Calling... TheMullekeee
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"No Ordinary Love"
By: TheMullekeee
Reviewed by: vnxazn
Title [4.5/5]:
I think your title fits perfectly. It signals for a love story with drama in it. Even though name itself sounds dramatic. I'm sure it would catch the eye of many drama/romance genre lovers. I will be taking off half a point, though, because you used quotations in the title. The title is a title, no need for quotations for whatever reason.
Design (Posters, Font Color, Font Style, and Backgrounds)[4/5]:
I like that you used a different poster for every chapter. I only have a little issue with that. On chapter 20, there is no chapter. It just says "Chapter 20" and that kind of bothers me. I mean, after seeing all these great posters then it's just... Chapter 20... that kind of throws me off. I do like that you keep a consistent theme of a luminous and mysterious feeling in the posters. I think that the posters along with the title really compliment each other because they both have that mysterious and ominous feeling. Your background is okay. It isn't over decorative and compliments the story just fine. I am kind of bothered by another fact. Did you use four different girls for the story? I see two in the cover poster then they changed in the later chapter posters.
Description & Foreword [7/10]:
Your description is nice. It makes me want to read more because I want to know what those boys really are! One suggestion I might make is that you should tell us a bit more of the plot in the description. Why would love threaten their friendship? You tend to change tenses and use unnecessary commas. Also, try to use less ellipsis. I understand your situation, though; I tend to get carried away with ellipsis, too. Some examples;
Melissa and Laura have always been friends since they were 5 years old.
Now they are both 18, and going to the same school…
They are always together, and know everything about each other.
They love to listen to music and making fun.
But what will happen if one day two boys appear in their class…?
What happened if they fall in love with them…?
Will their friendship be safe, will their friendship be powerful enough against the power of love?
How would they react when they discover that the boys have a secret…
They are not human but…
Instead it should be:
Melissa and Laura have always been friends since they were 5 years old.
Now they are both 18 and going to the same school.
They are always together and know everything about each other.
They love to listen to music and making fun.
But what will happen if one day two boys appeared in their class?
What will happen if they fall in love with them?
Will their friendship be safe?
Will their friendship be powerful enough against the power of love?
How would they react when they discover that the boys have a secret?
They are not human but…
Another thing is verb use. Instead of “making fun” use “having fun.” Making fun makes the action sound like teasing each other or others. Your foreword is nice. I like that you tell us a little bit about each character. Laura is missing a picture, though.
Plot and Characters [28/30]:
To be honest, I found the whole going to school with hot guys idea was overused. I do like that fact that you mixed it up by making them non-human. I like that you gave your characters each a specific personality and stuck to it. I couldn’t exactly understand the plot. I know that it has something to do with their love for Taemin and Key, who are demons, but how does that mess with their friendship? To be honest, I found that Melissa and Laura became closer as they worked to find out what the boys’ secret was.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Word Choice [15/25]:
I’m taking of major points off in this category. Once again, I want to remind you to not get carried away with ellipsis. If something is a thought, use italics instead of apostrophes. You also changed person here and there. An example would be:
I took my iPod and listen to my favorite music……
‘I hope this will be a interesting year’ she thought by herself…..
You started out with first person so stick to it and don’t change it. Also keep in mind, never change tenses; even when someone is talking. Example:
Now I have to listen to the teachers every second of the day…….
Ooh I’m going crazy….. (This is a thought I’m guessing?)
I let my head falling on my table and closed my eyes…
Instead of falling, it should be fall and on should be onto. Always make sure to double-check your story once you finish writing it. Especially make sure to use different marks instead of ellipsis! Personally, that made it hard for me to read the story.
Flow[10/10]:
I think your flow was perfect. It wasn’t too slow or too fast. It was just the right pace to keep the readers wanting to know more. At the end of each chapter, I would stop and think, “What? That’s it? All right! Next chapter!”
Overall Enjoyment[12/15]:
I enjoyed reading the kind of luminous tone to the story. However, I found it hard to read due to grammar and word choice. Personally, I’m a big bias of SHINee, and this story made me fan girl all over the place. If I would suggest anything to you, just really focus on words you use to write and the grammar that you use. Also, at essential points in the plot, really milk it out. Emphasize it. Make that one scene stand out.
Grade: 80.5% [B -]
R/N: Sorry it took so long! I’ve been working on midterms and it took me longer than I thought to read L. Hope you like the review and thanks for requesting!
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