Reply Eighteen

Winter 2008. Winter 2009. I never thought New Year would disappear as quickly as it appeared. I guess, nothing interesting happened back then since I couldn't quite remember what occured. I only remember that I called Hoya to wish him a Happy New Year and for some reasons, my heart started beating crazily when I heard him chuckle on the other line. His low chuckle always had that effect on me. Even now in 2013, whenever he calls me, I still feel goosebumps appearing on my skin. I remember how I texted Myungsoo as well, but I never received a response.

The highlight of my winter holidays was probably the announcement of my cousin staying over. I once mentioned how it was okay for me to visit a guy's house or room, especially when he was family. I think, it was during the getting-to-know state between Busan guy and me when he decided to walk me home, because I ate peanuts even though I was allergic to it. I once mentioned that I only visited a guy's home when he was a family member. I was refering to this cousin who arrived yesterday from Guri, Gyeonggi-do. Since he lived quite closely to Seoul, he sometimes visited us. But after awhile, he was busy with his own studies and he didn't have time to visit me. 

My maternal cousin used the guest room next to mine. He was only a year older than me, which was probably why we got along well. But instead of him acting like an older brother, he behaved even more childish than my classmates. Even though he was really naive, laughed a lot and couldn't even stand still for a minute, I still adored him. If I had to choose between him and Myungsoo, who hadn't replied to my text from New Year yet, I would definitely choose my cousin. If the choice was between my family member and Howon, I wouldn't know how to respond.

"Hanaegi, let's play outside with the snow." he interjected when I was about to text Howon. I rolled my eyes at him for appearing in my room without even announcing it. Even though my door was wide open, I still insisted in people telling me they were about to enter my room. But because my cousin dragged his one foot behind the other one, making those shuffling sounds, I was able to tell that he wanted something from me.

I probably never mentioned it before, but ever since my grandmother started calling me Hanaegi the whole family adapted this nickname. I was the youngest in the family on both sides. I didn't have any younger cousins, which was why I was treated like a baby by the elder ones. I actually hated it. I really hated it when they called me like that. Since I wasn't even childish to begin with. "Dongwoo, it's freaking cold. Why would I do that?"

He pouted slightly, before plopping down onto my bed right next to me. "What are you doing right now?"

He was indeed like a kid. My family should start calling him Dongaegi or Wooaegi. But after thinking of nicknames for my cousin, I was reminded of my first love. Because Woohyun's name started with the same syllable as my cousin's last one. I quickly waved him off my mind so I wouldn't blush in front of my family member, as I answered him. "Texting a friend."

"Hoya? Is that a dude?" He peeked over to have full view of my phone screen. "Is that your boyfriend?"

I slapped his shoulders, as I shook my head. Why in the world would everyone think I was dating Busan guy? We were just really good friends and by the way, I actually shipped him with Eunji and not with myself. I wanted my two best friends to like each other, to date each other. Even though it seemed impossible, I still hoped for that.

"Hanaegi, tell me about that guy you liked for years." he asked me calmly like it didn't affect anyone here. Like it didn't have an effect on me. Like I wouldn't blush upon hearing his question. But I did. I was embarrassed, I wanted to disappear suddenly. I wanted to flee from this situation. I was close to my cousin, but we never really talked about these things. Hell, I never even talked with Howon about this. Sure, he knew about my love for Woohyun, but we never really talked about it after the scene on the school roof. He never asked me strange things like how I started liking him or if I had ever imagined to be his wife. I wouldn't even tell him the truth, if he asked. It was okay to be the closest friends with a male, but I never really liked talking about other males with my male best friends. And just because Dongwoo was my cousin didn't mean I would actually make an exception.

"Who told you?" I inquired flared up. I once told his older sister, because she was always a cousin I could talk to regarding love issues. Especially since she was much older than me and she had experiences. But I never thought she would actually tell her younger brother, aka my cousin. I trusted her.

