(Sehun's Perspective)

Right after my phone call of total disappointment  with Luhan, I stormed up to my room. I slammed my door and huddled into bed. I tried not to cry, but the tears were pouring out anyway. I wasn't even crying because he wasn't here with me, but because he was there for some girl. Everytime I thought of Luhan being with her I started crying harder, to the point where I felt like I didn't even have any tears left in me.

This happens to me everytime when Luhan finds a new girl for the week. I really try not to be so emotional about it, believe me I do. But when you see the person you love openly dating many girls right in your face, it's the worst feeling ever. What's even worse is that I can't do anything about it, and have to pretend like everything is fine.

I then got my journal and a pen on the counter next to me and began pouring out all my feelings, like I usually do.

See, since I have no one to vent to about my interest in Luhan I keep a journal to express everything I feel.

I let out everything, since if i kept everything bottled inside, I just might explode.

     June 2th, 2012

Here I am again, back to this hell. Luhan is out with some girl tonight while I'm here crying my eyes out alone. I had plans with him for tonight, I made him dinner and everything, but in the end he so easly canceled our plans to go get some drinks with some random girl he meet earlier this week.

Does he not care that he just threw away our saturday night together for her? He must not since it seemed that he was totally unfazed by it.

I don't want to be mad at Luhan, in the end he is a straight single handsome guy and he has the right to meet with different girls, but why do I feel so mad at him?

It's not his fault, right? Well even if it isn't Im still very angry.

Darn Luhan, Why don't you understand how much I love you. How much I want to spend my all my life with you?

I hope at least you are having a good time tonight.

Even though I might be suffering, that is the very last thing I want for you.

Even if I'm sad, I want to see you happy, because when your sad that makes me even sadder than before.

After I was finished writing down my feelings, I didn't want to think about it anymore, since the more I thought about it, the more it devoured  my heart. All I wanted to do now was just go to sleep, and if I'm lucky I'd at least be with Luhan in my dreams.~