Letting Go
Protect UsA couple days passed since Daehyun was in the hospital. I didn't go in the room nor did he go out. I always sat outside the door. Whenever a nurse goes to check up on him, I ask her how he's doing when she comes back out.
"He's fine, but you should go see him. He's really out of it," The nurse says. Even if he is out of it, I couldn't see him. I'm trying to be mean and cold-hearted. I'm trying to reverse the effect. If I walked into the room, I would probably hold on to him, not the other way around.
"Yeah, Noona! Faster than you can say, 'I love you,' a hundred times!" They turned off the phone. I tightened my grip around my phone. Why all being so nice? I couldn't take it anymore! I wanted to say, I miss you. I wanted to ask about their stay. I wanted to talk to them.
The aliens took the first bus here and arrived around noon. I head the front door beep and open, signalling the aliens' presence. "Eun Mi!" "Mimi!" “Noona!" they all cried at the same time. I didn't answer so they ran all different directions to find me. I could hear their hurried footsteps all over the house. My door suddenly burst open. "Eun Mi!" Jongup ran over to my bed. "Are you okay?"
I was lying on my bed with my back facing him. "Yeah, just tired," I groggily replied.
"We were so worried about you! But since Daehyun came back safely, our hearts were content."
I turned around with big eyes. "Hearts? You have a heart?"
He chuckled, "No silly. I wish I did but that was just a metaphor." He ruffled my hair. I relaxed and turned back around. "It seems you're not in the mood to talk so I'll leave you here alone. Bye bye, Eun Mi." The pressure on my bed lifted and the door closed.
As days went by, the aliens started to notice my behaviour. Usually, I'd chat up a whole storm during dinner, but I didn't say a word. The aliens probably thought I was tired so they left me alone but as more days went by, I still didn't talk to them. Whenever they try to talk to me, I'd always come up with an excuse to walk away. Even Jiho noticed my strange behaviour. I'd talk normally with him but there was a hint of sadness whenever I do. "Yah, what's wrong? Ever since you came back home from my place on Christmas Eve, you've been acting strange."
"Everything’s fine. You're imagining things," I replied.
At work, my boss also asked about me. "What's wrong Eun Mi? You’re not yourself. You usually play around and laugh with Himchan - I mean there's nothing wrong with that - but you haven't even made eye contact with him. Are you guys fighting?"
I shook my head, "Nothing’s going on. I don't feel well, that's all."
Even Yongguk had to scold me about it. "Eun Mi, I need to talk to you privately." The aliens whispered to each other while I stood up and followed him into his room. I closed the door behind me, feeling Yongguk's glare bore through my head. "What's happening?" he asked.
I looked at him with lazy eyes. "What do you mean?"
"Don’t act like you're clueless! You've been avoiding us ever since we came back! You don't say anything while Daehyun says less. Youngjae hasn't been able to figure why he's acting like that either. Did something happen between the two of you?"
"Nothing happened," I replied.
"Don't lie to me, Eun Mi!" he boomed. I flinched at his loud volume. "Something must've happened. Daehyun was supposed to come back the day after he came here but he came back three days later. On top of that, you never picked up your phone. Everyone's worried about you. Himchan has been worried sick. Instead of talking to his fan girls, he spaces out. Youngjae is no different. He spaces out during class and his marks are dropping. Jongup feels like he's being rejected since he always try to make conversation with you but you always make up an excuse. Zelo has been crying to sleep, damn it! He sleep talks and all he’s been doing is whimper and call out to you. He always wakes up with red puffy eyes! God, why can't you see that they're crumbling apart because of you?!"
My heart dropped to the bottom of earth with guilt filled up inside. I didn't know the aliens were taking this so hard. "Have you been affected?" I wondered.
"What kind of question is that? Of course I have! I've been worried about you and the others. You're just throwing us away aren't you?"
I laughed and he looked at me with a weird expression. "...you caught me."
"Did you just...? What are you talking about? I caught you? I caught you doing what? Just tell me already, damn it!"
The aliens suddenly burst in the room and pulled me behind them. "Hey! You can't shout at her like that!" Himchan defended me.
"Yongguk, don't hurt Eun Mi! She hasn't done wrong!” Jongup tried to defend me, also.
"Are you guys not angry at her for doing this?! Didn’t you hear her?!" he spat.
I pushed the aliens out of the way and faced all of them. "Don’t you guys know why I'm doing this? Isn't this obvious? I'm hinting you guys." Everyone stayed quiet so I continued. "I don't want to be your protector anymore."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Daehyun spoke for the first time in a while.
I turned to him. "What do you mean? You heard what I said. I can't be your protector."
"Don’t joke around. Is it because of how I acted? If it is then forget about everything that happened that day. Don't say such irresponsible things!"