"Ah, wait-" Dongwoo started laughing suddenly, holding his stomache, as he tried to talk in between his laughter, "I was just joking, Hana."

"Huh?" I looked at him, confusion written across my face. Once he started laughing, it was difficult to understand him.

"I was just joking about the guy you apparently liked for years but now you gave it away by yourself. So it is indeed true." he explained, still laughing. With only one stupid - and innocent - action of him, he managed to catch me off-guard. He managed to make me tell him everything about my love life. He succeeded in making me to tell him about Woohyun and the first encounter with the ball in my face. I even told him about the romantic scene on the basketball field during the end of Summer. Hell, I even told him about my reminders and showed them to him. Strangely enough, Dongwoo sat quietly next to me, listening to my story. He wasn't hyperactive at all during the time I needed to tell him about Woohyun. He was seriously listening to me like he understood me well. I felt thankful that he promised me not to tell my parents or any other person. He didn't even laugh at me for falling in love so suddenly. He only said those following words that made me want to hug him with tears threatening to fall.

"You had a hard time, right?"

Dongwoo and I were walking aimlessly around Myeongdong, as his words replayed in my head. Did I have a hard time? Yes, it was difficult to love Woohyun. It was tiring at times, it hurt whenever he started liking someone but I stil managed to keep on liking him. It was so frustrating to love him. He never even thought of me as a potential girlfriend. I was just a friend to him, maybe even less. For the past three years, I liked him, but did I ever gain something back? I liked him secretly for so many years and yet, nothing really happened. Of course, I was closer than ever, we occasionally talked but nothing much changed after all. Sometimes, I was on the verge of giving up. When he started being interested to Hara, I really wanted to throw away all the feelings I had for him. It wasn't even normal anymore how much I liked him. How was I able to like him so much without hurting myself? Not at all. It hurt. Whenever I thought of how unreachable he was for me, it hurt. Whenever he smiled to another girl with those genuine eyes, it hurt. When he didn't pay attention to me as if I was invisible, it hurt. I couldn't even explain it, but my chest started tightening. It hurt to the extent of me crying myself into sleep. I never even told anyone, but whenever I was alone and had the time to think about Woohyun, I started crying. 

I hadn't seen him for weeks now. Ever since the winter holidays started, I hadn't seen him. I didn't even have his number. How was I able to contact him? Honestly, I wouldn't even dare to call him. I was too shy; I was scared he might reject me. Rejection hurt even more than just thinking of being rejected. The real deal was always worse.

"Hana, let's meet that Woohyun guy."

I looked to my cousin, scrunching my eyebrows together. Why would he propose something like that? Dongwoo indeed had some funny ways around him. He was unpredictable. I clasped my hands together, rubbing it against each other in hopes to warm them up. "Why should we do that?"

"I wanna meet him. I wanna see what he is like."

"As if it's so easy to meet him. If I could, I would." I responded, shrugging my shoulders. Currently, I just wanted to go into a mall, where warmth would engulf my body.

"Where does he live? Or do you know a friend of him who would know where he is?" Dongwoo asked me, not planning to let this whole first-love things off. "We could act like we coincidentally met him."

"His friend is working at Lotte Mart." The image of Sunggyu flashed in my mind, as I tried my best not to think too much of him. I really didn't want to know what kind of effects he had on me. Ever since we both learned to know that we worked at the same place, we became awkward. We would always work in awkward silence, hoping for our shift to end. We would talk when it was neccessary, but we tried our best to avoid conversations. Even our manager noticed our awkward relationship and asked us whether we broke up or something. Little did he know, he made everything even weirder for us.

