With mom and older brother suddenly gone from the table to help dad at the door, six-year-old Minho stayed back at the table where the three had started dinner without dad, since he was going to be late again from work. He wanted to follow to the door too, but there were more pressing matters, like how to get these vegetables off his plate. 

 

With much effort, Minho started scooping them onto Minseok’s plate beside his, eyes wide and nervous about getting caught. His chopsticks didn’t make the task easy, but finally all the gross food was off his plate. He even glanced around before poking at a piece of Minseok’s meat from his plate.

 

They were trading, after all. Right? 

 

Minho ate it gleefully.

 

Right~.

 

Minseok hurried back into the kitchen first, leaving Minho a bit antsy in his seat at the table. He tried to appear calm while shoving some rice into his mouth. Minseok took his seat and sipped his drink before going back to his plate. Minho relaxed just as Minseok made a surprised squeak.

 

“I didn’t have this many vegetables..” Minseok was nearly pouting, not approving of the food either. He was growing to like it by his age, but still, he didn’t want more than necessary. He looked to Minho’s plate. The younger tensed up again, quickly shoving more food in his mouth until his fat cheeks were stuffed. “You ate all your vegetables already?”

 

Minho nodded quickly. 

 

Minseok’s eyes narrowed in suspicion and before he could say another word, mother and father were back at the table, mom giving dad his own warm plate of food from the kitchen. Minseok kept side-eyeing Minho the rest of the meal, while their parents chatted about father’s work that day. It was painfully obvious to see what Minho had done. 

 

Minho chomped on more meat and rice, eating the food he actually liked. He smiled and kicked his legs that barely hung off the floor, slippers threatening to fall from his growing feet. Minseok vowed revenge while eating all the vegetables up in front of their parents like a good son boy.

 

 

Several days later, while both boys were stuck inside due to a heavy rainfall, Minseok refused to allow Minho to play with him. “I said no.. go play somewhere else,” Minseok was mad enough to use ‘mean’ nicknames, “Big-eyes.”

 

“But..” Minho pouted chubby cheeks further, head hanging.

 

“No,” Minseok was stern, much like their father. His little brother needed to learn a lesson. It was his older brother duty and all, next in line in their small home.

 

“But..” Minho’s little voice quivered. “Mama.. said you..”

 

Minseok slapped at Minho’s legs, trying to get him to leave already. He whined angrily, “Go~.”

 

And there it came, the crying. Loud and obnoxious and sending cringing Minseok back on his word in a flash. Minho was about to leave, probably tattle to mom anyway, when Minseok grabbed hold of his leg and patted the floor for Minho to sit beside him. “You can play too..” he mumbled, irritated he caved in and broke that easily.

 

Minho sniffled and hiccuped a few times, a tear or two still falling from long, wet lashes. Minseok patted Minho’s head gently, soon getting a smile from the younger beneath those watery eyes. 

 

“Hyung… Mama--” 

 

“Here,” Minseok handed over one of his toys, “You can use that one.” At his age, it was one of his least favorite toys, but Minho liked it a lot so there was that at least. 

 

Minho wheeled the toy across the smooth wood floors, going from tears to giggles. He was soon going around Minseok in circles, making playing sounds between his laughter.

 

Minseok smiled finally, getting Minho’s attention to fill him in on what they’re even playing together now. There was no protest from the younger on what Minseok said, only excitement at another game – something fun to do with his big brother.

 

Minseok swore the next time Minho shoved food he didn’t want onto his plate he would make Minho pay. 

 

Minho got away with it the next time. And the time after that.

 

Minseok subconsciously learned growing up the amount he would willingly go for his little brother. There would be fights and angry words thrown here and there that neither truly meant, but in the end, Minseok would still stand by his little brother. He would be there no matter what.

 

 

And some nights, all grown up and sleeping without sharing a bed, Minseok woke from nightmares of his own. Dreams where he failed his family - a family he should be taking care of. Minseok would roll over, thankful Minho wasn’t around sharing his bed to find him a mess and on the verge of exhausted tears. 

 

He would lay in bed, mind wandering back to all the private discussions he’s had with his parents while Minho wasn’t around. Often times father would still clutch that battered, crumbled up paper Minho had once written on vaguely about the attack, and that’s as open as Minho has ever been to them about it. Mother would glance at it with heavy eyes, hands squeezing her husband’s beside her, and Minseok would offer trying the police again. Father would tell them both it was too late for that – and he was right as much as it pained everyone. All they would do at this point is drag their family business out in front of the town for all to gawk at without any justice for the crime in the end, and worse shove Minho out into an unwanted spotlight that could only damage his future further.

 

Minseok didn’t like it but father was right. When society doesn’t even acknowledge men as victims to such crimes too, how could anyone listen? As nasty as a fact it was, even their own family had never given thought to such a thing. It doesn’t happen.

 

Mother would comment on the good Minho had been doing, because a mother always hopes for the best and saw the good in whatever her child could do and because of that it brought meaningless fights into the home between the parents. Fights that didn’t mean anything really – just a means to release anxiety for both over what’s happened to their family and it being out of their control. Minseok could only imagine what a powerless parent felt. After, mother would rub tired eyes before excusing herself to clean something, anything – a distraction she needed. 

 

“Minseok?” Father would call, voice heavy and eyes fallen. 

 

Minseok would straighten up, settling back into his rightful place as first-born and the pillar father needed in weak moments such as that. 

 

“I..” Dad’s hand would tighten around the warn piece of paper, shoulders shake with a sudden rage that Minseok could relate far too much to. Because someone should pay for what happened. A deep breath and calming would come before, “I still don’t know what to do..”

