Reply Four

Summer 2008. Call it the year of beginnings. The year of a new start. Whatsoever. When everything started. When my story began. When I got to know important people who are still present in my life now. Some friends had stayed with me until year 2013. Some of them had left during the downs of this rollercoaster ride of life. Still, I couldn't blame anyone. I'm living a proper life. I'm loving, I'm cherishing every part of life. Even though I have recently received a letter from an old friend, telling me she was going to marry, a phone call from someone who reported the death of one of my classmates in high school. Even though things like this happened that can make us smile and cry, I still choose to live on. Even in my next life, I still choose to be Son Hana. Because I lived here. I went to this high school. Because the people I met here taught me so many things. Even if I had cried during the times here, there were days where I had smiled, where I had laughed. That's why, I had learned to love.

It was August when Eunji had called me, saying she overslept. When she had told me to go without her. Of course, I did. Since I couldn't afford to be late, especially not in Mr. Chang's lessons. He had something against me. He would always scold me whenever the chance was offered to him. So I went without Eunji. My mom made me my lunch package for school, while I prepared myself. This time, I didn't put a flower onto my hair. It just reminded me of Sunggyu who had stolen my bag of peanuts that Woohyun had bought me. I didn't know why but everything I had done and worn last time reminded me of that idiot who had destroyed my Woohyun reminder. Meaning even my uniform reminded me of him.

I arrived at the bus stop where I recognized a familar figure, leaning against the pole. I asked myself whether to take the initiative and go to him or to stay at my place in the crowd since there was a slight chance that I might mistake him for someone I knew. I decided for the first choice and went to the guy. I wanted to scare him. But if I had already known back then that he was a witty guy who was suspicious of everything, I wouldn't have tried to scare him. No one could scare or trick him.

But I tried anyways and went to him, grabbing his arm from the right in a quick movement. He only stared at me with his furrowed eyesbrows. Like he was asking me what I wanted to achieve when it was done. My excited expression turned into a sour and bored one since my plan hadn't worked out. I was disappointed in the least that I hadn't managed to scare him.

"What were you trying to do? Scare me?" Howon or, like I prefered to call him, Hoya still looked at me with those judging eyes.

"You are no fun."

We entered the bus when it arrived and went to sit at the back. I don't know if it is still a teeny thing that those people who sit at the back of the bus are the cool kids. I remember that back then, teenagers around my age had always tried to sit here so they would be considered as the cool ones. Those who sat almost next to the bus driver were the losers. Howon lended me one of his ear buds from his IPod Nano. I remember that in September 2008, when the IPod Nanon forth generation had come into the market, Hoya almost flipped the table at our classroom. He had the same problem as Eunji and me. We had pleaded our parents to buy it for us and when they did, the next month another version came out. It was a bit different with Howon since he had used his own money to buy the IPod which had made the whole thing even more tier for him.

We listened to Usher's U Got it Bad. During the bus ride, I found out that he actually really loved R'n'B and Hip Hop. My assumption was confirmed when he told me that he liked dancing, too. I gave myself a pat on the back, praising myself for being a mankind whisperer. I never knew I was able to befriend with a male ever since the incident in our classroom where the boys had read magazines. I was so disgusted by them that I had never talked to them as close friends anymore. I had cut them out of my life since I was crept out.

Hoya suddenly waved to someone at the front that made me wonder who it was that he was being friendly to. I followed his eyes with my own and what striked me was the beauty of our school. It was that Goo Hara girl who had become popular ever since she had transfered to our school. I wasn't really friendly with her. I didn't hate her but I didn't like her either. I just didn't like the fact that Woohyun started liking her. I didn't care that she was popular with guys. I just needed her popularity with Woohyun and it would have been enough. I mentally slapped the Howon in my head since he had called her over. I thought to myself, why the hell my life consisted of a string of bad happenings. Of bad luck.

"I hope you don't mind. Since she is a nice girl. You'll get along with her." That was what he told me. But it wasn't easy. I think, I would have got along with her if not for the fact that she was Woohyun's matter of interest. I just prayed to God that he wouldn't let my temper jump out and make me scream at that innocent girl.