"Then let's ask him." Without awaiting for my answer, he already pulled my hand and I trailed after him. I looked at his hand holding mine. I wasn't thinking of anything erted, I swear. I just realized how much we had grown up. When we were both kids, Dongwoo would always hold my hand when we walked back home from the playground. Back then, his hand was as small as mine. Now his hand could wrap itself around my own with ease. He even grew taller. When we were younger, he was as tall as me but now he surpassed me. I couldn't help but chuckle upon realizing that some things still hadn't changed even though years passed. I was hoping my friendship to Hoya and Eunji and my love to Woohyun would never change as well.

We arrived in Lotte Mart. It was our second time walking around aimlessly, hoping to find Sunggyu in the crowd of people. I didn't even know whether he worked today or not. To my luck, it wasn't my shift today. Dongwoo was looking around, eyes searching for a certain someone. It was funny how my cousin tried his best to find Sunggyu when he didn't even know how he looked like. I only told him Sunggyu's typical features like his small eyes and his plump lips. For some reasons, I even thought of his long eyelashes, but I didn't utter my thoughts to Dongwoo. I was too embarrassed enough that I even thought of such a thing.

We checked the snack section when I noticed brown-dyed hair with a touch of orange between the shelves. It was funny how easy it was for me to find someone I didn't like. And with luck, the person I liked would be there as well. I nudged Dongwoo to show him that the two people talking with each other were the ones we were searching for.

"That is Woohyun?" he whispered to me, when I started laughing. This was just ridiculous. When I wanted to find someone else than my first love, he was the one I would find along with the person I initially seeked. Why was he even there? I was caught off-guard. I couldn't grasp the fact that I indeed met my first love. During the first two week of winter holidays, I didn't have a chance to see him and now, like it was the easiest thing to do when you walked out, I was able to meet him. I was able to see his beautiful smile. I was able to hear his low laughter.

Before Dongwoo proceeded to walk to the both of them, I pulled him back, hiding in between the shelves. Now that I saw him, it was enough for me. I didn't even need to talk to him. It was enough for me to see his face. It was enough to know that his happiness didn't fade away. It was enough. I didn't need to know more besides that.

Dongwoo was pouting the whole day, because he didn't have the chance to meet my first love. He really wanted to initiate a conversation with Wooyun even though I wasn't even that close to him. On top of that, I wasn't really keen in meeting Sunggyu as well. It was okay to see him since I had the chance to meet Woohyun, but I really didn't want to talk to him. We were still awkward with each other and I kind of hated it. It was like he had an effect on me. I didn't want that. It was annoying me.

To my misfortune, I had to work the other day. What was even worse? Eunji had the day off, which meant awkward silence was going to greet me again. I knew he had to work on Saturdays just like me. And when I arrived at Lotte Mart, I was proven right. He really had to work today. I watched him doing his job for awhile. It was quite interesting to see him dedicating his mind and body to the task. He was actually quite hard-working. There was one day during the first week of winter holidays when we both had to work. Our manager announced the end of our shift, as we both proceeded in taking the same bus. It was actually the last bus, which stopped in Cheonggu and Hannam. There was an old lady, trying to cross the streets when he hurried to help her. I was watching him the whole time before I realized that I was smiling at the scene in front of me. Because of incidents like that I tried my best to avoid Sunggyu.

I was doing my job at a different place than his today when he suddenly approached me. It was unusual and somehow strange that he even initiated a conversation. I was holding my breath, prepared for the worst when he spoke up. "Howon just asked me to invite you to our football game."

I was confused for several reasons. First of all, I never told Busan guy that I was working at the same place like Sunggyu. I just didn't have the chance to, or rather there were more important things to talk about. Hell, I hadn't even meet Hoya since the winter holidays, we only texted each other. I was somehow missing his presence and I knew, if I met him today, I would need to explain some things regarding working with Sunggyu. Second, I never knew they were such close friends. Well, Woohyun and co. approached him first on the basketball field at our school, but after days passed I got closer to him than the guys did. I was sure Hoya was still close to them, but I never knew he would actually meet them during holidays, not to mention text them. Busan guy had some things to explain to me as well. Third... there wasn't a third.