 

Minseok would lock eyes with his father then, not sure what to even say himself. He knew father’s raised voice at Minho and verbal pushing was only him trying, but Minseok also knew from growing up it didn’t always feel like it.

 

Often times the meetings would end with another doctor appointment or dad requesting Minseok to take Minho out for some soccer training to keep him occupied and hopefully on top of the game, because still he subconsciously wanted from his boys what he’s wanted for years – the best.

 

Minseok would nod and coincide to father’s requests as Dad left to go focus on his work away from family.

 

And like that, Minseok had always pulled it together before morning, and remained the glue to keep his family from truly breaking apart the last year or two. Somehow kept the crumbling pieces together. Kept peace with dad, kept peace with mom and Minho. He at least knew mother noticed his unraveling state, now often bring him a snack while he studied much more than she used to since he graduated from high school. She wouldn’t directly say anything about it, but her gentle touch and fingers combing through his hair with a soft hum from her sweet voice made it obvious enough she felt the stress radiating from him. Maybe it was only her motherly instinct that saw it. 

 

Minseok would smile and thank his mom, then go back to work and spend any free time from class and side-jobs on studies with law books or anything he could get his hands on he thought could help fix something that just wasn’t fixable. The social life he used to have was nothing like before. But he also didn’t run away from it either, like he had been observing in Minho. What Minseok didn’t have time for he didn’t have time for, and that’s all. Relationships took a backseat to any family crisis lately. 

 

Soccer, athletics, that hadn’t been pushed aside though. It’s what he loved. It’s what father wanted of him and he didn’t begrudge a well-meaning father only wanting the best for his children for it. It’s what father wanted of both his sons, but Minho obviously didn’t care like he used to. Minseok did have a problem with that part, on behave of his younger brother. He would take all the responsibility and expectation they carried with them everyday of their lives and shoulder it by himself if he could. Father just didn’t understand. Maybe he never would. Minho and Minseok did though, silently knowing their places as they were brought up.

 

Or Minho used to. If he still did, he hasn’t cared for a long while. 

 

Minseok had even looked into finding who had done all this again, who hurt his brother and fractured his family. Especially so after finding Minho had broke a serious promise to him. But nothing useful came up with the very little he had to work off of, and to keep peace, he dropped it again before Minho could find out. The thought of what he might do if he were to ever run into those people – monsters really, frightened Minseok because it wasn’t who he was. But then they also stole something precious and now his little brother wasn’t the same. Everything had seemed to change, not just Minho. The rage that would boil within Minseok, the amount of anger that would cause his body to shake, it was nothing like he’d ever experienced before. 

 

He wanted to hurt whoever caused all this. He wanted to do more than hurt, and that was a tiring toll mentally. Sports were more a relief to him now in life than ever. He could breathe again after some time spent on soccer and such.

 

Family might not notice, or let on they do, but Minseok was horribly exhausted himself with the weight of expectation from his role in the family since birth. Perfection was his goal, and would always be his goal – a trait of the Choi family, but what had happened had only made it all that more difficult. 

 

One particular night he stumbled home drunk after a gathering with friends, then successfully removed Minho from his bedroom in angry grunts, telling Minho to sleep in his own bed for once – as if Minho never actually did anymore. The memory of Minho’s expression when he slammed the door closed in is brother’s face still haunted Minseok. He wasn’t supposed to have gotten that drunk and he had responsibilities too, and for many reasons while out with friends he couldn’t find any cares to give about anything and drank himself under the table without a second thought for anyone.

 

Minseok has had his own selfish moments in his life. 

 

A pity party though, Minseok wouldn’t have that for himself. He’d push forward like always – like he was raised as the first born and take second command in the small family. 

 

He wouldn’t sit around and listen helplessly to a mother’s silent prayers or a father’s hidden tears, or even a little brother’s lost drive to compete in everything they used to do. Even if his work amounted to nothing in the end, it’s something he would stick to doing.

 

Another night in his sleep, Minseok felt a warm mouth pressed to his, somehow feeling comforted in a sense, like a mother’s kiss or a father’s shoulder pat – a reassurance of a family bond. Those odd recurring dreams, dry lips brushing his, they helped him awake to a new resolve and a content appreciation for life and the family he had, no matter what’s happened to it.

 

Choi Minseok would make best of the time he had before another turn in his life came – expected one: enlistment. The time he would be taken away from a family that needed him most.

 

With a smile, Minseok shook his little brother sleeping beside him wake for another day he was grateful to have. Minho’s eyes opened slowly, blinking groggily at him. Soon Minho’s own dry lips curled into a smile for Minseok. 

 

“Good morning,” Minseok mumbled in a yawn while pulling fingers through Minho’s long hair, getting it out of a sleepy face. As the younger shifted, Minseok noticed that familiar chain around his neck the older had bought his little brother on a whim, or maybe not on a whim – there had been thought behind it. He was glad it turned out to be the right decision in the end.

 

“’Mornin’..” Minho smiled a little wider, head snuggling into Minseok’s playful touch.

 

Minseok might not be able to always express himself correctly with emotions – not be able to say what he wants or even means – much like the their father, but he hoped his baby brother understand how much he – how much all of them love him. Minseok would go through the trials for Minho, much like when they were young, even though these new trials were much more difficult then silly vegetables constantly finding their way onto his plate, or refusing to play with a crybaby. 

 

Minseok laughed and shoved on Minho to get up, time for another day Choi Minseok would be content to have.