okay... i have the urge to write my third fic and I just might...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chunji sat beside her bed holding her hand, "Mom.. is it to hot?"

She shook her head, "No.. its fine..."

He smiled, rubbung his thumb on her fingers. He looked down at her, she looked so weak, pale, sick. The doctors had came in and tested. They told them that she had a tumor in her brain, it the size of a grapfruit. And it was too late, they had said. She wasnt going to make it. Chunji bit his lips, she was going to be gone soon. He absolutely hated today, of all days why today. It was his birthday. He looked around and noticed that his father had gone somewhere. "Hey mom.. remember when I was little, you, dad, me and Ri..I mean and me... we uh.. we had a picnic. We went to the park, it was all sunny and nice."

She smiled, "Yes.. I remember.. that was one of my favorite days, you look so happy. It was so beautiful that day.. I wish we could go back.."

Chunji started to cry, "Yea.. it was pretty.. there were flowers... butterflies... we ran around, we played, we ate.." he used his other hand to wipe his tears.

"No.. Rihyuk please dont cry, its going to be alright. Everything is going to be fine, mommy will be alright, I promise.."

He shook his head, "No.." he breathe was uneven, "mom.. please dont go, I dont want to lose you, not today.. of all days not today.. please mom, please.." he squeezed her tighter. He had his head down on her bed and cried uncontrollably.

"No.. dont cry Rihyuk.. please do not cry," she runs her hand through his hair, softly it. She looks at him, and smiles. He was always so special to her, she loves him very much, the only problem she fails to realize is he isnt Chunji, the boy in front of her eyes. "Its.. nice outside.." she said. She swallows , she knows she wont make it, and those years she spent without him, she just wishes she could make up for it. "Please stop crying, it makes mommy sad.."

Chunji sniffed and looks up, "No.. you cant be sad, not today.. all my life, I try to make you happy, so happy that you cant be sad... please dont be sad.." Chunji begs, he was Rihyuk just for her, so she could be happy.

She laughs a little carressing his cheeks and wiping his tears, "Then please dont cry... I want you to be happy.."

"I.." he takes a shakey breathe and looks down, "can never be happy.. not 'me' anyways.." he mumbled. "Isnt there any way.. anything the doctors can do.. I'll pay for it, I dont care how much.." he cried.

"No.. there's nothing they can do, but its okay... Rihyuk please, I dont want you to be all upset over this... when I'm gone, I want you to keep moving forward.. okay.. please" she pleaded, she hated seeing him like this.

"I cant... you are my mom.. you cared for me.." his voice got softer, "up to a certain point.."

"What do you mean," she asked.

"Nothing... its nothing..."

---------------------------------------------------

Luhan stood there worried, he knows that going in that room wont be good. He also knows that Chunji is feeling pain right now. He cursed, "Of all days.. why today... damn it, she does this on purpose... Chunji, please stay strong..."

"Luhan.."

He flinched as he turned around, "Changjo.. what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, I just couldnt stay there and do nothing, Chunji is in there?"

He nodded, "Yea.. where are the others?"

"Back at home... what's going on, do you know anything? Does it have to do with.." he stopped.

"Yea.. she wont make it.." Luhan said softly.

"Oh god.. Chunji must feel really horrible... its his birthday too.."

"I know.." he ruffled his own hair, "he.. I just..."

"Luhan.." Changjo started pointing to a certain direction.

He turned around and growled, "What do you want?"

He smiled, "Nothing.. I just want to talk to you.. hi you must Chunji's friend."

Changjo waved, "You must be his dad.."

"What do you want from me.." Luhan glared at him.

"I dont blame you if you hate me.. I hate myself too, putting through Chunji through that pain... I regret it.."

"You should.. who the hell tells their son to not be themselves!!!" Luhan yells.

He gave a bitter smile, "Yes I know... I am a horrible father.. but, I just want you to know... thank you so much, for taking care of Chunji, thank you.." he bowed.

"Of course... Chunji is my best friend, I will always be there for him.. always.." Luhan stated.

