they had his CD. Apparently, they indeed had one, thus, I listened to it ever since. It reminded me of that sweet memory of Woohyun next to the dumpster. It was my reminder since I never gave it back to my parents.

I noticed the car stopping as my mother gently shook me awake. Her gloomy eyes supporting the fact she probably haven't slept enough, as she softly whispered to me. "Honey, let's go."

When I looked around, I noticed we were at the hospital. It was strange enough that my parents woke me up this morning at around 4am, but when I realized where they drove me to, I finally understood. My father spoke up, confirming my assumptions. "Your aunt isn't feeling well. Please don't argue with her today."

I knew he knew. Everyone in our family knew about the conflict between her and me. They would have been stupid, if they hadn't. My aunt and I, we never tried to keep it a secret. We only buried the hatchet because we were considerate persons who didn't want other family members to feel uncomfortable around us. That was something we agreed on. I nodded at my father, as we entered the white building.

"I'm fine. Don't worry."

She looked absolutely fine to me, too. was full with hospital food, consisting of vegetables or whatever it was. I couldn't comprehend the fact why my parents had to make it dramatically. It wasn't even bad. She was still energetic. I noticed when she stuck her tongue out at me, as we entered her room. She was fine.

"Don't lie." It was my father who has finally spoken up when before, it was only my mother who talked with her sister-in-law.

"I'm not lying." She retorted back. For a moment, she actually looked like a teenager talking back to her parents.

"Don't you know that mother and father will worry if they find out that your condition has worsened?" I never experienced my father raising his voice in front of someone else besides me. He never talked louder than usually when he was outside.

"I said I'm fine."

My mother suddenly pushed me to the door, urging me to go out. Since it even scared the hell out of me that my father looked like he was about to hit my aunt, I decided not to refuse. I couldn't imagine that it was actually that serious. Since just some weeks ago, that evil was insulting me, arguing with me. She had the energy to stick her tongue out at me. I couldn't imagine she would actually be weaker by day.

Outside, I sat on one of the chairs, situated in front of my aunt's room. I played with my phone, texted Eunij that I was currently visiting my aunt and sent a reply to Howon who has asked me whether I wanted to watch the dance battles underground. I never understood what he meant with underground and I was dying to know and witness good dancers, but I had to reject his offer. Since I couldn't just go home. Only when I noticed people approaching me, I averted my glance away from my phone.

"Oh, Hana-sshi." The woman in front of me smiled shortly at me. "Is your aunt in there?"

I nodded, recognizing her as Myungsoo's mother. And since she was here, he couldn't be far. Handsome boy proved me right when he turned around the corner, noticing me. It was my second time seeing him in casual clothes. This time, he wore a black plaid shirt with black jeans. I never thought black could look so good on guys. Since I liked the color red ever since I've seen Woohyun wearing one.

"Myung, stay here with Hana-sshi. I'll be back in a few minutes." With that, she disappeared behind the closed door. I never understood why people said that last sentence. Oftentimes, they needed an hour or longer but they still insisted in promising us only a few minutes.

"How is she?" Myungsoo spoke up, after having taken a seat next to me on the chair. 

"Fine. That's what she said." I smiled at him, appreciating the fact that he actually cared. Even though his mother never mentioned my aunt when I was at their place - which was utterly suspicious - she shrugged my doubts away today when she appeared around the corner to look for her.

"I never knew it was Sooyun, you talked about."

I looked at him, eyebrows furrowed. I never knew he was that close with my aunt that he even spoke of her without any honorifics. What surprised me even more was that he actually remembered what I told him back then when we first bumped into each other at this hospital. That he still remembered that I told him about my monster aunt. "You know her?"

"My mother is still close with her. She occasionally took care of me when I was younger." He looked in front of him, his hands intertwining with each other. "Don't bully or laugh at me, but I once had a crush on her as a kid."

