WARNING: I had to put the author's note up here because I know from experience that people will google things they don't know about. 

The thing is I have mentioned something in here that shouldn't be googled by minors. Not that it is something bad or violent. When it had happened to one of the people in my surrounding, I was a minor as well. I had googled it and even looked at the pictures. Please don't do that. 

If you have looked it up, don't worry. It's not as bad as it sounds. That guy who had experienced that still laughs it off. At least in his example. I don't know about others. And it can happen to every male. Waking up and suddenly having it. 

I don't think it's forbidden to mention. It's like saying period. But if you do feel offended or burdened by it, let me know. Let me also know if this chapter should be marked as rated because of this one word even though I doubt it. 

Enough with my ranting, enjoy the chapter (I made you all curious, right?) and I already apologize for whatever beforehand because I have a feeling you guys are going to google it anyways even though I tell you not to. 

I warned you, kids and innocent unnies.

Oh and happy third anniversary to our Infinite babies!

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Reply Twenty-Three

It had been a while since I had last seen him. A few weeks ago, maybe. Or just a few days? I couldn't actually count the days anymore since I had graduated and hadn't been forced to wake up every Monday. Though, it had helped me to differ between a real Saturday and an illusionary one. The latter being the after-effect of sleeping in on every other day. Because I wasn't used to sleep until noon besides on weekends. 

So I had decided to pay him a visit. The reason to my behavior or my sudden decision was simply because I had missed him. I had spent most of my weeks with Eunji. Going window shopping in Myeongdong. Eating ice cream at our favorite parlor. Hanging out at a game center. We had caught up a bit after being drifted apart for months. Remembering the days where I had actually negleted my best friend were hard. I couldn't really forgive myself even though Eunji had already done so. I was really thankful for that. 

Being with my girl best friend had been amazing. It had been just like the old times when we had hung out after school to drink from milk bottles, bought at our neighboring supermarket. But as people always say you only miss something when it's not there. And someone hadn't been in my life for a while. And I had really missed that someone. 

He had told me that he had started working part-time again. After he had left the underground battles because of his father - and yes, we are talking about Hoya - he'd really wanted to earn himsef money. He'd wanted to be independent. He hadn't wanted to waste time by staying at home. I wasn't sure about his family affairs since he had never updated me to it. But I assumed his father was still cold to him. He would've told me if his father suddenly had started speaking to him again. 

Looking around, passing by cars and avoiding the strong smell, I spotted Howon in the little shop of the gas station. He was speaking to someone but I couldn't actually recognize that person since a shelf filled with snacks was standing in the way. With a happy feeling in the gut, I approached the convenience store. It was truthfully really small and kind of smelled like someone had just taken a dump. Furthermore, the air was filled with the scent of cigarettes mixed with ramyun. If I had known that this place smelled like that, I wouldn't have come. It was kind of disgusting, worse than my father farting. I wanted to throw up. 

Busan guy hadn't noticed my presence, his back faced to me, as he continued speaking to an older guy. Maybe the convenience store clerk. The idea of scaring Howon crossed my mind but I shrugged it away. If there was one thing I had learned during the last year, then it would be that Busan guy was impossible to scare. His reflexes were too good. Really too good. So I awkwardly stood behind him, listening to their conversation about a man being the reason for that smell and their search for a solution. That older guy moved his body a bit to pay me attention as he had that question mark etched on his face. 

"Can I help you, miss?"

I shook my head when Howon turned around. His eyes grew a size bigger. Maybe it wasn't impossible to surprise him. "Hana, what are you doing here?"

"Checking that smell out." I gave him a toothy grin. 

He smiled a little before he told me to wait a few seconds. The two males were already engaged in their previous conversation when I looked around. My eyes met a girl's figure. Before I could actually see her face, Howon already turned back to me. 

"So, mind telling me why you are here?"

"You are sounding like you don't want me to be here." 

"Because I don't want you to be here."

It took me literally 10 seconds to find out that he wasn't joking. And with every second that passed by, my anger rose. "Why are you such an ?"

"Hana," he gave me a look, "I'm working. I can't play right now."

"Don't treat me like a dog." I scoffed, crossing my arms in front of me.

"Alright, I can leave at 3 pm. We can go around Idae or whatever," he suggested, "but as of now, be obedient and wait for your master."

He patted my head when I slapped his hand away, sulking. That wasn't the Howon I had wanted. We hadn't seen each other for weeks and he didn't even seem happy to see me. He was even pushing me away. I had wanted that Busan guy who had picked me up from the bus station just to walk me home. 

That girl from before bumped into me lightly when a soft apology escaped her lips. Howon helped her steadying herself as she thanked him with a beautiful eye smile. That millisecond I witnessed might look like nothing to others but for me, it highly meant a lot. Some people don't believe in that spark. But I had sincerly witnessed it a few seconds ago. Howon and that convenience store girl. Maybe it didn't sound so bad. 

When Howon turned around because that older guy with strangely puckered lips had called him, I faced that new girl and said: "Hi."

