Summer
It (does)n’t happen - intermediate -
“I’m leaving,” Minho spoke quietly over the phone one hot summer night. “I’m going back there. I want to. I’ll… yeah. I’ll see you?”
Jinki opened his dry mouth, wanting to beg Minho not to go, feeling trapped back in that day Minho disappeared and he was left alone without anyone answering his questions for his friends location, or how long he would be gone. “I.. I-”
The cellphone told Jinki he’s reached the end of his messages. He hadn’t even been really speaking to Minho. It was a message he got late and had been hit so hard by it – by Minho’s voice strong but cracking enough to know there was insecurity. Or maybe it was his own panic that caused Jinki to speak to a recording as if it could reply.
He called Minho back, hands fumbling with his phone, only to find his friend’s cell off. It was for the better anyway, since he would have spoken without thought over the phone, probably causing the situation to worsen. His mind itched to call Minho’s home, or brother even.
What could Jinki say though if he got Minho? ‘Don’t go. I love you, I can make it better’? As if his life were a melodrama with the boy getting the girl in the end. Or rather – other boy.
Silly things like that, they only work in the movies.
They only work with a boy and a girl.
Not friends like them.
He fell asleep, dreaming of that cold night when he told someone ‘I love you’ for the first time with actual sincerity. The person only shoved him away with a bitter laugh and turned to walk away forever.
Days later, Jinki kicked at the ground, trying to smile and have fun with some old high school friends again, a distraction really. Maybe he shouldn’t even call them friends. People he knew at least, he could say. People who didn’t mind him hanging out with them for a while.
A cigarette was passed around and Jinki didn’t refuse it. He used to smoke with the same group on occasion during school behind the buildings, like many students. It was nothing new, it had just been quite a while. Things like that hadn’t mattered once his life changed with Minho’s.
Jinki nodded at a conversation he barely kept up with, mind wandering to how Minho was doing this summer away. It had been his own choice, so Minho had implied.
Jinki hoped he wasn’t driving Minho away. Maybe he really had ruined their relationship. He had put Minho off to focus on his own life, hadn’t he? But that was only normal though. The balance he had been trying to keep, the juggle of everything at once, had it caused Minho to bolt once he could get out of school?
Or that confession he spoke. Too much, too personal.
Destroying instead of healing.
Jinki’s shoulder was shoved, demanding he pass the cigarette over for the next turn already. Jinki bowed an apology, smiling and quickly passing it down.
He watched smoke float through the blue skies, self-defense kicking in that everything was fine, and even if he had screwed up their friendship for good, he, Lee Jinki, would be okay.
He didn’t really need anyone.
That little boy he used to be had never needed anyone.
He didn’t..
Jinki quickly took a calming drag of the cigarette again, exhaling smoke through his nose and mouth. His hand nearly shook.
He hoped Minho would come home again. How couldn’t Jinki face it if he had been the cause of the disappearance.
Jinki excused himself shortly after they all finished lunch, stopping by a noisy arcade and texting his casual girlfriend, asking her out for dinner that evening. She never responded and Jinki knew they were on their last string then – no, he had known for a while. He had been selfishly dragging it out.
Really, he didn’t need a breakup to make the summer worse. He couldn’t stop it though. Serial-dating did have its drawbacks. Was he becoming a weaker person for it though?
He never had been very good at juggling..
Maybe that’s the reason he was alone as a kid.
And like that, Jinki spent hours at the arcade instead, if he weren’t busying himself with independent jobs around town he could get his hands on or helping out at his parents small shop.
Lee Jinki would ignore is own problems as much as the next guy.
Jinki wasn’t any hero. Jinki was only human.
When Minho showed up on Jinki’s doorstep before summer had even ended, smiling wide, Jinki pulled his best friend into a hug, relieved. More than anything, he just wanted his best friend with him.
Even just like this, in a loose hug and lazy afternoon of video games inside to keep out of hot weather.
“I really missed playing this game,” Minho said, concentration on Jinki’s tv screen, sitting close to it over the floor. Minho hadn’t contacted Jinki during his time away this summer, for whatever reasons. Probably for obvious reasons to Jinki. But he was back and that had to say something, right?
A friendship unbroken.
Jinki reached for the gaming system, “Let’s play something for both of us, huh? I want to play with you.”
Minho’s feet kicked at Jinki; on the surface looking to be a teasing fit at Jinki’s request. Minho’s lack of a smile said more than that though.
“No, not yet. A little more.” Minho shoved a hand at Jinki, making sure the older really wasn’t going to interrupt. Lips bitten and big eyes narrowed, Minho’s focus was back on the game.
Jinki sat back, eyes falling away from Minho. “Okay..”
Had the time away not changed anything for the better?
Not for Minho?
Not for Jinki?
If Jinki had remained the same, why wouldn’t Minho.
Somehow, it was a startling realization.
Jinki drew his knees up and watched silently as Minho played by himself, even as if Jinki weren’t there.
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