He smiled, "Thank you Luhan."

----------------------------------------------------

"Yea... I remember... playing the violin for you... I loved doing that very much.." Chunji reminiced.

She chuckled, "I love hearing you play also... you sound very beautiful.."

Chunji smiled, "I liked playing it for you... because you payed attention to me... me only.." he softly said.

She laughed, "Yes.. I always pay attention to you.."

Chunji smiled, he loves that. Hearing her laugh, thats the thing he loves, he liked making her smile. He likes it because she with Chunji, laughing with Chunji, smiling with Chunji, not him. Even though she thinks it otherwise. "Mom.. I will miss you.. I really will miss you.."

"Me too son.. me too.."

"I love you.. I love you so much mom.." he said. His head was on the bed, his eyes slowly closing. 

She smiled, "I love you too.."

The father came in and closed the door. "How are you feeling dear.." he asked as he looked at those two. She was holding Chunji's hand, and he had fell asleep.

"I'm fine... just a bit tired.." she replied.

He walked over and kissed her forehead, "Dont stress yourself.."

"I wont... honey, I'm worried about Rihyuk, I'm worried what will happen after I am gone..." she whispered.

He sighed, "He will be fine.. he has for a couple of years, and he can keep going.."

"I dont undertsand... why did he move out? Did you two have a fight?" she asked.

He looked down at the floor, "Something like that..."

"I hope you two make up.. when I'm gone.. I want you to take care of him.. okay.. he needs a parent.. he needs his father.." she said.

"Yes... he also needs a mother...  he always needed one.."

Chunji woke up, to find himself still in the room holding hands with her who was now looking at the flowers, "Mom..."

She turned her head around and smiled, "You are awake.."

"Yea... how are you feeling?"

She smiled weakly, she was sweating a bit, "Tired.."

His eyes widened and he stood up, "Mom.. oh god let me get the doctor.."

"No.. I want you to stay by me.. okay... just stay with me.." she said not letting go of the other's hand.

"Mom.. no... I have to get the doctors.. mom please let go.." he already  feels the tears running down, "please mom.."

"Its okay... everything is going to be alright... okay.." she tried to calm him down.

"Mom..." he hugged her while crying into her shoulder, "I dont want you to go.. please dont go.. I cant lose you again... not again.."

She his hair, "You never lost me.. I'm right here... its okay..."

Chunji pulled back, holding her hand with both his fingers, "I'm right here too.. I always will be.."

"Thank... I love you Rihyuk.. I really do.."

Chunji bit his lips, "I know.." he saw as she started to close her eyes, "No mom... stay with me.. please..."

She smiled, "Happy birthday.."

Chunji's eyes widened, "What... what did you say... no. no no no... mom.. mom!! Whats my name mom.. please tell my name.."

"I love you.." were the last words as she closed her eyes and her heart rate went in a line.

Chunji cried really hard, "I know mom.. you always have.. you always will.."

"Chunji.." Luhan said as he stood up seeing Chunji come out of the room. Changjo stood up as well.

"Luhan... she's gone.." he sniffed as he hugged the other really tight.

Luhan hugged back, "I know... shhhh... its going to be okay.. eveything will be fine.."

"She said... happy brithday to me..." he gasped.

Luhan's eyes widened as he was shocked, "She did.. that's.. but... that's great.."

"I... I was happy she said that.."

"You should be... Chunji.. there's one place I want you to go... you havent been there in a long time.. and I know you dont want to but this will-"

Chunji cut the other off, "I know... I'll go.."

-------------------------------------------

Chunji stood infront of something he thought he wouldnt have to see at all, "Its been a long time.. Rihyuk.." he sat down in front of the tombstone. "I really didnt want to some see you.. but.. I should at least once right? I have somethings to say, it wont be pretty and I know I am a horrible mean little brother but I cant help how I feel." Chunji inhaled then exhaled. He looked back to see Luhan and Changjo still there.