Before she had arrived at us, while I had still wondered why she had even agreed to go to Howon, when she had seemed like an ice princess who was unapproachable, I asked that Busan guy. "Since when were you guys such good friends?"

"Since I've met her here. I even have her number."

"You like her?" I widened my eyes. Not only was Woohyun interested. My new Busan friend, Eunji's male version, was interested as well. It didn't irk me as much as the fact that my first love liked her did. Since Howon was just a friend to me.

"No, not in that way. I'm only interested in music and dancing." Exactly because of answers like these, I pondered about him being homoual or not.

I couldn't actually hate her. Goo Hara, that is. She was beautiful, she had beautiful eyes. She smiled really prettily. Her voice was sweet and her personality as well. I just didn't know how to act in front of her, how to treat her. Especially since Hoya had told me something that I had already known. He had said that Woohyun was interested in this girl and he wanted to help him. I had just smiled at him as if I liked the idea but I didn't. I wanted to yell at him for helping a Woohyun but not helping a Hana who liked Woohyun for 4 years.

She smiled at me right after she had greeted Howon. I think, he thought I wouldn't notice. But I did. I noticed him catching glimpses of her. Well, she was beautiful. Even I couldn't help but glance at her occasionally. But that didn't stop me from being awkward to her. From secretly hating her even though she never did anything to me. I just didn't like the whole idea of my first love liking someone else. I was envious, I was jealous and I kind of hated that feeling. Always being anxious around Woohyun.

I was glad that Howon did the whole conversation thing. I just didn't know what to say since she seemed so nice and I secretly hated her. We soon arrived at the high school where we met many other students walking to the building. They were talking about the latest fashion, DBSK's music and the opposite gender. When we three - Howon in the middle, the girls next to him on each side - proceeded in going to our respective classrooms, we first passed by Hara's one. We stopped our tracks to bid her goodbye, me scanning the room. I noticed Woohyun right away. Who wouldn't? I was in love with him. There was a saying that went like that: A person in love will always find his crush, no matter when. Since that person has some special instict for that. Or something like that. I just remembered that my mom had once told me that when I had asked her how she had fallen in love with my dad. That was why my eyes easily found Woohyun whenever he was in the room. And thus, I watched him talking with Sunggyu. When I noticed his friend, I couldn't stop myself from making a disgusted face. I was seriously disgusted by him. Since he had stolen my bags of peanuts. I was an unforgiving person.

When we - or Howon, since I was too busy watching Woohyun - bid Hara goodbye, I noticed how my first love's eyes were fixed on her. How he suddenly didn't even listen to Sunggyu anymore. How he suddenly stood up and walked to her, not without nodding to our direction as to greet us. He stood in front of her seat, leaning in. I couldn't understand what they were talking about since the class was too loud. But I noticed Woohyun's smile and Hara's, too. At first, I thought she was a cold person but she seemed interested in Woohyun as well. My chest started hurting suddenly and I couldn't even stare anymore. I hadn't noticed that Sunggyu was watching me leave with Howon.

Do you guys know the feeling of being down the whole day? The feeling of just wanting to be dead for the moment? Of just sleeping the whole day away, hoping for tomorrow to be better? My workmate told me yesterday she felt down because her hair just didn't seem right. She felt ugly the whole day even though many guys swooned over her. She was the queen in our company. But the reason why I felt down on that day in Summer 2008 was because of something else. It was called Woohyun.

The whole day was freaking annoying to me. Eunji hadn't even gone to school. When I had called her after school, she had told me that her parents had needed her to deliver some things. I was mad because I'd had to hang out with Howon and Hara the whole day. Because apparently he couldn't leave her alone. She was the damn new beauty at our school. Who said she would be lonely? And right after that, my parents had told me to accompany them visiting my aunt. I knew she was an ill person for whatever reasons, but she was also a woman who hated me from the first time we had met eyes. I didn't know exactly why she hated me. But I hated her too. I hated her for hating me. We both just didn't get along and I hated to visit her and act like I actually cared for her. Cause I didn't.