I stared at him for some seconds, mouth wide open and eyes widened. It was like a parallel world. Like everything that was familar to me turned out to be absurd. Who in the world could love my monster aunt? Well, Myungsoo mentioned crush but I still couldn't comprehend it. 

"Please fix your expression. I'm embarrassed." He turned his head away from me, facing the other direction.

"But it's incomprehensible to me." I retorted back, still not buying what he just confessed to me. "She is..."

"She was beautiful in my eyes."

I stared at his profile for awhile longer. My perception of the world was that pretty people always liked pretty people. That was why it was clear to me when Hara's boyfriend appeared. I knew exactly that they matched. They were in the same league, whereas Myungsoo - the most handsome guy after Woohyun at our high school - had a crush on my aunt - the ugly monster? I just couldn't understand that he actually found her pretty. "Myungsoo, you really only look at the heart, right?"

"Wouldn't it be strange to say she is still beautiful to me?"

"Wait, what? I didn't mean it like that. I mean..." I sighed, noticing that the whole conversation wouldn't lead to anything at all. "Forget it."

Even though we forgot the whole subject about him actually having liked my aunt - that monster - my thoughts couldn't throw away the topic. Not only was my aunt much older than he was, she was ugly as well. I knew, what Myungsoo meant was simply that he found her attractive as a kid. I mean, even when I was younger, the kindergarten teacher couldn't help but emit a beautiful aura that I quickly caught. I understood that much. It wasn't the fact that Myungsoo liked an older woman in his childhood that bothered me. It was the woman he talked about who bothered me. For me, every man who actually liked my aunt was weird. 

"I know a place where we can pray for her."

What were the occasions for Myungsoo to be saying that to me? Well, my parents and his mother told us kids we should go home first. I almost flipped out when they conveyed that information. They woke me up in the middle of the night for nothing. My aunt was fine, she ate enough. I couldn't understand why they even made a big deal. So they gave us some money to go home. My mother apologized to Myungsoo's mother for almost hitting him with the car. The whole situation turned out to be funny suddenly. They started laughing about the whole incident. Even Myungsoo laughed along but my lips were pressed into a thin line. Not because I tried surpressing a laughter. But because I really wasn't in the mood to be laughing. It was like my parents trolled me.

Why Myungsoo wanted to pray? I didn't know. It somehow seemed as if he was some religious boy but I couldn't be sure. I didn't know him enough. I didn't even know why I agreed to go. Maybe because I couldn't fall asleep anyways even if I tried. Thus, it didn't matter whether I went home or not. 

We both waited for the train to arrive. He told me the journey would only take half an hour. I was glad since I didn't actually like taking the train. Sitting next to him on the bench made me realize how much I wanted Howon to be here, too. It wasn't like I dislike Myungsoo's presence. I really adored this guy, he was cute in his own way. But I still prefered Howon. It was like ranking Eunji and Hara. And like I already said, I always put Eunji before everyone else. Sometimes, there are times where you have nothing to say to the other person. It was especially with Myungsoo. But I blamed it on his reserved nature. I was glad that it wasn't Sunggyu, since he really annoyed me. Myungsoo was a man with few words but I couldn't dislike him because of that. Since some people talked too much, displaying the complete opposite. I guess, I probably was a demanding girl. I only needed few friends which was why I avoided Sunggyu even though I could have befriend myself with him. Even though one could have accepted their tiny flaws. But I just didn't even make the effort. Myungsoo was something in between. I wanted to stay friends with him but it needn't to be close ones.

I heard some loud guffaw at the train station, as I turned my attention the noise. Myungsoo did the same as we both noticed the uniform they were wearing. It wasn't exactly our school uniform, but the logo had the name written on it. They were the football players of our school. We didn't pay much attention to them afterwards, as Myungsoo asked me whether I wanted something to drink. I nodded, already thanking him for doing the task. When he disappeared, I heard a voice becoming louder by the time. I put up the most y glare I had in store to throw it at the students who were too loud. But before I actually did, his precious smile faced me. He didn't recognized me since he was too busy talking and laughing with his friends. But I did. I could even notice him with blind eyes.