"Rihyuk... I hate you... I really really do.. I know I'm horrible, but I cant help it. Its not your fault but I cant help it. After you died.. you still lived. I had to be you.. you know how terrible that was... I dont blame you if you hate me for taking your life.. but I didnt want it either! Mom thought I was you... I hated it, I hated being you. She loves you.. she loves you so so much, she always did. You were her favorite, I couldnt stand it. It hurt me so much Rihyuk.. it did,," Chunji started crying, "I hate this! Being you... I didnt plan on being you in my life.. I just cant help but despise you so much. Today is my birthday, of course mom wont know.. and I rather be  doing other things... but.. she died today. Mom died, I hope she'd happy, she gets to see the real Rihyuk...  the real favorite son. I hope you both are happy... at least I wont get in the way of anything... but.. I regret it.. I regret saying the last words to you before you died... 'I hate you' were the last words you heard me saying to you. I regret that... we were fighting.. over who goes with mom or something.. I dont quite remember. I didnt.. I didnt mean to say that. I was ran in the closet crying.. then you came with the guy and it started. I can remember perfectly what happened... I'm sorry you had to die. I have always thought that I should've died instead, so mom can have you.. but this is reality.... Rihyuk... I love you, somewhere in me I do love you.. but I also hate you..." Chunji turned his head when he heard someone. His eyes widened when he saw who walked in, "Dad.."

He smiled, "Chunji.. I didnt expect to see you here.." Luhan glared at him.

"I didnt expect to be here either... sit down.." he said and the father came in and sat next to him. "Do you come here alot?"

"No.... Chunji, I am really sorry..." he apologized.

"I know... lets forget it.."

"But... I out you through all that pain... you were a boy, I should never have asked you to be Rihyuk... you are Chunji.."

"Its okay... you loved mom... I did too.. i didnt want her to be upset.."Chunji said.

"Son.. you are brave.. really brave... I love that about you.... I know as a boy you always felt left out because of Rihyuk and your mom... but trust me Chunji.. she really did love you. I do to.. I love you son, I really do.."

Chunji smiled, "Thanks dad... that means a lot to me... it does.."

He placed the flowers on the grave and stood up, "I have to go.. you have my number Chunji, please call me if there is anything.. and please visit..."

"I will.. I promise..."

"Happy birthday Chunji.." and with that he left.

Chunji felt tears coming down again as he tried to wipe it away, "Well.. I better get going... Rihyuk, rest in peace.. you too mom.." he got up and turned around, "Lets go... sorry you guys had to see that.."

"No its alright," Changjo said

"Lets go home Chunji.." Luhan said.

He nodded, "Okay.."

---------------------------------------

As they got home everyone was silent except for one, "Hyung you are home... I'm sorry about your mom.." Ricky said.

Chunji smiled, "Thanks... well today was alot.. I'm kinda tired.."

"Do you want to eat your cake," Luhan asked.

Chunji shook his head, "Not in the mood.." he said as he walked upstairs.

"We'll go.." Sehun said.

"Yea.. we;ll come visit tomorrow.... make sure Chunji gets rest," Dongwoo said.

"And out of school.." Hoya added.

Luhan nodded, "Yea.. thanks guys.. for everything.." they all nodded as they left.

"I'm gonna go check on him," Changjo said and ran upstairs. He knocked on the door and walked in, "Chunji... you okay?"

Chunji was lying on his bed then got up, "Yea.. Changjo... she's gone.. she's really gone.."

Changjo went to sit by him, "Yea.. I'm sorry.."

"Why Changjo... why couldnt she love me... I just.." he sniffed.

Changj hugged him, he hated seeing the other cry, "Hyung dont cry.. I love you hyung.. I do.. I am in love with you..."

Chunji tensed as his heart beat really fast. His eyes widened and he pulled back, "You... what? You... love me?"

"Yes I do.." he said as he cupped the other's face and pecked his lips, "Hyung.. do you love me back?"

--------------------------------------------------------

okayyyyy i just wanted to end there.....

and the situation is done... all problems cleared in a way i guess...

i hope you liked it.. hope it was sad enough...

but anyway.. enjoy!

^^