Luhan,

how can I begin to describe luhan? 

Well to start off, he is my bestfriend, friends since we were little kids to be exact. I even remember when I was a little boy when older kids tried to come and 

make fun of me, luhan was always there to protect me, even though the kids would just end up making fun of him instead. That never stopped him from 

standing up for me though. Luhan and I grew up doing almost everything together, we know each other so well that we oftenly finish each others sentences.

Its like we are able to read each others minds or something. Luhan never made decision about something unless he took my opinion about it, and same 

thing goes for me. We care too much about each others opinions. 

If anything ever bothers me, Luhan is the first person to figure out what it is, and he even helps me with whatever it might be until it is resolved. Not even my 

parents have that much patience towards me.

Luhan thinks of me as a younger brother, thats supposed to be a good thing right? Well is it a bad thing if I dont think of him as 

an older brother? The feelings I have for Luhan is the total opposite of brotherly love. What if I said I love him... not as a brother nor as a friend, but a love 

further than that. I love him in a way that I know he doesnt feel the same way back towards me. I even tried to convince myself that it is normal to have this

special feeling for a really close friend, but when I use the word "friend" it just doesn't fit the description of my love. It must not be normal to LOVE a friend 

that much or in that kind of way. Of course I couldn't let Luhan know my feelings for him. He doesn't even know that I like men, let alone me liking him.

It's my little secret I keep to myself. I don't feel the need to tell anyone about my life style, I dont make it obvious that I'm into men because I'm paranoid

about people judging me about it. I know Luhan wouldn't mind about it though, I know that for a fact, but for some reason I cant bring myself to tell him that I 

like males. I don't want anything to change between us. I esp. dont want him to act differently around me.

See, Luhan isn't exactly the shy and innocent type of guy, he is sort of a player. All the girls seem to love him for his cute and bubbly personality, which I 

cannot blame them for, that is another reason why I fell for him. Luhan always tries to hook me up with different girls because to him "I dont get enough

action." I did a couple of times go on blind dates with girls because Luhan wanted me to try it out. The girls he set me up with weren't bad either, but of

course,  I just didn't feel that conncection. I do get kind of uncomfortable when I see Luhan with another girl though. I try to hide my discomfort and try even 

harder when I see him being intimate with with someone else, but I always end up going home bawling my eyes out. To me, it feels as if he is cheating 

on me or something. I know It's dumb to feel that way since we aren't even together, but why would he be kissing girls he has only known for a week or two

when I've known him most of my life, and no one in either of our lives have a closer bond than us two. I just feel like we would make the perfect couple. Too 

bad it will never happen though, I just have to respect Luhan's feelings and go on with my life like nothing is wrong. 

Although my heart is breaking at the thought..