"He asked you? Why not texting me himself?" I asked him, trying my best to understand the whole situation.

"He was about to do that when I told him that I could tell you in person." he explained, showing his phone screen.

I nodded in understanding when a certain person popped into my mind. "Can I invite someone?"

How were they able to find a place to play football during such a cold weather? I didn't know. Why they were able to play even though it snowed? I didn't know either. I was satisfied enough that I could watch Woohyun play even though we had holidays. It was enough for me to watch him sweat, give his best and win. I was reminded of the very first day I fell in love with him. I just hoped I wouldn't get a ball into my face this time.

I let my eyes wander from Woohyun to my older cousin. I invited him to tag along since I knew he liked playing in snow. Doing sports was even a plus. Dongwoo was athletic; he once won a competition during his primary school days in his hometown Guri. He beamed when I told him he was able to meet Woohyun. For some reasons, he really wanted to meet him. Maybe he was acting like an overprotective older brother to me. It was funnier how well he got along with Sunggyu instead. I knew Sunggyu was older than my cousin by half a year and Dongwoo actually treated him like an older brother. For the first time in my life, I experienced Sunggyu being treated with respect by a younger one. Woohyun never cared to be respectful towards him,  neither did Howon. I had the feeling my cousin was going to call him his friend.

Hoya was the next one to catch my attention. He actually wore shorts during this cold weather. If he fell onto the ground, I bet he would scream. Even I had to rub my gloved hands against each other to keep them warm. It was adorable how Busan guy wrapped his scarf around my neck when he noticed that I wasn't wearing one. It was even more adorable how happy he was too see me. Honestly speaking, I was probably even happier. I had to restrict myself from jumping into his arms. I tried to play it cool by hugging him. But I really missed him. I hadn't noticed until I saw his bright smile in front of me. During the whole time they prepared themselves by taking off their clothes - they wore their sport clothings beneath their casual clothes - Hoya stayed next to me. We hadn't met each other for two weeks. It was abnormal how much I had missed him during the first two weeks.

Sunggyu was talking with some girls who were sitting a few seats in front of me. I didn't even know who invited them. When Sunggyu told me about the football match, we waited for our shift to end. Afterwards, we took the bus to arrive here at this football field, which was when we saw those girls already talking to the rest of the guys. Even Hoya was talking to him. What irked me the most was that they tried flirting with Woohyun. I saw it in their eyes. They wanted him. I was furious at first, but when Busan guy noticed me all the problems and the girls vanished. I was really too happy to see him. But that hamster a few meters in front of me was talking to them like he was interested. I wondered why they even invited me when they already hung out with those girls. They weren't even Hara. I wished, Eunji and Hara were here instead of those girls. I even wished that Suji girl were here. Upon mentioning the name of Suji, I remembered Myungsoo who hadn't texted me back after New Year. It was somehow saddening. I felt disappointed for some reasons.

"Hanaegi, we are starting. Watch!" Dongwoo waved both his hands to my direction, beaming. He was indeed happy to be able to play with the boys. He once told me that he liked Seoul people. He said they were funnier, prettier and more laid-back. I wondered how the people in Guri were.

If I hadn't told the rest of them that Dongwoo was my cousin, they would have probably thought he was my boyfriend. Who else would call a girl aegi? Even the girls in front of me turned around to gawk at me. I hated their eyes. I hated how pissed they looked at me. They were the es, not me. They were the one who tried their best in attracting the guys' attention, not me. I was innocent. I liked Woohyun secretly. I never threw myself on him. I had my dignity. But I guess those girls lost theirs.

Needless to say that my eyes were focussed on Woohyun the whole time. He was playing football quite well, even better than basketball. I always mentioned how good guys looked when they played sports, Woohyun wasn't an exception. He was even better than good-looking. He was perfect in my eyes. Even though he said his eyes were small, he was perfect. Even though he said his lower teeth were crooked, he was perfect. I wasn't blind or anything since I did notice his flaws. It was just that I accepted everything about him. And with the way he always treated people, I fell even deeper in love.