I mentally slapped myself for wearing an ugly hoodie, paired up with worn out sneakers - not the red ones I kept as a reminder - today of all days. I seriously had to look like crap today, the ends of my hair curled into some messy hairstyle. I blamed myself for having slept without actually drying my hair completely. Even though my hair was long, it still looked ugly with those locks. Immediately, I pulled my hoodie up, covering my hair. I didn't want Woohyun to see me like that. I didn't want him to remember me as a fashion terrorist. He already saw - and noticed - me with casual clothes outside school and they weren't that pretty either. I know, I couldn't care less about other's opinion. But on the other hand, his opinion was really important to me.

I hid myself behind a pillar, still fixing my eyes on my first love. Judging their clothes, I bet they were going for training or they already did and were about to go out for some ice cream (?). Even if he already sweated like a pig, he still looked good. Even if he smelled strange, his scent was still pleasant. Maybe it was strange and a bit creepy to admit that but I seriously liked every side of him. 

"What are you doing?"

I flinched upon hearing a voice behind me. To my luck, it was only Myungsoo who returned back from the vendince machine. He was holding two cans of soda in his hands as he stared at me with furrowed eyesbrows. I tried changing the topic, since I seriously didn't want a third person to find out about my love for Woohyun. "When will the train arrive?"

"In 10 minutes." He answered after looking at the clock above us. Well, that meant 10-minutes-hiding-from-Woohyun for me.

We finally arrived at the place Myungsoo wanted to show me. To be honest, I seriously was a patient person. Even though sometimes I lost my temper, I still agreed to follow that Handsome boy to whatever place he wanted to show. I mean, he could have been a murderer or something similiar. He could have killed me. But I trusted my instinct in knowing people. And Myungsoo was surely not even the slightest suspicious. He really had a good heart. He proved me by admitting he actually once liked my aunt. This thought still made me shudder again, goosebumps appearing on my skin. And that, not only because the weather gold colder.

"It's there."

He pointed at a wide field with a river suituated right where it ended. We knew it was still morning when we noticed the sun finally shining through the clouds. Even though I knew at what Myungsoo's index finger was pointing, I still couldn't grasp the fact why he would pray on an emtpy field where not even one soul lingered. In the end, he actually meant the temple behind the trees. I couldn't believe he actually brought me to some forest. I wasn't petty when it came to nature but I seriously disliked it whenever I got mosquito bites. Thus, I hoped that I wouldn't get any since it was already autumn. Too cold of a weather.

We knelt down on the floor, grasping our hands together and prayed for my aunt. I wasn't even sure what to say in my mind. I knew she was fine so why praying for her health? But in the end, I gave in to Myungsoo who seemed really serious when  I turned my head to him. He had his eyes closed, his profile looking like those of manga characters. I couldn't believe he actually looked so handsome. For a moment, I even believed he looked better than Woohyun. What I liked the most about Myungsoo was, that he wasn't conceited. When I hung out with him, telling him every girl was secretly staring at him, he told me he found his friend Sungyeol much handsome than himself. He told me he wasn't that handsome at all. I doubted, he was saying that because he wanted me to confirm his thoughts with "Oh, no. You look much better." I doubted, he was someone like that. Hell, only girls did that. Insisting in themselves being fat when in fact they only wanted their friends to deny it. Hypocrites.

What I said to my aunt? I prayed for her health. But not only that. I also begged God to let her find love. I really didn't want her to stay such a wreck but instead, find her Mr. Lee and that sort of thing. So she wouldn't bother me anymore. With a more serious face and a heart that fluttered upon remembering his face, I also prayed for God to listen to my dreams. To finally, bring us together. To finally, make him fall in love with me. I wasn't a girl who pursued her love openly. Howon knew, Hara knew. They knew that I never openly expressed my feelings. Hell, it was the most difficult task to express feelings. I just couldn't. I would get embarrassed. Not even did I ever tell my parents that I loved them without laughing my off right after.