I was in my parent's car as I listened to DBSK's Forever Love. I wasn't too sure why I even listened to a Korean group singing Japanese. It was just that especially Hero always seemed to be a Japanese for me. For me, the whole group looked like people from a manga. They were all beautiful and had a different charm to them. I loved Big Bang but I also liked DBSK. Back then, I wouldn't have thought that this popular group might go different ways. I had never thought that the group might not exactly disband but go pursuing different paths for the time being.

I was torn out from my thoughts when the car suddenly stopped abruptly. I almost choked on my own saliva when I noticed how my parents panicked. They stormed out of the car. I didn't understand the whole situation so I exited the car, too. There was my second time almost choking on my own saliva. A guy was laying on the streets. Damn, my parents had just hit a guy with their car. They cursed at no one in general as my father tried calling the ambulance. But I didn't notice any blood, spreadt on the ground.

", , ." My mom wouldn't stop cursing as I approached her to calm her down. I wasn't too sure what would happen next. If that guy would sue us or if he was already dead.

When he proceeded in standing up, I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. I felt relieved that we hadn't killed someone. I probably forgot to mention that I had choked on my saliva three times. That last time was when I saw his face. His beautiful face. The only guy who was almost - just almost - as good-looking as my first love. That face of a Adonis. It was that quiet guy from class 3 - 2. My parents had hit the handsome guy from class 3 - 2 with their car. That was gonna be awkward. I knew, it was gonna be awkward at school.

"Oh my god, you are alive. We are really sorry, please don't sue us."

I rolled my eyes. I couldn't believe my parents only cared about the money. They didn't make sure if he was okay. He slowly stood up as I walked to him, trying to check his body on bruises or pain. I noticed how his eyes widened when I approached him. He was exactly as I imagined him to be. Someone who was awkward to other people. Especially strangers.

"Are you anywhere hurt?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm fine."

"Should we drive you to the hospital?" I asked him just in case. He seemed a bit dizzy but I guessed he rolled off in time. The car probably hadn't really hit him hard.

"No, it's okay. I'm still alive." He smiled shortly at me, before turning to my parents. "Madame, Sir. I'm okay. Don't worry. I won't sue you."

I blinked a few times with my eyes. He had just smiled at me. And to top that, his smile was even more handsome than his expressionless face. I couldn't believe he had actually spoken to us in such a polite manner. Even though my parents had just hit him with the car. He was still polite and friendly to us. I didn't notice that I was staring at him as he went off not before biding us goodbye.

My aunt was staring at me. I couldn't believe my parents had actually left us alone. They knew exactly how much we hated each other but they had still insisted in talking with the doctor about the well-being of my aunt. Just by watching her glare at me, I knew she was fine. She had energy enough to glare at me. She was fine, for Pete's sake. But I wasn't. I didn't want to be left alone with that witch. I just hated her and she hated me as well. That was just how our relationship worked.

"Did you gain weight again?"

I rolled my eyes. She was trying to diss me. She wanted to make me cry. Even when I had been younger, she had always tried to make me cry. She was such a beast. "No, but did you forgot to stuck a finger into your mouth again? Wait, it smells like someone just threw up."

"Still no boyfriend?'

"Right back to you, my lovely 39-year-old aunt."

I remembered when I was 14 that she'd had a boyfriend. He was a friendly man which had been why I couldn't comprehend the reason for him to love such a monster. As far as I had known him, he hadn't been mentally ill nor had he been someone who had wanted her money. She had always asked my father, her brother, for money to spend it on stupid things. He hadn't even been ugly like her. I just couldn't understand why he would love her. One day, he had just left her. Back then, she jad been such a wreck. She had cried all day long. It wouldn't have bothered me that much if she had lived in her own apartment but when she had suffered under that heartbreak, my mother had insisted in her staying with us. I'd had to cope with that thing the whole day for 3 months. She would insult me even more and I couldn't retort anything back. My father had  forbidden me. He said I'd had to deal with that since she had been heartbroken.

