All that I have left
The Story of Ushttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0yq86W964g
The bar was filled with rowdy customers tonight. Junhyung sat by a lone seat with his 7th bottle of soju in his hands. He chugged it down without stopping; the bitterness of it was nothing in comparison to the pain he felt in his heart.
None of the BEAST boys followed after him. They were all too hurt and shocked themselves. Junhyung twirled the bottle around with broken thoughts of you. He knew he only had Jia Li left. Jia Li was the only memory left of you.
It tore him apart; from limb to limb, knowing that it took one crash, one fatal car crash, for him to lose the love of his life. There will be no more you. He will no longer have the chance to wake up next to you, seeing you smile as you ran your fingers through your messy hair. He will never feel your kiss again. He won’t ever have the privilege to feel your warm skin on top of his. He won’t be able to smell your scent. Your arms will no longer provide him with the comfort that he always seeked from it.
All the things that you were, the person that you were, no longer exists. Your soul has left the body and you were in heaven; unreachable.
Everything was gone in a blink of an eye. He so badly wished that this was all a nightmare. It’s not real. It can’t be real, Junhyung thought. He was stuck between the world of reality and fantasy. The liquor was starting to take control.
I don’t want to believe it’s real.
Suddenly Junhyung’s phone rang, it was your mother. “Hello?” Jun Hyung’s voice slurred. He wanted to remain calm. He didn’t want your Mom to be even more sad than she already was.
“Jia Li is crying for you,” she said said softly, though there was still a hint of thickness that hung in the air after she had spoken.
*Jia Li... the only person I have left in this world. My everything...* Junhyung nodded and wiped the tears that he didn't know had escaped. “I’ll be home soon.”
With that he hung up and chugged the last remnants of the Soju.
Junhyung got up, slightly wobbling from side to side. He’s a Dad now… he shouldn’t act like this anymore. Just like how he only had Jia Li, she only had him, too. Junhyung straightened himself up and tried his hardest to walk. He straightened out his jacket and dusted off the dust and forced himself out of the bar miserably. He stood outside the bar for 3 exact minutes, inhaling the cold, autumn air and exhaled until he felt his body loosening up. The cold breeze dried his tears and the darkness in the lonely neighbourhood hugged him like a blanket.
Junhyung started to drive home. He knew you wouldn’t allow this but you weren’t here anymore. You were somewhere far away, far from where he cannot reach you. The thought stung his heart with a burn so powerful that it felt like someone was burning him with a litted cigar.
“I should have been there,” Jun Hyung muttered. “I should have gone with you.” Junhyung’s regrets killed him.
When he arrived to your mother’s house, he took Jia Li in his arms wordlessly and bid farewell to your Mom. (Who was still crying as much as he.)
Junjyung propped Jia Li in her car seat and belted her tightly. He looked at Jia Li’s sleeping face. His head was starting to throb, but staring at her made him feel a bit more at peace.
She resembled you so much…. It killed him that her birthday was spent like this. The day of her birth was the day her mother died…
Junhyung wiped his tears roughly. He wasn’t even drunk, the anger and bitter sadness absorbed all the alcohol. All he felt was numb.
Junhyung drove home with gloomy feelings. He could feel the ominous clouds appearing over the horizon. The emptiness in his stomach became wide as he stepped into the lobby of the apartment that you two shared. He went up the stairs and felt a wide sense of loss. You shoud be here. You should be laughing and wagging your fingers at him; telling him not to drink anymore, telling him that if Jia Li’s in the car, he should have walked home. He was now going into a home, for the first time, without you by his side.
The sobs began again and he tried so hard not to make a single noise as to not wake Jia Li up.
He brought Jia Li to her room and laid her down gently in her crib. He covered her with a blanket and her cheek softly. “I’m sorry,” Junhyung said brokenly. “I’m sorry for not being able to protect your mommy.”
Jia Li moved slightly in her sleep and then suddenly her tiny hands d onto Junhyungs finger. Junhyung softened as tears strolled down his face.
All I have left is Jia Li…. My princess. I promise you, Jia Li. I’ll take care of you. I’ll promise you I’ll protect you in every way I can. You are our special little girl. You are the reason for me to continue breathing.
Junhyung released his finger from Jia Li’s hands, and shut the lights as he walked out of the room. His knees gave out and he kneeled on the floor as he looked at the engagement ring on his finger. The ring that promised to unite you and Junhyung together as one being.
He could feel your presence lingering around somewhere in the dark apartment and the sadness finally sank in. He let his tears run until he cried no more.
And once he finished, he could only promise that from that day on, he was going to be a different man; a better father, and even better guardian. In this world, he had only Jia Li. But in heaven, there was you, and he will love you, and only you.
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