When Woohyun kicked a goal, I jumped up cheering for him. Howon wasn't even in his team. Nor was Dongwoo in his team. Sunggyu and Woohyun with some other males of our high school formed the opposing team of my best friend and my cousin. But nevertheless, I was happy and I wanted them to win. I didn't even feel sorry towards Hoya or Dongwoo since my cousin wouldn't get sad over something trivial like that. Busan guy was different. He was someone who wanted to win, no matter what. But I didn't care at this right moment. I just saw Woohyun in the crowd of males who were as happy as he was, because he kicked a goal. I noticed Sunggyu looking to me, even Howon and Dongwoo noticed my behavior. In their eyes I saw amusement, betrayal and confusion?

They were having a break since Howon fell onto the ground when he was about to steal the ball from Woohyun's feet. Busan guy even bled for a moment until I had to rush over to help him. I even yelled at him for being so careless just because he wanted to win. I was slightly angry because he hurt himself. I told him that this was just a game and it wasn't even worth it to hurt himself. Ever since he was hurt by his father, I was more cautious and attentive around him. I cared more. I didn't want him to be harmed again. He didn't deserve it. That was why I was slightly mad at him for hurting himself. But he suddenly took my hand in his sitting position while I was standing next to him and squezzed it shortly.

I immediately relaxed my shoulders. I wasn't mad anymore. He was trying to tell me that he was fine and that I shouldn't worry too much. With that slight pressure he put onto my hands, he thanked me for caring about him. I gave in. He was too kind to me; he only saw the good sides of me. I treated his bruise while the others continued playing.

"You cheered for Woohyun's team, Hana. I feel disappointed." he playfully remarked, watching me place a band-aid on his bruise.

"You think I would cheer for someone who puts his life on the line for football?"

He chuckled at my retort, as his shoulders relaxed a little. We hadn't bickered for two weeks. It was refreshing to do so. "I never knew you worked with Sunggyu."

"Ha!" I met eyes with him, after finishing my duty on his knee, as I stood up, looking down on him while scoffing. "You never told me how close you were with Sunggyu and Woohyun."

"Even though I like to hang out with you, Hana. I'm a guy, after all. I need my guy friends." he replied jokingly.

"Then, let those guy friends of yours treat your bruises, Howon-sshi."

For a moment, we only stared into each other's eyes, not uttering a single word. For some reasons, it seemed like he was about to tell me something. But he didn't. He averted his eyes away from mine, as he watched the others playing. I took a seat right next to him, joining him. Sitting in silence next to each other while watching them play football confirmed my thoughts from before again. I indeed missed Busan guy.

"I need to tell you something, before you'll find out by yourself."

I turned all my attention to Howon, even though Woohyun was about to kick a goal. Just the way Busan guy started the sentence and the tone he used told me that it was something important. That I needed to pay close attention to him now. He didn't look happy either. He seemed rather hurt or sad about something. "Is it about your father?"

He shook his head, finally locking eyes with mine. "Sunggyu told me without knowing what an effect it had on me."

I was curious. It had something to do with Sunggyu? But why was it my business? Why did it even have an effect on Howon? I was filled with all these questions when Busan guy continued explaining.

"I think... Woohyun might be dating someone."

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Guess what day in Seoul is?

28|04|2013

Our leader baby turned 24!!! (or 25 in Korea)

Happy, happy birthday!! 

Yesterday night, I realized how much I like this guy.

I really thank God for creating this amazing human being.

His small eyes, his pouty lips, his long eyelashes (lol)

His smile, his laughter, his voice.

He is perfection, the way he is.

This dude makes me so crazy.

I think, I love him too much.

Alright, see you in the next chapter :DD

Thank you for all the subscribers and commenters and voters!!! Awesome chingus!!!

<3