(Sehun's perspective)

"Luhan.... " I said quietly not knowing how to react to this.

Luhan stayed there looking at me dazed, his lack of response made me shiver. 

I tried to go up to him and touch his shoulder. "Luhan.." I said again softly 

He moved his shoulder away from me coldly. 

"Dont touch me.." He said his eyes focused on the floor.

"Luhan.. It's not.. It's not what you think." He stayed sitting on the bed trying to avoid any eye contact with me.

After a while of silence I heard Luhan mumble something to me. "You're sick.." 

I tried once again to come closer to him, but he automatically stood up. "YOU'RE SICK SEHUN!" He shouted in my face.

"What..what do you mean... Luhan why are you saying this.." My heart was put at a pause. 

"THIS WHOLE TIME.... THIS WHOLE TIME.. YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ME?" 

I looked away from Luhan, my eyes watering up. I stared at the floor until I head Luhan speak again.

"So what is written in this piece of crap is true right?" 

I was hurt by Luhan's word choice describing my journal. He thinks it's just a piece of crap? All my deepest and honest feeling are written in there.

I looked straight up at Luhan, "Yes. Yes its true! Are you happy now? You got your answer!" A tear ran down my face.

Luhan backed up a little bit while shaking his head.

"But.. But..." Luhan shook his head uncontrolably, "Your a guy...."

At this point my tears were not stopping, they kept streaming down my cheek and onto the ground.

"All of this time, I've bathed with you and changed in front of you." Luhan said to himself disgusted.

"What are you trying to imply?' I said back starting to feel angry.

"Don't act like you dont know! You must have looked at me with lustful eyes!" Luhan shivered.

Not only was I hurt about what he said, I was really mad. How can he think like that? I dont lust for him.. I love him.. those are two completely different things.

"Sehun, I.. I.. dont know what to say right now.. My whole life with you was a lie."

"I never lied to you!" I shouted at him.

"YES!! YOU HAVE! WHY HAVENT YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THIS?" Luhan yelled so loud you could see his vein popping from his neck.

"HOW COULD I? I KNEW YOU WOULD JUST ACT LIKE THIS!! I didn't want to end our friendship.. I didn't want you to change with me. I couldn't risk it."

Luhan stayed emotionless. 

He looked up to me, and his eyes seemed to water as I meet eye to eye with him.

"Why me.." he whispered. 

"What do you mean?" I said back not knowing how to reply

"Why did it have to be me you fell in love with.." He wiped his almost fallen tear off.

I stood there for a while and slowly walked up to him. He didnt move back this time.

"Luhan... I ask myself that all the time. Do you think I like this? Do you think I like to see the person I'm in love completely oblivous to my real feelings.. I cant help it that I fell in love with you.. Something was different about you Luhan. From ever since we were little kids you were the only one there for me. The only one I can express my feelings with. I grew up close to you, as time went by and we got older I found out what the feeling's I had for you were. They weren't just friendly ones... It was the feeling of love." 

Luhan still had the journal in his hands, he stared at it a bit and looked up to me.

"Sehun I cant.. I can't do this.. Please just dont contact me again." He threw the journal on the ground and ran out of my room.

I didn't follow after him, instead I just layed myself on my bed. I was still in total shock that this was all reality. 

My tears were falling out more rapidly and my body started to feel numb. 

My whole life I feared of this ever happening, I tried my hardest to prevent this. Why did this have to happen so soon, and like this.

I always had a tiny speck of hope that maybe Luhan felt the same way for me, that was the only thing that kept me going. But now all that hope flew away with the dust. Luhan never thought of me as more than just a good friend.

But what hurts me the most is the reason why, because "I'm a guy" 

I never thought Luhan would be so ignorant about it. The guy I fell in love with was different than I thought. 

If Luhan doesn't want to talk to me anymore because of this, then I'm not even going to waste my tears for him. 

This whole time Luhan has pained me, I shed more than a million tears over him, but in the end it wasn't even worth it. Luhan is just a jerk like everybody else. He doesnt want me to contact him again just because my amount of love for him? Well fine, so be it. But I finally am starting to realize that I'm not the one missing out. Luhan is the one who is loosing on this. I don't need Luhan anymore, he isn't worth anything to me now. After all he said I know now that I wasted my life loving the wrong person. At this moment it feels like all my love for Luhan was realesed, I couldnt find one bit of love in my heart for him. He is nothing to me anymore. 

I stopped my crying and sat up on my bed. I wasn't going to cry over this, I'm not going to be hurt again by him. 

I have someone anyway... That person's name is Minjoo. I'm sure that she is THE one now.

I called up Minjoo immediately, I asked her if she wanted to go out, thankfully she never backs down on me.

I got out of my room with my head held high. I was ready to start over, with a new love and life. 

No more holding back.

If this is how you want it, than goodbye Luhan.