We exited the temple with good hearts, putting our shoes on which we had to take off previously before entering. I asked what Myungsoo had in his bag when I first noticed that he was carrrying one. He told me before his mother urged him to tag along to see my aunt he was about to go out with Sungyeol and Femme boy. I eyes him suspiciously, trying to find out why he even met with them that early since even now, it was only 1pm. He answered my question without having me to ask. "Sungjong wanted to see the sun rising."

Of course someone as feminine as him would choose to do such a thing during weekend. I mentally slapped myself for not already expecting that. Then, without to repeat my previous question, he pulled a camera out of his black bag. The glowing expression told me he really liked taking photos. I wondered whether he stored self-taken picture of him in there, but I never asked. 

He has asked me whether I wanted to discover this town since it was probably my first time being here. The fact that they had the best kimchi made me stay longer. Apparently, he liked kimchi as much as my father and I did. Therefore, we entered the shop with kimchi jjigae. And I'm not lying but that shop really sold the best food ever. Even in 2013, I still visited the shop until  I found out one day, that it has closed. You can only imagine how disappointment was etched on my face.

"Kim Myungsoo." I began as we both finished our food, resting a bit after filling our stomache full. "What kind of photos do you take?"

Now that I thought about it. Didn't he and I look like a couple having a date in a food shop? I mean, as an outsider I probably would have thought it. Since we smiled to each other lovingly, not because we indeed liked each other in a mutual way but because we joked about things. Because he kind of entertained me with his weird behavior. Let's just say, he was a randon guy.

"These kinds of." He placed the camera in front of his eyes, as his index finger pushed the release button. I reacted too slow while he already took a photo of my ugly self. I threw my arms in front of my face to cover only after the flashlight already disappeared.

"Myungsoo-yah! I look like crap today. DELETE IT!" I leaned forward to grab his camera. I mean, I seriously looked like a mad woman on that day. Since I couldn't even prettify myself, since I never imagined to meet him at the hospital. It was unfair, I didn't even prepared myself for that.

"Why? You look cute in that." He wasn't even joking. I couldn't find any trace of a smug smile or a laughter on his face. He didn't even blink his eyes when he told me I looked in that photo. He really meant it and for the first time, my heart started beating rapidly in his presence. Because a guy complimented me. Even though I never cared about guys' opinions of me ever since I saw my male classmates reading magazines, he still managed to make my heart flutter. I mean, which girl wouldn't like it?

He let me glance on the display of his camera, as I looked at my own self. My hair was messy, I had dark rings under my eyes. I looked like crap. I seriously looked like those celebrities without make-up on. "MYUNGSOO! You were lying. Look at that face. Look at my undereye bags."

"But I like this picture. It shows you in a natural pose. I prefer them over peace signs." He explained to me, refusing to delete that photo of me. I partly agreed with him. Duckface, peace sign, pouting lips. I hated those kind of poses. I knew, especially Asians did that on photos. I never counted myself in that category. Well, I never really liked taking pictures but when I had to, I would only smile.

"You can keep it if you promise me not to show anyone." With that, he smiled happily at me. I wondered why I never noticed how cute he was. I always thought he was a cold person who didn't have a personality. Who only looked good but when people looked under his mask, they would find nothing. That trip to a random town 30 minutes away from Seoul proved me wrong. He was mysterious to be honest. Even though, I was able to see through him in the beginning, it wasn't possible anymore. He still had so much around him to find out. He was satisfied alone with a photo of myself that he has taken. He emitted some cool aura whenever he fixed his eyes on something. He was humble. He wasn't conceited. If I hadn't met him at the hospital, I probably wouldn't have wanted to be close friends with him. I don't know, maybe the whole trip with just the both of us brought us together. A trip fawaway from the people we knew. It sounded kind of romantic. But I really didn't feel that way towards him, neither did he.

