Chapter 41

Lemon Tree

So there I was, seated and looking at the woman I married with love and hopeful resignation, my wife on the other hand was looking back at me with contempt.  My daughter who now sat on her grandmother’s lap is being reprimanded by my father at the back of the gallery.  Fraternal correction I remember the old nun told me once.  Correct them immediate so they remember.  It seems I will never forget this transgression.

Sandara is silent as she stared at me. How can the possibility of love be brought down to this?  I can almost hear her say how much she loves me without saying it by just looking at her.  By the way she would hide her eyes whenever I catch her looking at me, the small touch of pink that would grace her skin whenever I touch her.  The impossibility of I love you is torturing me. Her love was finally said with finality. It was sharp, piercing and with absolute intent to hurt if not kill me.  It was scary.

But he looked on and waited.  Sandara placed the rings she took off from her fingers in front of him and said.

“I grew up in a loving family. My mother is the epitome of patience. I was a handful but I was loved unconditionally.  She loved father unconditionally. I have yet to meet a married woman more understanding and forgiving than my mother.  But I am not my mother.  You could have just told me.”

“Jagiya…” He begins.

“Let us not sully the term Jiyong.” She cuts him off.

“Jagiya.” He said again undeterred. “It was a misunderstanding.”

“Misunderstanding?” Sandara tilts her head in near disgust. “I watched that video a hundred times. I know what I saw. So do not ever imply that I am mistaken. You chose to put your lips on her and wrap her in your arms. It was not a misunderstanding.”

Silence.  Why is it that sometimes silence says more than a page full of words, a litany of phrases, and a monologue worthy of an audience? Why is silence having its own say, an opinion so loud it was deafening.

“I am only here because Angela was crying for you, against my own mother’s advice, against Seunghyun’s better judgment, against what my heart is telling me to do.  If I can only have my way, I would rather see you burn…with her…chained together.” She gave a shuddering breath.

“Have pity on me please and go away.”

Jiyong understands the gravity of her emotions but the intensity of her words surprised him. She is angry but had obviously managed to hide it behind the curtains of family. He finally understood why there is one person on every nook of the gallery within easy reach, to guard and to reassure his wife. Sandara found cause for her to need protection from him. From him.

“Seeing her at that time felt like the right thing to do.” He paused and breathed. “But I did not kiss her like it looked on that recording. I did not, I swear.”  Jiyong planted his arms on the table and extended his hands to nearly touch hers. “It was a peck on the cheek and a farewell embrace, a friendly gesture. It was nothing more.”

He moved his hands to engulf hers. A movement he knew would merit a slap or worse but dared still. His wife is his not anyone else.    “I am married, I know that but like you, friendships are also important to me. I cannot hate her based on what she had previously done.  Not when she gave us Angela.” He dared not pause.

“Her intentions, whatever they may be, are hers Jagiya. They are not mine. Please do not crucify me and our marriage based on them. I am sorry I hurt you. ”

“And yet the results are the same. You can go back to her Jiyong.  I can offer you nothing.”

“Think of the children please.”

“I am. I have.  You have signed the papers I presume.”

Jiyong saw the fire in her eyes.  “You said you love me.”

“And I am recuperating.”

“Can’t you find it in your heart to understand please? Find that part that loves me Jagiya.” Jiyong paused.

“That part is bleeding, barely conscious and utterly stupid.  It cannot be trusted” Love Sandara winced is the reason why she is hurting.

“I know it is painful. I cannot count how many times I have wanted to hit the Choi brothers whenever you chose to run to them instead of me. I have never, not once, judged you when I see you kiss Seunghyun.”

He made sure he held her eyes and added, “And I have seen you do that. I believed in us when you choose to disappear for days at a time just to be with them. I held on because I love you and you know it.”

 It must have been desperation that drove Jiyong to say it but what else can he say.  Fear is in each other’s hearts, fear that feeds insecurity.  He will not let fear conquer him.  Their insecurity will not fuel her hatred and burn whatever they have managed to build. Whatever may have remained of what they have built?

“You overestimate my capacity to love and forgive Jiyong.  I don’t love you now.  I do not.” Sandara pushed the ring further towards Jiyong and moved to stand.  She felt her stomach.   Her children are not comfortable and have begun to move, a fine sheen of sweat had materialized on her forehead and between her nose and upper lip. Her hands are clammy and she is just about ready to heave.

“Now you are the one lying.”  People lie to protect their hearts he knows.

“The heart can barely understand truth.” He pushed his chair and grasps her shoulder. “You can rest Jagiya. I will wait for you.”

“You don’t love me.” She dragged the words out of her.

“You know in your heart that is not true. We can start over. Just you, me and the children.”  Jiyong finally held his wife in his arms. It felt like a balm on his heart, soothing and yet it stings.

Maybe she is stupid.  Maybe she is blind.  Maybe she loves him indeed but maybe she is just too scared to shove him away and break more hearts than necessary. Lies. Her heart will lie to protect her.

~~~~~~~

Angela sat on the floor of her grandfather’s mansion.  Apart from the house on the flower farm with fields after field of blooming flowers, this right here is home next to a stuff bear twice her size its spectacle as round as her eyes.  She started giggling “I like the color of your eyes Mr. Perry.” A low raspy growl came from behind her.  Angela sprawled on the floor and started laughing, a full belly laugh complete with hiccups and four limbs shakes.

“You snort like a hog kid.” Seunghyun wrinkled his nose in mock disapproval.

The child gasps for air. “Mr. Perry is a boy, Daddy!” she scrambles to her belly and crawled her way to up to his knee.

“Do you like boys Daddy?” the small imp breaks in laughter. “Don’t worry Daddy, I won’t tell Ma… Daddy! Mr. Perry can be Mama.” She cried in glee. “When Mama is grumpy.”

It was Seunghyun who laughed this time. “We wouldn’t want Mama to hear us say that baby.”

“I know.” The child laughed in conspiracy.  “Mama growls when she is angry. Rawr! “   She growls playfully.

Seunghyun growls back and thus began a game that looked more like horsing around than an actual battle between two bears.

“Daddy?”

“Hmm…”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.” He received a wet kiss.

“Are you on time out too?” She asked him wide-eyed.

Seunghyun regarded the small child with barely suppressed amusement. “Do I look like I did something naughty?” he run his hand on top of her head and pulled on her fringe. 

“I didn’t either! I…” the child stopped and added guiltily. “I said something bad…but I swear I hear Aunt Bommie say it a lot.” She puffs.  

“Aunt Bommie didn’t get in trouble, did she Daddy? Grandma said I can play with Mr. Perry while I wait for Mama.” She looked up at Seunghyun. “Thank you for coming to see me.”

He pulled her to sit on his lap. “Daddy will do his best to be there for you always.”

“Always?”

“Forever.”

 “Daddy?”

“Hmm..”

“Do you think Mama and Appa will be together forever too?”

A/N: Oooyyyy!!! Soooooo...hahahah finally... This was a very difficult chapter to write. My male friends were all saying that Jiyong is screwed big time and well he kind of is.

Comments are welcome, yes please do leave comments so I would know where to take it from here.  Thank you very much for subscribing and I hope you enjoy your stay :D