She smiled back, her eyes resembling crescent moons more than Woohyun's did. Her feet were about to drag her away to work but I stopped her again.

"Howon and I, we are just friends. Old classmates, you know. Actually, he hates me as you have witnessed. And I'm not far from hating him either." I grinned at her, proceeding to ask her the last question. "What's your name?"

Whether she was about to answer me or not remained hidden to me. Because a certain someone acted so obvious and embarrassing. Because a certain someone yelled at me from behind. Nevertheless, a smug smile crept on my lips when he shouted: "Shut up, will you?"

Suppressing my laughter, I cleared my throat and walked to the empty space next to him. He had his body lightly leaned against the gas tank, his steady breathing calming me a little. I could stare at his chest rising up and falling back forever. It was indeed very calming. 

I nudged his sides, placing a playful grin on my lips. "So Miyoung, huh?"

He tiredly looked at me before staring ahead, shrugging his shoulders. "That's why I didn't want you to be here."

"Oh come one, Lee Howon. I know I shouldn't be teasing you because you never teased me about Woohyun-"

"Damn right."

"But it's the first time I witness you falling in love with something else than music or dancing."

"I never said I was in love..."

I pretty much ignored his statement as I remembered the question that had always bothered me but at the same time scared me. A question that was as important to know the answer of as knowing the partner's name. "Then, are you gay?"

The way his eyes widened confirmed me that Busan guy was indeed someone who could be surprised. Even though he did seem to have been in shock to be asked such a question, he still took everything lightly and didn't get insulted. "What are you talking about? You have a fever?"

He jokingly touched my forehead as I pried his hands off. "But seriously, what about that junior girl from graduation? She gave you her number, right? Have you texted her?"

He shook his innocent head, fixing my bangs after he had messed them up by having tried to touch my forehead. 

"Why not? You are such a heartbreaker."

He smiled lightly at my over-dramatic acting when I faked a heart attack before answering a curious me. "Because I don't want her to hope for something to happen. I said I'm not looking for a relationship."

With my inner jokester or clown, I asked: "And with relationship you mean...?"

"A relationship with a girl." he finally said, rolling his eyes. Although he kept saying he didn't have feelings fot that Miyoung girl, I couldn't help but think that he was lying to me. Or to himself. 

Awkwardness. It's such a beautiful word, honestly speaking. It just rolls off so nicely. Awkward. Being an awkward turtle. Though, I need to say that this word is totally overused. But then again, awkward fits every situation. Be it the awkward silence after an inconvenient question or the awkwardness of someone embarrassing themselves without knowing. Even the awkward encounter of someone whose text messages you pretty much ignored. Awkward is universal. I'm awkward. You're awkward. My mom's awkward. Your dog's awkward. Relationships are awkward. 

Meeting Myungsoo here was unplanned. I had wanted to avoid this as much as I could. Telling him I was fine hadn't been a lie. I really wasn't holding a grudge against him for not replying to my text message. After making up with him - if you could call it that - I had really believed we could go back to that autumn day. I had believed Myungsoo and I could be close friends again but I had been so wrong. When I had made up with him, he had sent me a text message which I'd never replied to. I just didn't know how to reply to him asking me about my day. Because on that very day, I hadn't done anything. I had been at home for most of my time and my period had been knocking on my door. Now say if I should have told him that. But one part of me had insisted it was just a poor excuse to revenge. 

Like always, if Myungsoo had actually noticed my surprise and subtle way of avoiding him, he really hid it well. I couldn't find any sign of hate - which wouldn't be surprising to me after all I had done or not done to him - towards me and he acted like I had never ignored his text messages. And yet again, I found myself being a selfish little . I was talking about the female dog just to continue Howon and my play of words yesterday. 

Trying to sound normal and casual, I asked. "Are you visiting Suji?"

He smiled a little before staring ahead to watch a speeding nurse passing by. "No. I'm here for my brother."

If you hadn't caught the hint from before then yes, we were at the hospital. I had wanted to visit my aunt before Myungsoo had appeared out of nowhere. Genuine worry spreadt to my body as I asked: "What happened to him? Is it serious?"

We locked eyes, his lips pursed. "Ah, no. Nothing serious. Actually, it's a bit embarrassing. Why don't you come with me?"

Now that was the million dollar question. To go or not to go, if you actually liked Shakespeare. One part of me wanted to go. That part wanted to try and give the efforts to go back to that autumn day. That other part of me really wanted to avoid the awkwardness. But I honestly liked Myungsoo. The way he smiled so warmly at me. The way his eyes sparkled. I liked him. He was a genuine person. But for some reasons, I just wasn't suitable for such a perfect human being. 

In the end, I decided to follow and find out just what was that embarrassing. His brother's room was down the hallway at the opposite direction of my aunt's. I caught a glimpse of those two seats that Myungsoo and I had occupied when we were waiting for Suji. I quickly shrugged the thoughts away to avoid myself from remembering Myungsoo's cold attitude back then. Even though both of us didn't speak, it wasn't that bad. It wasn't that awkward. Maybe because we were too busy looking at the nurses and doctors running around. 