Out of all days, it had to rain today. It had to rain exactly when my hair looked like crap. The pouring drops made it look even worse. We immediately found a shelter to wait until the rain stopped. To our luck, it was also the train station since we wanted to go back. It was already 4pm when we decided to go home. Myungsoo has taken photos of the scenery and delivered a greeting from that giraffe boy. He has apparently called him to ask where he was at the current time. I have given Myungsoo a glare, not to say that we were together since it was still strange. They probably already thought we were dating. But he hasn't gotten my message. He told his friend truthfully that we were together. Even I have heard that giraffe boy's hollering screams until a y tone took over.

Now, we were sitting on stools, in front of us a wooden desk, as we both listened to the drumming of the rain. My hair was a bit wet just like Myungsoo's. We weren't close enough at the train station to prevent our clothes from getting soaked by the rain. I supported my elbows on the table as I put my head on my palm to rest a little. We were running like idiots to find shelter ever since it started raining. Myungsoo tried to fix his bangs when I noticed how some strands of his hair stuck up. I couldn't help but giggle at the sight. Even though, he probably was older than me by half an year, he still acted like a kid. That was something I found out during this trip.

I pushed his hands, that were still trying to fix his hair, gently away, as I helped him straightening. He even leaned a bit forward for me to have better access. From outside, it probably indeed look like we were a couple. Especially since we had so much skinship, but it was purely based on friendship. It wasn't even romantic to me. My heart didn't thump faster when I realized I was that close to him. It wasn't even awkward anymore. We were just two friends helping each other. "Done."

He thanked me by curling his lips upwards. I returned his gratitude with a slight smile, as we both started looking at something else in front of us. I previously mentioned I prefered Howon's presence near me but after this trip,  I actually liked Myungsoo's. The way we both treated each other like siblings. Yes, we could be counted as siblings instead of boyfriend and girlfriend. While Howon slowly became my male best friend, Handsome boy succeeded in obtaining the brother title. I know, siblings are much closer to each other than friends. But it was only the fact that we cared for each other that made me think of Myungsoo as a brother. Howon on the other hand was my best friend because I told him everything. Because I always turned to him when I had to face problems. Things siblings of different genders wouldn't always do.

"When will this freaking rain stop?" I directed my words to the sky, feeling the urge to stomp like child. I wanted to see the sunlight. It always lifted up my mood.

"But I like the rain."

I stared at him, eyebrows furrowed. His answer was like math to me. I coudn't comprehend at all. "Why?"

"I don't know. It's just really beautiful."

That was his answer, but I couldn't help wondering if he meant something else. Maybe we indeed were friends now and thus, we couldn't tell each other everything on our mind. When we first met and he told me about his insecurities in trusting his friends, we were strangers. We never thought we would actually talk on a daily basis. Since talking to stangers and admitting the truth was always easier than telling friends. But maybe I was overinterpreting things. Maybe I just tried to read between the lines when the meaning was already conveyed by the printed words.

At the end of the day, I have gone over to Eunji's place to watch Big Bang's performance. Now that I look back, I feel like I have been negleting her back then. Like I haven't pay much attention to her. Even the 17-year-old me has noticed that. Thus, I have hugged her on that day to bond with her some more. I have been busying myself too much with Woohyun that I almost forgot my precious best friend. It even feels I have been talking to Howon more daily than to Eunji. The problem back then was that because of the seat change, she hasn't been my neighbor anymore. I couldn't doodle in her textbooks anymore and make fun of the teacher. It was the change of seat and maybe the change of weather that caused our relationship to distance. That was why, on that rainy day - it still rained when I was already back in Seoul - I showed my affection towards her. And while we both have watched Big Bang performing on stage, I actually forgot everything around me. All I saw in this world was Eunji and me. My best friend and me, sitting on the comfy sofa.

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HOBABY's birthday!!!!

OMG!