"Who said my decision was about that day!” I shouted at him. “I'm tired of seeing you guys every minute. I'm just sick and tired. I know it hasn't been a year yet but it's really tiring. I can't stay like this for another 2 years, and possibly another 10! I don't want to be your protector anymore."
"Protector?" Daehyun sneered. "That was all you were to us? Our protector? We all thought of you as a friend, yet you call yourself our protector." He pushed through the others to go out the room, not forgetting to bump me against the shoulder.
"Noona," Zelo whimpered. "You don't mean that do you?"
I glared at him. "You think I'm joking?"
Himchan put an arm over his shoulder. "Let's go, Zelo." Before they walked out Zelo looked at me with sad eyes. "If that's what you want, we'll do it."
Youngjae and Jongup walked out quietly. Yongguk walked past me and said, "Whatever is going to happen next is going to be your fault." He descended down the stairs.
---
It was past midnight but I couldn't sleep. There were too many things in my head. I heard my door creaked open. I shut my eyes and pretended to sleep. I heard the footsteps come closer and I felt him sit on the edge of my bed.
He swept my bangs out of my face and whispered, "Why are you acting like this?” It was Yongguk. “I hate how you affected us all but I hate how you're throwing us away. Falling for you wasn't part of the plan. Our whole plan was ruined when you entered our ROM, something that can't be deleted even when we shut down. It hasn't been a year yet but the plan has to continue. This was our - my mission from the start - so whatever we do, I hope you don’t blame the others. It was my fault from the very beginning." He leaned down and gave me a long, sweet kiss on my forehead.
I opened my eyes when I heard the door close. I didn't know I affected Yongguk that much. I clutched on to my chest as my heart squeezed in pain. Eventually I drifted off to sleep, completely uninterested at what he meant by 'plan'.
The sun rose and the aliens were packing to be on their way. I was standing at the door, watching them pack their things in their bags. They were all so quiet that it irked me. The only sounds were their clothes getting bunched up into their bags.
I never thought this day would come. I didn’t want them to leave me, I never did. They're the only ones who didn't care about my looks or hobbies and love me for who I am.
I couldn’t watch them anymore. I felt tears starting to form so I walked back to my room and closed the door. I didn’t want the aliens to see me shed tears. I sat on my bed and saw a glimpse of something red under my bed. I knelt down and pulled it out.
It was a long forgotten Christmas present for one of the aliens.
There was a knock on my door, “We’re ready.” Himchan informed and then headed downstairs. I pulled out the rest of the bags and headed downstairs.
The guys were holding their bags, ready to head out. They looked like they all lacked sleep. Poor Zelo looked like he cried to sleep last night again.
“What are the bags for?” Youngjae asked, making me snap out of my thoughts.
"Presents." I answered. I handed the respectful bags to the aliens. "They were supposed to be your Christmas presents but I forgot about them so I'm giving it to you now."
"Why would we want anything from you? You're the one who's throwing us out." Yongguk growled.
"Then I guess you’re going to throw all your things away right?" I weakly smiled. “I bought everything for you guys anyways.” He didn’t say anything. "Just take it, I won't need it."
The aliens awkwardly looked at their unopened bags. I noticed the heavy atmosphere so I tried to end it quickly. I put on my biggest smile and said, "I hope you find a better protector, someone better than me. Someone who's not afraid to protect you guys."
Zelo couldn't take it anymore, he suddenly burst into tears. "Noona!" he dropped his bags and rushed to me. "Don’t make us leave you! We're going to become humans soon! If we're humans then the Warriors won't try to catch us!"
He was right, if they turn into humans, the Warriors won't try to catch them. I know it’s better for them to become humans but I can't stand the aliens being weak. The day Daehyun was hospitalized hadn't left my memory.
"It's not easy Zelo..." I whispered. "I don't think I can handle you guys turning to humans. I'd like it, if you were robots."
"Then we'll stay as we are!"
I shook my head. "That’s not going to work. As days go by we'll get closer and closer. Eventually you'll become human. But if you’re still a robot, the Warriors will come get you. I'm scared Zelo. I'm scared for you and I'm scared for myself. I'm sorry I even took you in."
He let go and stared at my tear stained face. "Y-you don't mean that do you?"
"Every single word." He slowly backed away while shaking his head.
Yongguk sighed, "Let’s get out of here." With him first, he lead the aliens out and they all gave me a last look. Daehyun was the last to leave. "It’s my fault wasn't it? Because I was hospitalized. It scares you that the others are going to end up like me isn't it? I've figured it all out yesterday. It's because of me that you're scared of their transformation. It was just one accident dammit!" he yelled. "Do you have to throw out because of one mistake I made?!"
Tears rolled down my face. I shook my head. "It isn't just one mistake. It was something that almost killed you. My winter list to make us all closer together almost killed you. I'm not allowing that to happen again. I'd rather have you guys in good hands of someone else." With that, Daehyun slammed the door shut.
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