"When they see your face, all the handsome guys flee away." My aunt remarked.

"When they see your face, they say: Mayday, mayday." I retorted back.

"When the vulture dies out, you are the most ugly creature."

"Not even the Ugliness contest accepts you since you are considered a pro." We could have continued insulting each other but my parents came back. That was always a sign to stop our enmity. We ended our fight with a glare that my parents didn't notice at all. To be honest, we both acted like two teenagers bickering because of a guy. But I was a teenager back then, whilst she was an adult. I shook my head when I saw her stucking her tongue out to me when my parents didn't look her way.

"The doctor said it's getting better. You need to rest more." My father began, massaging his temples,

"Do you need something? Hana will help you out." I stared at my mother, furrowing my eyebrows. Did she just tell my aunt that she could use me? Why hadn't my mother already sold me out? That would have been better.

"Of course." That monster smirked at me. I knew she had a plan. She wanted her revenge for insulting her earlier. I hated the fact that she was laying in a hospital bed. I was at a disadvantage because of that.

She had seriously told me to ask the whole hospital to find a man, called Mr. Lee. She had whined in front of my mother that she might have found her big love. That she had seen him outside when she had taken a walk. That he was handsomer than Won Bin, which I wouldn't believe. I bet, he didn't even exist. She just wanted me to suffer. I didn't even know why I agreed to do that. Probably because my father was glaring at me. Because he had that I-bought-you-the-IPod-nano-now-do-it stare on his face. I just couldn't disobey.

I passed by the nursery where the babies slept. I had to stop at my tracks to watch them. They were so cute and I couldn't help but giggle like an idiot. I imagined how my children would look like. If they would inherit my features or Woohyun's. I prayed to God, wishing my son to look like him. But then the image of Hara flashed through my mind and I left the nursery. All I saw was her pretty face. My day had been ty enough, okay? I had to notice that my first love flirted with the new beauty. I had to visit the aunt I hate the most. My parents had to almost kill the handsome guy from class 3 - 2.  And now I had to find a Mr. Lee who probably didn't even exist.

I suddenly crashed into someone on the hallway. I was going to yell and shout when I looked up and locked eyes with the very same person my parents had almost killed on the road. "Woah! Are you hurt after all?"

"No." He shook his head again just like moments ago. "Are you or your parents hurt?"

I chuckled at his worried expression. "No, we are just visiting my monster aunt."

He raised one of his eyebrows at me but when I didn't further the information, he just left it like that. I'm not sure why we even walked side by side back then. Why we suddenly decided to go together. I cannot remember. I only remember the moment he walked right beside me, our arms occasionally touching. I don't even remember what he was searching for. We were just walking down the hallway, looking at the names and the room numbers. Once in awhile, we would talk about school. I found out that his name was Kim Myungsoo. That he had many friends but he wasn't too sure if they were really close friends. He hung out with them in breaks and during lunch but he couldn't imagine himself telling them all his worries and problems. I told him that he was pretty popular among girls and he only chuckled, saying he wasn't that perfect as girls made him out to be. He told me he was possessive at times and clingy as well. It was my turn to raise an eyebrow at him. He told me that he never really noticed me, only when Eunji and I laughed loudly like idiots. He made me remember the moment in year 2 when Eunji and I had accidentally passed by his classroom while laughing our asses off. The whole class had stared at us as if we had been crazy kids. Even though Myungsoo seemed like a quiet guy at first, he actually talked much. Not as much as normal people but he talked, too. He wasn't that quiet at all. He was only quiet and shy to strangers, he told me. But since my parents had almost hit him and, thus, he had already got to know them, he said we weren't strangers anymore. He said his first impression of me was good enough for him to continue talking to me. This was how Myungsoo and I started our friendship. How we both cried and laughed, how everything started with him. Not with a letter, nor with a bag of peanuts but with a car crash.

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