The moment we entered his little brother's room, the respective male greeted Myungsoo with a casual What's up. Only when I entered right after, did he gave me a shocked expression. "Wait, hyung. You haven't told me you'd be bringing your girlfriend as well."

"Because she isn't"

"Where's Suji?" No answer from Myungsoo. Still awkwardly standing next to the door, I remembered my aunt's words. She had said Myungsoo and Suji weren't more than friends. I wondered whether this was true. His little brother turned his gaze at me. "What's your name?"

"Son Hana." I bowed lightly even though I knew he was younger than me. Myungsoo was only a few months older than me and I doubted his brother's birthday was in between March and July. 

"Ah, wait. Aren't you the girl who almost crashed into my brother with that car of yours?"

My eyes grew a size bigger, jerking my head to the said male who was unpacking soup. "Myungsoo! Am I only known as the girl who had almost killed you?"

He chuckled in response, making me feel a lot comfortable in this room. Or it was his brother's strange but outgoing attitude that made this less awkward. Or maybe just because a third person was in the room. 

"Are you Sooyun's niece?" He was talking about my aunt as I nodded. "Mmpf, she is prettier. Especially in her younger days."

I almost forgot that my aunt was Myungsoo's babysitter which meant she was also his little brother's. For some reasons, I had the feeling that she had been an angel to them while at home, she had only bullied me. Maybe because they were cute and handsome little boys while I was an annoying kid. But something was annoying me a lot. That little brother had said my aunt looked better than me. I lost to an 39-year-old. In despair, I called out to Myungsoo. 

"Moonsoo, you are being impolite." he scolded. For some reasons, maybe, I felt a bit disheartened by his younger brother. Maybe more than I should have. 

"Suji is prettier, too."

"Of course, she is prettier." I remarked, rolling my eyes. That was a fact. Suji had been the most prettiest girl in my high school. Hara would come second. Well, at least that was my opinion. Some people had prefered Hara over Suji though. Like Woohyun. He had taken an interest in Hara while he pretty much hadn't paid any attention to Suji. But on the other hand, I was sure that Myungsoo liked Suji more. A lot more. 

Before Myungsoo could retort something at his little brother, the latter interjected. "See, she is admitting it herself."

I really wanted to slap him across his face. Not because he had said Suji was prettier. No, because it was the truth and I couldn't have done anything against it. But the way he treated people was rude. If he had been my brother, I would've have kicked him off the hospital bed just to scold him. 

Myungsoo was looking at me the whole time before he suddenly said: "My brother has a testicular torsion."

"Why are you telling her?"

"Pft, what's that?" I asked, finding the name of the sickness really funny. 

"It's... Just google it. And don't look at the pictures. I beg you, don't."

The rest of that day passed by quickly. Myungsoo had left me alone with his brother for a while because he had needed to go to the toilet. It had been really awkward because his brother hadn't said anything and neither had I. We had stayed in silence for minutes until Myungsoo had come back. 

They had suggested to visit my aunt. Upon arrival, she had been really happy to meet the two males. Moonsoo, Myung's little brother, had complimented her on her beauty which had made me wonder just what the hell they were thinking of my aunt. Not that she wasn't pretty or lovely in her own strange way. But I still couldn't get used to the fact that Myungsoo and his brother had found her pretty. 

When my aunt had asked what had happened to Moonsoo, both Myungsoo and I had answered immediately with a chuckle escaping our throat. She had told us that Moonsoo had been always someone who had injured himself a lot as a kid. Later that day, Myung and I had bid goodbye to the both of them and had left the hospital. 

"I'll walk you home."

"No, it's OK." I smiled in return. 

"Or shall we go somewhere to eat? Are you hungry?"

"No, I'm fine."

He stopped in his tracks, looking at the ground, then facing me with sad eyes. "You are still angry, right?"

"No, I'm not." I answered truthfully. 

"Then why won't you let me invite you?"

I felt a pang of pain entering my body. I was so hypocritical. At one point telling him I had forgiven him but then, ignoring his texts. At this moment, I was sure I had ignored his text message because I had wanted him to experience what it felt like to be ignored. I was such a bad person. He had given his best to make it up to me and yet, I had stomped on his efforts like it meant nothing to me. 

"I'm sorry, Myungsoo. It's just that... It's still strange. After all that happened..."

He still looked at me with his sad eyes and that was when I started to wonder how much I meant to him. Did he see me as the closest female friend right after Suji, considering the fact that I had never seen him with any other girl?  Was I just the backup for Suji when she wasn't there? Was I more than just a friend to him? For some reasons, this last thought bothered me a lot. 

"OK, I understand." he said after the pause, smiling a little, "It's difficult to go back to that autumn day."

Something in me stirred a little when he, too, remembered that autumn day to be our best memory. We stayed like that for a while, making my thoughts drift to Howon and whether he'd wait for me at the bus station when Myungsoo spoke up. "Just promise one thing. Please at least reply to my text messages."

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